Lock and Key
by 123lookatme
Summary: Madly in love with 32 year old Gin, a teacher with a dark past, 18 year old Toshiro struggles to cope with thier destructive relationship while trying to figure out if he can devote his life to someone so abusive, secretive and startlingly possessive.
1. The Chase part 1

**Okay everybody, this is my first real story, so please, keep in mind that I've never done this before if it sucks ^_^. HAHAH...no but seriously I'm sorry if its really terrible. I have a tendancy to not stay in the same tense (aka present and future tense) when writing, and even worse, Toshiro is running around in the first chapter, so i spoke from his first person point of view.**

This contains boy x boy/ GinHitsu/ Yaoi lovin' so if you dont like it, dont read! Nothing lemony happens in this chapter but its rated M for upcoming good times. ;]

I DONT OWN BLEACH, not even a little bit cause if i did, there would be no fillers and a lot more yaoi fanservice. Read, review, enjoy!

**p.s. when Toshiro is talking to himself, everything is italicized. I specifially said that in this chapter but later on, I wont. Also a memory of something Gin said is **BOLD** but it doesnt mean anything. I just liked how it looked.**

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Its hard to explain how running for your life feels. I suppose some might say its like running a marathon, but that only covers the physical aspect of things; the tug of hot sweaty limbs as your legs pound the pavement, a wild surge of adrenaline and all the while your lungs feels as though they've lit up and you're breathing dust. Yet, there's one major difference: what you stand to lose at the end of the race. Any Olympic athlete runner would say there's a sense of delayed gratification. They can they stand to lose fame, bragging rights and life changing endorsement deals. But right now, I'm pretty sure none of those factors apply to me because I know exactly what punishment I'm gonna get if he catches me. Even if I somehow reach the finish line - could run clear across the country - there's really no prize for me because he'll never stop looking. I could fake my own death and he would _still_ keep after me. But he'd laugh at my dedication though.

**"There is no escapin us, Hime. No matter how far yah run, you know that every road leads right back to me, ne?"**

His voice echoes through my head as I slip behind the trees of the forest and head to town. "_Ha. His voice follows me even when I'm trying to run away. Seems like I'll never get him out of my head"_ I think with a dry laugh. I remember the day he said those words so clearly. It was in the beginning of our relationship, I was 15 years old and having second thoughts about being with a man almost twice my age: suppose he isn't the one for me? What if I'm not good enough and he gets bored with me? How do I know if he really loves me? I've learned that brooding never leads to anything good. I would sit day in and day out with my mind running in circles about exactly where I wanted to go with our relationship, till I couldn't take it anymore. Eventually we had a huge fight, I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore and to stop calling me because we both knew it would never work out between us. Naturally he told me he knew no such thing: he had known the minute he saw me that we were meant to be together. I tried my hardest to walk away him, I really did. But like always he caught me.

He snuck over to my house and came through the window - I usually left it open for him and forgot to close it - the very night of our first argument. I was still heated and understandably annoyed that he came to see me. What I didn't know was that we would be in that room for days, making love in every possible position known to man. And the whole time, he wouldn't stop whispering to me how much he loved me, how he couldn't live without me, and that he would never leave my side, even when I amitted I _would_ stay. He drove me crazy. I also remember that we never left the bed once; I had to tell my parents through the door that I was studying for a final and not to bother me when they finally came to check. Not that either one really cared since my absence had zero affect on their busy schedules. With my father so caught up in work and my mother in another one of her affairs nobody really noticed I had skipped school for several days. But when he finally left, those were the words he said to me. Something about those words made me feel so hot inside, like a fire was burning in my soul just for him. Maybe it was then that I should have noticed then that something was off about us because despite his obvious obsession with me, I didn't feel afraid in the slightest.

So now, with that warning in mind, I know that failure isn't an option unless I'm prepared for the consequences and they wont be nice. To run from a man who doesn't draw a lie between love and obsession is a scary thing. Yet, I still love him. It's really a catch 22: if I fail I'm not sure how much pain I can take before he stops punishing me for being "so cruel" to him, as he would put it. On the other had, if I get away its gonna hurt even worse to be away from the only person in the world I truly love. I'm not running from him forever…I just need some space, something he'll never understand.

"Toshiro! Get back here right now. SHIRO!"

Damn it, he's close. Quickly I swing a corner onto the residential streets of Karakura. Its been so long since I've walked in town. Usually its straight from school back to his house on the outskirts of town. Some people might mind being isolated, but there wasn't really anything to come back to Karakura for when he was all I needed. _Where's a good place to hide a small boy? Ah!_ Up ahead, two houses are squeezed close together and I dash between the alleyway they form. Fitting myself behind a garbage can of the house to my left, I pull my brown hoodie closer to my body. The only thing I hear is the whistle of the chilly air blowing by the houses. As I sit, trying to stop breathing all together, I glance up to see thousands of white flakes fall into the palm of my hand. Its been snowing for two days straight, yet it had only occurred to me that this would be the best cover for escape this afternoon. "_But why am I running? I love him. Surely we can talk about this…" _The idea died before I even finished thinking it. Hes not logical. He's not gonna want to talk this out, hes gonna beat it out of me. What a scary man. But the only constant reoccurring thought in my mind is that I love him. No one has ever look at me or touched me the way he has. Its very likely that I have been ignored by everyone, but the stream of nannies my parents have hired, my entire life. One of the reasons I was so attracted to him in the beginning was the burning passion he had for me. Every touch had a meaning behind it and he never said something to me that he didn't mean. Yes, we have our issues but at the end of the day with him is where I want to be, so why was I fighing what I wanted? "_Freedom!" _shouted the logical part of my mind, "_freedom is worth fighting for Toshiro, right?" _Right. All I ever asked for was a little breathing room and freedom, which he refused to give to me. The latest argument was over college. After all, this is the last year of high school and with only five months of school left, the utmost idea in my mind is deciding which college to go to.

**flashback**

"Arghh! I'm so glad I'm finally graduating. I can ditch those sorry excuses for parents and live my own life. " I sighed and fell back dramatically onto his lap, my back to his chest. We were in the middle of his living room floor two days ago with the snow storm beginning to brew and the TV. buzzing in the back ground. I had less than half a semester left but had already received acceptance letters from several top colleges.

"Mmmm. High school sure is a hassle when yah have an underage lover. Imagine all the things we can do legally now…" he hummed thoughtfully.

"Shut up you pervert. That never stopped you before. I doubt there's anything left that we haven't done."

"Mah Mah, yah make it seem like I've been corrupting yer youth."

"Definitely. Ever since freshman year. What kind of teacher are you?" I poked playfully

He laughed, pulling me closer. "The dedicated kind, o' course. I put a lot of work into you."

"Sicko. Anyway, so I think I'm definitely going to pick M. University. I've got the best marks in my grade and I know I can handle the work. I can get an apartment in Toky-"

"No."

"….What do you mean, no?" I pulled back and looked carefully into his face. The way he said it with such finality made me a bit apprehensive. When he decides something, usually there's no changing his mind.

"Just what I said. No. its too far and you're not going." His wide smile was still on his face but his voice took on its commanding tone that left no room for argument, but I considered the chances of me getting through to him and tried again.

"Well its not that simple. It would be so great for my future. And if you think its that's far away, you could move always in with me! We'd get a nice little apartment and spend every afternoon in bed," I suggested with a small smile.

"Are yah insane o' just plain stupid?" he said in a low voice. I instantly began to pull away. "We've talked 'bout this Shiro. There's no need ta go that far and I cant just up and leave my job. The pay in the city is too low, so T. University or G. University is just as good."

"What are you talking about? First of all, you could leave teaching in Karakura High anytime, you're over qualified anyway! Second of all, you're loaded, what do you care about the pay? In fact, it would make more sense for you to take a job at M. University! Sometimes you can be so inconsiderate. W-w-why would I want to pass up the best thing that's ever happened to me?" I turned away quickly to hide my angry tears and tried to sit up and walk away. Then I felt his long, slim fingers close around my wrist and yank me back, hard. "Ow! What the hell, stop it!"

"The '**best** **thing that's ever happened to you'**? So leavin' ta live miles away in Tokyo is the best thing for yah, for us…why do yah always try to run from me?" he whispered, gripping my wrist tighter. I took a breath, realizing my mistake.

"Hey," I said in a shaking voice, "take it easy. You know what I meant. I'm not running from you. Any future with you is perfect but I want the best future with you and M. University can do that for us. Don't you trust me?"

His fine silvery hair brushed my cheek as he leaned down into my face. " Yah always try to leave me, Hime. Every time I think I've got you, you get nervous and run, so I think its best that yah stay right here."

"That doesn't make any sense! Just because you're insecure doesn't mea-"

His hold tightened to a bone crushing strength. And I whimpered, trying to squirm away.

"Shut up Hime and listen close 'cause it seems yuh've fergotten somethin' really important. If I say yer not going, that means there's no room fer discussion, ne? So either decide if yah want to stay with me o' go to M. Univeristy, 'cause if that's the case, I can help yah pack right now."

"S-s-stop. This isn't fair," I stuttered on the verge of tears once again. "Please, just…how am I supposed to choose? Don't do this…"

His eyes opened and his blood red eyes bored into me, burning with fury. "It shouldn' be a tough choice, Hime," he said gruffly, almost as if he was surprised by my hesitation.

"I-I-I don't know! Please, I love you so much but just think about this! Don't make me…don't make me choose!" I pleaded but there was only silence.

"Mah Mah…Hime, looks like yah already did." He suddenly pushed me away and I fell, landing on my back. For a second he looked down, like he was waiting for something, but when I only looked up crying he smoothly walked away into the bedroom, slamming the door.

"B-b-baby please… stop, ok? Just come back and talk to me. This is silly. "

There was no answer. Only a rustling of fabric, as though he was going through all the vanity drawers. Quietly I crawled over on my knees to knock on the door. As I raised my hand timidly, the door suddenly swung open and I had to jump back to avoid getting hit in the face. By the time I looked up, I was once again reeling as a myriad of clothes started falling onto my head.

"Wha-"

"Get out."

"What!" I gasped. I looked down and realized with a sinking feeling that these were my clothes scattered on the living room floor. He had walked away again, returning with another armful, tossing it at my face. "Put these back! Stop it!"

"Be quiet Toshiro and get out. You can still go back to your parents place, can you not?"

I knew he was completely serious for two reasons. Firstly he didn't like me being at my parent's house even more than I did. He said it got in the way of our time together and that if they didn't want to take care of me, he would. And secondly, he was speaking with impeccable grammar and no smile on his face. Just a tight lip, close eyed expression that made my skin crawl. When I made no move for the door he grabbed my arm and began to drag me. I screamed, thrashing to try and get away, so I could run back to our bedroom and lock myself in there until he realized just how much I needed to be with him. Down the hall and out into the foyer of his large house, he continued to pull me but the rug burn on my back was nothing compared to the fright I felt at that moment. Once I saw the front door, I freaked, kicking his shin and biting at his hands while crying like someone had died. "What's wrong with you! STOP IT!" It happened so fast that I didn't even realize it happened until I felt the sting and my head whip to the side: he backhanded me with all of his might across the left side of my face. The sound rang in my ears and off the walls, making my head hang heavily as I tried to cope with the sudden pounding of my brain. I had stopped fighting, trying to comprehend if this was all a dream because he might have hit me, but surely he wouldn't kick me out, right? This was happening way too fast for my mind to catch up. Then my face was leaning against the cool solid oak doors as I looked up at him reaching for the handle and I snapped. Knocking him back and shooting to my feet with my head down, I stood in front of the door like _I was the one_ barring _him_ from leaving.

"No! You cant do this to me, I love you! You are my _life, _w-why don't you believe me…" my voice cracked horribly as I tried to express myself. " I'll say it how many times you need me to, just don't throw me out. I-I cant breathe without you, it _hurts_ too much. I'll never leave you, ever. Please, please let me stay please…oh god…" I broke into tears again and hid my face in my hands, unable to finish. For a minute there was total silence besides my sobbing.

"You'll never leave me…hmmmm. Are you sure that's what you want Toshiro? I'd never want to get in the way of your future," he asked in a cold, aloof voice but his eyes were still wide open and burning holes into my hands.

"Yes! I'll do what ever you say! I promise, if you don't want to leave Karakura, then we'll stay here forever. No matter what, I wont leave you, whatever you want I'll do it! Okay? Please…" I begged pathetically. I didn't want to but I didn't know what else to do.

"Ne, so dramatic Hime. If that's what yah really want, then yah can stay" his smile slipped back into place slowly and his eyes disappeared into their fox-like slits once again.

I ran to him so fast and flung my arms around him, hugging him like he was my life line out at sea, that we nearly toppled.

"I can stay? We're okay, right? I-I-love you, more than anything else, so its all okay now…I don't ever want to be without you…" I cried into his broad, chest and breathed in his scent of warm wood and coconut. In the back of my mind I realized I was ruining his favorite wool knit sweater with my tears and kept a vice grip on his waist, just incase he changed his mind.

"I already said yah could Hime," he carted his fingers through my hair. "I promise yah can stay. Forever"

"But do you still love me?"

He chuckled and kissed the crown of my head, tilting my head back to kiss each tear soaked eye and pepper kisses along my face as well "I love you Toshiro. I'll always love you, no matter how angry you make me. Now, calm down. Cryin' that hard will make yah sick."

And I felt sick. Sick to my stomach that he had this control over me. Here I was, proud little Hitsugaya Toshiro crying into the chest of a man who could bend me and shape me into whatever he wanted. It was a strange feeling and I wondered as my sobs became louder and my tears soaked his shirt, if I would ever grow out of this. He was my lover, my teacher, my friend, my everything…he was Ichimaru Gin. The moment I ever heard that name it was over for me. "Gin, Gin I love you. I love you, I love you-" I repeated it like a mantra, and he hummed in content, but I don't know if I was convincing him or reminding myself.

Eventually he picked me up in his arms like a baby and took me back to our room. We made love again and again like he was afraid I would forget how it felt to have him inside of me and I loved every minute of it. Afterwards, I laid in bed, with his arm around my waist, thinking through exactly what had happened. Since the moment our fight began I hadn't had enough time to processes what I was doing and saying; I think he wanted it that way so he would have to do the thinking for both of us. In all the moments when he was the one hurting me, I needed Gin to hold me and love me as much as I loved him more than anything in the world. I needed to be safe and Gin was the only one to ever give that feeling to me. But I still wanted M. University, I wanted independence, I wanted…freedom. I had to get away from him for a while to clear my head and I needed to do it fast. "_I'm sorry. I guess you're right Gin. I do keep running from you but sometimes it too much. Sometimes, you're too much."_ Smothering would be a good word to describe Gin's love. It surrounded me at all times, pinned me down, seeped into every pore of my body, gave me what I needed to live but at the same time it would scare me. "_God, why do I love him so much. I need…space. To think about what I really want."_ I knew that if I said this to Gin, he would flip and definitely keep me locked in a room for an unknown period of time, so I would have to leave out of the blue. After all, every now and then I got the unquenchable urge to test if it was Gin who had me under lock and key of if it was I who had him.

**end Flashback**

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AHHHH that was soo fun! As the first chapter, it wasnt really the best and personally i think the next few chappies are much better. This was just a slight insight to the unhealthy relationship Gin and Toshiro have but dont worry, chapter two continues where we left off, with Toshiro out in the snow. We're not in the past forever. Criticism is very welcome - I'll never grow if I dont learn!- and nice big fat reviews make me greedy to pump out more updates . See ya next time!


	2. The Chase part 2

So now, here I am lodged between an old green fence with peeling pain that scratched my hands and a smelly garbage can, hoping to find some solitude. I finally let out a breath and a little puff of white hair escaped. A part of me knows I'm not going to escape tonight. He's going to catch me and make me wish I never thought of leaving him but even as I cry I'll think I deserve it, even if its just a little bit. Of course, every fiber of my being hopes that he goes easy on me or that I really do get away. I had gone over to my house the other night to collect the money my parents left weekly for me to survive on my own and bought a ticket out of town. There was no point in me running away and staying in Karakura because once he noticed I was gone, he would tear through this little town until he was positive I wasn't there. So I had a ticket to the next town over, and about $100 sitting in my pocket. I didn't leave with anything because its hard to run from someone with a backpack on. Plus, most of the stuff at his place was bought by Ichimaru himself. I wasn't joking when I said he was loaded; although I had my fair share of money, Gin had come into his inheritance from both his parents and his grandparents a long time ago. They were very "old money" and he felt that as my lover and self-elected guardian, he should buy everything for me. I used to make a fuss about this but eventually gave up. He never listened to me when I scolded him for buying me a new jacket or pair of sneakers. Ichimaru would just smirk and kiss me until I forgot what I was so angry about while secretly taking my measurements, plotting about the next ridiculously expensive outfit he would be buying. Hence, I didn't want to take anything he'd bought me. He'd use it against me when I would finally call him, saying things like:

"_**Ahh but Hime, yah ran off with all the things I bought yah and my heart. Makes yah seem like a gold-digger, ne?" ** _

Or

"_**It don't matter no how, I know yer comin' back. Yah got $1000 worth of my clothes on yer back and I know just how much yah hate expensive gifts."**_

And I would feel cheap and opportunistic even thought I knew I hadn't asked him to buy me anything in the first place. Just thinking about him gives me a headache and suddenly I wanted to cry. Right at that moment, a figure walked past the houses and my mouth snapped closed. It was Gin, I'd know that lithe figure anywhere. He was wearing loose dark blue jeans with black lace up boots, a thick ivory turtleneck sweater and a black leather jacket that hung to the back of his knees. I wanted to go over there and scold him for not wearing a hat in this weather but scoffed in my head at the thought. I would make it over there, open my mouth to yell at him and end up face down in the snow as he dragged me home. He stopped, looking between the houses for a second before moving on. Quietly, I stood up and began to tiptoe away from the garbage can- shouting for joy in my head, thinking I got away- when my purple sweater snagged on a loose fence wire, ratting the entire gate and I froze in fear. "_Shit! Hopefully he thinks it's a raccoon or the wind and keeps moving…"_ No such luck. When I peaked an eye open he was at the mouth of the alley again and this time his eyes were open and I could see the red of them glinting in the moonlight. No one moved and my heart seemed absolutely still until he shifted as thought he were about to lunge at a wild animal. Skittish and on edge from the look in his eyes, I took off, flying over the fence and dashing away from the houses onto the next block. I couldn't hear him behind me but I knew he was there. I could go left or right but the streets were too dark and if he were lurking on the street corner, by the time I saw him, I would already be caught. The only way to out run him was to keep hopping into small spaces his body couldn't fit. There was a clatter and my head whipped to the left. I only saw a flutter of black leather because I took off in the opposite direction faster than I knew my legs could move.

"Toshiro…I do not have all night for this. You are making things worse, you know that don't you?" he called out from behind me in his smooth, angry voice.

There wasn't even time for me to think about answering as I met a dead end. On instinct I turned to the left and ducked under another fence with a hole in the bottom, which lead to a large empty lot. My head tried to turn in all directions, looking for a spot to hide, a mob of concerned residents or Gin. Which is why I didn't notice him until I slammed right into the middle of his rock solid chest. I reeled back quickly but he was faster and he snatched the back of my hair forcing me to look up at him.

"And look at what I've caught. Tell me, Toshiro, what did you aim to accomplish by pissing me off?" his grip tightened in my hair and I hissed.

"G-Gin let me go-" the slap sounded hollow in the middle of the empty lot with nothing to echo off of. I gasped and reached up to touch my face when he slapped me across the other cheek. "Ah! Stop it, Gin!"

"Were you going to run from me again Toshiro? How many times must I tell you that you will not get away. How far were you going this time? Hokkaido? China? The States?" he snarled into my ears. His long fingers curled around my neck and he squeezed until I saw stars. "What I don't understand is why you don't plan better. Its almost like you keep failing just so I'll hurt you. Is that it, huh Toshiro, do you _want_ me to hurt you?"

"Y-you know I don-n't want that Gin! Please, let go!" I tried to speak but the added strain made it feel like my throat would pop. He let go and back handed me, this time reaching down to punch me in the stomach before I fell to the floor gasping. Shaking the stars from my eyes I looked up as he squatted in front of me so we were eye to eye.

"Mah so pretty Toshiro. Such white hair and big sea green eyes…" he said mockingly then took a deep breath. "We are going to go home now and I am going to punish you. Again. Because for some reason, you like to see me angry. But maybe, if you tell me where you were going, right now, I wont mess up that pretty face, ne?"

"Gin, I'm sorry," I blubbered, biting my own tongue in my haste to explain. "Please, I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you. I'm so, so sorry… I just had to get away. Just for a little while, I was going to come back!"

"Shut up!" he roared " That's is not what I asked you, now is it? Lets try this again. Toshiro, where were you going tonight?"

Fat tears rolled down my face. I couldn't tell him because she'd be in more danger than me if he knew "I-I cant tell you. I want to, but you're gonna hurt them if I do…"

"And I'm going to hurt you if you don't. Last chance Toshiro. No? Okay then." Ichimaru smiled tightly then punched me across the face, splitting my lip. I screamed but he put his hand over my mouth tightly. "Bite me, and it'll be even worse when we get home." His hands rummaged through my pockets and inside my sweater and into my jeans where he found my ticket. "Ahhh! Seretei…going to see little Momo, yes? That bitch knew you were coming too, didn't she!"

"Gin…don't do anything to her. This was my decision. I'm begging you…just let me go, please just for the weekend. I'm gonna come back." I whispered. He only laughed and punched me in the stomach again. That's when I blacked out.

By the time I woke up, we were in his BMW, and the cool black leather seats felt good on my steaming face. I mumbled his name trying to grab his arm but he brushed me off. I couldn't find the strength to fight him. My body felt like it had been hit by a Mack truck, my face aflame and oddly heavy. I started crying again in utter despair and my last feeble attempt to escape was thwarted as he locked the doors when I tried the handle. Slowly, the bright street lights of Karakura Town faded and were replaced with black ghoulish outlines of trees covered in all white. After about five minutes we jerked to a stop. I was left in the car until he came around to my side and hoisted me out bodily, tossing me over his shoulder. The cry of a wounded animal tore from my lips as his sharp bones jarred my bruised stomach.

The house was almost just as I left it, except for an overturned coffee table and broken mirror, no doubt casualties in Ichimaru's rampage when I was nowhere to be found. We finally got to the bedroom and he set me down in the middle of room, ordering me to stand still. I swayed dangerously to the side but was ramrod stiff when I heard the door lock with a click. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." he dragged a polished chair in front of the door and sat down with a thud.

"My little Hime. What am I going to do with you?" when I only convulsed and looked around at the floor he leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees, head down. "Why'd yah run this time, eh?" he asked calmly.

"I was scared that I was messing things up," I said slowly. He only snorted and waited for me to continue. "I-I wanted to clear my head and figure out why I make you so angry but I had to get away first. I was going to…stay with Momo…but only for a couple of days."

"Mmmm. You needed to get away from me…two days after begging to stay when I tried to throw you out."

"Gin, there's something wrong with us, with me. I cant think clearly, I barely even know what I want anymore. I'll do anything, _everything_, to please you because I love you…but sometimes I fell like its all wrong…" I trailed off when he raised his head to look at me.

"Do you realize you only tell me that you love me when I'm about to hurt you? Do you think its going to save you if you throw that out at me?"

"What are you talking about! You know I love you! Do I need to say it every day, Gin, to prove it? Half the time it feels like you're not even listening to me when I do speak."

"What a bunch of bullshit" he snapped. "I'm probably the only in your whole _life_ that truly listens to a word you say."

And it was true. I cringed and a new batch of tears rolled free. "I just wanted some space to think about us. We argue all the time about the dumbest things!" He looked at me with a sneer. "Do you really think I don't want to be with you, that I like fighting you, Gin? If I didn't love, do you honestly believe I would let you hurt me like this?"

The room was absolutely quiet for a moment and my words bounced back to me. He looked shocked, like he didn't expect me to realize that the way we loved each other was quite abnormal. But the look was gone just as quickly as it appeared.

"Well I hope you had enough thinking time in the snow for you to find out where you want to be. Take off your clothes."

"What?"

"Now Toshiro" he growled.

"Gin, please! I don't want to fight any-" I never finished my sentence. Apparently I wasn't moving fast enough because he was out of his seat instantly, and he slapped me again. "Ugh…"

My cold, wet sweater and hoodie were torn off in seconds; with all the strength I had left, I tried to worm away from him but he dragged me back and my jeans and boxers were gone in one tug, leaving me bawling, naked on the floor. He slowly shucked his own jacket and boots, but left everything else on as he hovered over me. Then, I heard his heavy leather belt slide through the loops of his jeans and suddenly every nerve in my body was hyper alert. Silently, I prayed he was taking his pants off too but I heard the hit before it even landed. The belt whistled through the air, landing on my upper thigh and I screamed so loud it would have woken the neighbors, if he had any. Again and again his powerful hits fell all over my body from my legs, to my chest, arms, stomach, hips, shoulders and neck. It seemed as though my skin were on fire, a personal hell where every time I gasped, thinking it was over, a new lash landed. "_Maybe I'll die of heartbreak and be saved from this nightmare_," I thought as Ichimaru grabbed one of my flailing legs, spreading them apart so he could get my inner thighs as well. And when I tried to scramble to my knees and crawl away, he caught me by my ankle and started on my back, slowly working his way down my body. I'm not sure how long it went on but I could feel the skin on the back of my arms crack and trickle blood slightly. Eventually he stopped, his ragged breathing the only sound. The belt dropped near my face and I flinched, waking out of my stupor to scamper backwards behind the bed. Plump red welts criss-crossed down my body and right below my left ribs, a purplish-blue bruise was forming on my stomach. Glancing up, I saw him looking down at me with such pain in his eyes, that to a stranger it would seem _he_ was hurt. He leaned away, pulling his shirt over his head and his muscles rippled dangerously. Naked, he stooped down, picked me up like a bride and sat on the edge of the bed, rocking us back and forth in his lap. For a while I sat there, laughing in my head about what it took for me to stop thinking so much. Indeed, my mind was blank and I didn't know I was scratching his arms with my nails until I felt wetness beneath my fingers and he called to me gently. I looked up and he kissed me softly, like I would break. Tears spilled down my face for the hundredth time that night and I turned away.

"Sometimes I wonder if you love me at all." I whispered quietly, fearing that if I spoke to harshly, everything would fall apart. He didn't answer, so I turn around in his lap, ignoring the scorching pain, until I straddled his waist. Never breaking eye contact, I slowly slid my battered arms around his neck and pressed my face into his neck. We were pressed chest to chest and both breathing raggedly. "Do you still love me, Gin? Is this what it means to love so much it hurts…"I trailed off when his hands ran up my disfigured back.

"Silly question Hime. Yah know I love yah. Yer the only person in this world that I've ever cared about."

I pressed even closer and breathed deep, trying to get as much of his scent into my head as possible. "Then, why do we keep ending up like this?"

Another minute passed and it was so quiet I almost didn't hear him apologize. "I'm sorry Hime."

But I knew he wasn't sorry for what he had done. No, Gin wouldn't ever feel that that was unjustified. He just felt sorry that he _had_ to do these things to me. Some part of me thought, oddly enough, that it probably did hurt him to beat me. Sometimes, he would flinched when I did, cry when I cried, scream when I couldn't. Looking into his eyes now, it was hard to tell what he was feeling so before I realized what I was doing, I leaned in to kiss him; but he slid me away. Confused and slightly embarrassed I looked down ready to cry again until I saw the problem.

"You're hard."

"Mmm. The things you do to me, Hime." He sounded like he was waiting for permission.

I thought about the situation for a minute and then kissed him deeply anyway.

Laying down across the bed, I was instantly glad we had blue silk sheets; they felt like cool water on my back. Gin gripped my thighs between his hands, sliding them open so that my hardness showed clearly. I blushed, turning away and moaning when he kissed his way down my body, stopping to suck on my nipples till they were as red as the welts on my body. Turning my head back to him, Gin swooped down and kissed me, sucking my tongue into his mouth with a moan of his own. I pushed back, swiping his mouth hoping that if I kissed him deeply enough we might stay in the moment forever. "So tight, Hime" he breath against my lips when he pressed a long wet finger to my puckered entrance. It slid all the way in, making me gasp hotly as another was soon added.

"Ahhhh! Gin..."

He hummed, kissing my neck lightly while scissoring his fingers. Then suddenly, he yanked them out and I felt myself spasm at the loss. Ramming them back in and pressing down, he quickly leaned in to swallow my screams as I bucked wildly at the rough treatment. Gin's other hand slowly slid down the ridges of my body, grazing each blister along the way, as if to sooth the pain. "Shit, oh no, no, no, no" I cried throwing my head back as his cool fingers grasped my weeping erection, pumping softly. Then he pulled away, forcing me to look up in confusion.

"Suck me."

I sat up gingerly, as not to jar my already burning body, kissed him again, biting his bottom lip before looking right into his eyes. They were slightly open and hazy, watching my every move like I might still bolt out the door. Bending over, I gripped the base of his cock and pulled up, relishing in the little gasp he gave. His cock was heavy, thick and such a beautiful angry color with a purple head that dribbled rich creamy pre-cum over my fingers; my hands shook and the thought flitted through my head that this was like holding hot coals encased in steel. Ghosting over the tip for a moment, his hands threading through my hair and giving a small tug. I obliged slowly, slipping him into my mouth and swirling my tongue around the head of his cock, all the while, pumping whatever couldn't fit in my mouth with my hands. Just when he picked up a rhythm, I dropped down even lower, pulling him deep into my throat.

"Ah shit…" he groaned in a strained voice.

Closing my eyes and swallowing, I sucked him with earnest, knowing that if he came in my mouth, it would taste better than anything in the world. Unfortunately, he pulled me up, pushing me back down flat on the bed. My legs flew apart of their own accord and he smiled at me as he set my ankles on each shoulder. With one hand he held my hip in a vice grip and the other, he guided himself to my entrance. Every time we made love, I felt an apprehension before he pushed into me, fearing for a second that he would never be able to fit, but when he did I sighed in relief.. He didn't stop until his balls slapped against my ass, and I felt his soft pubic hairs tickle my skin. "So fucking tight." Gin groaned, pulling out till only the tip of his cock was in me then slammed back in quickly.

This was it. At this moment, I could forget our problems, forget my fears about our relationship and flow in the tide of emotions that Gin stirred in me. I didn't care that the cuts on my arms were reopening or that my stomach was crying out at the position I was in as my muscle rippled underneath bruised flesh. I didn't even care that Gin had been the one to do this to me. Perhaps, we would talk about it in the morning, if ever at all, but as of now I was reminded of how perfect it felt to be with him. We were too in sync. In fact it was slightly creepy how we moved like perfect puzzle pieces, moaning when the other groaned, snapping my hips back when he pounded into me. If I reached up to cup his face, he leaned down to kiss mine.

The pace started to get a little erratic eventually. I could feel my balls tightening and I knew he was close too. I pulled furiously on my dick, swirling my thumb over the slit as Gin pulled me even closer, pounding into me with a vengeance and I squealed, rocking my head from side to side. When he batted my hand away, slipping a nail into the slit of my cock and choked out "You'll always be mine, Hime no matter how far you run," I came with a strangled sob, snapping up straight to press my forehead against his own. He leaned down pressing his teeth into the side of my neck and groaned, me clamping down on his cock, shooting thick ropes of cum onto his belly and mine as he exploded in me. Our hearts slowed and he pushed me down again, pulling out to smirk when I shuddered, his hot cum running down my ass into the sheets. I let him gaze for a while, then pulled him down, our chest pressed together.

"I wasn't running, Gin. I love you to much to leave you, no matter how much you try to deny it." I breathed on his lips.

He smiled again "I never denied it fer a minute Hime, I know yah wont leave."

I fell asleep to a shower of kissed across my face and shoulders, snuggled into his chest with my arms around his neck and strong, thin arms encasing my waist. The last words I heard were "I love you too," and that night, I didn't dream, I just let the soft thump of Ichimaru's heart lull me to sleep.


	3. Decisions, Decisons part 1

**Hello lovelies! My page break didnt show up last chapter, so I guess this is how things will be done =D. Anywho, if you havent noticed my chapters **

**are kind of long. No, I dont do that for your pleasure, though I hope you enjoy them, I just happen to be long winded. Hence, one chapter gets split **

**up into two very long chapters. However, this chapter is much shorter than the first too and I could upload both parts at once but...where's the fun in **

**that? HEHEHE. Anywho, as promised, here is chapter 2 (part ****1). Read, Review, Enjoy!**

~Decisions, Decisons~

A dull rattling sound from the windows accompanied by the equally muted lashing of wind against the sides of the house woke me the next morning. One eye peaked open squinting in the pure white morning sun that shone through where the curtains were open. Everything outside looked as quiet as it was in our bedroom, still and utterly at peace; the quiet after the storm. Shifting to turn away from the light, I immediately wished I hadn't moved at all and winced in the onslaught of pain from my body. It almost felt like I had been covered from head to toe in first degree burns that were absolutely raw. _"If my body feels like this imagine what my face must look like."_ I took stock of my injuries as best I could with Gin's arm wrapped tightly around my waist. The broken skin on my arms had scabbed over and weren't that bad. The rest of my arms however were different hues of pink and red, painful to touch and covered in wide welts from the leather belt, just like the rest of my body. Perhaps the only positive aches from last night were my tender nipples and backside. Even my swollen lips could be caused by Gin's powerful slaps and not the heated kisses of passion. My face was still sore and I was probably now swollen beyond recognition. What a way to start a two week vacation.

Spurred on by the need to pee, I started to wiggle out from under the possessive arm around me but keeping close watch on Gin's face to make sure he didn't wake up. After initially pulling me tighter, there was only a fast break in his soft snores. Besides that, I left the bed virtually undetected. Plush cream carpet swelled up and enveloped my toes, making me glad they weren't hardwood floors. At least my footsteps would be muted until I reached the hall. Surveying the floor I found a gray t-shirt - that smelled an awful lot like Gin - tucked between the bed and the nightstand, pulled it over my head and headed for the door. The patter of my footsteps echoed down the hall like hard slaps and when I reached the bathroom, I turned around, peering back out into the hall but all was clear. Closing the door with a snap, I finally breathed a little sigh of relief. It wasn't that I was running from Gin so much as I was avoiding him. Right now I don't think I could manage to keep up a decent conversation. _"White, white, and even more white. If Gin is so lax, how does he manage to keep this place so clean?_" The bathroom was completely white from head to toe: small white tiles glinted with light beaming in from the shiny glass window on the left, reflecting off the pure white marble counter tops and claw-footed bathtub (big enough for two) to my right; initially, you got the feeling that you had gone blind walking into a bathroom like this.

Butterflies battered against my stomach after I used the toilet, my curiosity pulling me towards the mirror. Intuition told me I wouldn't like what I saw but I went anyway, hesitantly peeking at my own reflection only to stumble back in shock. There was a collage of colors ranging from purple to red to pink; my cheeks were indeed slightly swollen and my lip was split at the corner of my mouth from where Gin had punched me. Thick purple bags hung under my puffy, red eyes, appearing as though I had been crying for days, making me reach up to softly poke them. In all, I was a wreck. Looking into the mirror almost felt like an outer body experience. Who was this tired doppelganger masquerading as me? And how was it that despite how I looked, I felt so light, like a feather? "Ichimaru" I mumbled in shock. _He_ had done this to me. He had made me into this monster, this sniveling baby that shook at the slightest sound and the worst part was, I barely cared! The only thought pounding in my head was Gin. Gin and me and how much I loved him, how stunning he looked this morning in the winter light, how softly he touched me when I needed him to the most and how there was no one else in the world who could make me feel so warm. Most of my childhood, I was filled with a such a deep cold apathy for anyone, for anything in this world that it scared people, mostly my parents. They nicknamed me the Ice Prince for my icy teal eyes and cold exterior, and surprisingly I found that I liked the persona. Ice was cold, hard, resilient and durable, something to be cautious of, just like me. After all, what was there for me to be bubbly about? Two messed up parents that were more concerned about how they looked in front of their friends than about their own child, or was it the private school children that flocked to me like moths to a flame, thinking somehow my intelligence or money would rub off on them? No, I didn't even have a dog to lick my face good morning and follow me around with love in his eyes. No one saw me for _me_, who I really was underneath all the money; that was until Ichimaru came along. He had more money that I did, secrets of his own, friends of his own…everything an adult could want, but he still craved me. The thought that someone could desire me so much was exhilarating, that Iwas so heavily coveted or even noticed shook me to the core. And his dedication never seemed to wane, even after the many times I ran from him when his love felt like _too much _attention. I could walk out the front door, not call him for weeks and he would still grab me, kiss me with the same amount of passion the moment I came back. Of course, his anger would be scathing but that was beside the point. What was a little anger compared to the amount of love he could give me? It was more than my parents had ever done since birth.

Suddenly, the idea of him growing tired of me hit me dead on like a train at full speed and my knees buckled, shaking as I slid to the floor laying flat on my back. Suppose Ichimaru stopped loving me, what would I do then? Sure, I could go back home and live the desolate mundane life I'd been living before but that would almost definitely end in suicide. Being in love with Gin was like a rollercoaster: I could holler, cry from the sheer joy of being taken up so high and beg to get off when it got too rough but when it was all said and done, I'd never forget the ride; in fact, I'd want to get right back on. So the real question was how do I keep him? I was too tired to argue anymore. A part of me wanted to abandon him, make _him_ feel some pain for a change, some apprehension so he could double check every move he made and wonder what he did that was so stupid it would make me leave. But at the same time I felt the need to do everything in my power to make him the happiest man on earth. Right here, right now, on this bathroom floor I was going to figure out what to do with all these feelings because at this rate I would be too worn out to keep up with this relationship. So caught up in my thoughts, I didn't even realize I was crying until a droplet hit the floor with a loud plop. I blinked in surprise then turn onto my side and curled up, breaking into sobs that rocked my body, hard. My lungs burned and I wasn't sure what I was crying for exactly but it seemed like the right thing to do. Rocking slightly, the smell of Gin's shirt wafted up to me, assaulting my senses till it felt like he was in the room too. I loved Ichimaru and that was an undeniable fact. Nothing could change that but I didn't know how to make him happy and make me happy at the same time. Would we have to do this all over again next time I brought up an idea he was against? If I said I wanted to go away on the senior trip, would he lock me in the house? Maybe he'd keep me in handcuffs at the foot of the bed for daring to visit Momo, my only friend, or suddenly whisk me off on vacation when I got a job offer too far away from Karakura.

_"What a cry-a-baby. Pull yourself together Toshiro, how long are gonna crawl on the floor covered in your own tears?"_ Reluctantly, I shuddered to a stop, shaky hot breaths blooming on the floor creating little pockets of condensation. Freedom. Such an important concept that people died and fought for, lost family, friends and piece of mind all for freedom. But this was my battle: was I willing to give up Gin for a little space, to try and spread my wings out in the world by myself or would I give all that up for one man and look back years from now and wonder why I did it? For a moment I just listened to the sound of the faucet dripping in the sink, thinking over all the possible scenarios of how my life could play out. Then the bathroom door flung open with a bang and I sat up forgetting to wipe the tears from my face. It was Gin, standing in the doorway in just his boxers and jeans which were undone and appeared to be hurriedly pulled on. His face was drawn into a tight frown and his eyebrows were knitted together in confusion over his closed eyes: he was looking for something. For me.

"Mah, fer a second there, I thought yah'd up and run off again," he breathed a sigh of relief and his shoulders dropped, losing the tension in his muscles. His smile was back in place as he walked forward and peered down, as if trying to make sure it was really me; but his eyebrows shot up in surprise when I closed my eyes and a few tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Gin…" I cried, bunching the shirt together in my lap, shaking my head slowly.

"Eh? What's all the tears fer Hime? Are yah in pain?" he said in surprise. All I could do was nod, even though I knew he thought it was my body in pain when it was really my heart. He smiled brighter and said "Well then, let me help yah."

Gin leaned down, hoisting me up by the waist to sit me on the ledge of the sink with ease. Turning around, he snatched a washcloth and wet it, wringing it out so he could gently wipe my face, stopping to place soft kissed on my lips, nose and anywhere else in sight. Soon the tears ran out and I leaned my head on his shoulder, letting go of my own shirt to grab his arms and press my face into his skin. It felt good to close my eyes and let him take care of me. After a while he moved away to pick up my toothbrush and the toothpaste, placed both in my hands with a small smile then moved away. Nodding I got to work and closed my eyes to enjoy the sudden peace I felt within me. It wasn't until a loud splash of water hit the tub that I looked over at Gin. Now that I thought about it, a bath sounded pretty good. Just as I spat and rinsed my mouth he returned, pulling the gray shirt off me and picked me up again. He was so warm, I couldn't resist pressing myself closer and only reluctantly let go to be placed in the hot water. Surprisingly enough, however, he turned away again and made to leave the room.

"Wait, aren't you…going to stay?" I called in a small voice

He smirked, turning around to look at me "I'll be back in a second, Hime o' don't yah want any breakfast?"

"Oh. Right…but can I get something else first?" I asked feeling mildly retarded.

"Anythin' fer my lil princess," he hummed playfully but he seemed cautious.

"Can I get a kiss?" The look on his face was priceless, like he just heard me tell him I won the lottery. Utter shock. Then he giggled deeply and leaned over, letting me put my wet arms around his neck and whisper in between a series of light closed mouth kisses "I love you Gin. I love you so much."

Humming, he replied after a few seconds "I love you too Hime. More than you'll ever know," then

pulled away again, walking gracefully out the room before I could say another word.

~~TBC~~

**Wooooo. That felt good to write. The next part has alot more angsty-ness, so be prepared. And as a heads up, after that I'm going to go into a very **

**long flashback of Gin and Toshiro at the beginning of thier relationship. Sorry! It wasnt planned but that was where my muse took me. Shes a very **

**instinctual kinda girl, but I hope you like it. Anywho, Reviews are like candy, they are sweet and can send me into shock when given in large doses! **

**But a good ****kind of shock that sparks a flame in my muse, so review, review, review!**

(P.S. if i get alot of reviews I'll update MUCH faster. Like...faster than you can read this. lol)


	4. Decisons, Decisons part 2

**Beautiful people, it is me, again! I was going to hold out until i hit the big 2.0. review mark but I just couldnt stay away. My urge to update is **

**maddening. Actually, i felt bad for the last chapter ending so quickly and gently. No pain for Toshi leaves a wierd feeling in my mouth. =D I like to see **

**him cry. So here is part two of Decisions, Decisions. Be warned: Sadness and Gin creepiness will occur.**

**Duril93- yeah, thats what my brain thought too! i needed to bang out how they found each other since they are so messed up and perfect for each **

**other.**

**myLITTLEnekoSHIRO- urgh I'm crazy over those reviews, they really are like water to a man in the desert. Also, it lets me know people are actually **

**following what the hell I'm trying to convey instead of being totally lost. lol.**

**PenandPaperlove- *starry eyes* my muse is a beautiful little angle who always lures me in with sparkles and smiles...then mentally bitch slaps me **

**into ****doing what she wants. lol. I'd call her a succubus.**

**(Thanks to everyone who DID review, you made my week already. And another SUPER thanks to Savagehunger47 - writer whose amazing story **

**made ****me stop lurking and actually post - for being so nice and talking to me =D )**

~~Decisions, Decisions (part 2)~~

Somewhere in the midst of that bath, I calmed down considerably. My mind was still running in circles about what to do with my life, yet I hadn't broken down again or tried to drown myself in frustration. On such a cold morning, it was too easy to let the heat of the bath and Gin's kisses seep into my body and warm me from the inside. That, plus the sent of the vanilla musk bath soap helped me think a bit clearer. After half an hour in there, the thought struck me that Gin had never answered me when I asked him what he wanted from me; and we never did reach a proper agreement about college. Before I could decide if I wanted to rejoin the world or not, I needed to have that talk with him. This was a relationship and if we kept sweeping things like that aside it would never work. However, as confident as I sounded in my head, the truth of the matter was I was terrified. There was no telling exactly how Gin would react when I brought all this up again. Indeed it seemed like I was glutton for punishment and I wondered if he was right: it certainly did seem like I was trying to make him hurt me. With a sigh I dunked my head under water and tried to steel my nerves. There was no way we could keep fighting, something would have to give.

Of course, the water began to run cold and Gin hadn't returned yet so I pulled the plug myself and watched the water swirl away. My back popped as I stretched but it felt good to pull against all those sore muscles. Even the welts had gone down. I was looking much better and very content once again. By the time I had gotten back to the bedroom, fit myself into some warm clothes and situated myself under the covers with my back against the headboard, I heard Gin's footsteps on the stairs.

"I'm in the bedroom!" I called hoping he didn't make an unnecessary trip down the hall.

Ichimaru strolled in fully dressed in black pants and a black long sleeve shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, his hair neat and a wide smile on his face.

"Mah mah, seems like yer ready ta sleep again. 'Snot healthy ta nap so much yah know," he poked playfully but despite his words he had come prepared for breakfast in bed. In his hands were two plates on a wide silver tray, a mug of coffee - presumably for him - and orange juice in a glass.

"Well for your information, the water got cold and I'm sure you don't want to go all the way to the hospital in this snow when I catch pneumonia and die," I sniffed.

"Don't be dramatic, yah wouldn't get pneumonia. But I 'spose its fer the best. Its time fer breakfast. 'Less there's somethin' else yah want ta do in bed," he offered with a tilt of his head.

I couldn't help but smile at that one "You wish, old man. You were right the first time, I'm hungry not horny."

"Well," he chuckled, "yah cant blame me fer tryin'. And I'm not that old."

"If you say so."

The smell of bacon, eggs and toast blew across my face as he drew closer and closer. Sitting carefully, he kept inching until there was no room between us, then placed the tray on his own lap. When I leaned over and reached for a peace of bacon, he swooped down and kissed me, making my eyes open wide in surprise as his tongue slid against the seam of my lips. I sighed, opening my mouth, and slipped a hand in his hair to deepen the kiss. But the magic was broken when my stomach rumbled loudly. Gin laughed and pulled back, presenting the bacon I was initially aiming for to my blushing face. I frowned, but ate it anyway because I really was hungry. For a while we ate in silence besides Gin's occasional laughter when I tried to pull away from him feeding me.

"Stop laughing and let me do it myself, I'm too hungry to play with you.," I growled but he only giggled in response.

"Well we were 'sposed ta out fer dinner last night, but somebody took a lil detour, ne?"

I stiffened and looked up to see if he was mad again, but the smile was still on his face.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," I spoke my next words slowly, like I was talking to a wild animal "Gin, can I talk to you about something?"

His smile tightened "O' course. Yah can always talk ta me."

"You have to promise not to get mad, alright? I just want to talk" I cautioned.

"Mmmm. Depends on what yer gonna say."

I sighed, knowing that was probably the best I was going to get out of him, and leaned my head on his shoulder, looking down at our hands that were intertwined between us.

"You know I love you right?" He turned to face me with a raised brow and nodded. "And "I'd do anything for you right?" Another nod. "Do you love me too, Gin?"

"Yah know I do, Hime. What's this all about?" he said with a sigh.

"It's just that…I feel like I'm doing something very wrong. You get so angry sometimes and I'm confused about what you really want from me. What do you see for us in the future, what is it that you're looking for?" I breathed out quickly trying to hid my fear.

"Yer doin' it again yah know."

"Doing what?"

"Gettin' scared. Yah sit there and that genius brain o' yers runs wild, thinkin' o' ways to blame yer fears on me, makin' up excuses ta run away 'cause yer spooked that somebody could care about yah as much as I do," he said agitatedly.

"That's not it! I don't want to run from you. It almost feels like I _need_ to be with you but.."

"But what?"

"…I don't want you to hurt me anymore Gin," I whispered, closing my eyes.

Ichimaru sat there for a minute in absolute stillness, then said quietly "I don't want ta hurt yah neither. But yah keep making me do it. Yah don't seem to understand what I'm sayin' unless I say it while beatin' it inta yer skin. Even now yah still don't get that when yah run from me, it only makes things worse. I told yah last time, Hime, I wasn't gonna be so nice if yah did it again. But what do yah do? Yah run anyway. Do yah really think I wont hit yah? What is it yer expectin'?"

"Love…I want you to love me Gin…" I whimpered into his arm, starting to feel very hopeless. These were just the things I'd hoped he wouldn't say, but knew he would.

"And I do. But even if I have to beat yah I will, if that's what it takes. Even if I make yah bleed and cry and wish yah'd never met me, I'll do it again and again until yah get it. Do yah need me to take out the belt right now?" he asked kindly and I quickly shook my head no. "What stunt's it gonna be next time Toshiro? Maybe I'll have ta chain yah up in the basement o' put yah ovah mah knee and use the belt on yah till yah pass out, ne? O' do yah want it like last time, where I lock yah in a room and come in fuck yah in the dark like a whore?" His words were soft, like he was asking me about what kind of flowers I wanted him to pick for me. "It doesn't really matter though 'cause in the end, when I throw yah out inta the street you'll come back in tears, beggin' fer me ta not send yah home. And I'll take yah back, and kiss yah, and make love at yah and even after I beat yah some more for makin' me hurt the both of us, I'll still love yah more than anything else in the world, Toshiro. That's just the way it is fer us," he ended quietly.

During the speech, he had moved the tray to the nightstand and slipped and arm around my middle, rubbing small circles on my stomach. I was shaking now and I tried to cry but all that came out was dry hiccupping sounds. Turning my face into his chest as he bent to kiss the top of my head I spoke in a shaking voice.

"It doesn't have to be that way, Gin, all you have to do is stop. I cant live without you," I moaned pitifully into his chest, kissing my way up to his neck "Baby please…"

He only chuckled and held me closer to him "We're the two loneliest people in the world, ne. Two o' the most desperate people ta ever have been born. Yet I cant help but love yah Toshiro. Yer the only thing that matters tah me, keeps me goin' and gives me something' ta wake up ta in the mornin.' I love you so much, so, so much. It feels kinda strange ta love someone more than yer self, doesn't it?"

"Stop. Why are you doing this, Gin, please!" Tears brimmed in my eyes

"It's 'casue I love yah. Now see, I think I deserve a treat, I didn't get mad even once! Isn't that what yah wanted?" He asked brightly.

"…yeah…" I breathed, praying that he would keep speaking and tell me that this could stop, that love didn't have to be this way, so complete. With Gin it was all or nothing.

"Mahh, I want a kiss, Hime! Show me how much yah love me."

I opened my eyes and looked up into his grinning face, feeling that burning sensation deep in my soul again. Such passion, crazy unbridled passion and it was all for me. My body moved before my mind finished thinking and my conscience screamed at me to flee from him, but I didn't listen. Gin was all I wanted and right now I needed to kiss him as much as he needed me to. If I didn't, I would crumble under the pressure of his hooded gaze and wonder if I could handle whatever this was that I had gotten myself into. So I pressed my lips against his and sucked on his bottom lip until his mouth opened. Our tongues swirled around endlessly, making me grip his hair in both hands and pull hard. It wasn't until I ground down my hips against his own that he gasped, and gathered me in his arms to pull me sideways and lay me across the bed. Gin planted both hands on either side of my head and kept kissing me deeper and deeper, our heads twisting and turning till I felt dizzy and yanked away to gulp fresh air greedily. A thin trail or spit connected out lips, which he hastily ducked down to catch and break. Again, that smile raged even brighter on his face as he pulled himself off the bed, standing to pick up the nearly empty tray.

"Yah've had a rough night, so take a little nap before yah start runnin' around again. I'll be back ta wake yah up." With that he started to walk away.

"You cant do this to me" I whispered in pain "You cant make me love you like this!"

Ichimaru didn't say a word, he just kept walking and shut the door firmly behind him. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that there was a high probability he had locked it from the outside too. That conversation had failed miserably, flying in the complete opposite direction of what I'd hoped. In fact, it would have been better had I said nothing at all because now he knew I was having doubts and that scared him, which was never a good thing. If Gin was scared then I should be scared too since it was I that would be getting hurt. He was right though, it was strange to love him so much that I felt little to no regard for myself. I had realized long ago that when considering anything, I first asked myself how it would affect Gin before even worrying about how it would affect me. But after that little speech I knew the answer to my question about my future. Actually, in hindsight it seemed like a no brainer. At any given time, I would choose Gin because that was all I knew. Freedom had a nice ring to it but what was really out there for me? The same thing I had left behind: loneliness, pretentious people, my wretched parents, and a life full of wrong choices. But I didn't need to go through that because I had the right choice right there in front of me. Gin would love me through the years with the same possessiveness that continued to shake me to the core. There would never be a moment when I had to question if anyone would care if I lived or died because I knew at least one person would mourn me. M. University held my dreams but what would it matter if I accomplished every goal and he wasn't at my side? Absolutely nothing. So it seemed that I would have to settle for everything instead, everything he had to offer me and eventually everything else I was worrying about would fall into place.

Sitting up slowly to fold my legs underneath me, I looked out the window again. Yes, this was the calm after the storm. Everything had frozen over and was in balance once again. I could go on loving Ichimaru as I had been doing since freshman year and my days would pass by in bliss. Yet, if I was to pick a moment, this would be the best time to mourn the death of my youth. Innocence and naivety had escaped right out the door with Ichimaru, as did any last thoughts of freedom. My head hung low, heavy with all these thoughts and I screamed at the top of my lungs, feeling as though my throat had been ripped wide open and hoped that a little part of me would escape through the cracks of the door as well.

~~TBC~~

**Yum yum yummy~ I may be very twisted for liking this chapter so much. Okay guys, next up is the 6 part flashback to the beginning of Gin and Toshi. **

**Yes i know its very long but just stick with me, i have a vision ^_^ WARNING: if fluff makes you vomit, gag and/or go into violent fits, the next 6 **

**chapters are not for you. Gin and Toshi dont do the dirty (he was 14 for goodness sake !). Sorry! But I'll try to put that in as much as i can AFTER the **

**flashback. So please (double please) REVIEW and spread the word of my story, I want to be loved just as much as Toshi wants to be T_T**


	5. Blue Skies part 1

**Hello again readers! As my name commands, its time for you to look at me! Or better yet, took at the story. This is the Beginning of the Flashback Chapters. Yes, i have titled them. Anywho I was feeling elated by a series of good news, good conversation and general happiness and i decided to update earlier than i wanted to. So how about this: maybe i put up another chapter after this sooner rather than later? I'll try but promises are made to be broken. So, read, review and enjoy!**

penandpaperlove **- **yay, im glad people are actually interested in this flashback. kinda worried i might lose some. and i could update faster but...wheres the fun in that?

savagehunger47- oh they will talk about college. alot more. and that image of a screaming toshi makes me bubbly inside. im a very sick girl. *whip snapping* the succubus is at work, but shes actually beating me. lmao. i need physical motivation to put my thoughts into words.

10neko10- i'm sorry i must admit, i am a bit sadistic and i draw out the torture longer than neccessary sometimes. but i dont want to catch up with myself and put the whole thing on break. its more like...i dont update till i have another chapter. besides, dont you love the suspense? hehehehe

duril93- ha. dont we all wish Gin was that compromising? but alas, its either his way or the highway along with a couple slaps. maybe if everythign goes good and you guys review (yes i will use blackmail) you wont have to wait that long for the stuff *after* the flashback. wink wink.

maru de kusanagi- ahh crazy love is the best. if you like fluff, get youre spoon and start shoveling. lol but not this chapter, its much fluffier later.

~~ Blue Skies ~~

After screaming my head off, I did feel quite tired and laid down lifelessly across the bed. My decision to stay with Gin had been made but I couldn't stop my mind from whirling around furiously to replay every moment I'd ever spent with him, like I could find a loophole in my destiny and figure out if things might have gone differently had I never kissed him or let my curiosity pull me deeper into his world of passion. Looking down, the soft blue silk sheets comforted me, and I was reminded of the blue skies we fell in love under when I was only fourteen.

The first time I met Ichimaru, it was springtime in Karakura and my family had just moved into a new house in a different town for the seventh time. They promised me that it would be our last move too, so that I could finally have the stable childhood they always wanted for me in my teen years. It was a nice idea but when I looked out from the car windows at the quiet, dreary town I couldn't help but think that these would be the most boring years of my life. As an only child I had learned to enjoy my own company from early on. Subsequently, I was such a private person that I had only had one real friend my entire life, Momo Hinamori, who we had left behind in the last city. It was a painful goodbye and I would have cried but I just couldn't seem to muster up the strength. After all, the minute I saw her, I knew it was only another little girl that I knew I would eventually leave behind when we had to move again. It was for the best though, since she had become too attached to me. In the back of my mind I knew she had a crush on me and every time we spoke, it seemed like she would use any excuse to touch me and gaze into my eyes. At first I didn't know how to react but soon it was all quite endearing. I found her shy attempts at flirting funny; it was the first time anyone had looked at me with anything besides mild curiosity. Hence, it was best to leave her alone; I would only end up hurting her when she found out that it was too hard to love someone with a heart made of snow.

That being said, I was less than thrilled at our new home. Of all the places to move too, they chose this sad little town where there was no private school or country club. I could already hear the gossip about us, the new rich family in town who had a son with curiously white hair and big sea green eyes. It was always the same. They would buzz around us, poking their noses into every crevice of our life, until they got bored or realized our money wouldn't start to fall out our pockets and into their hands. At least in the other cities there were other people with money that didn't ogle us as much, even if they were as fake as press on nails.

We got a big house right in the middle of town with five rooms, two porches, a balcony and big backyard for my mother's garden -which she didn't even tend herself- so my dad would have easy access to all the local businesses and airports for when he needed to catch a plane for his next meeting. My mom on the other hand was thrilled to be so close to all the boutiques and malls; what better place to flaunt all her money than in the middle of town where everyone could see her? It was all very nauseating and I would have snapped at their idiocy (there was only three of us, why did we need 5 bedrooms?) but apathy towards my parents was another emotion I had embraced. The best I could do was grit my teeth, wait to graduate and move out.

Three days after we moved in I had my first day of high school. I went to bed early, insisting that I would be able to walk there myself the next day but unfortunately I forgot to set the clock to alarm. So I woke up confused and horrified to realize I had 5 minutes to complete a 15 minute walk. Scrambling into my gray slacked uniform, white short sleeve button up shirt, red tie and yellow vest, I snatched my school bag and ran out the door like the hounds of hell were on my heels. _"What great luck. Late for the first day of high school in a new town. Now I'll be able to make an entrance and properly embarrass myself!"_ I thought with cheery sarcasm. Certainly the crowds would take great pleasure in watching me walk down the halls and get a good look at the white-haired millionaire. However, to my surprise, the halls were completely empty when I burst through the main entrance, panting like I'd run a marathon. I was only 5 minutes late but it seemed I had already missed the boat. When I found the my first period classroom, I stood there for a good minute, steeling my nerves, then knocked on the door lightly and pushed it open. And that was it; it was all over in that minute. My life had been shifted off course and stolen right out from under my nose and I didn't even know it yet.

Standing in front of the board was the most peculiar, most captivating man I had ever seen. He was unnecessarily tall and slim with his arm raised just near his face and a piece of chalk in his long stick like fingers. The nails were cut short, buffed and shiny in the morning sun. The slate gray slacks he wore had sharp creases and from the looks of it were very expensive, held up by a thin black belt; and it was topped off with a forest green, deep v-neck short sleeve shirt that plunged to show his collar bones, just a bit of his toned chest and his lithely bunched muscles. But what made me stop dead in my tracks was his face. He had a thin smile on his full lips and his eyes were tightly closed, but they seemed to bore into my face: he looked like a fox.

Somewhere in the midst of my drooling, I realized I was openly staring at my math teacher in a roomful of children. It had only lasted 10 seconds, but my face lit up and as I turned to look away he surprised me again. Slowly, the smile began to fall from his face and his tight shut eyes fell open to reveal hot red irises that felt like he could see into my soul and they burned, roving across my body. It became all to much and I gasped imperceptibly at his heated stare- or I thought I did, until he looked back into my eyes at the sound. Suddenly, I felt the need to know this man's name.

"Hello, I'm sorry I'm late. My name is Hitsugaya Toshiro." The words tumbled from my lips in a breathy voice I didn't recognize. The man gazed for another second, then the smiling fox mask returned.

"Mah Mah, it seems we got a new student. Everybody, this is Hitsugaya-kun,' he walked forward and stood over me at the door, leaning in closely "And my name is Ichimaru Gin, but yah can call me Sensei, ne?"

A shiver rolled down my spine at our close proximity, "Hai…Sensei."

"_What a very, very creepy man." _Gin seated me in the front, next to a voluptuous strawberry blonde girl with wide sky blue eyes. She was very cute and introduced herself as Rangiku, leaning forward to expose a bit of cleavage playfully. In retrospect I suppose I was supposed to drool at the sight like the rest of the boys in class at the sudden flashing, but instead my eyes kept moving back to the teacher. Rangiku was a sweet girl but something about her pout reminded me of my mother and I couldn't help but feel a bit repulsed. For the rest of the period, I sat there quietly trying to stop thinking about tugging on that silver hair, which proved to be very hard as we breezed through introductions and the course requirements. And every now and then, though I couldn't prove it, I got the feeling that Gin was watching me behind that squint and my skin prickled in surprise and some other flaming emotion I couldn't define.

Eventually, the bell rang and I breathed a sigh of relief. My next class was with Rangiku as well and when she offered to show me the way, I gratefully accepted, moving to follow her out the door. That is, until I felt something thin and cool grasp my wrist lightly. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Rangiku-chan, can I speak ta Hitsugaya-kun alone fer a minute?" Gin asked smoothly and she gushed, bouncing onto her toes.

"Hai, Sensei! I'll be in the hall Shiro-chan!" Rangiku chirped and was gone before I could protest to being left alone with this alluring man, who I had yet to turn around and face.

The smooth fingers on my wrist helped me along, sliding up to my shoulder and spinning me around gently, like I might run. "Ne, Shiro-chan I herd so much about yah. I met yer parents at the town meetin' the other day." He grinned wider when I looked up at him nervously. "They tell me yah used ta go ta private school."

"Y-yeah I did," the words stuck to my lips as I tried to keep calm. "I'll be sure to tell my parents you said hello."

"Mm-hum. Well, listen Shiro-chan if yah need anythin' at all , don't be afraid ta ask me. I'll be glad ta help yah out in any way I can, 'kay?' He had leaned closer and I could smell his musky coconut cologne rolling off his skin. Gently, I moved back wards, biting my lip in deep thought.

"Hai, Sensei, I will. It was nice to meet you Ichimaru-san," with one last searing look, I turned away. "Oh and Sensei?" he was still watching me, but a peaked brow "It's Hitsugaya-kun, not Shiro-chan." With that, I turned the knob and fled, but not before I caught the flash of his curious red eyes glinting behind the glass of the door.

Things proceeded in an orderly fashion after that. I got over my first day, then the first week and soon we were well on our way into the last month of school. Avoiding Gin became harder and harder, however, as he suddenly seemed to appear wherever I was. If I was walking the halls, he was right there when I turned the corner. If I left class to go to the bathroom - which was right next to the teachers' bathroom - he was just walking out of them. And at lunch when I thought I had successfully escaped the other students to sit quietly by myself on the bleachers, somehow he would be there before me, gazing up at the blue skies. It felt like I was destined to bump into him at every turn. There had been one particular incident in the first week of June, where we had literally bumped into each other in the halls. The walkway was empty but my head was in a book and he was walking backwards while teasing another teacher. Initially, my head snapped up with a snarl but when I saw who I had so carelessly slammed into, my heart stopped.

Gin had spun around too, stooping with his arms instantly shooting up to steady whoever it was that had touched him, his eyebrows knitted together in surprise. But our gazes met at the same time and no one tried to move away. The teacher he had been harassing escaped and the halls emptied as children rushed off to their corners for lunch. We were alone. Once again, like every other time he saw me, the grin fell away, his long fingers slipping down my arms to my wrist. At first I shuddered and while trying keep his gaze, stepped backwards. In a flash, he smoothly pulled me forward till our chest were pressed together. The book I was so engrossed in had fallen away and my arms slipped up his shoulders to grasp onto him tightly. We stood there, chest to chest, for god knows how long until Gin moved again, slipping his hands down my back to rest on my waist, bringing us even closer and my eyes rolled back in my head at the feel of his hard, defined chest against mine. And I groaned deeply in the back of my throat, actively pressing myself to him, lips falling open slightly. When he gasped, I realized my mistake, eyes snapping open to see him looking at me in that odd way again with his crimson eyes. Mortified, I ripped my arms away from him and shot off down the hall, forgetting my book in my haste.

The whole thing was so embarrassing, I considered not going to school the next day. My parents wouldn't care at all, but I didn't want him to know he had shaken me up so badly. _"That's right. Hitsugaya Toshiro doesn't hide from a fight like a coward. Gin's not gonna win,_" I told myself. But later the next day on the way to school, I couldn't figure out what we were fighting for, if we were even fighting at all. There was something at stake here and I wanted to know what it was I stood too lose before I started to gamble with it. The idea bothered me for days, thinking about what kind of game we were playing; I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it was a bet for my heart. Even then Gin had played dirty. He knew full well what he was aiming for and I had to fumble around in the dark while trying to deal with all the emotions he caused. What a selfish man, preying on a lonely 14 year old kid like me.

**Not that much dialog but that will change. Now depending on what kind of day tomorrow is, you guys might get a very nice surpise. As in, you can make my day better by reviewing...^_^ and the reading will continue. reviews are water in a drought to me and i want to drown in them so keep it pouring! Have a sadistic, crazy love, Gin filled day everybody.**


	6. Blue Skies part 2

**Im back again everyone. Sorry for the wait, i actually wanted to surprise you with a double update (two in one day) but my day fell a little off track and now...its a little late. heheh. Anyway, i felt that the last chapter was way too short so thats why i wanted to give you the next part much faster. WARNING: Gin/Hitsu kisses, nuzzling and over all fluffiness with that borderline craziness only Gin can provide. [sidenote: to all those who simply read and dont review, lord knows i love you! thanks for even reading at all, you dont know how happy I am anyone even cares. but puhlease just once say something? Because thats what loves all about: give and take. lol. I'm so cheesy] Please read my announcement/question at the end of the story. Read, Review, Enjoy!**

~~ Blue Skies part 2 ~~

A few days later, I sitting on the bleachers again during lunch, watching puffy white clouds roll by. Though I appeared to be staring off into space, I was in deep though. That morning I had received the shock of my life, going in to my parents room to say goodbye before heading off for school, only to find my mother curled into the side of a strange man. They were both sleeping so I hadn't woken them and slipped out the front door. Hopefully my father would come home soon enough to catch the my cheating mother in the act. Thoughts like this still depressed me, no matter how much I tried to pretend they didn't. How sweet: a whore for a mother and a workaholic father. What next? Maybe they'd scour up an abusive alcoholic uncle to come live with us and make it one big happy family. The worst part was, they were all content with their lives, everybody had embraced their roles and happily played along; everybody except me. At night there was nothing to comfort me- not thoughts of my money, or beauty, a lover, joy from a successful board room presentation or even a flourishing career. Did they think that I would be satisfied with the fact that I was still young? Youth could never replace that fact that I was indeed all alone in this world and most nights, I cried myself to sleep. A soft thump to my left caught my attention; out of nowhere, Gin had showed up and seated himself next to me, at a respectable distance, and was glancing up at the skies as well.

"Oh, its just you," I mumbled with a sigh. My voice seemed calm enough but I don't think the blush on my cheeks fooled him.

"Were yah expectin' someone else Shiro-chan?" his voice was lighting and happy.

"How many times must I tell you, its Hitsugaya-kun, not Shiro."

He giggled, tilting his head towards me, "Yah know, they call yah the Ice Prince behind yer back. Maybe I should call yah Hime."

"That's a princess you jerk. I'm not a girl," I snarled before I could help myself.

"Ne, ne I've noticed but with that hair and those big eyes, yah sure do look like one. Do I need ta be Prince Charmin' and kiss ya too, like sleeping beauty?" His grinned stretched, and he shook with laughter.

"Did you come out here to piss me off or was there some other purpose?"

"Nah, I didn't really have nothin' planned. Yah just looked so lonely I thought I might come sit with yah. If there's two lonely souls floatin' around, its only right they keep each other company, Hime," his words were soft and I looked over at him curiously. Gin's smile had faded once again but he was looking back at the clouds with a serious face.

"I suppose your right…"

"Mm-hum…now, do yah want ta tell me wats got yah so down? Looks like somebody just killed yer cat."

For a while I was quiet, considering if I should tell him the truth or not "My mother is a whore," I said finally. Maybe it would do some good to get that off my chest.

"Yare, Yare! Those 're some sharp words, Hime. Why would yah say that?"

"Don't call me Hime. And I found her in bed with another man. Its not the first time this month either. What would you call a woman like that?"

He pouted thoughtfully for a minute. "Ambitious?" I couldn't help but smile at that. We both sat there looking at the clouds but I'm sure our minds were far off elsewhere. Trying to be inconspicuous, I shifted closer and closer till our fingers brushed. Gin froze, looking down intently, like he couldn't believe I had touched him, then interlaced them.

"Do you really get lonely, Sensei? Don't you go out like my mother and have fun?"

"Ne, I've always been lonely Hime, since the moment I was born. Its hard ta explain, almost like life is empty fer me, but I'm sure yah know what I'm talkin' about." He smirked again but this time it was cold and I didn't know what to say.

Those words sounded so familiar: didn't I think the same thing all the time? Looking over at me he leaned in and I scooted over once again, our hands still interlaced and hips touching. Gin's breath trickled across my face. He smelt coco-nutty again, mixed with the faint air of peppermint. So intoxicating. _"God I hope no one's watching. What am I doing? This is a teacher, this is an adult male __almost twice my age…oh God."_ Of its own accord my neck tilted to the side and out lips almost brushed, hovering millimeters away from each other. I could almost _taste_ him; like a wolf, he dipped lower sniffing along my neckline, grazing his silvery tresses against my cheek and I shook my head to clear my suddenly hazy thoughts.

"Ichimaru, stop it," I said hasily, pulling back to look into his piercing red eyes "This is wrong, so, so wrong. You're my teacher."

"Call me Gin, Toshiro. I think were past those formalities now."

"I'm fourteen years old Ichimaru, what are you doing? We could get into a lot of trouble."

"Did I ever tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen? So deep and blue, though I wonder if they've always been that icy."

Twisting away and screwing my eyes shut, I tried to stand but he easily slid me back to him, pressing our sides together gently. His change in grammar had frightened me, he seemed so much more intense and less playful now. We had gone too far.

"Let me go!" I huffed, turning my face away, making him grip my chin tightly "Ichimaru we cant do this. I'm a minor and you're a man. They'd put you in jail. You don't really want me, right? What's special about _me_?"

He continued as though I never spoke "But I can melt that ice, Toshiro, I can set your whole world on fire and you'll wonder how you ever survived out in the cold. All you have to do is let me and you'll never be lonely again."

"NO! Why me, why are you chasing _me_? You cant keep looking at me like that, with those eyes like you can peer into my soul! You cant follow me, or talk to me like this, touch me like this ever again! What's so special about me?" I shouted in confusion.

"Everything," he breathed, like I had asked the world's dumbest question. "I see so much of myself in you, and even more. I was never as pure and innocent as you are Toshiro, but I know how it feels to lived caged in your own misery, wishing someone would come and save you. So I will be the one to save you…whenever you're ready"

And then, he stood, straightening himself and plastering that eerie smile back on his face, closing his eyes and looked down on me as I kept shaking my head no. None of this could be happening; there was no way that he could expect me to fall in love with a _man_, 14 years older than me. No matter how intriguing his proposition was.

"No Ichimaru, I'll never be ready for this, for you… so please, just stop before whatever you're doing gets out of hand…"

"Ahh, Hime its no good ta beg with that kind of lost expression. It makes me want ta save yah even more," he sing-songed, walking away coolly, without a care in the world. And I watched him go, wondering how I could want something so much and fear it at the same time.

Despite how pathetic it would look to Gin, I stayed home the next two days, feigning a summer cold. There was no way I could face him after an encounter like that and I was sure he would try something again. While I was alone, I wrestled with what to do about the oddly aggressive man. The logical part of my brain told me to ignore him, continue to deny his claims and worse case scenario, I could report him to the police like any normal child did when harassed by a pedophile. Yet, the other half of me was completely unfazed by the fact that he was 28 years old, possibly crazy, and way too interested in me. Something about him called out to me so deeply that I had to fight the urge to run to him and kiss him right then and there! He was right about me that day on the bleachers; we were quite similar and the idea of a young Gin smiling out at the world even though he felt so abandoned inside seemed like the ying to my yang. Pride made me doubt that I would ever grow up to be that creepy, however. No matter how much he tried (going so far as to keep his eyes constantly squinted) Gin's handsome face would never hide that eeriness about him. He always seemed to know which buttons to push, just what topic he could broach to make me squirm and it was…exhilarating. Not because he got under my skin, but because he had cared enough to even try. Undeterred by the fact that I was just a lonely rich boy with a lot of baggage on my heart, Gin seemed to spend endless energy plotting on ways to make me fall in love with him. Besides, who was I to judge his taste? Didn't my attraction to Gin make me crazy as well?

Back in Gin's bedroom, I couldn't help but chuckle as I remembered all the things I went through before I finally admitted that I loved him. Back then, my ego was unimaginably huge and I didn't want to be swayed by a smooth talking, 6'2" man of 28 years old. It seemed so wrong but felt so right; just like right now. How was it possible that I loved a man so much but knew with every fiber of my being that how we felt about each other was dead wrong? The only difference between then and now was that I had stop caring about how other people would view us, even if it meant I had to leave everything else behind. Closing my eyes and continuing to reminice, I thought to myself "_Even then I couldn't see anything else besides Gin's smiling face, like a love sick puppy looking through rose tinted frames. I guess its true that love is blind." _

_**O**_**kay i have a serious issue I've been thinking about. Everytime i split a chapter into two sections, my eye starts to twitch. i hate dividng up something which was written to be read in one go, but I either feel the chapter is too long or too short. So, here is where your opinion comes in: would you all rather faster updates but the chapters are in two parts, or slower updates that give each chapter all at once? Please review and tell me because I dont feel like updating until I've gotten this solved. (P.S: My doctor told me i was malnourished in love, so review and make me all better!)**


	7. Birthday Wishes

**Alright wonderful people, I am back and with results. Everyone can thank Duril93 for her score tipping vote and we will all be having *drumroll* : Full Length Chapters! Sorry for everyone hoping for faster updates but majority rules. Dont worry, I think i can bang out chapters pretty fast as is so hopefully things wont slow down too much around here. Anywho, onto more of Lock and Key. Read, review, enjoy!**

**Duril93- Omg, Germany? Thats pretty cool! Have lots of fun over there! (p.s. not to sound silly but is it hot or cold over there right now?)**

**Savagehunger47- short as in the same kind of short as before. Idk, if i feel like it i might shorten it again but right now, i really wanna give it all at once. Dont worry, the cliffies wont be that delayed hence you and others will be safe. lol Anywho, not confusing at all, Toshi's actually a little of both. Desperate for love but fearful that no one will ever want him, so he was too shy to go after Gin himself. Besides, hes a little too proud to just throw himself at Gin, even if he is love starved and Gin is too anxious to wait for all that sweet lovin so he went for it himself. Oh and dont worry, you'll know when Toshi pops his cherry. *evil cackle***

**brokenknuckles- *love bubble* you really made my day with that one.**

**Tastelikemadness- Aw sweetie, I'm sorry but my inner succubus muse feels the need to vomit out fluff. She likes to torture people with its distgusting mushy madness. And if you're feeling strung out on pain, I'm sorry but this chapter is going to make it worse. fluff central.**

**Penandpaperlove- you read my mind exactly! i just didnt want to make it too long and lose people half way through but I'm gonna take a leap of faith. And yes, Gin is a creep but a loving one who indeed feels the need to save out little damsel in distress. **

~~Birthday Wishes~~

Pulling myself together, I headed out on the third day, filled with conviction that although I wanted to give in to Gin I wouldn't. Our feelings were wrong and misguided; any psychiatrist would tell me that I was simply looking for love in all the wrong places. Therefore, I would keep my head down and bulldoze through the next few weeks without buckling to my desires or to Gin. But when I got to school another shock hit me. So concerned with Gin and my ailing sense of morality, I had forgotten my own birthday which was that exact day; and even worse, my parents had forgotten as well. That morning there had been no cakes, singing wake-up calls, cards, gifts, candles…nothing. Naturally it wasn't the lack childish gags that hurt me but the fact that neither of them had the common decency to even remember the day I was born. And I didn't really have any friends to call me up and sing happy birthday over the phone. The only one that might fall into that category was Momo and at the time she wasn't talking to me since I had left without saying goodbye. A deep ache settled in my heart to know that literally no one cared that I had ever been born. Classes were boring, even as I deftly avoided Gin's stares, and to top it all off, it began to rain. I didn't even have an umbrella (it had been 83 degrees minutes before the sudden downpour, who would be carrying an umbrella!).

The rain reminded me of my own tears that I had been waiting to shed all day, so I didn't mind much that they mingled in with each other and thankfully hid my crying rather well. Resigned to getting soaked, I began the trek home until I realized there was a black BMW creeping slowly along besides me. Before the window even rolled down I knew it was Gin and growled in frustration. It seemed I couldn't even catch a break on my own birthday.

"Ahhh! Hime! What are yah doing out there in the rain! You'll really catch a cold at this rate," Gin crowed happily, leaning over to the passenger side window. He hadn't bought my sick note for one minute when I handed it to him, quirking a brow at the sudden cold.

"Clearly I am walking home Ichimaru. What do you want?" I snapped irritably.

"Question is, wha' do '_you'_ want." I sneered at the hidden innuendo but kept walking.

"Can I give yah a ride home?"

"No! Go away"

"Aww, come on! As a teacher, I cant very well let yah walk home in the rain, ne?"

"No Ichimaru, just please go away."

"Its one ride, Hime. Wha' do yah got to lose?"

Giving a high sound of frustration I stopped, abruptly turning to grab the door handle and fling myself into the seat with a thud, laughing in my head that Gin narrowly escaped a face full of wet hair. He only giggled and stepped on the gas, swerving around the next corner smoothly in his stupid, shiny BMW. I bit the corner of my lip nervously, glancing at him from the corner of my eye every so often. The car was warm, with low classical music playing in the background and I soon felt sorry for getting his nice leather seats all wet. At the next traffic light, we jerked to a stop and I looked down so I wouldn't have to face him. To my horror, I noticed that my nipples were completely visible through the thin wet fabric of my uniform; they looked shockingly hard and even worse, when I peaked at Gin he was watching them too with a curious look.

"Mah Mah, Hime, I can see yer lil pink nipples!"

"Ugh!" blushing furiously I slapped my palms over my face, hoping to die. He only laughed, reached into the back seat, dropping a thick red sweater over my shoulders and drove off again.

Thankful for the act of kindness I looked up to mumble my apologies but realized we were already close to home "Hey wait a minute…do I even need to give you directions?"

"Well yah could but seein' as how I'm almost there, it wouldn't make no difference" he smiled innocently.

"…Why the hell do you know where I live, Ichimaru!"

"Lower yer voice, Hime. I'm not stalking yah, I drove yer Mom home the other night."

My stomach dropped even lower "You…you didn't sleep with her, did you?"

"…Hime," he said with no mild amount of disgust "do yah really think I would?"

I looked down, embarrassed "I suppose not. Sorry Ichimaru,"

"What is it gonna take fer yah ta call me Gin?" he sighed. We had pulled up in front of my house by now but I hadn't moved to get out and he didn't seem to be in a rush for me to leave. After a few minutes, in a soft voice, I unintentionally blurted out:

"Today is my birthday"

"Oh? Ahh…I see. Well happy birthday Hime! What did yah get?"

"Nothing," he paused, looking confused. "They forgot it this year."

"…Yer jokin.' Don't worry, they're probably in there waitin' fer- "

"No they're not" angrily I cut him off, "They're not even home, Ichimaru. Even on my birthday I'm still all alone. They have no clue that I was ever born." Hot tears fell down my face, but I made no move to wipe them away or hide. Again, there was silence.

"Then…can I give yah somethin' ?" he asked slowly, like I might flee the car. My brows knitted up and I bit my lip hesitantly.

"D-do you really want to?" when he nodded and the smile fell from his face into a look of concern, I cracked, shaking my head yes.

"Ok then, close yer eyes."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt his long fingers graze across my cheeks, cupping my face with incredible gentleness and wiping away the tears. My lips shook and he took the damp thumbs, rubbing them softly until they parted and one slipped in, pressing against my tongue. Unconsciously, I started sucking it, salivating at the taste of his tear soaked finger. For the longest while, nothing else happened. And then, he had leaned in, deftly pulling his thumbs away and replaced them with his lips. My eyes shot open in shock but I melted under the feel of his delicate lips on my own. Ichimaru peppered short, sweet kisses on my mouth until I opened my lips again and his tongue slid in. He tasted like tobacco (which was a shock since I didn't know he smoked), peppermint, and something else very hot and masculine that made my insides quiver. Moaning, I let him pull me closer, and slip both arms around my waist, massaging my hip bones gently. This carried on for only a minute, but by the time he pulled away I was dazed and frighteningly hard.

"T-t-that was my first…kiss." I mumbled, bringing one hand to my lips and the other to my lap, pressing down, hoping that he wouldn't notice my erection.

"I thought so. Did yah like it?"

I wanted to say yes so much but couldn't; this was all very, very wrong "Gin…we cant do that again. Ever."

"Mmmmm," he hummed contentedly "Yah called me Gin."

"I-I have to leave. Thanks for the ride," when I turned to leave he grabbed my arm looking into my eyes desprately, and I felt anxious too seeing the expression.

"Wait, that wasn't the whole gift! Leave yer window open tonight, ne?" the look I gave him made him shake his head "I'm not gonna rape yah or anythin'…I wont even come in, just leave it open. Please."

Not wanting to agree yet, I bit my lip again and bunched my brows, backing out of the car and running for the front door, barely glancing back on the porch before slamming the door shut and sliding to the floor, trying to breath with a pair of lungs that suddenly felt too small. I had just kissed my teacher. I kissed him right in front of my house, in broad daylight for the world to see (in my mind, I had forgotten that the windows were tinted. We might as well of been standing on the sidewalk for all I knew). And to make matter worse, he wanted to come back to my house at night. Sure he promised not to rape me, but isn't that what pedophiles usually do to young boys? Oh god, what if its not rape! I know it wont be, cause I'll probably want it as much as he does! "_What kind of sick twisted world am I living in! What am I going to do! Better yet…what am I going to wear to bed?"_ My traitorous heart had seemingly already made the decision to leave the window open for him. Now, I was blushing like a silly school girl, mentally picking through all my close to find something that would make me seem mature and confident. At bedtime. With a groan I stood up, quickly checking to see he had already drove off and flew up the stairs to my room, flinging myself across the bed. SQUISH! "_Oh yeah, I'm still soaking wet,"_ I looked down for verification, _"and still very hard. Great. Just great."_ Then I sat up and notice with a sense of panic that I still had on Gin's large, red sweater. Hastily, I pulled it off looking at the M. UNIVERSITY insignia on the front in bold white letters. Well at least now I knew his alma mater. Oh crap, what would my parents think when they saw the curious, very manly smelling sweater in my room? _"Hide it."_ I tossed it under the bed, pulled off the rest of my clothes, took a hot shower, and then a cold one for the raging boner I was sporting. And when I returned to the room I was much calmer.

To take the stress off my mind, I pulled out my homework and after whizzing through it furiously, I realized I still had too much time left, went back and checked all the answers, which were all right. A hour and a half later there was still nothing to do, so I simply paced, going downstairs to find a note from my mother on the dining room table saying she was sleeping over at a "friend's" for the night and my father wouldn't be home until morning. I crumpled the note, flinging it across the room viciously. Forget them, the selfish bastards. There were more important matters at hand. It was only six o' clock and I was freaking out about Gin coming back with a real present for me. The gift didn't excite me but the prospect of having him in my room threw me for a loop. Eventually I wound up upstairs again, slipping into thin white drawstring sweats and a green short sleeved shirt. As I climbed into bed, deciding to turn in early, the red fabric of his sweater caught my attention. Hesitantly picking it, I brought the sweater to my face and breathed deeply, feeling light headed from the fragrance. I slipped it on, turned to the window and opened it fully, letting the curtains flag in the gentle afternoon breeze. Right before I fell asleep I hoped I would wake up before Gin returned…

A soft thud next to my head woke me up with a start. Looking around, I found it to be completely dark in my room with only the moonlight glinting off a few surfaces. In the dimness, I saw an envelope tied to a weight on my pillow and the bushes out side rustled questionably. _"Its happening!"_ taking a deep breath I leaned out the window and called out "Gin?" but there was on answer. Quickly I turned back to the envelope, tearing it open. It read:

**Dear Hime,**

**Meet me in the backyard in five minutes if you're awake. Be quiet though, this is our secret. I wouldn't want your parents to wake up and call the police due to a prowler. I have your second gift, if you still want it.**

**Forever Your's**

**~Gin~ P.S: I promise not to rape you, so come out, okay? 3**

I only looked at the letter for a moment, then threw my head back to laugh loudly. I could only imagine Gin being carted away to prison in shackles, hollering "Tell them Hime, I'm not a prowler!" And what sane person ended a letter with promises against rape? Another rustle of the bushes brought me back to reality and I realized I had already wasted 2 minutes reading the letter. With a hop, and I skip, I was dashing down the stairs and out onto the back porch, but I didn't see him anywhere. The only thing out of place was the wide swinging gate to the garden, so I walked forward timidly. Inside, on the polished granite bench beneath a weeping willow tree was Gin holding an arm behind his back and a wide smile. I paused, looking around to make sure no nosy neighbors were peeping and tip-toed inside, closing the gate. Then, sitting down heavily, I stared at my feet, realizing too late that I didn't have on any shoes; and I was still wearing Gin's red sweater. A blush broke out on my face as I moved to take it off until a strong hand gripped my own and knitted our fingers together, making me blush all the more, but stop and look up. He was smiling down at me so mischievously, I couldn't help but smile back.

"I'm sorry about the sweater. And for getting you're car wet. Thanks' again for the ride home."

"Don't worry about it, yah can keep the sweater too. Think o' it as another present," he hummed happily.

"Okay then," I shifted nervously "Where's my other gift?"

He smiled wider "Close yer eyes, first"

"Its not another kiss, right?" I would be miffed if I got this flustered all for a kiss. He just shook his head and waited for me to close them. When I did, I felt something soft and furry placed on my lap carefully and he kissed my forehead. "Hey, you said no kisses!"

" Yah can open yer eyes now, Hime."

In my lap was this large, silver fox with plush fur that tickled the palms of my hands and looked up at me with a silly smile and puppy dog eyes. Around his neck, sitting in the middle of his chest was a silver chain that glinted beautifully in the moonlight and a square intricately designed locket sat in the middle. Hesitantly, I opened it and inside was a tiny ruby looking gemstone that had "From: Gin" painted in the middle.

"Gin…wh-what is all this? Tell me this isn't a real ruby!"

He nodded, fingering the chain as well "It was a little heirloom I found knocking around" I gasped but he continued " don't worry their's plenty more where that came from. And the necklace is pure silver."

"What the hell! Gin, this is way too much, you don't even know me!" my mind was reeling from the fact that he had given me actual precious metal. I had expensive things too but as a present it was too much "Wait a minute, you have rubies lying around?"

He laughed and closed the locket, pulling the chin off to drop it around my neck with a little thump "My family was very rich but most died young and they left a lot of these kinds of things around. Its no big deal."

"No big deal," I had zoned out, looking down at the little silver box that sat neatly on my neck. He had clearly put a lot of thought into this. And a lot of money. I must have had over $1000 worth of jewelry on me. How awkwardly extravagant of him. Usually I would have scolded someone for something like this and planned to eventually, but it was my birthday and I was very pleased. I put the fox on the other side of me, scooting closer to Gin. "And I'm guessing the fox is supposed to be you."

"Ne, its ta hold onta at night when yer missin' me," he chirped happily but when I said nothing he looked slightly crestfallen "Don't yah like it, Hime?"

No words could have describe the way I felt, the amount of gratitude I had at that moment for Gin's dedication and care. When no one else in the world had even mentioned my birthday or said more that two words to me for the day, Gin came along and made me feel special. So, I had to give him something in return and there was one thing I knew he wanted more than anything. Me. A little kiss under the stars couldn't hurt, so I beamed up at him, shocking him with my smile and kissed him. It was innocent, but I pressed hard on his mouth and threw my arms around his neck. There was a little grunting sound in the back of his throat but he quickly joined in, pulling me right onto his lap when he felt no resistance. Nothing more happed though; there was no biting, licking, hard breathing or removal of clothes. All we did was make out sweetly in my mothers garden, content to be in the arms of another person who cared. After a while I pulled away, leaning my head on his neck with a sigh.

"Mah mah, 're yah sure its yer bithday and not mine? If not, it must be my lucky night" he chucked deeply, rubbing my back soothingly.

"Gin, you know we shouldn't be doing this. Surely, you realize that this isn't normal."

"And why not? Yah like me, and I like yah, so what's the problem?"

"Lets see, how about the fact that were both guys, I'm fourteen, you're twenty-eight, I'm you're student, you're my teacher, you're prowling around at night in my backyard, this is all highly illegal and…the list goes on and on!" I growled at him in frustration. Perhaps he was delusional.

"I know all that Hime but you're forgetting something." he said seriously and I looked up. "This right here, us, is all that matters. We've both been alone for far too long, Toshiro, why should we let a world that barely means anything to us stop us from being together?"

"Its not that simple Gin, we cant just abandon everything and everybody in the world."

"Why not? Hasn't everybody else done the same thing to you?" There was no reply I had that could rebuke that. It was true, there wasn't one person who hadn't let me slip through their fingers like dust. So I just sat there, in his lap wishing the moment wouldn't end and I wouldn't have to make grown up decision all by myself.

"My parents aren't home, you know, so don't worry about being mistaken for some sort of peeping tom," I said. He only raised a brow "Do you…want to see my bedroom and stuff?"

Laughing, Gin's fingers wandered into my hair. "Hime, yah should be careful. Sounds like yer invitin' me ta bed."

"Well, I-I am," I whispered and he froze. "Not to…_do_ anything or whatever! Its just that, I'm sort of lonely and it's my birthday so…I thought maybe, you might stay the night. You'd have to leave really early 'cause my Dad will be back by six but…" I trailed off noticing he still hadn't moved. Suddenly I felt very stupid "Ugh, I'm sorry. Never mind!" I hoped off his lap, picking up my fox and started to walk away, but almost screamed when I was suddenly hoisted up into his arms, cradled like a baby.

"Yer parents, aint home, ne?" I shook my head no, putting one arm around his neck. "Then I'll stay, as long as you want me too."

Gin carried me inside, ducking a few times for small Eskimo kissed that made me blush and it worsened when I thought about him carrying me across the thresh hold like a new bride. Pointing him in the direction of my room at the top of the stairs, he moved fast, like he was anxious to see where I slept. When we finally reached, he put me down on my feet, moving to look at and touch everything he could find. Gin picked up the old picture frame of me sitting stoically between my parents, thumbed through my bookshelf, did a slow sweep of my desk and vanity drawers and even inspected a sock I had dropped from the laundry. Gladly, he didn't look in my closet, which was a mess, but simply ran his fingers over the handle, like by touching it, he could touch me. To give him some time, I climbed into bed, situating the fox besides me and waited for his curiosity to wane. Eventually, he looked over at me and smiled again, shrugging out of his shoes but I gasped seeing that he had pulled his shirt over his head as well. Never before had I seen his bare chest, or the chest of any man besides my father; it was shocking for me to openly view his body. It was pale and smooth, rippling over his taunt abs and he had dusky nipples that looked beautiful in the moonlight, which caught on his hip and collar bones, giving them a mysterious glow. Yet the only hair I could see was the thin trail of silver that was nearly invisible, beginning at his navel, dipping under the waistband of his boxers attractively. Catching my gasp, he stopped before climbing onto the bed, pausing until I relaxed again, then slid in beside me so we were face to face. Surprisingly enough, he never made a move to touch me, just laid there, roving my face with his red eyes.

"Yer fifteen now, Hime, how does I feel?" he asked softly.

"It feels…the same. No, I guess I feel a little older," I mused for a minute. Nuzzling closer to his chest, putting my arm around his neck, I decided that I didn't like the space between us.

"Mmmm," he hummed "yer not scared I'm gonna do anythin' right?"

"Well should I be?"

" 'O course not."

"Then I'm not scared," another minute passed but we were still looking into each other's eyes, mine wide and nervous, his intense. "Gin, will you really stay the night?" he nodded solemnly. "Good. But wake me up before you go," another nod, like he didn't want to break the silence. But then:

"Hime, can I kiss yah goodnight?" he asked in a whisper and it was the first time I'd ever heard him sound so unsure, so I nodded yes. It was another sweet kiss, nearly pure in nature, except for the way he gripped my hips. Then with his breath still lingering on my lips, I fell soundly asleep.

At some ungodly hour of the morning, the bed shook and fabric rustled loudly next to my ear, making me wake up pissed off. Here I was having a pleasant dreams about me and Gin in a world where people remembered my birthday and loved me unconditionally, and someone was rudely making all that noise. Sitting up to give who I supposed was one of my parents a piece of my mind, I saw Gin pulling his shirt over his head, his back turned to me. Even in the hazy purple morning light, the planes of his body managed to fascinate me. I wiggled to the edge of the bed, tugging the stuffed fox along, making the bed squeak. Gin turned around, a smile already on his face.

"You were gonna leave without telling me, weren't you?" I asked grumpily.

"Ahhh, not at all Hime. I was just puttin' on mah shirt so I wouldn't scare yah again. Yah have the prettiest blush when yer embarrassed but I didn't wanna daze yah so early in the mornin'." He said offhandedly, bending to softly kiss my lips.

Despite his _honorable_ attempts, I blushed deeply "Shut up! I was not blushing because of _you_, I was tired." Though I was embarrassed I pushed up into the kiss anyway. "Uhh, Gin? What does this all mean…for us? W-what are we gonna do now?"

"Well," he trailed off, putting on his shoes "what do yah want it ta mean? Seems like yer the one with all the doubts. I know what _I_ want."

"And what do you want?"

"You." Gin was sitting on the bed now, hands on his elbows and his head turned towards me. "Since the moment I met yah, I knew I wanted yah. So what 're yah gonna do about it?" The choice was up to me. So slickly, he had shifted the burden from his shoulders and onto mine but I didn't know if I could deal with the pressure. This all seemed like a lot of trouble but I didn't want to let go of the one person who put all his energy into taking care of _me_.

"I um…I guess that…we can try this because I…kinda like you." Maybe I was signing my own death warrant but being with Gin felt so good I didn't want to stop.

The answering smile I received was breath taking. He kissed me for the second time that morning, more deeply than ever before. It was kind of shocking actually and more than a little intense. We kept going for a minute or two, but eventually I had to tap him on the shoulder, gasping when it was over. Once again, I was embarrassingly hard so I snatched the fox from beside me, placing it tightly over my lap. Gin quirked a brow but smiled, ruffling my hair and standing, walked towards the window and threw a leg over the ledge.

"I'll see yah Monday Hime. Don't spend too much time missing me, yah got homework to do," he said in a sing song voice; with that he ducked out completely and began to scale his way down the side of the house.

"I did it all already, for you're information, _Sensei!"_ I hollered but there was only a giggle that floated up from the bushes.

When I moved to look out the window, he waved up at me with a finger over his lips, then scampered away to wherever he had hidden his car. Turning back to the room, I remembered sighing, hoping I hadn't just made the biggest mistake of my life. Gin had come into my life out of nowhere and turned everything upside down, making me feel like everything I had been doing up until now was pointless. There was so much I wanted to say to him, so much I wanted to share but first I needed to sleep. There would be time for kisses, more first- experiences and starry romantic nights. And I slept, unable to wipe the smile from my face even when both of my parents came into my room later, muttering apologies about my forgotten birthday like their hollow words would make everything all right. They cooed and awed at my necklace wondering who the sweet "girl" was that gave it to me. I never answered, figuring that since they hadn't given me anything, I could at least keep this one special thing all to myself. In the end, their belated birthday wishes didn't matter anyway because I had already gotten the best gift of all: true affection.

**And now the fluff winds down. Just so you know, i initially said six fluff chapters but that was because i was planning on writing three but cutting each one in half. So now that the second one is all gone, theres only one more to go then back to the angst of real life for Toshi! I was loving the mushiness but dying at the fluff of this chapter. They're so cute when Gin is trying to play nice. Please review, review, review they make me feel smexy, which makes my muse happy, which leads to more writing and we all know what that leads to...Toshi Crying! YAY! no? *cricket* well...guess i'm just a sicko then**


	8. Sakura Trees

**Muahhh! I have returned. I dont know how many of you guys have gone to my profile recently but I made some announcements that might intrest you...or not. Depends on whose into Shinji/Nnoitora pairing. Check it out! I was gonna update later but then i read the last two chapters of Bleach...and jizzed in my pants. *spoiler* My lovely Gin was prime and center! I knew he wasnt a bad guy! Ahhh it was beautiful and did you see baby Gin? Awww i could just eat him up. *spoiler done* I'm on cloud nine, Gin is so beautiful. Anyway here is the last of the Flashback Chapters, the fluffy/sad closing and Savagehunger47...this is what you've been waiting for. Everyone, please enjoy:**

~~ Sakura Trees~~

The following Monday after my birthday, I shuffled awkwardly into class, feeling that somehow everyone would be able to see exactly what I had done with my teacher that weekend. It didn't help that the silver locket kept thumping against my heart with every step I took. When Gin looked at me with a smile, I blushed and ducked my head, unable to deal with all the emotions swirling inside of me so early in the morning. To make matters worse, at the end of class, I dashed out the door before he could even begin to walk my direction. A part of me knew that all of this was childish and Gin would most definitely be confused but I couldn't help feel embarrassed about out newly developed relationship. Here was this gorgeous, mature and apparently wealthy man who could have any woman in town but he wanted me. Sure, I had money too but that wasn't what attracted him to me- the man had rubies lying around his house! So what in the world could be so mesmerizing that a teen like me caught his attention? By lunch time, I realized I was making myself a complete fool; none of this was fair to Gin. I had to go see him.

Sneaking outside, I looked towards the bleachers hoping to find him in our usual spot, but he wasn't there. Dejected and anxious to right my wrongs, I was just about to jog back inside and continue the search when I saw a plume of smoke coming from underneath the bleachers, a long thin shadow peaking out. I dashed forward, ducking underneath the seats into the shady underpass to find Gin leaning on a wall with a half finished cigarette between his lips.

"Gin! There you are, I've been looking all over for you!"

"Oh? I thought yah might a been avoidin' me from the way yah were actin' this mornin'" he said offhandedly, taking a drag of the cigarette without looking at me.

"Yeah…look I'm sorry about that. I was just kind of embarrassed. But I thought about it and, it was wrong of me to act like that because I definitely wouldn't want you to ignore me."

"Hmm" he still hadn't looked at me and I was feeling antsy. Desperate for his attention, I walked up to him, pressing against his side and standing on my tip-toes.

"I'm wearing the necklace" No response. "Aw come on Gin, you're not really that mad are you? I said I was sorry."

He looked down, no smile on his face and flicked the cigarette away, folding his arms.  
"Don't ever run from me Toshiro, no matter how afraid you're feeling. No matter what happens between us, don't think running away will solve everything." He was speaking seriously again and I instantly felt very self conscious.

"…Ok, Gin I wont. I promise, it wont happen again" At that moment, I didn't know that a large part of our relationship would consist of me trying to run away from our problems. "Now can we kiss and make up already? I…missed you. A lot."

He sighed, like he was thinking, then smiled gripping me around my waist and bending to kiss me sweetly. Wrapping my arms around his neck and sighing, we made out like that until neither of us could breath, then moved to sit atop the bleachers once more. The uncomfortable moment was forgotten and I couldn't be happier if I tried. More than anything I wanted to keep that angry expression off his face; Gin was the one person who I wanted to make smile at me day and night.

Things progressed quickly between the two of us after that and soon we were nearly inseparable. In the mornings, I would come to school early so that we could sit in the confines of his car and chatter away like baby birds. After class, when the coast was clear, we kissed passionately behind the door with the curtains pulled shut and at lunch we started to spend our time out in the little garden a while away from the school grounds, relaxing under the sun together. Gin was even there after school to pick me up and drive me home, leaving before my parents showed up with a kiss to tide me over for the next day. Perhaps the best part was on the many nights that he would call my phone, telling me about anything I wanted to know then begging to come over when it was dark. We would lay under the covers, nose to nose, and share our deepest fears to each other - or at least I did; I'd bet money he kept most of his secrets but back then I didn't care- falling asleep at the crack of dawn. Eventually, I had to put limits on his visitations because he tried to come over every night but we would both show up to school the next day exhausted and miserable. It was funny to us, but it took a lot of strain on our minds to remember we couldn't make out in the middle of the halls when we were only running on three hours worth of sleep. In all, I was in absolute bliss. I had found someone who made my blood pump hotly in my veins, who knew how to make me shake with laughter and cry from joy, someone who completed me.

Gin was also a master at deception. Not only did no one suspect a thing between us, the sight of us walking the halls together became the accepted norm. Somehow, he had convinced the entire faculty that he was so astounded with my intelligence that he had decided to take me under his wing as his protégée. Now, I had always known I was an exceptionally smart child, but I certainly didn't warrant any extra attention. In fact, it would be a waste of time if Gin were to tutor me because I already knew most of what he was going to say. Of course, he did occasionally help me out and I was glad for it since there is always room for improvement, but most of our time was spent gazing into each other's eyes lovingly. Although, from this little white lie, I did learn a lot about Gin, such as the fact that he had been a child genius with rich parents and the best possible education. Interesting news but I had one question:

"Then why the hell are you working in a small town high school like Karakura High?"

"Ne," he giggled " 'cause I felt like it. I've done a lot in my life Hime and I thought maybe it was time fer a change."

Something about the answer was suspicious "You're only 28 Gin, how much could you have done?"

"Mmm. You'd be surprised…but don't worry yer pretty lil head about it. That's my past: you're my future." he suddenly looked very serious so I dropped the topic. Till this day, Gin never really explained what had prompted him into living such a mundane life and I hadn't pressed the issue; but these little oddities were seeming more and more important as our relationship progressed. Maybe his past could shed some light on how he had come to this kind of…intense life style.

Anyway, the cover up was so good, however, we even managed to pull my parents along for the ride. My mother already found it flattering that such an amazing man would take interest in their child and my father was just happy that there was someone else with money in this town that he might be able to network with. Hence, three days a week, Gin was let into the house for "private tutoring" in my bedroom and he even got to stay for dinner. At first I had that same embarrassed, uneasy feeling like they would see the two of us standing together and instantly be able to tell that we had more than just a student/teacher relationship. Yet, they were as oblivious as ever, completely absorbed in the flow of their own lives. They were rarely even home when Gin came to "tutor" me, which worked out just fine since we could lounge all over the house and whisper our feelings outside the confines of my room. Everything was moving along perfectly and my parents began to view him as though he were another part of the family. Which is why in the first week of May, they asked Gin if I could stay with him for about a month.

It was one night at dinner when Gin had come over to tutor me and I had choked on my water when I heard the question. No one but Gin looked over in concern, rubbing my back behind the chair -a little too sensually might I add- where my parents couldn't see his wandering fingertips. Apparently there was some conference they had to attend in China, which would then spill over into a flight out to America to tie up some loose business ends; and before they came back they wanted to go on a second honeymoon in Kyoto for about two weeks. Personally, I found the whole idea of a second honeymoon laughable and had to stop myself from doing just that when they said so. I could just imagine my mother batting her lashed and pretending for my father, just long enough to fool him, that he was the love of her life while he shooed her as he obsessively checked the stock market on his phone, noting which partners to call when they got back home. A part of me wished I could be there to see it.

"Please Ichimaru-Sensei, our little Toshiro likes spending time with you so much and we don't want to pull him out of school just for this. The school year is ending in another week anyway and he's already missed so much due to the move-" my mother pleaded, batting her eyes.

"Hai," my father cut in anxiously "and we cant very well take him with us on our honeymoon. It would be such a great favor for us, we'd owe you very much. So how about it, Ichimaru -Sensei?"

Gin looked over at me quizzically like he was actually weighing the idea in his mind, when we both knew he had already decided, so I played along looking back with big pleading eyes.

"Please Sensei, I'll be on my best behavior. I'll even help out around the house. You wont even notice I'm there."

"Ne, ne I guess its alright if yer're fine with it. It'd be a pleasure ta have Shiro-chan stay with me. Imagine all that we could accomplish with that time, ne Shiro?" he said happily.

Up until that point I had been completely excited about the idea of staying with Gin but I suddenly felt queasy. For the two months that we had been together, I hadn't slept with him yet; in fact we hadn't done anything remotely sexual besides kiss and hug. I remember thinking to myself _"Is this finally it? I don't know if I'm ready yet…but I'm sure Gin wouldn't pressure me into sex, right?"_ There was no way I could ask him about it at that moment so I only nodded and agreed that there was still much to learn and Gin would certainly be able to help me if I stayed with him. So it was all settled and the night they left, it was arranged that Gin would come and pick me up from home around 7 o' clock and take me back to his house on the outskirts of town. I had never been to his house before and I was very nervous despite all the times he had slept over in my room. What would it be like to sleep in the same bed as the man I…loved. Yes, I knew I loved Gin but I hadn't told him yet for fear that he would laugh at me. Even though I knew he would never do anything like that, a bigger fear was that he wouldn't return the sentiment. Long ago, I had learned not to get too attached to people but I had become positively taken with Gin and if he pushed me away, it would have surely broken me. At seven on the dot he called my phone, shaking me from these thoughts.

"Hime, are yah all set?" he asked as soon as I answered.

"Hai. Where are you?"

"Around the block. I missed yah this afternoon after school."

"Yeah…me too." I said with a blush on my cheeks.

He chuckled "Bring all yer stuff ta the front door. I'll see yah soon."

"Okay. I'll be right there." with that the line went dead and I felt a flutter in my stomach.

As promised, Gin was right there when I opened the front door. After we had piled everything into the back seat and I was buckled in, I finally got a kiss and we drove off. There was so little I knew about Gin's life but I was happy to be able to at least see how he lived. The paved streets turned into a brown little dirt road surrounded by trees on either side. Then we pulled up to this _thing_; I wouldn't have called it a house at first glance but a mansion that looked like it had three different wings to it. Thinking my house was the largest one in Karakura this was a little shocking but I had seen the likes of it before. Just not when I went to visit a teacher - more like when I visited one of my father's CEO friends.

"T-this is your house?" I stuttered foolishly but Gin only laughed and stopped the car, coming over to help me out. Still gazing at the house, I jumped when I felt something cold and metallic fall into the palm of my hand.

"Mah mah, yah act like you've never seen a house before. Here, go inside and look around while I get yer bags, but don't get lost." he said before giving me a little push.

I growled "Shut up, this is _not_ a house. This is a castle you freak," but obliged, walking up the smooth steps and unlocked the heavy oak doors.

Had I not been around money all my life, I would have balked at the splendor of the place. The amount of expensive things at hand were astounding and Gin clearly had the kind of money my father worked so diligently to obtain. There were deep, hardwood floors that shined and lead to a winding staircase with a thick banister. Over the entryway was a stunning crystal chandelier and the entrance split into two different walk ways that lead to what looked like a massive living room with a fireplace and the other a den painted in deep green colors. Another path lead to the back of the house, most likely towards the kitchen but I went up the stairs, taking in everything with poise. The entire upstairs floor level had cream colored wallpaper with rich gold printed trim and every door had a differently shaped golden knob. There were about seven rooms in total but the one that called to me the most was right at the top of the stairs and had an odd pink glow coming from it. Opening the slightly ajar door, I walked into a room with navy carpeting and walls painted an icy dark blue color. There was no bed, but a large white couch and the walls were lined with white bookcases that had shelf after shelf of crisp looking books. The pink light was coming from the window however. On the back wall was a curved window looking out over the yard, which contained a small pond to the left behind some soft looking flower bushes. But the pink was coming from a huge, slouching cherry blossom tree directly in the middle of the yard that took my breath away. Unable to look away, I walked closer, kneeling on the cushioned ledge of the window and pressing my fingers against the glass. Which is why I didn't notice Gin sneak up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist.

"I thought yah might like this room… Well, what do yah think?" he breathed on my neck."

"Its…breathtaking. Why didn't you bring me here sooner? In fact I might never want to leave."

He laughed kissing my cheek "Yare yare, don't get mah hopes up Hime, that's exactly what I was plannin.' Come on, lets go get yah settled in."

The rest of the night went on seamlessly and we ended up in the living room watching T.V. until around midnight when I started to get drowsy. Pulling me up from the couch we held hands, walking up the stairs and into the master bedroom. I assumed I had just come in to say goodnight but Gin moved to get undressed and I notice my empty bags were tucked next to the dresser. Just as I was putting the pieces together, he opened a drawer and pulled out one of my pajamas, tossing them on the bed.

"Wait a minute…Gin, I'm sleeping in here?" I shouted in surprise.

"Ne, ne not so loud. Yah might wake the neighbors Hime" he said jovially, pulling his shirt off slowly.

"You don't have any damn neighbors. Don't I get my own room?"

"Well I thought that since this is a new place for yah, yah might wanna sleep with me," he made to unzip his pants and I turned away blushing furiously. I heard footsteps come closer and was glad to feel the that his jeans were still on when he hugged me "Eh, whats wrong? We've slept together before, ne, so whats the big deal?"

"Its just that…well…um I don't think that I'm ready to…" I trailed off unable to finish and he looked at me in confusion.

"Ready ta what? All were doin' is sleepin."

"Really?" I asked in surprise. He tilted his head then rose his eyebrows in understanding.

"Listen Hime," he said, squatting in front of me. "I didn't bring yah here ta fuck yah. Just because yer stayin' with me doesn't mean yah got to do anything that yah don't want ta."

"Its not that I don't _want_ to…have sex with you. It just that-"

"Yer not ready ta do it tonight. Good, I didn't expect yah ta be!"

"But how will I know when I am? I really really think I do I'm just not sure but I don't want for you to get bored with me and find somebody else" my voice quivered at the idea.

He sighed, gripping me by the shoulders. "When yah want ta, yah'll know fer sure. And just because yah don't sleep with me doesn't mean I'll get bored Toshiro. Whenever yer ready I'll be right there. Unless yah need some help along the way" he said mischievously and winked. I laughed too and nodded, falling into his arms. "Now, can we go ta bed, o' will yah freak out if I try ta take off mah pants again?" I laughed again happily.

For the first two weeks everything had been going great. We snuggled in front of the fireplace and took walks in his backyard around the pond, holding hands like lovers. It had all given me a very heady feeling. But topic of sex kept coming up. Gin hadn't done anything but my crazy hormones had me flying off the wall and it took every fiber of my being not to rub shamelessly against him at the slightest provocation. We could be laying on the couch with Gin threading his fingers through my hair and all of a sudden I would get hard and have to flee to the bathroom. Or I'd wake up in the middle of the night sweating from a wet dream only to see Gin peaking at me with one eye rubbing circles in my back thinking I'd had a nightmare. One day we had been having a little argument over him buying me another expensive gift for no reason and when he kissed me to apologize, I nearly flung myself onto him. It was like my mind and my body were running on two different wavelengths and I couldn't keep up with either one of them. Part of me had the nagging suspicion that Gin knew the battle I was having and was doing things to encourage my lust, like walk out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. It was all very stressing and more than anything I kept wanting to fall all over him.

One afternoon in the third week of my stay- school had been over for some time already- I woke up on the couch of the reading room with another straining hard on. Apparently we had fallen asleep right there after talking about some book I had found in the library, that turned out to be a favorite of both mine and Gin's. He appeared to be sleeping and I turned away from him, trying to wiggle out of bed but he only wrapped himself around me tighter, rubbing his face into my shoulder and I groaned. I could feel his dick pressing against the small of my back and couldn't help but grind backwards into it. When he didn't wake up, I began to palm my cock, pressing a hand to my mouth to hold back my moan. The smell of Gin was all around me and to feel his lithe body against mine was making me hot all over. I wanted to cum so badly. I tried to move away again, but his hand snapped down to my waist, pulling me into his cock again and grinding up to me, hard. Looking back over my shoulder, I found Gin wide awake and smiling.

"Need some help there Hime?"

"Ah, Gin its not what it looks like!" I squeaked but he sat up pulling me to sit in between his legs. He bent, cupping my erection as well.

"Ne, it looks like yer hard. Yah know, I've seen the way yah keep lookin' at me and runnin' out of the room when yah think I havent noticed yah rubbin on yerself. I told yah ta come ta me if yah needed some help, so I think its time for a little intervention."

"Gin-" My excuses were swallowed up in a kiss full of tongue and little nips on my lips from his sharp teeth.

The hand not cradling my wood slid down my chest, unbuttoning my pajama top and slipping underneath to rub on my nipples. I gasped and tried to pull away but Gin suddenly tugged on one of them hard, making me jerk into the touch. The other hand dipped beneath the waistband of my underwear, running over my pubic hairs softly but still not directly touching my now weeping cock.

"Lets find out if all this white hair is really yers" he whispered into my ear, swirling his tongue around the lobe. With one sharp pull, he yanked both my pants and boxers to my knees. Anxious to feel more of these dazzling sensations I helped shimmy out of my shirt as well as he took off his own. I could feel Gin's bare chest pressing into the skin of my back and I rubbed myself all over him shamelessly. "Mah mah, I guess yah really are Shiro-chan" he laughed huskily, looking down at my exposed penis. Before I could respond angrily, he kissed me again and gripped me firmly. My skin felt like it was on fire in comparison to the his cool body. When he had pinched both my nipples till they were hard and red, his left hand slid up to rub on my lips, the other pumping me mercilessly.

"Gin," I whined, gripping his thighs "Oh shit, oh my god-"

"Yare, such a dirty mouth Hime. I didn't know yah said things like that" he teased. "Maybe I should give yah somethin' ta suck on." Two fingers slipped into my mouth and I sucked on them harshly so I could taste even more of him. He gasped and ground himself against me again. Eventually, the hands pulled away and I felt one press against my puckered entrance making my eyes open wide. "Relax Hime."

Pumping, then swirling his slick palm around the head of my cock, Gin distracted me adequately and pushed the wet finger into me up to the first knuckle. I froze but he kept going and leaned in to kiss the side of my neck. Just then, his finger brushed against something inside of me that made me give a shout. It felt amazing and white light buzzed behind my eyes. Quickly, he closed his mouth over mine and I wondered what the rush was about until he pressed down on the little bump and I screamed in ecstasy. Then he pushed the second finger into me, making my eyes water. When he started to steadily pump my cock and rotate his fingers, pressing repeatedly on that bump, I shuddered.

"Shit, shit shit. Oh my god, Gin I'm gonna- I'm gonna cum!"

"Mmmm good. I want yah ta come all over mah hand." He whispered into my ear making me tense.

Then I threw my head back rolling my hips up, then slamming back onto his fingers and I was cumming, harder than I ever had in my entire life. It felt like it would never end as hot spurts of cum landed on my stomach, dribbling down his hand. When the last shudders had shaken from my body, Gin pulled his fingers out, bringing the hand with cum on it to his lips and his tongue flicked out to lap it up.

"Eww. Gin that's gross. Stop it" I squealed in outrage. He only pushed me down onto the couch, making me lay over his lap.

"No it isn't. Yah taste just like candy ta me" He giggled and leaned down to suck the rest off my stomach as well. I laughed when his tongue shot out to lap at my bellybutton.

"That's tickles," I protested, but he continued anyway. Something dawned on me when I tried to squirm away. "Hey Gin. You're still hard."

"Mmmmm," he hummed but placed soft kisses on my sides. "So?"

I thought for a minute. For the first time ever, someone else had jerked me off and I had never felt more at ease. I felt so complete it was surreal. I hadn't wanted to have sex

with Gin because I was worried that it would be uncomfortable or that we weren't both in love with each other but there was no way to fix that unless I told him how I felt.

"Would you believe me if I said I loved you?" I asked quietly.

He looked up, mouth slightly open. "…Do yah love me Hime?"

"Well… I think so. I've known for a while now but I didn't want to say it because…I've been alone for so long and I don't want to love anybody. Everybody I've ever know has hurt me and if I love you, its going to hurt even more when you forget about me." There was silence as he looked at me in astonishment. Then he sat me up, pulling me into his chest.

"I love yah too but I didn't want ta scare yah away by saying it too soon. When I love somebody, it's all o' nothing' and I've never felt the way I feel about you about with anyone else before. So before yah say it, make sure yah mean it 'cause theres no turning back. Its not an easy thing ta love a man like me." He said deeply.

At the time, it felt like there was some sort of warning in his words but I didn't understand. They seemed so dark and heavy for a love confession but I didn't pay any heed. Nothing about Gin could stop me from loving him, even if he was to tell me he was an alien. So again I looked up at him and told him how I felt.

"I don't care about whatever flaws you have. I'll take whatever you're offering because I love you and I think I'll always love you. No matter what happens, lets stay together, okay? I don't want to lose you, Gin."

His eyes opened and he smiled down at me "I don't want ta lose you either, so lets stay together _forever_, ne?" he kissed me and I felt my body heat up again.

"Gin…I think I'm ready now. I want…I want you to make love to me."

"Are yah sure?" he asked hesitantly

"Yeah. I've never been more sure about anything."

Kissing me one more time, he moved to kneel on the ground between my spread legs. I was a little embarrassed but my need to make love to Gin won out over the emotion. Locking eyes, he engulfed my half hard cock in his mouth, holding down my hip with one hand and using the other to prepare me again. The wet hot feeling of his mouth on the head of my cock drove me wild and I bucked up into his mouth, gripping the couch cushions tightly. Two fingers were in me, stretching my entrance and then suddenly a third wet finger popped in, making me jerk away but they followed. He kept this up for a while making me feel like my head would explode. The fingers were nice but it felt like I needed something _more,_ something bigger.

"Come on Gin, I'm ready. Please, just fuck me" I moaned wantonly.

He just smiled and stood, pulling the zipper down on his jeans then pushing them down to pool at his feet. It was the first time I had ever seen Gin's cock and my first thought was _"I change my mind, its too huge!"_ it was long and thick with an angry red color that reminded me of candy and a big shiny head. Stroking himself slowly, he shuffled out of his pants, pulling open a drawer next to the couch and taking out a little white bottle of lube. After slicking himself up, he pulled me down onto the floor with him kneeling between my legs and kissing his way down my body. The cool air brushed against my skin and I growled when he only slid along the crack of my ass.

"Ugh, please please please put it in!"

He quirked a brow, bumping the thick head against my entrance "You sure?"

"Yes, fuck me, please…"

There were no more words as he grabbed my thighs and placed my legs around his hips. Angling up with my entrance, he pressed against the hole making me grab onto his arms and breath harshly. This was it. A couple more pushes like that and I wouldn't be a virgin anymore but surprisingly, instead of fear I felt annoyance at the fact that I couldn't just take him without all the fanfare. He grabbed my hip and pushed again, popping past the first ring of muscles and I clenched up in pain "Relax, its all right." Trying to do as he said, I looked down at where we were joined and watched in amazement as he slid half way into me. Suddenly, he swept me into a kiss then slammed in the rest of the way and I screamed out, biting his tongue in the process.

"Ahhh….oh god! I changed my mind take it out" I cried, shaking my head.

He chuckled sorrowfully "What happened ta all that confidence Hime?" he shifted and I screamed again, making him sprinkle kissed along my neck. "Shhh-hh. Take a deep breath, its alright."

Pulling out slowly, he pounded back into me and I keened lowly, arching my back at the scorching sensation of being rubbed raw. He did it again, but this time he hit the bundle of nerves deep inside me that set my world on fire. My hips undulated and rolled up to meet his thrust eagerly. With every move he hit that spot, making my head swirl and my heart thump sporadically. Gin pulled my hips back each time so I jerked and shook wildly, reaching down to jerk myself off. It was all beginning to feel like too much.

"I'm gonna c-c-cum soon. ..that!" I wailed grasping his shoulders.

"Come fer me Hime. Shit yer so tight!" he groaned into my ear.

"Ah, Gin! A-are you gonna…are you gonna cum too?" I asked, almost like I was begging but he only grunted, slipping my legs onto his shoulders and I screamed again at the new angle.

"Yer so perfect Shiro, so innocent and perfect" he panted, the slap of our wet skin ringing out in the quiet house and he tensed, moving to pull out of me.

"No! I want you to come inside of me…I need to feel it."

Making a strangled sound, he rammed into me with several more thrust then came, coating my insides with hot sticky cum. I cried out, hiccupping on my tears and threw my head back, cuming at the same time; my body jerked and clenched around his cock harshly making him keep pumping to ride out the waves of his orgasm. Right when I was exploding I opened my eyes and saw thousands of dark pink sakura leaves floating past the window in tumult and thought _"That must be the most beautiful sight in the world. I wonder if I stay with Gin long enough, can I blossom the same way?" _

Closing my eyes, I felt Gin slip out to of me and I dropped my legs weekly to the ground. It felt as thought I had just battled a thousand men and I could no longer stand. He shimmied down my body, raising my legs and spreading them, exposing my raw entrance to his eyes.

"No, don't look…" I muttered weakly but he just chuckled gently pressing kissed up my thighs.

"And why not? I think I've seen all of yah now Hime."

" 'Cause its dirty…but…Gin look at all the petals outside…so pretty" I mumbled, half asleep.

"Not more pretty that you. You're all mine now, no one's ever going to take you away from me. No matter how far you go, I'll always be one step behind.

My brows furrowed in thought, the words seeming oddly possessive but I didn't care. I had everything I wanted so I wasn't going anywhere no matter what. The last thing I felt before I fell asleep was a soft kiss to my forehead as he ran his hands through my hair.

~~~l~~~

I woke up confused back in Gin's bedroom, back in the present. It was dark outside now and the moon bounced eerily off the snow outside the window. Somewhere between screaming and reminiscing about how I fell in love with Gin, I had fallen asleep. Looking around, I saw that the door was slightly ajar now, like someone had come in to check on my. My body moved before I could stop myself, heavy footsteps leading me down the hall to the reading room of my memories. Surprisingly enough, I found Gin there, sitting on the pillowed ledge, and looking out at the snow covered yard. He looked over at me when I entered smiling softly, just the way I remembered him. I broke down.

Flying across the room, I knelt at his feet, throwing myself across his lap and my arms around his waist with a chocked sob. It felt like I had done so much crying in the last few days that it could last me a life time. He never moved to touch me and if not for his steady breathing I wouldn't know he was there.

"I love you Gin, I love you more than you'll ever know and I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. Its just so hard sometimes to think that you love me too. I-I-I don't know what to do with myself! Please just tell me what to do and I'll do it…" I cried shamelessly into his lap, pulling on his shirt.

He bent over and pulled me into his arms, cradling me against his chest. "I'll tell yah what Hime. Hows about yah take this as a lesson, remember ta listen ta me and in exchange I'll ferget all about this lil incident, ne? That way yah can stay with me and I wont have to hit yah for a long, long time." he proposed merrily and tilted my chin to face him.

"Whatever you want, I'll do it. I just want to be with you. Just as long as you never leave me I'll do whatever it takes to stay, if you love me."

"I love yah Toshiro. You're all mine and no one's ever going to take you away from me because no matter how far you go, I'll always be one step behind."

As we kissed in the icy moonlight, those familiar words brought me untold amounts of comfort. Even if I died all alone, it wouldn't matter because he had loved me more than any person in my lifetime ever had and I should be grateful for that. Sure, a piece of me would always wonder how we got from kissing under the bleachers and holding hands in spring to this level of madness but it didn't matter at the moment. For now, all I could do was resign myself to not run him and hopefully Gin would love me for the rest of my days. So much of all I had become was because of Gin; he had melted my icy exterior and saved me from loneliness, just like he promised; maybe now I could finally blossom just like those sakura trees in the spring.

**And now we will continue onto the presesnt. I hope everyone enjoyed that as much as I did! And I know I said Toshi wouldnt be having any sexy time because he was so young but...i took creative liscense =D I thought it was time. My mind is still buzzing in joy from seeing Gin have so much screen time in the manga so I'm gonna take all this pent up happiness and write some more! My succubus muse is getting fidgety *crack of whip* so review for me my lovies and calm her down before she beats me to death. pretty please? 0_0**

p.s. special Hello and kisses to Ash4ever! Thank you for reading and i hope you come back, so welcome to the world of Lock and Key!


	9. Racing Hearts

**Back again with another update people. How are these long chapters working for you? (waits to hear everyone say they love it) yeah, yeah i thought so. *sigh* Okay, not to be a story whore, but i wrote the first chapter for that Shinji/Nnoi story i had in mind so if you could kindly skip on over to my profile and check it out, that would be sexy. Oh and review and tell me if i should continue or not, ne? =D Lovely. Now, i would like to warn everybody that starting from this chapter, things are going to get dramalicious. if at any point in a chapter after this you arent following me anymore, speak up! i'll try to rewrite it into something more pleasurable/believable. **

**Breathexfreely: indeed i think i drooled on myslelf in the last manga chapters when my suspicions were confimred that Gin was indeed a good guy. its offical, i want to do him. DOWN WITH AIZEN (not really because hes sexy). Here you go with the present time, much more sad drama. T_T**

**Maru de kusanagi: why thank you, i tried to make the whole "toshi's-first-time" all sweet and slightly creepy. glad it was enjoyed.**

**Savagehunger47- yes my savagepimp, i tried to make it especially smutty, filled with cream and licking just for you. mwahahaha! nah jk, thats just my dirty mind. Gin was definately doing some major flirtage (i.e. flicking his hair, licking his lips, touching toshi extra dirty) hes just very sly with it.**

**ash4ever- then go read my story! lol jk no pressure...none at all to read and review my story which will make me feel like a failure if it is unloved...=D. Everyone likes those hormones. as a girl whos fallen prey to it more than once, i've got to say they are something to recon with.**

**Duril93- Wahhhhh so cool! and now you've got the net! have fun in all you Germany-goodness =D (its rainy where i am. *frown*)**

**Yay everybody, its time for the present! are you ready? You sure? Okay, lets go! Read, review, enjoy!**

**I've also been falling short on my smutty warnings so... WARNING: this contains boyxboy, dirty smutty yaoi madness. dont like, dont read! also, i dont own bleach. id i did, rukia would be dead. very, very dead. or a man to match her annoying manliness. Here is Racing Hearts.**

~~Racing Hearts~~

Two weeks passed after the "incident", as Gin and I have dubbed it, and since our agreement things had progressed decently. He had not hit me once in the two week time span and we had jerkily fallen back into the swing of things. Daily I struggled to keep my promise and do everything Gin wanted without question, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. The same thought kept tugging against on my mind: why was Gin so against M. University? Most people would call me mad for still harping on this issue after I had seen the effect it could have, but I was like a dog with a bone. Sure, Gin claimed that it was too far away from home and that he didn't want to move, which was understandable since his house was undoubtedly amazing. But a little voice in the back of my mind kept telling me there was something else to that explanation, that he was hiding something because anytime he saw or heard me speak about M.U., a dark agitated shadow cast over his face. On those silent mornings curled up next to Gin in bed, I picked at the idea relentlessly. Gin himself had gone to M. University as a teen and it was one of the best in the country, so I knew it couldn't be that he thought the school wasn't good enough for me. As far as I knew, nothing horrible had ever happened in college. His record was flawless, which was another reason why his flippant attitude towards the topic left me feeling unsettled. Everything Gin had ever told me about himself was spotless. It was as though there was no blemishes in his life. Work, school, jobs after college, what he did with his money and time…it was all accounted for. The only topic we had never really covered was his family. The few times I had brought it up, he glazed over the details, that dark look coming over his face again and he had abruptly ended the conversation.

From what I did know his life was somewhat like mine as a child: unfulfilling and very lonely. However, I also knew both his parents had died suddenly, leaving him to be raised by a family friend, one who was never elaborated on or explained in depth. And I had never really pressed for more information, knowing that talking about my family was a topic I would rather leave untouched as well. Being the only two things that didn't check out in Gin's life story I thought M. University and his family must be related in some way and decided it was time to educate myself. For the first time ever, I realized I was completely in the dark about Gin's life and I needed to rectify that. My senses screamed that I should forget the idea all together; It would be highly dangerous to go snoop around and if Gin found out…I'm not sure how angry he would be. Yet, how was it that he knew everything about me, while I deserved to know so little about him? So everyday when Gin was out, making those quiet phone calls or locked up in that his "private office" I took it upon myself to scour the house.

By Valentines Day I was thoroughly exhausted and the search had been less than fruitful. Worse that that, at the strangest times, I would catch Gin giving me odd sidelong glances. Ever the perceptive one, he repeatedly asked me if something was bothering me; I replied no. No matter how understanding he _pretended _to be, if I asked Gin to tell me what it was he was so afraid of me finding out about M.U., I would get no answer and a rather painful distraction. So I woke up extra early on February 14th - after making sure Gin was still asleep - to get continue my investigations as well as make breakfast in case he wondered why I had snuck out of bed. Sneaking down the hall, I stopped in front of the only room in the house I had never entered in all the four years I had been with Gin. It was his private office, which I was curiously enough forbidden from entering on the grounds of severe punishment.

When I was 15, the command seemed genuine enough: what adult would want someone snuffling around in their workspace? But as time passed, the idea seemed ridiculous and then quite suspicious. Yes, it was clear he was hiding something, but what would require an entire room? Even stranger was that it locked from the outside and whenever he entered he would be locked in there for hours. I never listened at the door in the fear that he would discover me but the idea became quite appealing in the past few days. Turning the knob slightly, I sighed in frustration, hoping against my better judgment he might have left it open. But it wasn't. The only clue I had about the key to the door was the knob; each doorknob and its respective key had little matching insignias. This one had a round eye stamped onto it that would be easy to spot on a key but I had never seen it around. Deciding to try another location before Gin woke up, I crept down the steps and into the den.

Gin's den had a large desk taking up the far corner and two bookcases on either side, ranging in subject matter from how-to-do hobbies to the Darwin Theory. Leaving the door slightly ajar, I tip-toed to the desk, and leaned over to riffle through the papers on top. There were receipts, this months bills, different kinds of stock readings and letters all scribbled on with his elegant handwriting, but nothing to connect him to M.U. Another odd thought popped into my head; for someone whose alma matter was such a prestigious school, I hadn't seen any college memorabilia besides the red sweater he gave to me years ago. Encouraged by this new found realization, I slid around the desk stooping to go through the drawers. Nothing inconspicuous was there either, just more papers but in the last one I found a photo album. Predictably, it contained pictures that we had taken together on the beach, in the snow, in bed…most of them were just me. It made me feel bubbly inside to see that there was a big heart drawn around a picture of me sleeping, which I had not known he'd taken. Feeling more than childish and a little deflated that there had been nothing incriminating, I was about to but the album back but a picture tucked between the pages slid out. Thinking it would be me again, I sat down in front of the book case, but was surprised to see a young looking Gin standing next to a tall man with chocolate brown hair falling around his face with wire rimmed glasses and a regal smile. I had never seen him before and he was quite handsome, but looked shady in his white suit. Flipping the picture over, there was writing that looked a lot like Gin's but it was unpolished and childish. Plus there was a little smiley face in the upper right hand corner. _"Dear god…it's a picture from his childhood! I know this isn't his father, I've seen him before, so who is this guy?"_

"Mah mah, yer awake early Hime but what 're yah doin in here?" I heard Gin drawl from across the room and nearly jumped out of my skin.

Quickly tucking the picture between two books and slipping another into my hand I turned to him in surprise "Ahh! You scared me Gin! What are you doing up already?"

"I think I asked yah first," he said, narrowing his eyes and walking closer. He looked closely at the desk but everything was in place. Before sitting I had put the album back in the drawer and closed it. He gripped my shoulder firmly.

"Well, actually I woke up early to cook you breakfast because its Valentines Day and there was a special recipe I was looking for. Thanks for ruining the surprise," I said, faking anger. Flipping the book in my hand over, I showed him the cookbook I'd snagged hastily.

For a minute he just stared and my stomach sank at the thought that I'd been caught. "Sorry Shiro-chan," he said with a wide smile "but I got worried when yah weren't in bed. In fact I missed yah." Gin bent, running his tongue over my lips and I shivered. He had only slipped on a robe over his boxers so his entire chest was exposed. I couldn't resist running my hands over his hard stomach in awe.

"Its ok… But now that you've ruined breakfast, the least you could do is make it yourself, which means no special treat for you." I said agitatedly. He laughed and kissed me.

"Mmm, what a lil extortionist! Yer bossy, even on Valentines Day."

"It's the price you pay for love. Now come on, I want some pancakes."

He picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and carried me to the kitchen, kissing me all the way there. I was happy for the easy out and with a little enthusiasm, Gin was thoroughly distracted from my suspicious behavior. Sitting me on the gray, gold flecked countertops, he moved away to start cooking. As the room filled with the smell of coffee, eggs and hot waffles, I tried to piece together what I'd seen in the odd photo. Gin had looked around my age in it, his creepy smile present even then but he seemed much colder and unhappy. He was leaning against the chair of the brown haired man casually, one arm resting around the top of its high back, while the other sat confidently in a white suit and his legs crossed, an indulgent smile on his lips. Behind them was a large glass window that seemed to overlook some sort of lawn with high building in the background but I couldn't tell what the scene was since Gin had come in at that exact moment. What I did remember was that there had been a name written on the back, yet I couldn't spell it out. What did it say…

"Ne, ne. What are yah thinkin about so early in the mornin?" Gin asked very close to my face. I hadn't seen him approach and I jumped a little again. "Yer mighty jumpy too. Are yah sure yer all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just got lost in thought again. I was wondering what you got me for Valentines Day. I couldn't find the present anywhere." I lied swiftly, hoping it would work.

"Eh, I didn't get yah anythin, seein as how yah don't like me buyin yah gifts and all" he said smugly, placing both hands on either side of my body.

"Be quiet, you know that's not true. I love gifts from you, just not ones that cost the price of a small village." I snipped. "Besides, there's no way you didn't get me something. You know the consequences for that."

"Oh?" he asked darkly with a smile "And what would that be?"

"No Valentines Day sex. And it was going to be so good this year."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Yah sure know how ta hit a man where it hurts, but I think yer willpower would need some more work before that " I blushed and looked away. "Ah, don't pout I got yer present, but it aint in the house… so yah can stop lurkin around" he said with a tilt of the head.

"Really? What is it!" I gushed, brushing off the feeling that he was getting at something else.

"Yuh'll just have ta wait until tonight," he said happily, passing me a cup of coffee and moving away.

I was a little miffed about being kept waiting, but my distraction had mostly worked again so it didn't really matter. Sipping the steaming coffee, I plotted on how to find the key to that office and further inspecting the picture. First I would have to get Gin out of the house.

"Fine, but you have to leave this afternoon. I need time to set up your present too."

"Mmm. I was gonna take yah with me ta get yer gift but that'll work too," he froze while setting two plates of food on the table "Toshiro, if yer not here when I get back though…"

Our eyes locked across the room and I froze too. The thought of escape genuinely hadn't even crossed my mind. For less than a second I started formulating how I _could_ get away but it soon disappeared. Hoping off the counter I walked over to him, putting my arms around his bare waist.

"Gin, I wasn't planning on running, I swear," he looked unconvinced so in a low voice I said "Look, if you come back and I'm not here, you can tie me up and do whatever you want for as long as you want."

His eyebrows shot up, his red eyes opening "That's assuming I'm back soon enough ta catch yah."

"But you wont have to catch me because I'll be right here waiting for you. You said you would forget what happened Gin, but it doesn't work if you don't trust me."

We both looked at each other, searching for some sign of trust in the other's eyes. He peered at me intensely, like his gaze would weld me to the floor and I tried to keep myself from crumbling and I was just about to fold… until Gin frowned, his eyes slipping shut again "Two hours, I'll be back by seven. But if yer not here when I get back, we'll see just how far mah patience goes."

Smiling brightly, I leaned across the table to kiss him and the tense mood disappeared, leaving us to eat in silence. After nibbling our way through breakfast, I started some chores and Gin was off to grade more end of the year term papers in his upstairs office. At around two o' clock, I made off to the bedroom deciding to call my parents and update them on how I was doing, although they hadn't called me in over a month. The reason I was currently living with Gin was because sometime last year, my father had been transferred to a city farther away from Karakura, making it impossible for him to travel home every night, even with a private chauffeur. After promising me that this would have been our last move, my selfish parents had developed amnesia and decided that moving again would be the best choice. To make a long story short, I had blown my top, screaming that they couldn't do this to me again and took off, finding myself at Gin's door in tears. The same night he called my parents, saying I had come to him, fearing that I would have to make friends all over again and that the move might mess up my chances of entering a good college. Since I had always been his most devoted student, he offered to house me for my last year of high school. Flabbergasted that the rich and charming Ichimaru Gin would be willing to take in such an unruly child like me, my parents hastily agreed. So when January of senior year rolled around, I packed my bags and had been with Gin for the past month.

Though they had never sold out house - in fact the furniture and decorations were still in tact- it was practically deserted now. Anyway, I called them telling them everything was going fine and to enjoy their Valentines Day alone, covering my scoff when my father mentioned my mother had slipped out to have an early dinner with a "friend" in town…what a clueless man. Briefly, I thought about phoning Momo too; after the "incident" I had never been able to explain to her why I was a no show. She had called my cell phone twice but each time, Gin intercepted and pulled out the battery with a snarl and sharp shove. It was safe to say he hated her, after hearing about the little crush she used to have on me; to make matters worse, I had run to her two times before and when he came to get me, she proceeded to bar the doorway, making threats to call the cops if he didn't leave; it was a rather nasty showdown that had me bedridden for days when I returned. Thus, Gin had grown to despise her as well as our friendship. Just from that reminder, I quickly vetoed that idea in fear of Gin's wrath if he discovered I had called _her_ on Valentines Day. Not a good idea.

For the rest of the afternoon the most pressing matter at hand was to get the house ready for our night together. He had finally left around five and I had no time to snoop around since I really did have plans for us tonight. I showered, sprinkled crimson red rose petals from the door, down the foyer into the living room (which circled around the plethora of cushions I'd set up on the floor), dimmed all the lights, lit candles and the fireplace in the living room as well, and finally slid into my surprise. It was a pair of red lace boxer shorts that I had bought as a joke until I thought of how Gin would react to me in them. Besides that, the only thing I wore was the old red M. University sweater that barely brushed my upper thigh. A part of me feared he would get that dark look on his face from the M.U. logo, but with the right explanation it wouldn't matter. I hadn't done it for shock value; it was so we would focus on how we used to feel when we'd fallen in love. I even pulled out the silver locked from the jewelry box in our bedroom, which I only wore on special occasions.

After everything was set, I rushed back into the den, hastily shifting through the bottom row of books until I found the picture again. I had miscalculated my time and there was only about 10 minutes left until Gin came back. Stuffing the picture beneath a loose floorboard in the back of our closet, I rushed back downstairs before I could even get a chance to look at it again. Just as I had settled down onto the cushions, I heard the front door open; taking his time, Gin walked down the foyer, following the path of roses into the living room an stopped cold. His eyes zeroed in on the sweater logo, then back to my face with restrained irritation.

"You're back," smiled, walking over to him. "Where's my present?" I decided to ignore the fierce look he was giving the sweater and ran my hands up his chest instead. For a moment he only eyeballed the sweater then tilted his head curiously.

"Close yer eyes." I did, hearing the click of a jewelry box. Before I could peak, I felt something cold slid around my right ring finger. Snapping my eyes open, I saw the shine of pure gold reflecting off the fireplace and pulled my hand back sharply to stare at it.

"Gin…tell me this isn't real gold! You promised no expensive gifts this time!"

"I made yah no such promise" he said scowling at my harsh glare "besides, it's only a ring. It doesn't say anythin more than what we already know: yer all mine."

Something was very off with him and with the way he spoke, making me feel as though an unexpected storm was brewing. Twisting my finger, I could see something engraved on the outside along with a little heart.

"It says 'My heart is in you're hands.' I got one too if it makes yah feel any better" he whispered, pulling his right hand out to intertwine with mine. "Its like were married, ne? Yah _really_ cant run now."

Suddenly, it felt like I couldn't breath and as I struggled to cope with my feelings my body went cold. I didn't know whether to be terrified or overjoyed. On one hand, he was basically proposing to me, letting the world know somebody loved me. On the other, it felt like he was putting a gold collar on me so that without a doubt, he could see my golden light, no matter how far I ran. I tried so hard not to feel like that, but the sense of ownership and hopelessness was closing in on me. The metal felt tight, unmoving and oddly heavy, like it was weighing me down. If I wore it, that meant I was bound to him in everyway possible and I couldn't help but shiver at how small the room suddenly felt.

"So lil princess…whats all this?" he asked slowly, bunching the fabric of the sweater in his hands like it was filth.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped back and said, "It's the wrapping for your gift." then slowly unzipped the red sweater and letting it fall away. His eyes popped open and roved over my body, trailing a hot path across the red underwear.

"Yare yare…I don't think we'll be leavin the livin room tonight," he said, shrugging out of his jacket and pulling his shirt over his head. Pulling me into him, Gin kissed me hotly, making me so lost in the kiss that I only distantly realized he was gripping both of my wrist between out bodies. Then, there was an audible snap and I felt cold metal on my skin. I looked down to see red handcuffs on me, thinking "_This night has taken a very wrong turn…"_

"Yah said we needed to work on our trust so why not start by trustin meh with yer body?" he with a bright red stare. But there was something foreboding in his words. This little experiment could go very bad very quickly and with the way Gin was looking at me, I knew it would. "Ne ne, I think _trust_ is somethin we definately need more practice with."

He roughly pulled me into a searing kiss that broke the skin of my bottom lip, red droplets dribbling down the side of my mouth. Thoughts of pain kept swirling through my head but I was too scared and enthralled to really protest. Whatever Gin had planned would happen whether I wanted it to or not. Repeatedly, my quivering body bumped against his hard cock and he ground our hips together tightly, gnawing on my neck. My head flew back and I made to move away but he sharply smacked my ass until I reluctantly put my chained hands over his head. Long fingers ran up my torso to pull at my nipples, teasing them back and forth into hardness. Still quivering I brushed against him so he could feel my erection through the lace. With a groan into my lips, he tried to push me down but I swiveled and fell, scampering away on my backside. The fiery look in his eyes was startling, but I spoke before he could "I-I-its Valentines Day and I want to do something for you…" I gasped hoping he would relent. My body had lit up like a burning house, every inch of my skin hyperaware of every sensation, because I was waiting for the pain to come.

Gin's jaw unclenched when he saw me shift forward warily until I was sitting in between his legs. I moved my bound hands down his chest, sucking one pale nipple into my mouth. His hand slid down my back to cup my ass and squeezed, before smacking it lightly. I jerked, biting down on the same nipple before sliding over to the other one giving it the same treatment. Sliding further down his body, I kissed my way to his cock, ghosting my lips across the pulsing head. Gripping him tightly, I jerked with taunt upwards strokes, dipping my head to kiss and suck on each of his balls. "Oh fuck, just like that" he muttered with a sigh as he threaded his fingers through my hair, leaning back over the couch to sigh. I pressed my thumb against his perineum and his stomach muscles contracted with a snap of his hips. Just then, my mouth closed over his leaking cock, swallowing him as deep as I could take him into my throat. "FUCK!" he moaned, his cock twitching in my mouth. The grip in my hair tightened to an unbearable amount until my eyes began to water. Sloshing wetly around him, I tightened my lips and tickled the thick vein underneath his cock with my tongue. With another harsh suck, I swallowed him again and he leaned back on the cushions, pushing himself as far into my throat as he could go and creamy streams of cum shot down my mouth. Instinct kicked in and I gulped quickly to catch every last drop, the hot liquid scalding in my stomach.

I looked up at him with watery eyes, pulling away to bite my lip anxiously. "Gin…you-u wont hurt me tonight, right? I've been so good and…" The blank glazed stare in his eyes told me that my words were sliding right past him and into the abyss.

"Get on you're hands and knees, ass in the air" he ground out, reaching down to stroke his still semi-hard cock.

"Gin what did I do? You promise we would stop for a while. Please, Please-" I kept muttering my please even as I bent face first into the cushions, my upturned ass efficiently exposing my twitching hole.

"Yer body don't seem all that scared, Hime. Looks like yer already twitchin fer more" he growled and moved behind me. I only pressed my face deeper, praying that my heart was racing from fear, not anticipation.

Cool fingers circled the back of my neck, pressing me down in a vice grip and he dipped down to spread my cheeks with the other had. An unexpected warm tongue circled my entrance to then lick from my balls up my crack with a loud slurp. Shudders rolled through me and my fingers bit into the plush red pillows for stability. It wasn't long before the tongue had wormed its way inside of me and jabbed repeatedly against my sweet spot with precision till I wriggled restlessly under Gin's firm hold. In a move that seemed like a dirty French kiss, his mouth pulled from me with a pop and I whined, pushing my ass in the air for more. As though the move was expected, Gin shot up rigidly on his knees behind me and I felt a punishing slap register onto my cheeks. No sound escaped me at the first hit, but his had was racing down again, spanking me silly.

"Arghh! No, no! Shit, stop Gin….ughh…oh my god!" I screeched trying to pull away. Another well aimed hit landed shooting flaming tingles up my spine.

"_Stop Gin Stop_" He sang in a mocking voice, delivering three more bruising slaps to my reddened cheeks "Do yah really want me to? Or are yah just tryin to save face?"

"Fuck, please not anymore!" I wailed. Each hit crushed my ego making me feel small and helpless "You sick fuck, why would I want this?" He didn't even pause but snatched my hair and yanked my neck back at a very awkward angle that almost snapped my spine.

The hand that had held my head down now snaked around to grasp my thoat harshly "Ne ne, such a dirty mouth. Maybe I should take out the belt," he hissed and I jerked forwards with a "no" on my lips. He only laughed "Yer right, not tonight. But maybe tomorrow and the night after that and the one after that…" he hummed, spanking me again.

"STOP IT! Oh shit…" I wheezed out, dizzy from the lack of air and his thick words. My screams stuck to my throat and my eyes rolled back into my head.

"Yare, looky here!" he called out in awe "Seems like yer enjoyin it more than yah say yah are 'casue yer drippin all over" he mused, fisting my leaking erection tightly.

Truthfully, I hadn't realized that I was still hard. In my mind the burning coils in my stomach were attributed to my anger and pain but then again, when had pain and pleasure ever been separated for us?

"I-I-I…I don't want this! Gin I-I cant breath, please stop…"

Suddenly, he pulled back and I heard him spit into his hand. Bright red warning signals went off in my head; he wasn't even going to use lube. Just as I was about to protest, he positioned himself at my entrance and slammed into me. My eyes felt as though they would pop out of me and surely there was something torn. But when I opened my mouth to scream, a stream of curses and moans fell out as I clenched painfully around his hot cock, white lights exploding behind my eyes before I saw pure red. I had cum, the red handcuffs clinking in the distance as I felt Gin continue to pound into me.

"Mah Toshiro. If yer gonna come that fast, yah might need a cock ring in addiction to that gold band I gave yah. If this is how yah act when yah don't like it, imagine what would happen in yah did!" He whispered in my ear, our hips slapping together as he dragged me back onto his hot flesh.

"Oh. Shit. Oh. My. God. Right. There. Ohmygod!" My arms shook wildly as he kept jerking my dick with strong sure strokes. He was hitting my prostate with each ram, my body spasming wildly. I quickly came again and my arms gave out. My head lolled to the side and I let him fuck me hard, thinking he would come quickly. But he kept hitting that spot again and again and I came, screaming in a phantom orgasm. "No more, Gin, no more…I cant…cum anymore"

He thrust into me a few more times, then pulled out to flip me over. I barely caught my breath before he was inside me again, pounding furiously. His eyes were open and he was looking at me with a dangerously furious look I wasn't expecting. I turned away in shock.

"Look at me damnit!" he snarled, gripping my jaw to whip my head back "Do you think I haven't seen you snooping around the house recently? Did you really think I wasn't watching every move you made? What the hell are you looking for!"

My hips stopped moving and had I not been in the middle of a very intimate moment, I'm sure I would have thrown up. As it was, the burn in my heart felt as though I would suffocate from the searing pain.

"I was just…looking" I gasped pathetically. The death grip on my throat tightened drastically. _"Is he really going to kill me?"_ I thought hazily, fighting for air.

"What the fuck for!"

"I was. Just curious…about you! You hide everything from me and -Oh God I'm gonna come again!" I screamed and cried as another dry orgasm ripped through me.

Still twitching when he pulled out with a loud pop, my chained hands reached up to pull on his hair tightly, feeling a few strands tear. One hand pumped himself furiously and the other stayed tight on my neck. With two strokes I saw creamy cum splatter across my stomach and chest, searing my skin as it hit. We stayed hunched, breathing in rugged gasp for a long time; no one wanted to speak. His head lolled forward to brace against my sweaty forehead, slackening his death grip on my neck as I gripped at his face in cupped hands. Gathering my senses I whispered the words to him my heart begged me to say.

"Do you know how it feels….. to be completely left in the dark about the one you love? How long did you think it would be before I noticed that you're hiding things from me! For someone so intent on the truth from _me_, why do you always get to lie?" I ended angrily, frightened he wouldn't answer.

He stayed on all fours for a second before standing and retrieving the keys for the handcuffs. Walking back to me, Gin yanked my arms out, unlocking them quickly and tossing the cuffs to the side. My wrist were rubbed raw, the red manacles seeming to still be on me and my ass felt as though a bomb had gone off inside of me but I pushed the pain aside.

"You're curiosity is gonna be the death of you _and_ me Toshiro. Since when is it your place to question anything I do? If I'm hiding something, I'm doing it for us and no matter how much you sneak around behind my back, you wont find anything unless I want you to. Because _I_ control you." His scarlet eyes flashed and bored into my own. Perhaps he hoped I would cave, but as I heard his arrogant statement I felt burning anger rise in my chest.

"…Yes, you control _me_. But you seem to barely be able to control yourself these days! You've changed Gin, this isn't the man I fell in love with. For the longest while I've been thinking its something I've done wrong, that I changed, but that's not it's!" I snapped and his glare intensified. "What happened to us, huh? What have we become since the day you gave me this sweater? And what is it about M.U. that you're not telling me! " I yanked back and slid till I was sitting with my hands between my knees; The red sweater sat across my lap like thick reminder of the past, weighing me into the ground. I knew I was testing the waters by arguing with him but I wouldn't stop, couldn't stop. Would no one in my life ever be completely honest with me? Of all the people in the world, I never thought Gin would make me feel this unsure of myself and I was terrified things were falling apart.

Gin's eyes closes and a sneer spread across his face like the room was suddenly foul. Tilting his head, he spoke darkly "Is that what this is about again, M.U.? Do you want to know what I was thinking when I gave you that useless sweater? I was wishing that I could drive you to my house that day and tie you up so I could paint all the different hues of red across your flesh like a bruised mural and see just how long you would last before screaming for me to stop, blood smeared across your legs. With your skin pasted against that wet school shirt, I couldn't stop thinking of all the different ways you would end up soaked in your own tears when I got you alone. But you weren't ready for all that, so I threw that on you to keep myself from pulling over and pummeling you senseless. I can guarantee you that is the only good memory I have connected to M. University or the sweater, but if you want to keep exploring this little obsession of yours with my college days, go ahead. Its only gonna hurt you in the end and I'll still get to see all those pretty, different shades of red."

It was almost funny how Gin could make my blood run from hot to cold so quickly; how I could love him with an intensity that would make most people cringe and hate him with a deep set fear most never experienced. None of this was making any sense. There was no reason for him to have this much hatred towards me finding out about his past; something was very very wrong; he was trying way too hard. Slowly, I moved to my feet and slid the sweater over my shoulders, quick to hide my nakedness from such an ugly man. My body trembled but I couldn't tell if it was in fury or something much darker.

"Damnit, Gin." I muttered "You keep trying to sugar coat your bullshit with shiny gold rings and kisses. But I know you just as well as you think you know me and I know why you wont tell me what's really going on. Sneaking into your "private office" when you think I'm sleeping and doing god knows what till the early morning. So what's the plan now that we both know I'm not a complete idiot? Are you going keep me here and smack me around until you've completely broken my heart? You can do whatever you want with me and I'll let you do it because I love you, but are you willing to take the chance that I come to hate you in the end?" He stood quickly, wide eyed and fuming to slap me hard across the face. Smoothly his hands snaked around my neck in a vice grip, tilting my face up to his own.

"Toshiro, do not test my patience. You have already angered me enough with your little crusade for the truth" leaning in, his breath fanned my face "Whatever you think is going on is none of your business and its because _I_ love _you_ that I wont skin you alive for even trying. But if you keep this up, I cant promise your well being." Pushing me away he turned to leave. "Now clean this room up."

"Don't you dare walk away from me" I called, fist clenched against my sides "After all the things I've given up for you, you cant shut me out like this. We're not done damnit!"

"YES WE ARE!" he roared, turning back around "Because I say so and I never say anything without meaning it. The sooner you learn that, the better it will be for all of us."

My watery eyes burned with some crazy mixture of hate and fascination "Okay Gin" I whispered "whatever you want. Its always whatever you want, isn't it? What about me? In what part of this relationship do we do something that _I_ want?"

"Ne ne I'm not sure you even know what that is. Your so tied up in circles that you leave everything up to _me_ to decide, so please tell me, what do you want Toshiro?"

I looked him dead in the eyes "I'm starting to think that it's something you may never be able to give me." Silence passed like a storm wind and I knew I had hit his weak spot: his fear that he would never be able to keep me satisfied. "I'll take whatever _you want _to give me so long as you remember one thing: if this keeps up, whatever we have between us isn't going to be enough eventually and in the end I'm going to _leave_ and find exactly what it is that _I want. _Without you._"_

The murderous look on his face would have made me quake moments earlier but right now I was too heated to care. That less than subtle threat of me leaving again hung in the air like a dense cloud looming above us. Yes, my plans to quietly dig for information had fallen through nearly as soon as I made them but I couldn't give up. No matter how much I bluffed, I still wanted this man with a passion, more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. So if I had to be beaten into a pulp and fight him tooth and nail, so be it. One way or another he would tell me what I needed to know. I just wasn't sure if I would survive the fight and as we squared off in another ultimatum, I prayed that all these secrets would come to light sooner rather than later because I didn't know if my racing heart could take anymore of a beating than it already had.

**Whooaaaa. Tenseness, ne? sorry, i've been writing like Gin for so long i found myself saying "ne, ne!" to my mom and she looked at me like i swallowed a frog. hehehe. Poor little toshi. You know, when i was writing those mental mandatory Flashback Chapters, all that fluffy goodness appealed to me. when this is all over, i think i might just go back and write some more of thier history. what do you think? i've got the name of the story picked out and everything (not telling, its a secret). Those two have had alot of past drama that wasnt always this...violently mind fuckery. mind games, yes. violent...slightly less. Tell me if yah like my idea, ne? anywho, review and make my mailbox explode with all the alerts, so much so that my computer crash from the reviewing overloady goodness! bye lovelies!**


	10. Dangerous Games

**Well hello there! I was so surprised about the respone I got to the last chapter, I didnt expect anyone to like it! Seriously, its one of my least favorite chapters, i thought it was a little messy and...unpolished so...SUPER THANK YOU. Gave me some confidence back *shy smile* Anyway, I was inspired to update by two things (besides my moral obligation to my wonderful readers) 1) there were so many reviews and nice things said, i just had to. 2) I read the last chapter of bleach and needed to keep myself busy before i jumped off a ledge. I will not spoil but...the love of my life may...oh god *goes in corner to sob pathetic tears* We wont speak of it, it was too emotional for me so moving on...here is the next chapter: Dangerous Games. Read, Review, Enjoy!**

**Be warned of another beating to rival the one Toshi got in the first chapter so...yeah. **

SavageHunger47- i think those are the hottest undies ever, had to put him in them. i'm so glad you got the thing about the ring, on point with your analysis! So afraid to love him but more afraid to lose him...smh. poor puppy.

Duril93- Hehehehe I'm not telling! you'll have to wait and see what else I've got in store *evil cackle* You are the second person to tell me that song, which i was already thinking of so as of now readers Love The Way You Lie is the second official song of Lock and Key (Still Alive by Lisa Miscovsky is still the first and best, or at least to me).

Breathexfreely- oh I'm sorry, i completely missed the rest of your review because i was busy wonder how you could possibly be doing my soulmate...weird, i think you've got Gin confused with someone else. Lmao. jk! (but no, hes mine. I'm just lying about Toshi, its really me hes madly in love with. in fact we're doing it right now...lol) Glad i could make you scream at your computer, means I'm doing something right!

mylittlenekoshiro- what can i say, you are like one of the best reviewers ever. thank you soo much. i will definately try to make th sequel all angsty and painful, just for you. lol And aww sweetie i didnt mean to give you nightmares! but if that creeped you out...this chapter is just...yeah, read it! lol

kihana94- mwahahah! no one was expecting the surprise-after-sex-attack, its Gin's best ninja move. lol. I loved imagining him mocking Toshi, hes got such a jerk voice when he needs to use it. Once again, I'm not telling, you'll just have to see =D

~~ Dangerous Games~~

Slap!

Slap!

Slap!

Slap!

The wet snap of our skin was projected in the dark room, bouncing back at us off the walls and echoing in my head like a drum. Wet lips and sweaty thighs pressed against each other again and again, my head swirling from the heady sent of Gin. This game we were playing, it was such a dangerous game of cat and mouse and in every scenario I was the pray. The helpless mouse that got cornered and preyed upon like the wretched animal I was. What was so sick about it was that when it all boiled down, I would end up right here; dropped into Gin's hot lap, waiting for my punishment and pleasure but It was so hard to remember if I was mad or ecstatic when he was pounding into me relentlessly.

"Gin" I whispered "Please."

He leaned over my shoulder and gave me a hot wet kiss, sucking on my tongue like he could drink me in. Truthfully, I had no clue what I was begging for; I didn't know what to ask for but I knew I needed _something_, something to make me feel more secure. It was early in the morning as far as I could tell. A bright glimmer of light had shone on my face when Gin entered the room a while ago but I knew had been here for at least two days. Enraged by my little daring outburst and threat of escaping - once again - Gin had taken measures to make sure I couldn't walk, let alone run. We went to bed on Valentines Day equally hurt, sleeping as far away from each other as possible and I had dreaded the following day. But in the morning, I awoke in a dark room, on a cold cement floor and completely naked. For a minute, I struggled to understand what was going on: until I saw the ropes wrapped tightly around my wrist. They were knotted in an expert fashion and strung my arms up over my head, through the wooden beams above and was holstered by a thick stake drove into the floor a foot out of my reach. I was in the basement.

After a few lonely hours, Gin came with food but never spoke a word, even when I spit it out and demanded he release me. He simply left after that…and returned with the leather belt. No mercy was shown and I was whipped senseless, blubbering the whole way through but refusing to apologize. If I swallowed my pride and begged for forgiveness like a sinner, Gin would continue for a short while, then release me. But my mouth wouldn't form the words even when I knew I wanted to give up. Some part of me needed him to touch me, to make me flinch and squirm so I would know I was still alive. So I could remember that beneath my icy exterior I could still _feel_. So it continued for god knows how long and after that he left me alone again and hadn't returned until today, touching me softly but still not speaking. Perhaps that's what frightened me most.

"Oh. My….shit. Right there. Faster, please, yes faster!" I panted, rolling my hips downwards.

I was sitting in his lap, back to chest, and ridding him as best I could with my arms stretched so awkwardly. He had pulled me up even higher to settle beneath me and for the most part, put all the work into moving me by slamming me back down onto his hard cock. My toes barely brushed the floor, giving me little leverage to propel myself like I wanted to. Silently, my mouth opened into a scream of shock when I felt sharp teeth bite into the flesh of my neck where it joined my shoulder.

"Fuck! Gin I-I-I'm cumming!" A painful fist suddenly closed around my erection. "N-no! Fuck, just let me cum. Pleasssseeee" I whined thrashing from side to side.

For the first time, he spoke in a deep voice "Yah want ta cum Hime?" I nodded yes at a break neck speed, feeling his smile spread on my shoulder "Yer such a fuckin slut. Where's the control, ne? Just like that yah can spread yer legs and cum fer me, beggin with those soft pink lips." The words rasped harshly and I heard dark laugher in his chuckle.

"Yes, yes. I'm whatever you want me to be. I'd do anything for you Gin. You know that."

A powerful thrust knocked the wind out of me and he grabbed my hips, keeping me grounded on his pulsing member. It was pure torture to sit there balls deep, twitching around him while he held a vice grip on my neglected dick.

"Ahh, so yah say. That is of course, until yah leave me ne? What did you say again Shiro? Come on speak. My minds kinda hazy right now with yah grippin me so tight…" two hands traveled up my chest as he whispered in my ear "such a hot, tight ass. I'm gonna cum in yah again and again till it starts ta leak outa yer mouth. Come on, Hime, wheres all yer fire? Tell me just what yah said the other night."

"…I-I-I said I would leave…" I stuttered out dumbly, turned on and creeped out at the same time "that I would have to find what it is I wanted in life…without you."

"Ne, that's right! My lil' Shiro's got plans made all fer himself… but what the hell about me?" The words ripped out of his throat in a beastly manner. All of a sudden, he picked me up again and was pounding into me for all he was worth, making that echoing slapping sound return again. "What exactly is the plan, ne? Are yah gonna run off all by yerself again, sneak out of mah arms at night ta find these elusive dreams of yers? I thought _I _was yer dreams, yer future, yer LIFE! O' were those lies fallin from yer pretty lips?"

"Shit, shit, shit! Damnit, Gin you know that's not true! You are my - oh god, yes! - my everything. The only thing I've ever wanted."

"Maybe you'll go lookin for another man. Mah, mah, I bet thats it! Will yah let him fuck yah like this Hime? Do yah want him ta thrust into yah, balls deep, and spread yah so wide, yuh'll still be gappin even after he's shot his load? Ah, what a good whore yuh'll make… 'cause that's all yuh'll be if yah leave me: a nasty, good fer nuthin skank with a stretched out asshole fer anybody ta plow."

By now I was crying, shaking my head no at every word he said. Such nasty, deceitful lies about me spoken with such venom and conviction I almost feared it was true. "I wont do that, how could you-u even think that about me?" I sobbed miserably.

"Eh, how could I not! Yah let me pop yer cherry so quickly - just like any good whore would do - right there on the floor o' mah library! I know yah remember: we've done it outside, in the car, at school, on yer parent's bed…seems like yer never satisfied. If yah leave me, this slutty body of yers wont be able ta go too long without a nice hard fuck," Gin growled, ramming into me and I could feel his balls start to clench up. The knowledge that he was going to cum, all because of me nearly made me scream and even as he said all those horrible things, I still wanted more.

"You. Are. An. Ass! That's such bull and you know it. You want it just as much as me" I moaned, tightening myself around his twitching cock so he would gasp "Every time I see you I want it, any way you can give it to me and that's because its _you_. Its only ever been for you Gin, because I love you." His grip on my waist tightened at the words and his strokes lost control.

"You love me?"

"Yes!"

"Do you need me?"

"Oh god yes."

"And you'll never fuck anybody else, right! You'll stay with me?"

"Just you, baby never anyone else. Its just us. I love you."

With those words, he jerked again, and I felt the hot streams of cum enter my ass again and again. He hadn't taken his hands off the base of my cock yet, and I was wriggling madly, trying to get off as well. For a second, he leaned against the back of my neck, then slowly pulled out of me with a pop. "Shit, Gin please I want to cum so bad." He didn't answer, but instead lowered the rope so I could lie on my back on the hard concrete ground. Raising my legs and bracing them up with one arm, he dove down, swirling his tongue around my entrance while softly jerking my now purple cock. My head rolled back and I pressed upwards, trying to feel everything at once. Scorching cum dribbled down the back of my legs and I could feel him massaging my balls. Just when I thought I would die from the teasing, he jerked me hard, squeezing the head of my member and jabbed his tongue into my entrance. I didn't even hear myself scream until the sound came back to me, reverberating through my chest and I was crying again, shaking all over. Tiny cuts and bruises must have formed along my back because suddenly it stung to be pressed against the rough texture of the floor. Peering down I saw that I had indeed scraped my elbows and sides.

Gin was kneeling, both hands on my waist and his face pressed into my stomach breathing evenly like he was steadying his heart. As always I crumbled, heart clenching at the gentle image he made; I didn't want to fight anymore. "I'm sorry," I whispered reaching down to run the tips of my fingers through his hair as best my tied hands could "…I'm not leaving you, Gin. I just got angry and confused….There are so many liars in my life who have made me feel so hollow and cold that it scares me when I realize even you are keeping secrets. You're the only person I need, Gin, so don't shut me out… please just tell me whats wrong. I love you."

Surprisingly enough, he looked up at me with an oddly pain expression on his face and a frown; it frightened me. For once, he actually looked _sorry_, like he was admitting he had done something wrong. "You promised to love me, no matter what. That ring on your finger, it makes you the only real family that I've got now and I've done things in my life that I would never want to do again but with you I know theres someone in the world made just for me, to keep me grounded… Don't leave me…I don't want to be alone in a world like this Toshiro. I…I need you."

I was stunned. My mind spluttered to process what he had just said to me; it was too gentle, too genuine of an answer to think that he was lying. Whatever was weighing on his heart had him scared enough to think I might leave him for good, making his death drip on my heart tighten; but it was only having the adverse effect of making me want to flee even more. In addition, it was rare that he ever made a reference to his family and to think that I held the role of lover, friends and kin all at the same time, it was quite a heavy load. But I would do it for him because so very long ago I had felt the same way, and he'd shown up in a burst of light and made me feel whole. "We're the two loneliest people in the world, right?" I mumbled softly "You said it yourself. So why don't you tell me whats wrong Gin? If you cant tell me, then who can you tell?"

A pregnant pause."…Some things Toshiro," he whispered almost inaudibly "are much better left unsaid. If only things were different, I wouldn't be like this…I could be… a different person for you. But this is all I've got to offer. I told you its hard to love a man like me, and I didn't want to love you…but now its too late to back out."

The closing of his heart - which had barely began to open up to me - was almost audible, like the clang of a brass gate. My lips opened, desperate to call out to him and put an end to this madness, but he got up and walked over to the rope anchor, readjusting it to pull me to my feet again. Then he turned to leave. My stomach dropped.

"W-w-wait! Can't you let me go now? I don't…I don't want to be here all alone Gin." I pleaded, slightly surprised I was still on punishment.

He looked over his shoulder with a blank face "Those words…the idea that you could live without me…I don't want you to even think them, let alone _breath_ those words to me ever again. So, perhaps you should stay here a little bit longer and try to imagine just how dark your life would be without me." Gin turned back to the door and left again and I was plummeted back into a world of darkness.

Apparently, when Gin said "a little bit longer" he meant long enough for me to feel like I was losing my mind. As I waited for his return, vigilantly watching the door, the minutes stretched into hours and then into days. My courage faltered by the time I realized he wouldn't be coming back for me anytime soon. Worse yet, he didn't visit even once with inquires about how I was holding up, soft kisses, or even food. I was utterly alone. On what I assumed was the third day of my exile, he came in and I thought _"Thank god! That took long enough, finally hes here to spring me,_" but I was oh so wrong. I never saw the slap coming until it landed and by then it was too late. Lucky for me, Gin's anger seemed to have returned full force and he was so motivated by it that this visit, he had a new toy: a three tailed thick leather whip. It stung even worse than the belt and the tails were much longer, swinging at full range to curl around my sides when he hit my back or down my chest if he hit my shoulders. No inch of my skin was spared but at least it got the job done faster than the single belt; Gin was pleased as well, his fingers dancing over the red bruises on my skin with delicate reverence. That day, I never heard him leave because I passed out from pain and when I awoke I was alone. Another day passed. He returned again, presumably at evening since a dull gray light had filtered in the door as he entered, and the whole process was repeated again. No more food was brought to me since the first time when I spat it out; I only received water, which he would give to me _after_ the whippings. A little voice in my mind said that the water was probably motivation to keep me awake through the whole thing. If I passed out, there was no water for me to enjoy and he would just pour it over my head.

By day seven, I was completely out of it as the hours became chunks of consciousness sewn together by griping pain from my stomach and the burn in my arms. They had been above my head the whole time and unless I stayed absolutely still, it burned like hell. Gin came in that afternoon, whip in hand but before anything could be done, I opened my cracked lips and rasped "Enough, Gin" and passed out again. Distantly, I heard the quick patter of feet and a heavy thud as the whip hit the floor but I could force my eyes to open. Silence followed until the rope around my wrist slackened and I slipped out of the painful position into cool, wiry arms. After that, everything faded; when I felt myself waking up, I realized I was on something very soft and warm: a bed. My eyes dragged open and I was in our bedroom, the soft golden glow of the dimmed lights making me feel even warmer underneath the heavy quilt. I tried to push the quilt down and move but oddly, my arms felt like wet noodles and the quilt was like moving a wall. Even turning my neck to the side when I heard a silent chuckle was a feat; it was Gin sitting at the side of the bed in washed out blue jeans, a thin green long sleeve shirt and a small smile.

"Mah Mah, look who's awake!" he muttered gently.

My voice cracked as I tried to answer. "H-hey"

"Welcome back. It's been pretty long."

" …How long…w-was I down there?"

"About eight days. Yuh've been sleepin fer two. Yuh had me kinda worried there Hime, yah didn't look so good." he whispered back, watching me critically.

"Well" I sighed, turning away to look out the window "I wonder whose fault that is…" Silence fell over us and I closed my eyes, taking inventory of myself. I felt pretty clean, like Gin had bathed me, and I was wearing one of his shirts and a pair of boxers but my body was mind numbingly sore. Mustering up all my strength and steeling my mind, I pushed back the covers to my knees and sat up against the pillows. I shouldn't have been shocked to see myself but I was; black, blue, purple, gray. That was the repeating pattern twisting across my skin in blob like patches. And my wrist were rubbed raw, a sickening shade of blood red and purple, like I had actually slit them and they were bleeding. Worst of all, I looked deathly frail. I had never been big or muscular but my already small frame thinner and bones I didn't remember looking so pronounced now jutted out like my hips and elbows. It was shocking to say the least. I felt like a stranger in my own body.

"Y-y-you…what did you _do_ to me?" I chocked out more to myself than Gin.

He didn't answer but kept watching me, tilting his head to the side "Yah must be hungry, ne? There's food on the nightstand next ta yah, all yer favorites. Do yah need me ta feed yah, o' do yah think yah can handle it by yerself?"

I looked over at him, fat tears rolling down my cheeks, my arms raised towards him as presented proof "_What_ _did you DO to me Gin?_" I screeched angrily. "…How far will you go, Gin? What are you going to do when you kill me, huh! What do I have to _do_ to make it stop?"

"Calm down, Hime. Don't make yerself sick, yer gonna have a heart attack at this rate." he said calmly, keeping his voice even like he was in danger of getting angry.

"Get out."

"Shiro, take a deep-" he said, gritting his teeth.

"Get the hell out of here you sick bastard, just leave me alone."

"Damn it Toshiro, don't make a mountain out -"

"GET OUT NOW!" I shrieked, shaking all over. "Get out of here…please just…go away Gin. I need some time…" I sobbed, breaking down and hunching over my knees with my face in my lap. Silence followed until the chair scraped against the floor backward.

"Fine Toshiro. I'll be back a little later. Try to eat, you need the energy." I didn't look up as he left.

I continued to sob, my body rocking from the intensity of it. I was so stupid. Why was I shocked and appalled? Wasn't this what I signed up for when I promised to stay with him, when I told him I loved him? Gin was going to hurt me, that was a fact. Maybe somewhere down the line he would tire of the madness and we could live normally but as of right now, this was how we showed our love. The never ending game of cat and mouse. I run, he pounces. That was the deal; so why was I suddenly overwhelmed with the idea that one day he might pounce and I wouldn't get back up? "_Don't be melodramatic Toshiro, Gin wouldn't kill you. He's capable of cruelty and mind games but not murder. He loves you._" Love. What a tricky concept. Love was what had gotten me into this situation. I had fallen in love with a man who was beautiful and comforting, who had seemed like a glimpse into the future of what I would become if I continued to live such a lonely life. Love made me stay the first time he slapped me and wretchedly apologized. Love made me stay when he started to plant the seeds of doubt in my mind that I couldn't live without him. Love made me stay when I told him I was leaving him for good and he dragged me back to his house kicking and screaming. I had let things get this out of hand all because I loved him and I couldn't let the best thing that ever happened to me slip through my fingers, but would it be enough when I ended up in a full body sling? "_He's never hurt you that bad. In fact, you've never broken anything! You guys do have limits you know; look how he let you out the basement when you told him it was enough! Trust him, Toshiro. Love him…"_ The little voice in my mind was nagging as I wiped my eyes, picked up the tray filled with food at the bedside and ate, filling my stomach and heart with courage. We could do this, I could take this and he would eventually tell me all those secrets he was trying to beat into my flesh.

Afterwards, when I was full, I decided to test my legs and got out of bed. They were wobbly but sturdier than my aching arms that couldn't seem to stop rippling in discomfort. I left the bedroom in search of Gin - nearly screaming in frustration when I realized he wasn't on this floor - and slowly crawled down the stairs and to the kitchen. The back door was open, a gust of cold wind blowing in. Snatching the nearest jacket I could find, I tip toed onto the sheltered back porch to find Gin staring out into the yard, slouching in one of the wrought iron chairs. He was smoking, something he hadn't done in a while after I badgered him into quitting. As far as I knew he always had a pack at hand, but only lit up when he was very, very upset.

"So you're smoking again," there was an ashtray with three cigarette buds in his lap.

Gin's head whipped to me, frowning " Yah shouldn't be out o' bed Toshiro, o' even out here fer that matter. Its too cold," he himself was still only wearing the green shirt.

"It's okay, I like the cold" I said with a sad smile. Walking over, I moved the ashtray to the floor and sat sideways on his lap to look into his face. We just stared at each other, the cigarette in his hand burning out and the cold air settling to a gentle breeze.

"I love you Toshiro."

"…I know."

"Tell me that you'll stop all these questions, that we can just move on."

I shook my head keeping our eyes locked. "Cant do that Gin. I need to know. I have to know what is that's made you so…miserable. We cant be happy if you're always waiting for the moment I leave you. And it seems like whatever you're hiding is making you even more paranoid."

"Damn it Toshiro," he threw his head back to rest on the chair, looking up at the sky. "It's not that simple. There are things about me that I'm not proud of, that I wish weren't true and as long as you don't know, the better it is."

For a minute I said nothing "Gin, what could be worse than this?" he looked down his nose at me and I raised a bruised arm "Look at me. _This_ is how much I love you, what I'll let you do to me. What could make me question our love more than this?"

He said nothing but looked back up. "I've been…a very, very bad man Toshiro whose done many bad things. For the better part of my life, I had to pretend to be to everyone else what they _demanded_ I be. So for tonight, for me, can we just pretend that I'm just a normal teacher, you're a normal student and that we have a normal love?"

"…Normal…I don't think that word has ever applied to us." He laughed, rubbing my back gently and I closed my eyes. "Take me inside please. I don't think I can make it back there on my own."

He watched me for a minute more then stubbed out the cigarette and hefted me into his arms. Curling into his solid chest, I listened to the quiet thump of his heart against my ears. _"Normal. I can do that. Just for tonight I can forget that there's nothing normal about me and even less about you Gin. But in the morning, you'll still be the cat and I'll still be the mouse._" Back in the bedroom, I laid down with him spooning me from behind, one hand in my hair. We slept peacefully, or at least I did, but when I woke up I was all alone and still sore. And down the hall, in Gin's private office I could hear him speaking in hushed tones to someone I'm sure I wasn't supposed to know. So I tiptoed out of bed and into our closet. The picture I had found was still hidden, I never really got to get a good look at it and now was a perfect chance. Squinting to decipher his childish scribbling, it read:

**M. University on mah first day of college back at the dorms. Don't lose the other picture I sent yah, ne Taicho, cuz yer gonna wanna remember back when yah still looked young. This one's fer me ta keep =D**

And on the bottom, it smaller writing, was one name I'd never think to see, the man I assumed was next to Gin in the picture: Aizen Souske.

**Hope you guys enjoyed that! Truthfully, i was feeling a little uneasy because i was trying to write new chapters but that mind block came back. I literally spent a day zoned out trying to figure out how i could make everything work and not make it TOO far fetched. Hopefully it worked, but we'll see when we get there. Anywho, special hello to Saya and Hagi together 4 ever ( i love that anime even though i never finished seeing it and might i add, i freakin love your profile avatar) and LockDaisy ( i strive for angst! it makes a story tangible.) I have a feelign you two were 'story prowlers' which is cool but THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing your opinon and reviewing. Till next time lovelies!**

**Oh yeah, i cant think of any cute reasons for you to review so.. JUST DO IT *add white nike check mark*. it will make me update faster, or havent you noticed =D (i try to update every 5 to 7 days, but dont hold me to it!) **


	11. The Visitor

**Personally, I think I'm starting to spoil you guys with all these quick updates. I mean, its not fair that all the stories I love take about a month and a half breaks in between chapters while I keep shoveling out the goodies like its nothing. psh. However, I cant bring myself to be mean enough not to share. It seems I have Obsessive Updating Disorder (aka i just love reading all those reviews). Okay, onto the cool news, I got me a BETA, the lovely LockDaisy who helped to get this chapter out faster so thank her, everyone. Yay! One reader PMed me and I absolutey gushed inside at the sheer loveliness of it. Never in a million did I think people would like this story, i just did it on a whim to satisfy my Gin/Toshiro love sickness. But now...people are actually interested! So i'd like to thank everyone times a million for being so supportive for my first fic ever. Please continue to Read, review and enjoy.**

Savagehunger47- those bunnies better watch out, 'cause I'm determined to see this story through and no writers block is gonna stop me, even if it ends with PETA having a personal grudge against me. Oh, and bring on the frog legs and tequilla shots! If Toshi didnt know they dont have a normal relationship, i would think he had a mental illness. Theres just so much to love about Gin, how could he let him go? I definately need to write the sequel, where its in the past and Gin is all lovey dovey 24/7. Makes the personality switch all the more creepy.

Holycoconut93- D= now i feel bad too...and i was enjoying him getting hurt so much. Nah, jk i dont feel bad at all! *mwahahah* Toshi's pretty much willing to take anything throw at him to stay with Gin. Love is just too much of an earth shattering concept for him, he doesnt want to let go. dont worry, it'll get better. kinda...ah, i really am mean to Toshi in this story. oh well!

Duril93- its all cool so long as you finally reviewed, your words were missed! Thanks for all the confidence boosting, I really needed it. I'm kinda worried things are gonna get too crazy in a little while so I'm glad that for now its at least still tangible. But, i like my mysterious Gin so I'm gonna keep you guessing about Aizen a little longer. hehehhe

**Okay, someone makes a guest apperance in this chaapter and you might not even remeber she was around or her relationship to the characters so going back to the first flash back chapter might help out a bit if you get confused. Now, here The Visitor.**

**W-w-warning! *cue the big flashing red lights* - This chapter contains slight non-consensual sex. I didnt elaborate too much on it because...it'd seem to grusome than it really is and Gin isnt that cruel. But hey, sh** happens and for Toshi this chapter is just one of those days so I hope you can cope and not hold Gin in too negative a light. ]= **

The Visitor ~~

_Aizen Souske_. The name kept replaying in my head over and over again like a very bad song. Everyone who was anyone knew that name for the simple fact that he has money. As CEO and founder of HM Co. Aizen had plenty of money, the kind that even people like my parents drooled over. However, he wasn't the kind of guy you'd want to befriend: his family was known to have ties to the yakuza. Actually, it was more like they _were_ the yakuza, but it wasn't decent to bring up dirty little secrets like that in proper company, so no one ever mentioned it. You name a vice, he had his hands in it: gambling, drugs, arms smuggling, prostitution, even crooked politicians were on Aizen's payroll. So how did Gin intimately know a man who was the one of the most powerful crime lords in the country? I didn't know and I definitely couldn't talk to Gin about it because I wasn't even supposed to have seen the picture but I wanted to ask him. Yet, I had just begun to heal and the idea of going back to the basement didn't sit well with my bruised wrist so I kept my mouth shut.

Things between Gin and I were still strained. It felt as though we were walking a tightrope of emotions and either one of us could fall off at any moment and ruin the balance we had forever. He was diligently watchful of me and I was wary of him. There had been no progress in getting any information out of him but I was on a mission. If he wanted me rely on him alone for the rest of my life, then he had to give himself to me as completely as I had given myself to him and that meant honesty. But his lips were sealed and every time I brought up any topics about the past he would silently watch me with warning signals flashing in his eyes. In short, there had been no progress and I was drained of energy. It seemed like Gin was holding firm.

Another frightening thing was the phone calls. There had been constant phone calls to his cell phone at all hours of the day, which was strange because as far as I knew, he had alienated himself from people a long time ago. Or at least, he didn't speak to anyone who would call him at three in the morning. And every time the phone rang he would spring from whatever we were doing, glide into his office to mumble in hushed voices. Clearly something was going on but when I asked Gin he simply shrugged and said it was a business matter. But I wasn't stupid; a blind man could see it was something more and though Gin did partake in a lot of business deals, non of his partners ever called him at ungodly hours like this before. What stock broker or investment banker called his client that often? Hence, I became even more on edge and my search for the key to his private office intensified. Often times he would enter the room with papers or envelopes and leave without them and something told me they would hold all the answers to my questions.

It was the third week of February, a few days after I had returned from the basement, when I got the shock of my life in the form of Momo at the front door. Gin was off somewhere in the house, probably back in that accursed office again and I had been quietly trying to search high and low for any more helpful information on him with the radio in the background. Just as I was in the midst of uprooting a cushion the doorbell rang. When I opened it, there was Momo in dark blue jeans, knee high white boots with fuzzy tops, a thick red and black checkered jacket with a fur trimmed hood and a white scarf. The first thing I noticed was that she looked horribly cold and the second was that she looked scared out of her mind.

"Momo, what are you doing here?" I gasped.

"Oh, thank god you're alright, Shiro-chan! I thought Ichimaru would answer the door a-and tell me you weren't here or something!" she cried, throwing her arms around me. Well, that explained the frightened look on her face. "Where is he?"

I tensed and looked over my shoulder "He's in his office right now but don't worry about him. Quick, come in you must be freezing!" I disentangled myself from her arms and quietly led her into the sitting room which had various plush couches and a piano in the middle of the white floor. It was the farthest room from the staircase besides the kitchen and though I wasn't necessarily scared of Gin finding her here, I did want to speak to her before he turned her out into the streets.

"Shiro-chan I was so worried!" she began again, pulling me down into a loveseat next to her. "After you never showed up last month when you called to stay with me, I was scared that maybe something bad happened but when I tried to call you nobody answered! And you never even called back!"

"Yes I am sorry about that Momo. Its just that, I changed my mind the night before, you know, about needing some time apart and Gin kinda found out I had wanted to leave and was so heartbroken, we took a little weekend trip to talk about things between us. But you know how he feels about you so…he didn't really want me to call. Everything is alr-"

"Stop it Toshiro" she cut in, frowning deeply. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You needed some 'space'? You were running from him, admit it! The way you sounded when you called me to ask if you to stay, it was like life or death. You were almost in tears and…it kinda sounded like a cry for help."

I stiffened but tried to brush her off "Don't be silly Momo, its not like that at all. I was just a little upset because we had a fight, nothing more."

"You're such a bad liar." she huffed "I've known you for some time Shiro, don't try to play me. I was there the last time he came to get you from my house, remember? He said 'I don't care if I have to burn this place down with me in it Toshiro but we're leaving together, dead or alive.' What kind of boyfriend says that?"

The cringe that ran though me at the memory of those words. They had sounded relatively mundane to me but to Momo's ears that would have been the ravings of a mad man. "Look" I said haughtily "I don't know what you're getting at but whatever you're thinking is wrong. Things are fine between us now we just had a little…disagreement and I overreacted." That was such a complete lie I waited for a minute to see if my nose would grow but nothing happened. Momo didn't need to know about all our problems, she'd probably pop a blood vessel and call the cops if she did. The less she knew the better, and I knew it was wrong considering I had been the one to involve her, but if I couldn't provide clear enough answers for myself in our relationship, I couldn't do it for her either. Standing, I turned my back to her in thought, but she stood as well, walking around to grab my shoulders.

"Shiro-chan…" she said softly, looking into my eyes with earnest "When you told me you were going out with a teacher, I kept quiet. When you told me you were falling in love with a man, I tried to help you sort your feelings. When you told me that you were living with him and that you planned to move out of your parents house I supported you without a word. But now, I cant keep my mouth shut. This doesn't seem like a normal relationship anymore, he's too…possessive of you. Are you sure everything's fine?"

Her stare was so intense that I had to avert my eyes. "Momo, don't worry about it. I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself, okay? Nothing is happening so I don't need you rushing over here every time you think I'm in danger. How did you even-" I heard her gasp loudly and I looked up in concern. During my speech, I had paced away, running a hand through my hair and my shirt raised exposing my stomach: dark purple patches of bruised stomach that is. Before I could say anything she was on me, pulling the shirt up to reveal more of my torso; running her hands along the welts with her mouth in a small "o" of surprise and I saw her eyes water, making me yank the shirt back down. "Damnit, its not what you think Momo. I-I fell…."

Silence. Then she whispered. "H-he's beating you Toshiro, isn't he? Its as plain as day, written all across you're skin; or are you so clumsy that you fell and bumped your wrist too?" Momo grabbed by arm, turning my hand to expose the still red skin on my wrist. We looked at each other in the quiet for a long time, both hoping to find something in the other's eyes that would never be there and we were at deadlock until she spoke again "I knew it, I knew this had to be the cause of those desperate late night phone calls. Come away with me Toshiro, you don't have to let him do this to you! You can stay with me or we could find an organization to help you with this kind of thing so-"

"Stop it!" I snapped in anger. This was going to far. "I am not some battered woman damnit! I do not need _you _of all people to protect me from Gin."

"What in the world does that mean?"

"It means that I don't need my only friend to try and split me apart from the only person who loves me! Just leave it alone, clearly I'm fine" I snarled in growing nervousness.

"Clearly you are _not_!" she hissed right back. "Do you think I want to stand by and watch as you let this man make you self destruct? If you don't have the common sense to run from danger when you see it then I will do it for you."

"Oh don't be dramatic Momo. This is my relationship, I don't need you meddling. When I need your help I'll ask for it."

"What is wrong with you, do you hear yourself? How far are you willing to let him go before he kills you? Will you let him finally pull you out of here in a body bag? And how long as this been going -"

"Shut up, Momo" I cried, whipping towards her in fury. "You have no idea what I've been through, what _we've_ been through! If Gin hit me and I'm telling you its okay, then it is! I _love _him more than anything in the world and he's given me so much… please just _listen_ to me when I tell you that everything is fine!"

She just looked at me in confusion and doubt until some other dark emotion clouded her eyes and she pulled me into her arms again. It was so comforting to be embraced by someone who didn't expect anything from me, who just wanted to comfort me. She was soft and sweet smelling like peaches and potpourri, her soft black hair brushing against my cheek as she brought our foreheads together. Both of our eyes closed and I wondered if in another life at some other time if I could have loved her. We would have been beautiful, her raven haired and I snow white, walking merrily along sunny road sides as I picked her daises to put in her hair. And when it got too hot, I saw us stopping under the low branches of a weeping willow, catching out breath until her face blotted out mine as she leaned in for a kiss. If I tried very hard, I could even see us old on a porch in the country, a plate of watermelons at the side while she bounced a giggling grandchild on her lap and I watched on in solemn amusement. But just as quickly as it came, the thought disappeared. We would have never worked in this lifetime; she could never love me enough to fill the void I could still feel resonating inside of me sometimes and I would grow to resent her for that, shattering our happy dreams, until she left me one day. Momo was like a beautiful vase: masterly crafted, delicate and stunning but when you opened it up it was so hollow inside you could still hear the echo miles away. She was a shell of a girl, too innocent and dazed by life to truly understand it or understand me .

"Shiro I know that we haven't always been on the best terms" she whispered, our heads still pressed together, "…and you've been alone for a lot of you're childhood, moving around and stuff and you never really made attachments to people. Even now there's still a wall between us that I feel sometimes; its icy and hard and for a while I thought we wouldn't be able to stay friends if you kept shutting me out like that.. But, no matter what you say today I want you know I do care about you. And no matter how many years pass I will… always love you."

"…I know Momo. I-I love you too." And to some degree, my words were true. I knew I didn't love her the way she loved me but she had managed to keep a special spot in my heart: The naive little girl who fell in love with me but realized too late that I was too much for her to handle. How could I not love her even a little? So I slipped my face away and pressed into her shoulder, my eyes wetting a little at all I had lost with Momo before it ever got the chance to come to fruition. Maybe if we had stayed in Seretei and I never met Gin, I could love her back with something besides fond amusement. Maybe if I wasn't so twisted up inside I could return her feelings even now and break free from this chokehold Gin had on me. But all the shoulda-coulda-wouldas in the world wouldn't help me now, nor would Momo's soft words. So I let her hold me and vowed that from then on I would have to slowly phase her out of my life for her sake and mine.

"Yare, yare. Am I interruptin' somethin' Hime?" I suddenly heard Gin say gently from the doorway. At his voice I snatched myself away from her quickly and put her at arms length before letting go; I saw her cringe with hurt as I jerked her away like she had leprosy but I didn't want to anger Gin more than her presence might have already done.

"Don't be silly, of course not! Momo just stopped by for a visit" I said flippantly, hoping to smooth the suddenly tense atmosphere but they simply stared each other down with equal amounts of suspicion and hatred.

"Stopped by? Yah didn't tell me yer lil friend here was comin' ta Karakura or were yah hopin ta keep it a surprise?" He purred, leaning against the door.

"I came," Momo hissed before I could answer him "because I was worried about Shiro-chan. Seems like since he's been with you, he's disappeared from the face of the earth. I havent heard from him in weeks and I was wondering if he was in trouble."

"Ne, ne, yah sure are a good friend but yah don't need ta come ta Hime's rescue Hinamori. He don't need yah anymore if he's got me" he hummed happily but the smile fell off his face. "Yer pretty much obsolete."

Momo scowled, one hand flying out to grab my wrist, making me wince at the rough treatment on my still sore body. Gin's frown deepened and I saw his body tense "Not yet I'm not! Like I would really leave _you_ to take care of Toshiro so you can do some more of this!" she growled yanking my arm to expose the bruised skin of my arm "You're a sick bastard Gin and I don't like you, no matter how much Toshiro does."

"Then it don't matter what yah think 'cause he _loves_ me. Now I think its time fer yah ta leave lil Momo and let go of mah boyfriend. Maybe yah should find one o' yer own instead of moochin off o' mine."

"Shut up you snake, I love Toshiro like a brother" she whispered menacingly. "If you want a punching bag, go find one but don't use Toshiro for your sick little games."

"…Are yah volunteering fer the job?" he laughed and she hissed again ready to say more but I cut in. My heart was pounding viciously in my chest and I knew that the wrong words would set this whole meeting on a dangerous track.

"Both of you stop this right now! Gin, youre being childish, don't argue with Momo, shes just looking out-"

"Go to hell Gin. Toshiro will _never_ love a man like you, a monster who does this to him. If you can beat your boyfriend silly, what else would you do? You're a sick bastard that nobody could ever love and I hope you get everything coming to you."

"Yare, yare, yah sure are a feisty one! But there aint no need to be sore just 'cause Hime aint ever gonna love yah back. I know yah must envy me but try to remember who yer talkin at especially in his own house."

"Stuff it!" she cried darkly, biting her lip in anger. "You're a nothing, a nobody Ichimaru! Just because you have money doesn't mean it'll wash away all your sins. Admit it, you _need_ Toshiro more than he needs you because you're just an old man with sick fetishes who nobody else would want! You're just as pathetic as the rest of us!"

The room froze and I could swear I heard a crack of thunder. Gin pushed himself from the door and took a step forward, all traces of laughter gone from his face. His eyes flipped open and he pierced Momo with a glare so hot I was surprised she didn't burn up on the spot. She was scared. I could tell she was, but she seemed determined to tell him off; what she didn't know was that Gin wasn't about to let her insult him and threaten our relationship without serious punishment, something she couldn't handle. He took another step forward and she let go of me, squinting at him in hatred and walked forward too with her fist clenched at her sides. This had gone too far.

"Guys, take a deep breath and back away."

Gin's forearms rippled as he bored down on her. "Toshiro, I think its time for your little friend here to leave. She's over stayed her welcome."

"I'm not leaving until I know Toshiro's ok you jerk and who knows, I might take him with me" she cried shrilly and the air around them crackled.

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW! What the hell is wrong with you two?" I cried in horror at the situation. Quickly, I dashed around Momo and grabbed Gin's arm, pulling him back. He was still glaring at her with fiery red eyes so I tugged on his shirt, grabbing the back of his neck so he was facing me. "Hey, Gin look at me, look at me!" His eyes flashed to mine, still tense. "Calm down, don't worry about Momo, alright? She doesn't know what she's talking about. I do love you, we both know that. Now leave her alone, okay? Ignore her."

For a minute he looked like he was seriously considering throwing her out by her hair but then he took a deep breath and his eyes closed, mouth pulled into a firm line. "Tell her to leave Hime, before I _make_ her leave."

I let go of him to walk back to Momo and pull her by the arm to the front door. "I'm so sorry about all of this Momo I really am. Gin doesn't mean it when he acts like that. Please, please don't tell anybody about…what you think you saw okay?" I pleaded. She was quiet by the time I opened the door, looking back at Gin who was just behind us smirking again.

"H-how can you let him do this to you Shiro? I know you don't think I can just go home and forget about all this. He's no good for you, please come with me!"

I closed my eyes and spoke loud enough for Gin to hear. "Momo, if you cant accept my relationship then…I think its best we don't see each other anymore. I don't need another person in my life to make me feel worthless. That's what my parents are for. So this…I think this should be the last time we speak." The surprise and disbelief on her face was heart wrenching as her big brown eyes searched my face for some sign that I was joking. But when she opened her mouth to retort, I pulled her close in a hug, burying my face in her neck. With my back to Gin, I tilted my lips to her ears and whispered "I'll call you later, I swear. Just get out of here for now. I'm so sorry," then slid away from her again with a somber look on my face. Her eyes flashed and she bowed her head, turning to leave. But just as she was out the door, she looked over her shoulder at Gin and said:

"It's guys like you that make this world a darker place Ichimaru. You destroy the only pure things we still have left in this world, but expect everything to stay all peachy. Well I got news for you, it wont. One day, you're going to wake up and realize you've ruined the one good thing left in your life and when that day comes, what will you do then?" After that she turned away in tears, making her way down the steps.

"Buh bye now, Momo-chan!" Gin called happily then swung the door shut.

Suddenly, we were all alone again and I could feel him bearing down over me. Truthfully, I didn't know how to feel after all of that. It was eating me alive to hurt Momo when she had only tried to be nice to me, but it was for the best that Gin never saw her again. That little scene did not need to be repeated because only god knew how it would end next time. I turned around slowly, glancing up to gage how Gin was feeling about all this; the slap that ripped across my face and left me smarting was a pretty good answer.

"What the hell was that lil' bitch doin in mah house?" He gripped. "And what part of _'I don't like her talkin to you_' do you not understand Toshiro?"

My cheek pulsed but my shaken vision soon cleared " It was just like she said, I didn't know she was coming over, I swear. She kinda came out of nowhere, its not like I planned for her to come by and curse you out Gin."

"Its not even the fact that she was here, but that yah invited her in when I already told yah never ta speak ta her again!"

"Damn it Gin, she's the closest thing in the world I have to a real friend. Why do you keep trying to push us apart?" I cried in fustration.

He leaned down into my face and yanked my hair back, exposing my neck "Because while you see her as a little sister, she sees you as her knight in shining armor. You think of her as a friend but in her head, you're the star of all her little wet dreams. Momo is in love with you and you know that, so why don't you stop leading her on?"

"Its not like that between us anymore, I told you -"

"Every time you touch her, she thinks she's one step closer to making you fall in love, that if she squeezes you just right and bats her eyes, she can make your little dick harden and your eyes cross. Why don't you tell her how you really like it, huh? You don't want her soft little body Hime, you need a thick cock and a couple hard slaps to get you off at the end of the day right? You think she's up for the challenge?"

Before I could think, my arm flew up and I slapped his hands from my hair, twisting till my back faced the stairs " Fuck you, you self righteous jerk! What the hell does it matter how she feels about me if I'm with you and I love you? What is it you expect me to do?"

"Break all ties with her like yah said, o' were yah just puttin on a show fer me?" He hummed with a smile, walking towards me again. I moved backwards till my legs bumped the stairs.

"How about this: I swear right here and now, I'll never talk to Momo ever again as long as I live…if you tell me what you've been hiding about M.U. and your past."

His eyes napped opened to glare at me dangerously. "This isn't a fuckin negotiation, Hime. I don't want ta hurt yah more than yah already are, so forget Momo and stop stickin yer nose where it don't belong."

"Never. If you want me to give up another thing for you, then I need to get something in return. This is a relationship Gin, you need to learn to give and take."

"I've given you _everything_ you've ever asked for. You want love? I gave you it! Attention? You've got it 24/7! Pain? I can deal that out better than Momo ever could! But I ask you to leave one thing alone and yah just cant for me"

"Its not the same! What you're asking for is blind acceptance, for the right to get everything _you want from me_ at the price of keeping me in the dark. I don't want part of you Gin, I want all of you! Even the darkest, dirtiest most depraved parts of you that you're hiding," I snapped viciously.

"Ne, ne be careful what you wish for Hime, I can show yah just how nasty I can be if yah want, o' have you forgotten about the belt?" he teased wickedly and I felt my patience snap.

"Fuck you Gin! I always knew you were selfish but I didn't know you were this much of an asshole. Maybe I should have gone with Momo like she said, at least she doesn't lie to me." I screamed but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. I had made the fatal threat once again, the same one that got me over a weeks time in the basement and a beating to remember: abandonment. Gin's face contorted in rage and I tensed, waiting for the repercussions of my words.

Suddenly, he lunged at me, and I shrieked, spinning on my heels to flee up the stairs. I sprinted up the curving staircase about halfway before I felt his long fingers curl around my ankle and snatch me back. Clumsily, I lost my balance as he yanked be back and flipped me over, my head banging against the step with a thud "Ow, Gin stop it!" He pinned my legs underneath us with his own and used one hand to hold my arms above my head. The other reeled back and snapped across my face, then he backhanded me. Shrieking ,I struggled to get away but his grip only tightened and my wrist ached in protest of the rough treatment. His eyes were slitted, glaring at me in a rage induced red that set my soul on fire and with a tug, Gin gripped my hair again and slammed my head back against the step. For a moment I saw stars and when my eyes cleared I realized he was snagging my hair to smack my head against the steps again. My life seemed to flash before my eyes and survival instinct told me to fight; without thinking, a knee came up and I kicked him , pulling my hair away from his hands to head butt him at the same time.

In a flash I was on my feet, three steps ahead of him before what I had just done hit me full force. I had never fought back against Gin, ever. The thought hadn't crossed my mind for some reason, it just seemed like an insane concept to hurt the man I loved. That, and the fact that he was almost two feet taller and had about 80 lbs on me. Looking back, I saw him sit up, his brows furrowed in shock. But when our eyes met, the look cleared and was replaced by one of dark laughter. "Mah, mah looks like Hime still has some fight left in him, ne...well lets see how long yah can last." Gin stood slowly but I didn't see what else was to come as I dashed to the top of the stairs, down the hall and into our bedroom, slamming the door shut. _Damnit, the door locks from the outside! Genius, Toshiro, now you're utterly trapped._ I looked around hastily, spotting a desk chair and grabbed it, jamming it under the knob just as a rough jungle from the outside was heard.

"Open the damn door Toshiro!"

"No! Leave me alone, I hate you!"

"You _what_?" he growled, going terribly silent outside the door as I backed away nervously. Then there was a dull thud that got harsher each time it impacted with the door, his breath sounding close: he was banging his head. "Damn it Toshiro, why do you do this to me? Every. Single. Time. I think we've made some progress, you say some shit to fuck with my head. Do you not realize there are just some things you shouldn't say to me, or haven't you learned to filter what comes from your head to your mouth yet?"

"….Just go away, you're…you're scaring me Gin!"

The day had gone terribly wrong by now and I was wishing I had never woken up, never knew Momo, never met Gin, and in general, never born. But the explosive curses from outside shook me from my thoughts and I swung around, flinging myself into the closet and holding the handle tightly in my hands. The metal bit into my already tender flesh as I heard the leg of the chair shatter and the door be kicked twice before it flew open, banging against the wall. Then, all was quiet. The beds rustled as he moved the fabric looking for me under the bed, windows slammed open and shut, his footsteps lumbering until it ended in front of the closet. When he tried the door and it didn't budge, he made an "Ahhh…" sound and tried again. I thought I was doing well until he pulled a third time, presumably with all his might, and my arms felt like they were being pulled out of the sockets. My hands fought to keep their grasp but when he did it again I gasped, letting go and stumbling backwards, deeper into the clothes. Light beamed in from the room and Gin squatted to eye level with me, smiling.

"Yer a lil old fer hide and seek ne? Come out Hime."

"Gin, I'm still hurt…"

"Get the hell out of the closet," he growled, snatching me forward by my arm and I fell, dragged face first across the floor until he yoked me up by my shirt and slammed me on the bed.

I hollered, pounding my fist against his wall of chest in the hopes that it would do a little damage. He only grunted and when I clawed his cheek, backhanded me and wrangled my hands above my head in his manacle-like hands. The sounds of our labored breathing filled the room, and I closed my eyes as my head started to spin. It was like I couldn't breath; that all over hyper alert feeling had retuned and my muscles quivered as I Gin's bony fingers trailed over my stomach, roughly unzipping my pants and tugging them down. "No, I don't want this." I screeched, trying to convince myself and him it was true but he didn't reply and continued to unbuckle his own pants, pulling his shirt off hastily. I wasn't surprised to see that he was hard as rock, his heavy cock throbbing against my thigh. Fear ripping through me, I fought with new found gusto, wriggling every way to deter him; but without even removing my own shirt or preparing me, he aimed himself at my twitching hole and crammed his cock into the hilt and I screamed.

Quickly, he swooped down and stuck his tongue in my mouth, sucking on my lips harshly till the skin broke. I gasped as he licked the thin trail of blood that spilled down my throat, bucking my hips away and into the bedspread. This wasn't sex, it was punishment, a hot pounding that made me feel dirty, degrade and like a whore. Gin didn't say a word as his hands traveled to my hips and he pounded into me in punctuated, long strokes. He snapped forward, clanging with my pelvis painfully but I raised my hips, desperate to gain some pleasure from the experience. He hissed and pulled out only to slam back into me as I keened, back bowed and fingers digging little crescent moons into his shoulders that bleed as red as his eyes.

After some time, I realized I had zoned out; my hands slackened and fell limply from his shoulders to my sides since I couldn't think of what to do with them as he pumped my leaking cock. Although I couldn't feel anything but the pain of him rubbing against my sore insides, I got hard anyway, like I was trained to feel pleasure whenever Gin touched me. The sloshing of his hand on my wet tool made a faint symphony with the dull slap of our skin. It was as though I couldn't speak anymore, tears were running down my cheeks and I gasped each time he hit my prostate. The only thing I saw was red; the red of his eyes boring down into mine that seemed to hypnotize me. This…didn't feel right. My body had shut down and I was running on auto pilot. I could feel him still gripping my hips tightly and I was close to coming but my chest ached dully like a stone was lodge beneath my heart. My skin was on fire, cheeks flushed and bruised skin being rubbed raw all over again but my heart was curiously numb and I was terrified that it would never feel again.

"Shiro…" Gin moaned and tensed, pushing as deeply into me as he could and came, gripping my hips fiercely. His hand still pumped me and I came too, small twitches making my body spasm jerkily. But unlike the usual glow of hot coals I felt on my skin when I came I felt cold. Very, very cold and empty. After a few minutes Gin pulled out but I laid still, shivering in what must look like post orgasm tremors but truthfully I was freezing. The room titled and I heard the roar of a wounded animal in my head, the snowy winter air whipping outside the house coupling with the screaming in my head to drive me crazy. Gasping, I jerked up and turned to the side of the bed clutching my stomach in painful dry heaves.

"I-I-I don't know what's wrong with me…oh god!" I cried, water blurring my sight as I fought to keep my stomach in my body. It felt like I was tearing apart.

As my stomach lurched, cool hands gripped around my waist and pulled me until my back was against an equally cool chest "Shhh. Calm down Hime, take a deep breath, yer havin a panic attack" Gin murmured into my ears. It didn't help. I flipped out, stomach still clenching painfully, and dragged my nails up his arms as I cried. He didn't even flinch when the skin broke and kept soothing me through the body racking tremors. Yet my bawling intensified till I was out of breath and I turned at the waist, pressing my face into his chest with a flail of my arms.

"You don't love me anymore do you? I-I don't know…anything! ," I cried in confusion. "I-I-I don't know what you want!"

He pulled me into his arms and rocked us slowly "Stop talkin nonsense, I do love you Hime. Just close yer eyes and try ta stop cryin before yah make yerself sick fer real."

"N-no!" I shook my head and looked up at him with watery eyes "I c-c-cant go back to how it was before, you have to _love_ me! Don't, don't…oh god I don't even know how to keep you, I knew it would come to this one day…"

"Stop it Hime, yer talkin crazy, everything is fine-"

"I'll die before I let you throw me out like tomorrows trash Gin, please, don't send me away! This is the final step before you get rid of me, right? I'll do anything to stay!"

"Damn it" he growled and gripped the sides of my face tightly, his eyes falling open. "Yer not goin anywhere Shiro. Don't get all freaked out just 'cause I punished yah. Yer losin it."

_He's right Toshiro, take it easy. This was just another punishment…why are you falling apart?_ I closed my eyes and wept into the side of his neck. I knew I was over reacting but all these feelings kept bubbling up and choking me till it felt like the air I was breathing became too thin. Momo's visit, Gin's anger and my own aggravation had somehow morphed into this snowball effect and there was suddenly too much to handle at once. This was the first time that Gin had ever been so mean to me in such a short space of time. If I was hurt, he'd give me time to heal. If I cried too much, he'd go easier on me. If I begged him to do something then he just might break down and compromise with me. But in the past two months there was nothing besides punishment after punishment and chilly anger between us. And aside from that, he refused to shed any light on what he was so intent on keeping secret from me nor was he spilling about the constant late night phone calls. Everything that we had built between us felt like it was crumbling and I shuddered to think that things could end at any moment.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you" I chanted shakily now that I had stopped crying "I don't want to lose you but it feels like we're falling apart….we're spinning out of control Gin, cant you feel it too?"

"Everything's fine Hime, we're all right and _nothing_ is going to break us up. You're the only thing in this world I need…no matter what else happens, I'll still love you," he hummed but there was a dark inflection to his words. When he said no matter what else happened, it sounded like he wasn't referring to us anymore. Once again, it was obvious Gin was hiding something.

"…Tell me Gin," I whispered desperately, looking into his eyes and I felt him tense. "Don't you think its time now? You've had your fun but all these lies and the fighting, it has to stop. Tell me what you're hiding from me, please, before I lose my mind... Nothing you say could change the way I feel about you." We stared at each other for a very long time in another showdown of words as I waited to see who would win this time. I felt so close to something just out of reach, like if I pushed a little harder I could have the world in the palm of my hand. Every fiber of my being screamed that the war was at its end, my goal just in sight and that he would crack…But he started at me, a storm brewing in his eyes and he looked as though he was contemplating telling the truth or not. It wasn't until I felt his fingers run into my hair and massage my scalp gently that our gazes broke when his eyes closed with a frown.

"Alright Hime" he whispered pulling me to straddle his hips as he leaned down until our foreheads touched "You win, I'll tell yah what yah want to know." My eyes widened as he opened his mouth and started his tale, thin lips curving into a deep frown. The time had finally come for us to revisit his past.

***Teary eyed* I feel a little bad for Toshi. But just a little. My muse is too much of a sadist to really care. We're such opposites, my muse and I. She likes seeing people cry and beg for mercy while i think I'd be much more likey to be the one begging as the whip cracks. Hehehehe. Perhaps I'm a closet masochist? Anywhooo, expect better times soon, Toshi wont be crying forever and I fully pledge consensual, non damaging smutiness next time, kay? Onto my Bleach manga ramblings, wasnt the last one so wonderfully cliff hanger of tite kubo? Go Ichigo, kick some metamorphed Aizen bootayyy while I tend to my beautiful red eyed lover *coughGincough*! As of now, I'm gonna hop on over and update A Penny for Your Thoughts so check it out and review both stories if you can. My muse is complaining that she wants a house built from delicious reviews and...she claims she's only got enough to put up one wall. I'm being raked over the coals as we speak. Spare me the punishment and REVIEW. Till next time lovelies!**


	12. True Lies

**Hello again lovelies...due to the unfair weather conditions (aka seventh heat wave this summer) that have made me too cranky to write, my contraction of a lovely fever inducing cold and the impending doom of school in a few days I was rather slow to update this week. Not to mention that I am absolutely terrified of what the response to this chapter will be. Any typos can be blamed on my fluctuating body tempature, dry heaves when i think about school and my lack of security in how i feel about this chappie. So...lets just...call it apprehension (and not fear) that has taken me so long. Here is the honest truth about the story from now on: I'm unsure of myself. Not for any particular reason i just have a bad feeling that no one is going to follow my storyline. But, what the hay, what can i do? So here is chapter 12 of Lock and Key titled:**

~~True Lies~~

Gin stroked my back calmly and closed his eyes, leaning himself against the headboard like he needed it for strength. The seconds stretched on for minutes and just when I thought I had heard wrong and imagined my heart's wildest desire, he opened his eyes again to stare off past my face to the window and began to speak.

"My parents were old money, Japanese nobility actually, who were from what I remember some o' the sweetest people yuh'd ever meet. We lived in a private owned building in Tokyo fer the first five years o' mah life with mah Grandpa but I barely remember them. The thing was, mah father was a righteous old man, kinda snotty too, and he took being nobility real serious. So when the yakuza started comin around and tryin ta make business deals with him, he didn't take too kindly ta 'em. At first, they left us alone, kept movin onto other rich corporate families seein if they would join leagues with 'em. But then, things got pretty vicious. A new Yakuza head took o'er and was ruthlessly slaughterin anybody who opposed him and by not agreein to do a deal, yah were opposing him. Families were bein murdered, yakuza members were bein locked up fer life and each time one gang got weaker, another gang would try to take 'em o'er. The bodies started pilin up and suddenly we were in the middle o' a turf war. Mah mother was terrified that they would come fer us too since it was mah father was still dead set against givin into Raizou, so we left and moved to one of our houses on the outskirts o' the city. It was one o' the worst decisions they ever made."

"I don't recall it real well since I was so young and all, but I remember it was late at night when I heard the screams. It sounded like mah mother was cryin and some other voices I didn't recognize were shoutin at her, so I crept down the hall ta their room ta peep through the cracked door. And that's when I saw it; mah father was on his knees, hands tied behind his back with a black bag o'er his head and mah mother was beside him bein held by her hair by some guy: they were robbers. She was…cryin so hard I thought her body would break. Then, they shot mah father point blank and asked her '_Where's the money yah ol' bitch? Tells us the code to the vault!" _I wanted ta run in and save her but my legs couldn't move. She never answered them, just leaned o'er my father's body and cried like a mad woman. They shot her too…and I screamed, runnin for the door with footsteps close behind, callin fer mah Grandpa. He snatched me into a corner at the front door just as the police broke it down. The rest is kinda fuzzy but I remember 'em killin mah parents clear as day. After that, things only got worse. Two weeks after mah parents were buried, mah Grandpa died o' a heart attack. The doctors said it was heartbreak and then…I was all alone."

"When mah father's company realized the only thing keeping 'em from our money was a seven year ol' boy, they started foamin at the mouth, arguin o'er who got custody o' me. Even thought mah parents left everythin to me in the will, I wasn't old enough to really run anything so the second largest majority holder of the company would basically become CEO. And as long as they were mah parents they could surpress me, maybe even get me to sign over mah share o' the company. But that started infightin between the company heads. They came with candies and their clammy hands ta pinch my cheeks…so I smiled fer 'em. If I didn't smile they kept askin me what was wrong; it was such a dumb question -I mean mah parents just got murdered- but they kept on askin so I smiled and smiled until one day I realized I couldn't stop. Even if someone was hurt, o' sick o' angry I was smilin. Soon, everybody was callin me ' that creepy fox-faced kid' " Gin chuckled and his hands stopped moving on my back to pull me closer. A part of me felt like if I didn't move too, the magical moment would end so I shifted slightly, wrapped my legs around his waist and waited for him to continue. "Anyway, fer about a month, I was in legal custody o' the state and was in danger o' bein adopted by just about anybody. Then, Aizen Raizou came fer me and said he was takin me home, the same head of the Yakuza that started it all," he whispered and I gasped. Aizen Raizou was the previous leader of the Aizen yakuza family who had been nicknamed 'mad dog.' But as far as I knew, he was just the mild version of his son Aizen Souske.

Gin continued unperturbed, "Nobody said it out loud, but they didn't want me goin ta him anymore than I did. He was the same man who started all this trouble but suddenly he wanted ta make me his son. There was no way ta stop him since half the court system and the police force was on his payroll so I became Aizen family property. Yet, he raised me like his own son in the vicious yakuza household where we would see men come through covered in blood, witness drug deals and murders first hand all under the guise o' business. O' course I had his son Souske ta keep mah company…a real unique boy. Raizou told us to play together, though Souske was two years older than me but he creeped me out. Somethin about his smile was even less genuine than mine. One time we were playin and I asked him what he wanted ta be when he grew up: he said _god_, like it was the most simple answer in the world; and when we were a little older he killed a dog once because 'It was in his way, an insignificant insect riding on the wings of a god.' Scared the shit out o' me. But, I bared it all with a smile fer the next ten years until I could go ta college and get away from 'em. However, that wasn't about ta happen: they decided to send me at M. University -the most prestigious school in the country- with Tousen Kaname as the headmaster who was also an ex third ranked yakuza member. I was under constant watch and unsurprisingly, Souske came with me. That's when the favors started."

"It wasn't as much favors as they were…demands. Aizen wanted me and Souske ta begin trainin ta take o'er the family when he died; he was probably 87 by then and was gettin weaker by the day. I tried ta refuse but they _ordered_ me ta do…jobs fer 'em. Souske managed the business aspect o' things but since I wasn't really blood, they made me manage…persuasive skills, the muscle behind the family ta protect Souske, their lil God. And I was just the little creepy fox faced kid with no emotion who they needed ta turn into the kind o' man mah father would be ashamed o': an executioner." Gin grunted, looking back at me with tightly closed eyes.

"Executioner…t-they made you kill people?" I asked hesitantly, unconsciously backing away.

His hands slid up my arms and gripped them tightly "Listen ta me Hime, I didn't want ta do it. I have never wanted ta do any of the things Aizen wanted from me but I did it because I had ta! And every time they sent me out on a mission, a little piece of me died. I knew I had ta get out so when I graduated college I told them it was over, ta leave me alone and I would do the same. Though I lived with them most o' mah life, Aizen never took o'er my family assets, I guess he hoped I would willingly join him, but I didn't and when I left I took everything with me. I've cut them off, Hime I really tried. But they never fergot me and the just cant seem to leave me alone."

I gasped as a chilling realization hit me "Oh my god…those phone calls. Gin," I cried in shock, getting louder in fear "tell me its not them calling you every night. Its not them right, they don't know you're number do they?"

"…They want me ta come back." he stated. "Souske's in charge now and he wants ta rebuild the family, he wants me as head o' defense."

The silence that suddenly came across the room made goose bumps rise on my skin. This was all too surreal. Gin knew Aizen Souske, yakuza lord and underground king; and even worse was the fact that they wanted him back, Aizen wanted the sweet little teacher I fell in love with to become his personal murderer. It was too much information to take in at once. The intensity of the situation was suffocating and I reeled backwards, stumbling out of bed to pace the floor. As my brain tried to process the facts, another thought hit me. If they had been monitoring Gin's life as he said they had, then that meant they knew about his love life. They would know about _me_.

"Do they know about me too?" my voice wavered from skittish fright and I ran a shaking hand through my hair, turning to look at Gin. "They've been watching you, right so they must know about me, they've probably done research on my life and…my acceptance to M.U…" I trailed off stupidly waiting for Gin to confirm the obvious.

"Tousen is still head of M.U., he probably sent out you're acceptance letter himself," he rose from the bed, walking to kneel in front of me - the both of us careless of our current nakedness- and his eyes flashed open with searing intensity. "That's why I don't want you going to M.U. I wasn't joking when I said the only memories I had of that place were bad ones. They will no doubt know of you if you go there and Aizen…he'll use whatever's at hand to lure me back so its best to stay far away from them as possible Toshiro."

"Why did you never tell me before, damn it! These are the kind of thing you tell a lover Gin! You're fucking tied to Aizen, in fact you're actually _family_, an adopted brother of Aizen Souske!" I shouted, backing away as I felt my chest clench painfully. "How could you have kept this from me…"

"Because o' the way yuh're actin now" Gin rumbled, "Yah don't even want ta be near me. Why would I tell yah and give yah another reason ta run? It's the perfect excuse ta leave me." His eyes slid closed and he sat back, legs sprawled as he braced his back against the bed.

The hollowness and pain in his voice was unexpected, making me flinch in concern. Gin was in pain and my entire being itched to comfort him. _For once, this isn't about Gin, Toshiro. How the hell do you feel about all this? He's right you know, it's the perfect reason to cut him off, to leave._ And it _was_ perfect, the out I had been looking for to justify my squeamish feelings about the relationship. My freedom, my solidarity it was what I had been fighting for and to get any more involved meant that my life would become just as caged as his own, waiting for the day Aizen would come to claim his _family_. Truthfully, there was nothing he could want from me, but Gin was right: if necessary he could use me as leverage. I cringed just thinking about how Aizen could lure Gin back at my expense. This was now more serious that our feelings, than college, my freedom and even Momo. Aizen was asking for Gin and I'm sure they both knew what was mainly keeping him from saying yes: me.

Not to be conceited, but I knew that Gin thought his entire world revolved around me. It was obvious from the way he painstakingly obsessed about every little aspect of my life. But I was just as enthralled by him and most of the time, if anything I wanted him to be even more in love with me. He knew there was no way he could please Aizen and me at the same time which meant he had to pick one and he was choosing me. But would I use all this as an out to a relationship that nearly drained me on a daily basis?

Walking forward, I braced myself on Gin's knees until they dropped and sat on his lap again. His head had fallen to his chest, waves of anxiousness rolling off of him nut I pushed that aside and carefully cupped his face in my hands. In the back of my mind, the fact that for once it was Gin and not me who was unsure about our relationship did not go unnoticed. Even though I knew he had these fears of rejection he rarely ever expressed it since I was always the one who needed comforting and he was the strong one. Now that the roles had been reversed I wouldn't miss my chance to show him all the affection he showed me. Even Aizen Souske himself couldn't separate me from the man I loved.

"Hey look at me Gin," I prodded, lifting his face. "I've told you before that I'm not going anywhere no matter what. Our past is just that, in the past. It doesn't matter as long as I have you _now_. You could have told me everything Gin."

His hands ran up my neck, treading through my hair "You're so perfect Hime, so innocent and pure. I didn't want you to know so I could keep you unblemished and away from Aizen for as long as possible. He's never even seen your face before, just heard of you, and I'd like it to stay that way."

"And it will. Its not like I'm going to go looking for him or anything; and if you had told me about M.U. before we wouldn't have to go through all of this. Sure, I'm a little freaked out… but it doesn't mean I don't still love you."

Leaning in, I kissed him sweetly, sucking on his lips until they parted and his tongue darted out to meet mine. Gin cupped my left hand with his own to pull them up to my line of sight. "My heart is in your hands," he repeated the inscription from the rings "Neither Momo nor Aizen nor M.U. is going to take you from me."

"Don't worry Gin. I'm not going anywhere without you by my side."

A couple of days passed and by very tedious measures I managed to sneak a phone call into Momo, who apparently would be in town for another week. No matter how much I felt the urge to cut Momo out of my life, I still needed to talk to her. Gin had been right about her in some respect: Momo did have feelings for me and probably hoped that one day I would come to my senses and fall for her. Those kinds of ideas were the type that could have her calling the police and my parents so she could _save_ me from Gin. Not good. That and the fact that I did miss her prompted me to test the waters of the found peace between Gin and I.

Since my little escape plan, I hadn't left the house by myself as per the rules of my punishment. So when I asked Gin if I could go to Karakura Mall - the meeting place Momo and I agreed on - he naturally said no, then proceeded to question me on which clothes I needed so he could have them tailor made. I then of course snapped at him and his ridiculously meticulous - not to mention expensive- habit of buying me clothes. An hour went by of scoffing, shouting and begging but nothing worked so I tried another card: seduction.

"Please Gin," I cooed, slinging my arms around his neck and gliding in closer to his body. He only squinted his eyes and frowned. "It's just the mall, I swear I'm not going to try anything! Cant I go?"

"No" he said, folding his arms.

"Oh come on, you cant keep me locked in here forever you know."

"Actually yes, I can. No mall Hime."

I growled a little, then started placing hot little kisses against his clothed chest, arching my back so I was firmly pressed against him "Pretty please Gin? Its been like a month since I left the house!" Standing on my tip toes, I tried to kiss him and failed. After only managing to reach his chin, I whined pitifully and with a huff he pulled me up into his arms. I rained kisses all over his face as he placed me on the bathroom counter and leaned in for another wet kiss. _Yes, you're winning Toshiro, he's gonna crack!_ "Trust me…"

Just as he was about to answer, Gin's cell phone rang. He straightened and reached to answer it just as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Hai Taicho. I already got the package."

"Please baby, I promise I'll buy something really nice for us," I whispered hotly against his neck, planting small pecks to his shoulder. He quirked a brow and tilted his head.

"Ne, ne tell me the deadline and yah can consider it done," I slid my fingers under the hem of his shirt to massage his abs but before he could speak again, I flicked his nipples lightly, making him grip the back of my hair and jerk my head away with a tight smile.

"Hai Taicho, midday, center of town" Gin chimed happily, shutting the phone and ending the call abruptly. He leaned in even more and gave a devilish little smile. "Mah, mah Hime" he chuckled " you're a very naughty boy."

"But I'm still _your_ naughty boy. Who was that on the phone?"

"Ol' friend," he quipped and changed the subject "Now, lucky for yah I gotta go ta town today so it looks like yer gonna get a ride ta the mall."

Completely sidetracked from the obvious lie of the call being an old friend, I happily squealed "Thank you Gin!" and pulled him in for another kiss. "You wont regret it, I promise."

"Lets hope not o' you'll regret it more than me," he hummed with a smile.

Half and hour later and I was walking through the mall to the food court café. Gin had dropped me off outside with warnings against me not being there when he came back in the next three hours. I only laughed and kissed him but I knew he was serious; having just healed from the little basement mishap, I would definitely be back on time. In fact, I planned to be done before hand so I could usher Momo out of the mall without the two ever knowing the other was there. No need to have another showdown in the middle of town. When I asked Gin where _he_ was going, he simply replied "Business" and drove off with another wicked smile. I hadn't pondered on it too much but now that I was left to think alone, there was a tickling in the back of my mind, like there was something obvious I was missing about his phone call. Just as I felt I was getting somewhere, I saw Momo running towards me with a big smile on her face so I pushed it aside.

"Momo! You're kinda early aren't you?" I teased.

"Ah, so are you Shiro, did you miss me that much?" She said, pulling me into a hug.

"Of course, of course. You hun-"

"Is he here with you?" Momo cut me off suddenly, peering over my shoulder cautiously and I sighed.

"No Momo, its fine. In fact he's not even in the mall right now. I think we should talk about some things though…including Gin." I mumbled tiredly.

"Oh Shiro, please…. for a little while, lets just be best friends with no problems out at the mall for a day, okay? It might be a while…before we meet again and I want this to be a good day."

"…Alright, whatever you say."

So that's exactly what we did. For about an hour we just strolled through the mall, thumbing through clothes and talking about life. She told me about her plans to become a lawyer, how her family was doing and even about her lack of boyfriend, claiming "There was somebody who caught my eye, but he's taken. I'm still hopeful he'll come around though!" I cringed at that one, hoping desperately she wasn't referring to me or else she'd have a very, very long wait. In all, she never even mentioned Gin but I knew he was in the back of her mind. I don't think anyone who had ever met him could keep him out of their thoughts. And despite my best attempts at pretending everything was fine, I knew Momo could tell that this would probably be the last time we ever spoke. It would be for the best. Our relationship seemed to have run its course and it would cause too much heartache for both sides to continue the way we were going. So, another hour trickled by and we wound up sitting on a bench in the middle of the mall, nursing two vanilla flavored ice cream cones while people milled by us in their busy lives. Momo spoke first.

"Its okay that you're choosing him over me, Toshiro. I get that you're in love, but…does it have to be with him?" she said in a small voice, looking straight at her dripping cone.

At first I didn't know how to answer, then said "It's not so much that I'm _choosing _him over you Momo. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I really have much of a choice _because_ I love him. I cant…I cant be without him. I'm sorry."

"But he's such a creep!" she exclaimed, turning to face me. "Look at how he treats you! I cant bear to see you so beat up and bruised and you're always running from him…"

"You don't know how he treats me, you only think you do based on something you think you saw."

"I don't _think_ I saw bruises Shiro, I know I did. Do you're parents know about any of this?"

"No," I snapped viciously "and they better not find out! I've managed to keep the two of us out of trouble so don't mess it up in my right when I'm about to finally be free."

Momo huffed, biting her lip nervously. "Well maybe they should know. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe being with Gin isn't the right decision?"

"…Yeah, of course. I'm only 18 years old, Momo. Forever with Gin seems like a pretty long time," I muttered, looking down at the gold band on my finger and her gaze followed, turning into one of surprise. "But then I think about how my life would be without him and I feel even more scared. You don't know how it feels to be invisible, Momo, for people to look at you and see dollar signs, a pretty face, or absolutely nothing at all. When Gin looks at me, I know that's he's really looking at _me, _that he wants _me_ and nothing else. He's the man I love and no matter how much I try to run from it, we're meant to be together."

"So that's what you're running from? Commitment…?"

"Well, I guess you could call it that… but truthfully, with Gin, its more than just a commitment. Its forever."

We sat in silence, finishing off our cones as our own thought swirled in our heads. Momo looked absolutely distraught and I wanted to comfort her but I didn't know how. This was the way it had to be, I'd made my choice now it was time for me to embrace it.

"Its not goodbye forever you know," I muttered when she put her head on my shoulder weakly. "We'll see each other again Momo, someday."

"Right…someday I'll come back and y-you'll be fine," she sniffed, definitely tearing up. "And I will come back Shiro-chan, even if Gin doesn't want me to."

"Yeah…"

"So, its not goodbye. Its see you later, ne?" She asked herself more than me and stood with her back to me. "Take care of yourself Toshiro, looks like that guy I like really is taken." Leaning over to place a kiss on my cheek, Momo looked at me with sad eyes one more time and walked away. I watched her go, wanting to stop her but my legs wouldn't move. She would be fine on her own and so would I. We both needed to find our own way in life and since I already knew where my future lied, it was time for me to start living it.

It wasn't until some lady passing by offered me a tissue that I realized I was crying, which wasn't surprising considering the fact that its all I seemed to do lately. Accepting with a smile, I walked away quickly, making my way into the chilly outside garden where almost nobody else was since thick gray clouds were lining the sky ominously and nipping winds were blowing. My mind seemed to want to forget Momo, so I pushed her to the side and tried to cheer myself up with images of Gin. He would be here to pick me up soon but I had a few minutes to spare by myself. Thinking of him brought back that phone call and I once again got the nagging suspicion that I was missing something. Truthfully, I had been having so much fun teasing Gin I hadn't really paid attention to what was being said. All I knew was that he was meeting someone in town, which wasn't that strange in itself but…it definitely wasn't an old friend. Suddenly my phone rang and I jumped in shock, standing to reach it in my pocket. Speak of the devil…

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked nervously. Had Gin been spying and seen Momo and I?

"Ne, ne nothing really. I finished a lil early so I'm already here."

"Oh, okay I'll come out front. I'm pretty much done too."

"No hurry, there's somethin I wanna pick up fer yah so meet me in the parking lot in 10 minutes, ne?" he chirped happily.

"Damn it Gin, don't buy me anything!"

"Ah, looks like the phones breakin up, cant hear yah Hime! Buh bye!" He giggled.

"Gin, you jerk, I'm serious don't buy anything expensive!" I snarled but he had already hung up. "What an idiot."

Walking off with an angry sigh and a shake of my head, I didn't see anyone in front of me until I collided with their stomach. The solid torso propelled me backwards and I fell on my butt with an undignified puff of cold air.

"Owww. Geez that hurt… Hey, look where you-" I started crankily only to look up and see a tall handsome man smiling down at me curiously.

"Actually, little one, it seems as though _you_ have bumped into _me_," he chuckled in amusement at my heated scowl. It wasn't until I snarled at him that he offered a helping hand, which I took.

"Well then, I'm sorry. I didn't really expect anyone else to be out here in this kind of weather. I mean, there's still snow on the ground." I frowned at him. He had slicked back brown hair with one lock falling over his left eye, a warm smile and was wearing a long white suede jacket with a thick cream scarf, gray slacks and black shoes that all looked quite expensive. A little too expensive for someone walking around a mall and I was instantly reminded of how Gin walked around, with that certain air of wealth that I tried to hide most of the time. It got too many looks I didn't need.

"I see that and yet you're out here yourself and it's hardly good weather for a child like you. Where are your parents?" he teased.

"If you must know, I actually like the snow. And my _parents_ are off doing whatever they want to since I'm old enough to take care of myself."

"Oh? And how old is that?"

"Eighteen you jerk."

His eyes took on a glowing, eerie look and I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my own skin. "Ah, what luck to bump into such a beautiful young man on such an ugly day. Perhaps you would like a cup of coffee, Mr…" he trailed off suggestively.

"Hitsugaya Toshiro. And no thanks, I don't think my boyfriend would like that too much. Besides, you're not really my type."

"And what type is that?"

"The pedophile kind. Just a second ago you thought I looked young enough to be a kid and now you want to take me for some coffee? I'll pass."

"Hahahah!" he chortled in his deep baritone voice, sending shivers down my spine. I didn't like the look of this guy. Just standing near him made me feel like the wind was being knocked out of me. "I can assure you I am not a pedophile, as you so eloquently put it." He leaned over and looked right into my eyes with a suddenly serious expression. "But I happen to be a collector of very beautiful things and you, Hitsugaya-kun, happen to be one of the most stunning persons I've seen in a while."

"As I said," I frowned backing away, "I'm already taken and my boyfriend doesn't like to share. You can go get that cup of coffee by yourself. Nice meeting you."

"Likewise, Hitsugaya but I'm sure we'll meet again."

"Right…" I mumbled walking of towards the parking lot but I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head. _What a very odd man. I never even got his name…oh well. Not like I really care._

When I got to the car Gin was already there, leaning against the car door with a smile and a cigarette between his bony fingers, gray plumes surrounding him. As sexy as he looked in his sleek black coat and dark jeans, I didn't like the smoking one bit, this being the second time I had seen him do it.

"Hey," I frowned and leaned away when he tried to kiss me, causing him to frown as well. "What's with the smoking? I thought we talked about this Gin."

"Yare, yare, yer worse than a mother hen. I know yah love me but I'm a big boy Hime, I can smoke if I want ta." he pouted playfully but I just glared. "Don't start, ne? I was feelin kinda stressed so I smoked one cigarette."

"And what's got you so stressed?"

"You do. Now stop pesterin me and get in the car," he growled playfully smacking my ass and I yipped in surprise.

Almost convinced to move, I turned to leave when I noticed the big black bag in his left hand. "Hey, wait a minute, what did you buy?" He held it up for me to read the _"Sinfully Delicious"_ logo printed on the side. A sex shop. I glared at him again. "What the hell could you have possibly bought _me_ from a place like that?"

"Yuh'll have ta wait and see when we get home, ne?"

"Gin, if you got what I think you got-" He swooped down and kissed me, cutting me off mid tirade and making my angry yell of surprise turn into a heated moan. I pulled on the lapels of his coat tightly, making him wrap his arms around my waist firmly to pick me off the floor. "Put me down you giant idiot" I laughed as he walked to the passenger side of the car.

"Ne, ne if I didn't take things into mah own hands, we'd never get anythin done with all yer complanin."

"You're gonna be taking something else into your own hands for a long time if you don't tell me what's in the bag."

He laughed. "I don't like threats Hime."

"Well I don't like surprises," I huffed as he went back around and got into the driver's side and started the car.

We started off out of the parking lot, down the highway and I suddenly realized I was feeling very affectionate today. I don't know where it came from since just a little while before I had been having a tearful goodbye with Momo and an awkward moment with a strange man but I felt oddly playful and wanted to tease Gin some more so I leaned over and licked his ear lobe, chuckling as the car swerved a little.

"Hime, yah trying ta get yerself killed?" he frowned jokingly.

"Be quiet. I've got a proposition for you. How about I give you a little treat and you tell me what's in the bag," I hummed, biting the same lobe.

"Depends on the treat."

I said nothing more, but my hands traveled across his lap, fiddling with the zipper on his jeans until the waist popped open and I could feel his hard cock pressing against his boxers. I rubbed it warmly. "Treat depends on what's in the bag. Give me the first letter, one guess."

"Hmmmm" he hummed when I slipped my fingers beneath the waist band of his boxers, wrist tickling the fine silver hairs on his stomach. "B"

"…Bottle of lube?"

"Nope. Now gimme mah treat" he chuckled happily.

I nipped his neck playfully, and shuffled until my face was in line with his open pants. Happily, I pulled out his fat hard cock, fisting it hotly and stroking him until drops of precum started dribbling out. A huge smile cracked across my face and I laughed at the sight of Gin gripping the staring wheel painfully before engulfing his head only. The muffled groan of pleasure I heard made me suck on him sharply before pulling away with a pop.

"Gin…" I moaned breathily "Drive faster. I'm feeling a little…hot."

There was no answer besides a sudden jerk as the car sped up considerably and I smiled again going back to the task at hand. Slowly, I lowered my mouth around him, swirling my tongue around all the cock I could take before testing my gag reflex and pulling him down my throat. "Oh, fuck Hime," he panted and I swallowed harshly, bobbing my head up and down on his shaft. One hand found its way to his balls and I massaged them gently as the other pumped whatever else I couldn't fit into my mouth.

The urge to have something inside of me was maddening and my pants felt horridly tight so I took one hand away from pumping and opened my own jeans, moaning around his throbbing length as I slowly jerked myself off. Part of me wanted to cum and part of me wanted for Gin to finish me off himself. When I looked back up at him, he was staring at me with those red eyes that made me feel like I was sinking in pools of lust and I nearly came right then.

Luckily I got my wish for Gin to take matters into his own hands when we swung a corner sharply, narrowly missing a tree that I recognized to be in front of Gin's house. Pulling my mouth off of him again I licked the trail of spit that connected me to his still leaking cock and smiled. "Geez Gin, try driving more carefully. What's the big rush?"

He gave me a heated sidelong glance and we sailed to a stop in the front yard. Before I could continue my teasing, his mouth slammed over mine and we were making out as one of his long hands crept up my shirt to pinch my nipples hotly. I jerked, biting down on his tongue swiftly in retribution but he only pulled away to jerk at my pants roughly, yanking them to my ankles along with my boxers.

"Ouch! Damn, wait a minute Gin, we're already home, lets go inside!" I whined even though the idea of fucking in his car - again - was turning me on even more.

"Nah, yah kept teasin and now I'm too horny ta make it all the way up there" he ground out, picking me up to sit me on his now rock hard cock, my back against the wheel making the horn honk loudly.

I gripped his hair, pulling him into a sloppy kiss "Inside, please! Then you can show me what's in the bag."

"Later Hime, right now, I gotta fuck yah," he stated simply, spitting in his hand before reaching down to stroke himself and press against my entrance.

"Oh shit," I whimpered loudly, back buckling for the feel of him pressing inside of me. There was a little pop and he was in me, sliding me down his cock until he was balls deep and panting loudly. Without wasting anymore time, Gin grabbed my hips and lifted me off of him again and again, creating a slow, steady rhythm I wasn't expecting. To speed things up I placed my hands on his shoulders for leverage and slammed myself back down, making the both of us groan and still.

"Don't do that Hime, I'm tryin at be gentle here," he muttered in restraint.

"Well don't be" I whimpered again. "Come on, pound me…"

"Shit, don't be complainin later about how sore yer ass is," he sighed and leaned his head against the head rest before pulling me up again to buck harshly into me. Gin's hips snapped up and yanked me back down onto his hard length repeatedly, making me bite my nails into the flesh of his arms and little mewls escape from my mouth.

"Oh shitshitshitshit, I'm gonna c-cum. Please Gin please…" I rasped out, not knowing what I was beginning for to push me over the ledge, but apparently he did. One hand kept hold on my waist to pull me into his pounding thrust as the other pinched my nipples harshly, his mouth latching onto my neck and biting down until I felt the skin break. "!" I screamed in pain and pleasure, stomach clenching as I squirted cum across my stomach and Gin's shirt. He followed soon behind, head moving down so he could suck on my nipples before I felt a hand clench on my hip and cum flood my body. We sat in silence letting the after shocks of our orgasms play out.

"Yare yare, I gotta fuck yah in the car more often Hime," he laughed quietly resting his head against my shoulder.

"Damn! I got cum all over your shirt…lets go inside and wash that off."

"Do yah really think I'm worried about a little cum on mah shirt right now?" he poked, purposefully grinding our chest together so the shirt got even more ruined.

"Just take me inside."

"What ever yah say princess."

As Gin shifted me back to my own seat and rearranged himself, I tugged on my own pants ignoring the sharp burn in my ass and let my mind wander. Distantly I heard the rustle of the _Sinfully Delicious_ bag and felt him pull me from the car; I realized also that in order for me to be this out of it I must be falling asleep. In my dozing haze I decided to pick on the phone call one last time while it was till fresh in my mind and my brain was functioning. Yes, even amazing sex couldn't seem to keep my genius brain from analyzing something that logically felt wrong. Replaying he words of the conversation in my head over and over again, a stiffened in Gin's arms when I realized the problem. He had called the man on the phone _Taicho_. Taicho…I had never head him call anyone captain before and the only time I had seen reference to it was on the back of an old picture with Gin and Aizen, written to the man in the nickname of _Aizen-Taicho_. I jolted awake, finding myself already in bed with Gin standing besides me, pulling off his clothes.

"Eh, what's the matter Hime? Bad dreams?"

"No, its nothing I just…I didn't feel you next to me and got lonely," I lied swiftly and he smiled.

"Well I can fix that fer yah right now,"

Snuggled into Gin's side, body heavy and sluggish from the long day and sex, my mind kept analyzing the information trying to find away to assure myself it couldn't be Aizen that Gin had met today. After all he had told me he denied his request and was basically ignoring the man so why would he meet him? It didn't make any sense. But Gin had fallen asleep, tucking my head under his chin; So I curled into him closer and tried to convince myself his confessions hadn't truly been lies.

**...I am going to sit here. Glued to the front of my computer and watch the comments come in. Doesnt matter if its 5 or 5 million reviews but i need to hear what people think because I'm freaking out. Did you buy it? Did you like it? Did you hate it? Keep in mind this is the flow of my original dream (most of my stories come from dreams). Ahhh the torture of writing. Anywho, next chapter there's gonna be the introduction of two very important people in addition to a cameo from three people i absolutey adore. Can you guess who they are? *Hehehehe* For a little while, Gin and Toshiro are gonna be fluff-a-licious because i want them to be and because i feel like i'm traumatizing you guys with my sadistic mind so you need a little brake full of loving wishes and eskimo kisses...I'm...very fragile and slightly insane so give me your honest opinion but dont make me jump off a bridge, kay? Buh bye!**


	13. Double Trouble

**Beautiful people of the world, I am back again =D. Okay i wanted to update alot faster but life happens so blah, you're gonna get it now. I wish i had some sort of special oneshot or something to commemorate my 100th review (I will go back and find out exactly who that was. who knows, maybe at the end of this long winded story you _will_ get that oneshot *wink wink*). Anywho this is - much to my shame - somewhat of a filler chapter but even fillers are needed sometimes, right? The next one will be all angsty and anger riddled so all you sadist out there hold out till next week. lol. But for now enjoy my delicious fluffiness to which i am dedicating especially to everyone who told me they were tragically terrified for Toshi and all his pain (oh and I love the fact that some people comment and call him Toshi too. lol. thought i was the only one...). I know i've probably said this before but...go read my other story! Yes, i am shamelessly telling you to do that. Why? Naturally because i'm a slut for reviews. lol. And of course because i just really like where I'm going with that whole Nnoi/Shin vibe. Special thanks to my awsome beta LockDaisy (you rock!) and everyone who helped me punch my muse in the face to get her working. Are you ready to meet the guest characters? yeah? So am i so I introduce you to chapter 13: Double Trouble.**

~~ Double Trouble ~~

Coincidences are everyday occurrences. Some people believe that there are no such things as coincidences, but not everything happens for a specific reason, as part of fate; that every event is part of this big grand scheme of things and are all interconnected. Random events occur that happen to feel suspicious or fated and that's all there is too it. Not everything should be taken as a sign, right? For instance, just because Gin kept getting calls from a man called Taicho late at night didn't mean it had any connection to Aizen, right? Perhaps Taicho was just a nickname he used for many people. I mean, he calls me Hime -something that used to piss me off but by now I'm pretty much resigned to accept it- so why couldn't he nickname someone Captain? It didn't have to be Aizen…it could be anybody. He told me himself that he didn't associate himself with the yakuza anymore, so there was no way in the world that he would have met Aizen in town that day three weeks ago; he wouldn't lie to me about something so important, right? Exactly. It was all just a coincidence and nothing more. I wasn't going to obsess over it because for the first time in a long time, Gin and I were happy.

Truthfully, I was terrified of the fact that Gin had been a yakuza member; and not just any member, a killer. Although I knew he would never hurt me, I couldn't stop myself from realizing that he was able to kill me at any moment and I probably wouldn't even know it was coming until I was dead. Then again, when had I not put my life in Gin's hands? This was Gin, my lover, my boyfriend, my best friend. So even if he had slaughtered a roomful of kittens, all I could do is wince, smile and reassure him that I didn't care. Because I really didn't. Everybody does things their ashamed of, but as long as it was ancient history, we could put it behind us and continue with our future. I was going to take each moment day by day and hopefully, we could move on. At the moment, however, there was something else pressing for my attention besides Gin's sordid history: the long set of cool fingers lightly trailing their way down my back.

"Wakey, wakey Hime…its time to get up," Gin whispered against the back of my neck, voice still gravelly from sleep.

"Ummmmmm. No its not."

"Ne, yah can't sleep all day!"

"Just five more minutes, please…." I mumbled, already half asleep again as I pushed deeper into the blankets on my stomach, face hidden in the pillows. Thinking I was scot-free, I nodded off, only to yelp when the covers were snatched off of me. "Gin!"

"Mah mah, yer so loud in the mornin'! How's about yah say hello before yah start screamin' yer head off, ne?"

Scowling fiercely, I turned my head to face him, craning my neck to bring my face closer to his. He leaned down, silver hair tickling my cheeks like silk, until we bumped noses and grinned at me which made me frown even harder. "Good morning…" I muttered, giving him a quick peck on the lips, only to slam my face into the pillows again. "Now can I have the quilt back? It's freezing in here."

"Ne, ne, I can tell," Humming, Gin slipped a hand up my side, dipping underneath my body to circle a nipple with one of his fingers lightly, making me moan. "Yer nipples 're rock solid already. Unless it ain't 'cause o' the cold…. Let's see where else yah can get stiff fer me."

"Gin stop it-" The words disappeared as he flipped me over onto my back, swiftly maneuvering both my wrists into one of his hands while the other trailed down to my navel.

"Ahhhhhhh, well looky looky at what I found…" he giggled, eyes trained on my morning wood.

Quickly, I clamped my thighs shut, effectively blocking his hand from going any lower and glowered. "Let go of me you sex maniac! Its 6:30 in the morning, I haven't even gotten up yet and you're trying to molest me."

"But yah are up! Yer nice and hard, standin' right up in front o'me!" Gin laughed, both hands trailing down to massage my waist. This was exactly why I tried not to fall asleep naked anymore, he always woke up more horny than when he went to bed.

"Shut up! Don't worry about me, I'm fine, now let me go back to sleep."

"Not until yah give me a real kiss."

"No."

"Eh, Why not?"

"Because, it'll only make you more horny and I'm still sore from doing it three times last night. So, no, I don't think you'll be getting anymore kisses from me."

He pouted, placing his chin in the middle of my chest. "I promise I'll be a good boy! Just one kiss, pretty please Hime? Just one lil' kiss from those soft pretty lips o' yers and I'll leave yah alone."

"No."

"…If yah don't I'll make sure yah stay in bed all mornin'. With me. On yer back. Or yer side, or yer knees, legs in the air, bent over the nightstand, on the floor-"

"…" I considered the chance that he was joking but the smile plastered on his face told me he was dead serious, so I yanked him up to me, planting my lips on his roughly. Gin grinned into the kiss, lips moving over mine heatedly, sucking on them as he ground down on my body. We gyrated on the bed, grappling as our faces slid back and forth against each other until I was moaning and pressing up against him wantonly. A warm tongue wormed its way into my mouth, swiping across the roof of my mouth and teased my own tongue into dancing with it; jabbing, delving deep into my mouth as though he was trying to eat me inside out and my lungs burned for air. Eventually, we calmed down and the kisses turned into something much softer, a mix of hot and sensually lingering exchanges of tongue and little pecks that made my stomach churn. This was all so…nice. I missed waking up to Gin's smiling face and these nerve-wracking make out sessions instead of leftover tense emotions from the night before. Right then, I knew I would do anything to stay in this moment, right here with Gin rubbing against me, hands raking down his back as my oversensitive chest pressed into his own. This was the feeling I was looking for: completion. I felt so right in his arms where there was nothing to fear, no lies and the world wasn't trying to come between us. I could stay here forever.

With a sigh, I leaned back, foolishly baring my neck for Gin to attack next, giving a long lick to my collar bone. "Ah, enough, enough! You said one kiss, Gin, now let me get some rest."

"Toshiro," he breathed against my neck, goosebumps raising on my skin. "Yah taste so good…I just can't get enough. Every time I see yah I want yah more and more and more…"

"Hahaha," I chuckled lightly. "You're so greedy. If you keep taking more and more, what will be left for me?"

"Nothing, cause I'll swallow yah whole and lock yah up so yah can never leave me.," I quirked a brow, eyeing him warily. "…Or we can share yah, ne? I'll keep half and you'll keep half so yer never whole without me." I laughed again, rolling back over onto my stomach, head on my folded arms.

"How generous. Why not just cut me in half, while you're at it? That way I really wont be able to survive if you're not around."

"Ne, I would never do somethin so gruesome!" Gin exclaimed in mock surprise but I only snorted; the quilt had ended up somewhere on the floor, forcing me to lean over the edge of the bed to grab it and fling it back over myself. "I want yah in one piece, just as long as yer by mah side."

"Yeah, yeah whatever you say. Make whatever plans you want about swallowing me up but do it quietly. Some of us are trying to sleep…" I mumbled. What I didn't expect was for him to snap the sheets back down to my ankles just as soon as I was comfortable. "Gah, what the…! Come on, leave me alone, I'm tired!"

"Ne, ne, no more sleepin' Hime. Were goin' out today," he said from beside me, laying on his back - completely naked might I add- with his arms stretched behind his head and a playful smirk on his lips.

Instantly intrigued, I shot up while pulling the sheets around me in a cocoon to look at him with wide eyes. "Really? Are you serious? Where?"

"It's a surprise."

"What? Don't be mean, tell me! I've wanted to get out of this place forever, its been weeks since I went to the mall!"

Gin frowned "Was it really that bad ta be spendin' time with me? I thought we were havin' fun."

"Uh…right. You're fun and all baby but it is nice to get out every now and then. Besides, looking at the same four walls can get a little boring after a while. "

"Then look at me," he chirped, clearly thinking he had made a great point.

The blank look on my face was his answer. "I've been looking at you for four years. Its time for a little change of scenery."

"Yer cold, Hime. I could look at yah all day everyday and never get bored," he said dejectedly making me snort and fall onto his chest, hands winding their way up to his shoulders.

"I'm sure you could, now stop trying to distract me and tell me where we're going."

"….The Takahiro Subaya Museum."

Letting out a gasp of surprise, I launched myself at his face, kissing him everywhere my lips could touch. "Gin, I've been wanting to go there forever! They have this running exhibit on Edward Hopper and all his early works since 1904 but its only for a couple weeks and I knew you wouldn't let me go alone so-"

Gin's smile grew, leaning up to shove his tongue into my mouth and silence me with a deep kiss. "I know Hime, yuh've been talkin 'bout it day and night," A hand crept up my back and pressed me down onto him further. "So I thought we might both go…like a date."

"A date?" I smiled wider "Well, well, well…if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to kiss up to me. What's the real reason behind all this?"

"Nothin," He said, frowning slightly. "Do I gotta have a motive fer takin' out the boy I'm in love with? Maybe I just wanna treat yah ta a good time, yuh've been under a lot o' stress lately."

I wonder whose fault that is… I thought wryly but only smiled, and kissed him again. "Thank you." Gin pulled me to him, engaging me in an exchange of soft, nipping lip locks that teased my senses and I melted into him; that is, until I felt a familiar blunt pressure at my entrance. One that nearly had me pressing back onto it until I realized what was about to happen.

Damn it Gin, you said one kiss!" I squeaked, expertly shuffling off of him and onto the bed again before diving underneath the quilts again. As if to piss me off further, Gin grinned wider, stretching while he leaned back and moved to jerk himself off shamelessly.

"What's the matter Hime? I told yah I can't get enough o' yah. Yer just so sexy when yer smiling fer me like that," he purred deeply.

"Ugh, cover yourself up, I don't wanna see you doing that!"

"Don't be silly, yuh've seen mah cock plenty o' times! Now come o'er here and help me out."

"No!"

"Mah, mah 're yah gonna leave me like this then? I guess we'll never get out o' bed and yuh'll never get to see all yer pretty pictures at the museum…"

For a moment, I glowered at him, genuinely annoyed with his persistence, then sighed. Who was I kidding? Although I'd never admit it out loud, Gin was incredibly sexy and when he teased me like this, I got a little hot under the collar, too. With a huff of faked exasperation, I crawled between his legs and watched as he stroked himself a litter faster with growing hunger in his eyes. "F-fine. But I'm only g-going to…to suck you off. If you go anywhere near my ass, I'm never sleeping with you again," I muttered, cheeks flaming at my own words.

He smiled brightly, teeth completely exposed, then spread his legs a little further to make room for me. "I'm not makin' any promises, Hime…but yah can give it a try. Lets see if yah can get me off before I make us stay in bed a lil' longer than I planned."

"Remind me again why I put up with you?"

"Because I love yah more than I've ever loved anything else in this world, including mah self," Gin stated confidently and I smiled, taking him into my grasp.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that…" I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice "Now, lets see if I can get us out of here by seven o' clock… "

"Ne, ne, yah keep doin' that, we'll be outta here in no time," he moaned as I got to work. I would have snapped at him but my mouth was kind of full and truthfully, I was too busy getting lost in his taste.

~l~

After managing to escape the bedroom with promises of doing anything he wanted once we returned, Gin and I made it out of the house within the hour. As much as I loved sex with Gin, I loved art with a passion, which meant one of the two had to wait: I chose the one less taxing on my body, that wouldn't leave me limping for our entire date. It was a half an hour drive all the way back into Tokyo, making me glad I no longer lived all the way out in the sticks of Seretei. Being this close to the city but having the quietness of Karakura constantly surrounding us was a feeling I had grown accustomed to over the years. Everything was easily accessible but at a comfortable distance. So, relaxed for the first time in a very long time, I spent the ride fiddling with Gin's finger's in my lap and staring out the window while wishing the day would never end. Gin was right. I needed this 'date' right now because I simply needed a break. The stress, the sneaking around, the inquisitions, they all needed to stop; and now they could because he had finally told me what I needed to know. We could move on, be happy, live the rest of our lives without fearing any secrets would destroy our relationship. I was finally free...

Or at least that's what I told myself. Not to be a pessimist but nothing this good could last forever when it came to me. I was never that lucky to get the happy ending I had been hoping for. So while I smiled and lied to myself insistently, in the back of my mind I knew there was something else I was missing. It felt like there was an eerie presence looming over my shoulder, sitting on the back of our relationship and waiting till' I got too comfortable to pounce and snap me back to reality, which is what I feared the most. For now, all I could do was try and convince myself it was all over. Even though I knew better and my gut instincts were yelling at me to stay alert. Somewhere along the drive I had nodded off, finally able to get the long promised sleep I was craving, and woke up to the feel of Gin peppering kisses along my knuckles lightly. Ahhh, Gin. To someone who didn't know any better, they'd think he was always this gentle with me. I wish we could stay this way…but I'll take what I can get. Sighing, I turned to face him, a smile playing on my lips as I looked into his face. He looked so pleased with himself and satisfied, like he had just eaten a full course meal. I loved this look; I loved knowing I had made him this happy and comfortable. It's the only expression I ever wanted him to wear.

"Mmmm. You had better stop. I could get used to being woken up like this," Blinking the sleep out of my eyes, I looked out the windshield trying to locate where we were.

"Nah, I wouldn't mind wakin' yah up like this everyday fer the rest o' mah life if it made yah happy. Besides, yah taste so yummy, its like eatin' candy" he sing songed, tongue swiping out to lick one of my fingers, which I yanked back quickly.

"Ew, don't just lick my finger out of nowhere, old man; that's the wrong way to wake me up. Now, where in the world are we?"

Gin's grin faltered as he leaned down to nip at my palm. "Ne, ne, I wasn't Ol' Man last night when I was poundin' yah and yah were cummin' so hard yah started cryin' out-"

Using the same hand he was holding, I slapped my palm over his mouth and grimaced, eyes adjusting as I sat up to look at the structure on the right: Takahiro Subaya Museum. "Thanks for the reminder but I was there too. I don't really need a replay. Now lets go, you didn't bring me all the way here just to look at the outside of the building."

"Yer always in such a hurry, Hime. Yah know, yer especially impatient when I got yer legs o'er mah shoulders and yer tryin' ta jerk yerself off before I can suck yer-"

I didn't stay to hear the rest of his speech, which was clearly designed to make me blush (which it did) but simply opened the door and began walking towards the museum. If he wanted to stay in there all day and talk dirty to himself then so be it, but I had other plans in mind that included me, Edward Hopper and a display of 35 one of a kind paintings. Of course, by the time I made it up the sidewalk he was right beside me, snickering as I tried very hard to ignore his attempts to hold my hand. Takahiro Subaya Museum was a work of art itself, designed in sharp irregular angles that reminded me of building blocks randomly stacked one on top the other. To add to the eye catching presence, the architect used smooth, lightweight golden metal that reflected even the slightest hint of light in a thousand different ways. It was absolutely breath taking. I had been there a few times for school trips and on my own to see exhibits. I was crazy about but it had been over a year since I visited. Before I realized what I was doing, my steps sped up and I was nearly running inside. My eyes were met with a wide expanse of cherry wood floor panels and the stark white walls. The museum was massive, containing three different floors that spanned two-thirds of the block, a gift store, four different sets of elevators and a large café that had three different sitting areas, one of which lead outside to a fountain and large water structure which was frozen over from winter to the end of spring that served as a skating rink. Absolutely beautiful.

"Wait up fer me, Hime. I know yer excited but this is supposed to be a date, ne? The least yah could do is stay by mah side," Gin said silkily, sneaking up behind me.

"Sorry. I forgot…a date," I looked up at him, wonder and excitement shining in my eyes. How I wish I could kiss him right then. "Thank you, Gin. Some days you're the best boyfriend ever."

Behind me, I heard him mutter "Some days?" but by then I had moved off again, eager to find the paintings. Bypassing a tall man and woman leaning against a wall, we took the elevator to the top floor and started right at the beginning of the exhibit and spent the morning working our way through it slowly. Edward Hopper, the American oil painter whose still realism style and still life paintings brought him to the heights of his fame. The first time I heard about Hopper, it was for a relatively mundane reason that didn't impress me: his painting, House by the Railroad (c. 1925), was used as the format for Alfred Hitchcok's Bates Hotel in the American horror film classic, Psycho. Personally, I didn't find the movie that 'horrifying', but when I watched it for the second time, something about the eerie stillness of the Bates Hotel called out to me; and I realized if the rendition made me feel this giddy, then how would I like the painting? That's when I went looking for the specific painting…and fell upon one of my favorite painters of all time. His work was moody, silent, powerful, and absolutely breathtaking. It was funny, but in some ways, his work and his own personality remind me of myself. For someone to have so much passion residing inside of them but to be apprehensive and incredulous about how the world really operated…it was a feeling I knew all too well. Not to mention I was enthralled by the loneliness in each of his works. They were always so empty and deserted, like the rest of the characters had disappeared or plain walked right off the painting; and what was left behind was the real beauty in the scene, the person sitting in the corner, cup dangling in their fingers with a far-off look on their face that screamed for attention. It felt like the paintings were speaking directly to me. If I had to name one, my favorite painting would have to be Morning Sun (1952). It was so sad and hopeful at the same time. When Gin asked me why I was standing in front of it for so long, I laughed and said I was trying to find out what city the girl in it was in based on the buildings in the background but truthfully, I was too busy experiencing chills. It was like looking in a mirror; that expression was on my face every time Gin hit me and I woke up the next morning.

After over three hours of roaming from floor to floor, gazing at the oddly desolate paintings, we decided to the ground floor for lunch at the café. Lucky for us, the skating rink was still up and the doors were open to the cool outside air. As much as I loved cold air, sitting right out near the ice wasn't exactly the most appealing idea to me so we sat right on the border, our table lying along the translucent glass wall of the café that looked out on the rink. Not paying attention in the slightest to what Gin was ordering, I gazed off, mindlessly scoping the people in the crowd. That was when I noticed something odd. Seven tables away, there was the woman I had seen when we first entered the museum standing aloofly by the glass doors and the man two seats behind her, resting lazily on the tables. There was nothing odd about what they were doing per se, but when I looked closely at them, they seemed out of place in the museum setting. Like they were trying too hard to blend in. The woman had warm brown skin and impossibly long legs that shot up to her incredibly huge breasts. Even I could admit that she had an amazing body. The man was just as laid back, slouching comfortably with his head resting on his folded forearms, a newspaper discarded in front of him next to a steaming cup of coffee. He too was looking off into space aimlessly as thick waves of brown hair tumbled down his face to his chin. Both people were stunning, beautiful even, but had an air of purpose about them and a hint of danger; it was the same feeling I got sometimes when I walked next to Gin. Just then, the woman turned slightly and I could see her long blonde hair cascading down her back and a thick turquoise blue scarf wrapped around the lower half of her face and neck. Curious, I ducked my head, fiddling with my phone as though I were actually doing something when in truth I was still looking at her from the corner of my eye. Almost instantly, her head swiveled to me, soft blonde lashes flicking up gently to unveil green eyes and at the same time, the man sat up slowly, looking my way as well. What the hell is this about? Do I know them? Why the hell are they looking at me? It was completely disconcerting and I tried to deny that that's what they were doing, but I could feel their gazes boring into the top of my head. Suddenly, the woman turned away again and the man slouched, but he kept his eyes trained just over my shoulder, like he was discretely watching someone. Which made perfect sense when I felt a hand touch the small of my back and a body lean over my shoulder.

"Ne, ne, Hime yah look a lil' lost. Is everythin' alright?" Gin purred silkily into my ear, making chills roll down my spine for a different reason than those two freaky stares.

No, everything's fine, I'm all right. I was just thinking about how happy I am today. This is one of our best dates yet," I fibbed gently, beaming up at him for the thousandth time today.

He smiled brighter, placing our lunch on the table then sat down gingerly. "Really? Even better than when I took yah ta the ocean fer yer birthday and we stayed in mah beach house?"

"Hmmmm. That was a pretty good one but nope, it's much better," Playing along, I made sure his back was facing the two so that he wouldn't freak out and go over there or something equally obnoxious. Glancing over, I caught the woman's gaze this time and stared right back. For a moment, we just looked at each other before she turned away fully, pulling out her phone as if it had rung, which it hadn't.

Gin tilted his head, catching my attention again. "Ne, but we even did it on the beach! I thought that was pretty romantic, Hime."

"Yeah, very romantic. Until I realized I had sand in places I never want to have it ever again," Gin giggled, leaning closer and blotting out both figures behind him, much to my dismay.

"Well then, do yah think we can make this the perfect date if we have quickie in the bathroom?"

Distracted by his idiocy, I glared at Gin ferociously. "Are you out of your mind? Of course not! I would have to be half drunk and have a concussion to even consider that."

"Mah, mah…maybe I can persuade yah ta change yer mind…" A stray hand trailed up my thigh under the table, getting dangerously close to my zipper before I grabbed his wrist.

"Don't. Even. Think. About it!"

"Shiro-chan? Ichimaru-Sensei! Is that you?"

Both of our heads shot up, edging away from each other as I tried to make out the familiar womanly voice. In front of our table was a buxom woman with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes standing next to another girl with stunning green hair and a blonde foreign looking boy. The trio was shocking to say the least, definite attention grabbers but the strawberry blonde stood out to me the most

"Rangiku?"

She grinned, face sparkling at the recognition. "Well it took you long enough! How could you forget me after only three months, Shiro-chan!"

"I'm sorry, its just…you caught me off guard, I didn't expect to see you. What are you even doing here, you hate art," I muttered quickly, leaning further away from Gin.

"Bleh, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for these two! Shiro, meet Neliel Tu Ordevershank, my cousin, and her best friend Shinji Hirako. Nel, Shinji this is Shiro-chan, I went to school with him!"

Frowning, I looked at the two, quick to correct the introduction. "Its Hitsugaya Toshiro, not Shiro-chan. Nice to meet you."

"Hiya Toshi!" Nel squeaked in a high pitched voice that startled me.

"Ditto. Say, yer kinda cute," Shinji said with a grin, leaning forward to peer at me curiously. "What are yah doin' later?"

"I am not cute, thank you very much," I growled but the boy only smiled brighter, eyes flickering with interest to Gin who was grinning all the while, though I could tell he didn't like the attention I was getting. "And sorry but I'm not really interested."

Rangiku hit her forehead, groaning loudly "Ah, guys I forgot to introduce Ichimaru-sensei, he was our math teacher!"

"Sen-th-say?" Nel lisped wildly. "You don't really look like a Senthsay misther."

"Ne, ne yer not the first one ta say that," Gin smiled.

"Yo, where 're yah from Ichimaru-chan? Yah got a lil' country accent too," the boy inquired, obviously deciding to try his hand at flirting with Gin instead.

"I ain't really that country, I just spent some o' mah childhood there and the accent kinda stuck with me," Gin said offhandedly, tilting his head in faked interest. "I could drop it if I wanted to but I'd rather not."

Nel gushed, slinging an arm over Shinji's shoulder "Well Shin-chan is from Rukongai, he justh came to Karakura a couple months ago. I don't think his accent is going anywhere soon."

"Neliel is an artsy fartsy kind of girl so she dragged us here to see that Edward Hopper exhibit. We thought it would be a nice little trip," Rangiku interrupted, turning to me again. "Guess my little genius Shiro-chan came to see the same thing, right? Weren't those paintings kinda creepy though? They were all empty and awkward…wait a minute, I just realized something…why are you here with Sensei?" Gin and I both froze, mentally wincing as she asked a question I wasn't sure I was ready to explain.

I wasn't surprised it took her so long to realize it was odd for a teacher and student to be out and about together like this; Gin and I had basically been connected at the hip in high school as I pretended to be the teacher's pet. But we had graduated, meaning that our relationship should have died out by now. How could I explain this without actually outing our still very private relationship?

"Well..um," I mumbled eyes flashing over to Gin's smiling face. "See, we both like Edward Hopper and I needed a ride into the city anyway so we thought that…we could both…see it together," finishing lamely, I looked back at Rangiku's questioning face.

"But um…didn't you say your parents were leaving town again? Like, didn't they move away from Karakura a couple months ago…?"

"Yeah but…Gi- I mean, Ichimaru-Sensei, offered to let me stay with him because…I wasn't ready to move yet…since I didn't know where I was going for college. Right, that's it!" I fumbled hastily, grasping at a plausible answer. "There was no point in moving when I'll be leaving Karakura soon…or not at all for that matter."

"Ah. Okay," Rangiku blinked at me, curiosity still lingering in her face. "I see! So where are you going for college? Oh, is it M. University in Tokyo?"

"He ain't goin' there in a million years." Everyone turned to look at Gin with mild surprise at the hostility in his voice. I just cringed.

"What he means is…we're not sure yet. I don't really like the city," I covered swiftly.

"Rightttt…that's…interesting." The trio had fallen quiet and I was mindlessly smiling at them, hoping they would take the awkward silence as their cue to leave. This had been unnerving enough as is, was Rangiku really so blind to others' emotions? Just then, Shinji snorted and rolled his eyes, tounge lolling out in a bored manner to reveal a sparkling pink tongue ring.

"Gee, yer so dense Rangiku. Don't yah get what's goin' on here? What they are ta each other?"

"Huh? What do you mean?

She frowned in confusion as Nel looked us up and down again before a wide smile broke out over her face. "Ohhhhhh. I get it! You guyths are living '_together_.' Well then, I guessth we're interrupting." She giggled grabbing Rangiku's arm. "Come on let's get outta here, we've still got other things to see!"

"Wait, what are we interrupting?" Rangiku pouted but she was already being shoved in the opposite direction.

"Nothing, nothing at all. Come on Shin-chan, lets give 'em some privacy!"

Shinji turned to move away, then looked back with a grin. "Rangiku might be slow but I can tell when two people 're fuckin'…however….if things don't work out - fer either one o' yah- gimme a call, ne? I'd hate ta think two cuties like yah were goin' ta waste." He winked suggestively as he dropped a piece of paper on the table then walked away.

For a moment, I just watched them go, watching the direction they had gone in even after they had disappeared. I didn't even know what to say. What could I say? Turning to Gin as my brain fizzed from the overload of that awkward moment, I was about to begin blubbering my distaste and utter unease to him until I realized he was staring off too. But not in the direction Rangiku had gone: Gin was staring directly at the tall man and woman in the corner. At first I was sure he was surprised by their gaze as well, then I noticed they were staring right back and in… fear. Absolute fright was written in both there knitted brows as the woman dipped further into her scarf till only her eyes showed while the man slouched down to dangerous proportions. And I would have been reeling too had I been on the opposing end of the stare. Gin's eyes were wide open, glinting a dangerous shade of red I had never seen before; there was no trace of a smile anywhere on his face. Then, he began to mouth something to them that I nearly didn't catch because of my shock, reading the tail end of his words on his lips: _"…this message back to Aizen. I got the package, hence there's no need for you two to be tailing me. He will never meet him and you won't get to him either, so if I see you following me again, I will kill you both."_

My blood froze as I realized several things simultaneously. One, Gin knew these people. Two, they must know Aizen Souske personally and three, we were being trailed, most likely due to the command of Aizen himself. This was it. The dark cloud looming behind me that I had been fearing. For the past three weeks I spent every waking moment trying to convince myself that all of this nonsense was over and done with but here it was, being shoved back in my face again. Why today? I cried to myself mentally Is this how its going to be forever? Every time I think my life is going fine, will Aizen resurface and screw everything up again? With a gasp, my face turned towards my hands, which were clenched in my lap. There was something else I was forgetting to brood over. The package. Gin had said it again, that he got a package; what did that even mean? Was the package coming from Aizen? All at once, Gin's heartfelt confession was starting to sound like a crock of bullshit.

"Hime, are yah alright? What's wrong?" Gin said in a worried voice, probably hearing my pained gasp.

_No, I'm not alright. But you can make it better_… "Gin, take me home. Now"

"What?"

Whispering, I looked up at him pleadingly. "Let's go, I've seen enough and that whole thing with Rangiku was too close a call and…can we just go? Please?"

Gin frowned, clearly put out by the idea of cutting our date short. "Whatever yah want, Hime. This day is about yah, we can do that if it'll make yah happy."

I didn't reply, smoothly manuvering out of my seat to pull him to his feet and headed for the door. The entire time we were passing though the cafeteria, I kept my head down unsure of what my face looked like at the moment and I didn't really feel like lying my way out of this situation. But when we passed the man and woman, I glanced over, eyes locking with the man for a fraction of a second before Gin pulled me through the doors completely. In that moment, when our eyes met I could feel heat and curiosity burning in his eyes, but what shocked me was the hint of regret I found there as well. He looked almost…sorry that he was even there to begin with. But it didn't matter because he was there and no matter how much I tried to deny it, Aizen would always be lingering in the background, following us until he got whatever it was he wanted from Gin. I wasn't free at all.

~l~

The car ride home was tense seeing as I was too fidgety to fake sleep and not nearly calm enough to pull off some level of poise for Gin's sake. Hopefully, he thought my weird behavior was due to seeing Rangiku and not that I had seen our two stalkers. At least I could safely say he fared no better in managing his emtions either as there was a permanent furrow to his brow. We were both thrown off by the past half hours events and I didn't quite know what to do with myself. What a wonderful end to a fabulous date.

"Why didn't yah tell 'er about us?"

Surprised by Gin's sudden question, I blinked at him owlishly. "Excuse me?"

"Rangiku. Yah didn't tell 'er that we're datin'. Why?"

"I hope you're not seriously asking me that."

"Yes, I am. Yer a big boy now, Hime, its time ta start fessin' up," he frowned deeply, tilting his face towards mine as we entered Karakura Town. "Or are yah ashamed o' me?"

"You have got to be kidding me," I sighed, feeling my anger levels rise. "I don't know if you've forgotten but I still have parents, Gin."

"Right. Yer parents- who 're hundreds o' miles away right now-might I mention, are the reason yah don't wanna tell people about us."

"Yes, my parents! Just because they're not here doesn't mean they wont find out Gin. And I'm not eighteen just yet, which means that despite how much of 'a big boy' I am, they can still force me to move in with them… and put you in jail."

He snorted. "Highly unlikely. By the time they find out, yer birthday will've passed and it'll be too late by then. Admit it, yer scared."

"Yes I'm scared damn it! We've talked about this, Gin! You're hell bent on making sure I stay with you forever and I don't want to lose you so why in the world would I put us in a position to be split apart? When my parents find out, they're not gonna be happy, you know that."

"Ne, I wouldn't worry about yer parents, Hime. They've been a lil' preoccupied so far, do yah really think they're gonna start carin' about yah now?"

His taunting words stung, despite the fact that I knew they were true. "Please just stop it! You know I want to stop hiding and lying as much as you do! It just…it isn't the right time yet."

"So yah say. But yer right, it really don't matter no how 'cause yer mine whether the world knows o' not."

By the time we arrived in the driveway of Gin's house I was silently fuming and barely containing myself from snarling back hotly at him. How very Gin-like to remind me of his undying ownership over me, which I certainly didn't need a reminder of to begin with. Biting my cheek, I started formulating what insults to lob at him before I realized where this was going. Right now, I didn't want to be angry or fight or anything like that. I wanted to let it all go and spend at least one good day with Gin. Recently, it felt like even a minute between us without heated words was too much to ask for. We seemed destined to keep arguing till' one of us was dead. But not today. Today was my day, he said it himself! So why was this turning into another stupid fight? I couldn't argue with him now. I wanted comfort, security, to feel his arms wrapped around me before our world fell apart all over again and thoughts of Aizen and suspicion came blazing through my mind like wild fire. If I could put off the fighting just a little longer…if I could keep us in this moment for one more day…at least I would have this day as a good memory when things got bad. Turning in my seat, I grabbed his forearm just as he was moving to get out the car. Just as he opened his frowning mouth to snap at me, I leaned up, pulling his head down and tilting both our faces into a gentle kiss. The surprise on his lips was undeniable and when he twitched to move away, I deepened the kiss further tugging on his bottom lip with my teeth and nibbling gently until I felt him give in. With an exasperated sigh, Gin slid one hand to cup behind my head as the other slid down to massage my thigh and we both got lost in each other's kiss. After a couple minutes I finally pulled away to look at his squinted eyes.

"Fuck me."

Gin faltered, head tilting as he was taken aback. "Eh?"

"I promised you that I'd do whatever you wanted when we got home, right? So let's fuck."

"…Hime, if yah think sex is gonna get yah outta havin' this conversation with me yer wrong."

"That's just it Gin. I don't want to have this conversation or any other with you if your gonna yell at me! Today was our date, you said you wanted to make me happy! So make me happy and just…just touch me… I need you to touch me, okay?"

"Toshiro-"

"Please!," I cried, feeling anxiety crack my restraint. "I'm so sick and tired of arguing and crying and lying… let's just forget it for now. Can we be happy for just one day?"

Gin stared into my face for a moment with a searching expression, like he was trying to see how serious I was. Then he sighed and pulled my face into his chest and kissed the top of my head. "Toshiro," another sigh followed. "Do yah really think I like this arguin' anymore than yah do?"

"Yes." He pinched my thigh playfully at the answer.

"Shut up, yah know I don't. I love seein' yah smile and blush and look at me with those big soft eyes o' yers and all that other cute shit way more then I do seein' yah pissed…because I love yah. Do yah love me too, Hime?" He whispered and I twitched.

"You know I love you Gin. I'll love you no matter how mad you make me, forever and ever."

"…Then that's all that matters. Kiss me."

That was all the command I needed before I was melting into him, arms flung around his sides as I pulled him into a searing kiss that had my toes curling in on themselves. I knew this wasn't really solving any of our problems by distracting him with sex but what else could I do? In this relationship, I wasn't naïve enough to think I held much power over things but couldn't I at least manage to delay an argument? As we fogged up the windows for the second time that month and my cries filled the car, my mind flew in a thousand different directions: I thought about Gin, Aizen, the two beautiful stalkers that had been at the museum, my parents, even Rangiku. There was so much against us, something to put a spoke in our wheel at every turn, it was a miracle we lasted so long to begin with. But just like Gin, I was sick and greedy for more even though I knew this was an unstable, toxic, codependent relationship we had that was bound to hurt me. Time and time again I came back for more punishment and heartache because in moments like this, when we were so passionate wrapped up in one another I knew it wasn't just a coincidence that we had met. This was fate and I didn't want to let go without a fight. But for right now, that fight could wait. Today, I just wanted to be loved.

**Sorry kids, no smut this time! lol. But about that...i've been talking with a couple people and i dont know if everyone's heard but there's this horrible crackdown on stories with bad grammar, spelling and of course anything that should be rated MA. naturally i am terrifed that some administrator is going to stroll by, see my stories and delete me from ff as we know it. T_T lets hope not...On a brighter note, can you tell me who the two spies were? First person to guess right gets a cybercookie and a spoiler on the next chapter! I love Nel so i had to put her in this story sometime and yes both she and Shinji are the same characters from my other story A Penny For Your Thoughts (for anyone who has been reading that). hehe guest apperance! I'm gonna make a whole L & K universe some day, you'll see! More Drabble: Kihana94 is genius and made a whole community for Unloved Yaoi Couples (aka anything not grimm/ichi) lol. We both love grimm for the sexy beast he is but dear god, i dont want to read another story about him and ichi for a very long time. its driving me nuts! what, no bya/ren, ken/ichi? So go check out my profile to get the link to the community, read our stories, add any other story youre reading that you think has an underloved __****BLEACH**** couple in it, and tell me how you feel! Loving the reviews, please keep them up because as i'm punishing in school i get to imagine all the lovely things you guys say to me. i love each and every one of my readers. you've made me a very happy girl in a very short space of time. CIAO!**


	14. Meet and Greet

**My sweethearts! I missed you sooo much, you have no clue! I would like to say, however, that I was partially motivated to update because I know I failed my Pre-Calc test as well as my Latin so...yeah, my life sucks. Oh well. The second reason is, although this chapter has NOT been edited yet, its just been way too long! This is the longest I have ever gone without updating and I feel horrible. _ I actually went through withdrawl and had to go back and re-read reviews and my a/n *tears* it was so pathetic! So, since I cant wait any longer, I tought I'd just give it to you unedited and re-upload it all shiney and new at a later date. Please excuse any errors for now. I'm really sorry for the delay. If it makes you feel better, I spent about two weeks obsessing over the plot and rewriting one chapter THREE TIMES. It wore on my nerves. I'm actually not even done writing that chapter yet...shame. Anyway, I'm rabbling and there is a story you guys want to read (idk if you've even read all of this 0_0 lol) so here is chapter#...(I cant remeber the number)...blah blah of Lock and Key:**

~~Meet and Greet~~

Although Gin and I had been trying to keep afloat in lover's paradise since he told me about his past, as April rolled around things were beginning to feel very strained and he had become increasingly…edgy.

"Hime, I need yah ta promise me yah wont leave the house fer a while," Gin told me one afternoon as we sat on the living room couch, me between his legs as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Psh," I snorted "Like you'd let me out of your sight long enough to go anywhere. The most I could do is take a walk in the backyard. How perilous."

"I'm serious, not even that. No goin outside period. Don't answer the door, any phone calls, take out the garbage, nothin. Got it?"

The way he said it made me freeze and crane my neck to look at his face over my shoulder "Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothin yah need ta worry yer pretty lil head about. Just…don't go anywhere."

"…Gin," I said in a low voice. "This is about Aizen, isn't it? What's going on? Did he call again?"

"What part o' 'don't worry about it' don't yah understand Hime? Just do yer part and do not go outside o' or even show yer face fer the next couple days."

"I thought we were past all this mysteriousness. I already know about it so why not just tell me what's going on…unless there's something else you're keeping from me."

Gin pulled me back closer to him, voice snapping harshly over my head. " Yah don't need ta know anymore than yah already do. Now shut up with all the questions and do as I say."

The old flame of resistance in me flared up and I pulled away, turning to huff at him in annoyance. "And if I don't? Who knows, I might just want to take a walk. If there's nothing to hide and nothings wrong, a walk in my own backyard cant hurt, right?"

"Toshiro if you disobey me and leave this house" he hissed menacingly " make sure you know you got somewhere to go cause the door will be locked if you try and come back. Or I could call your parents saying you desperately miss them and send you on a little flight, do you understand me?"

Knowing he wasn't joking, I simply lowered my head and glowered at his chest "Yes sir," I mocked, quickly hoping off his lap and walking away without another sideways glance. See? Edgy.

Since Gin's unbending will when he made a decision wasn't knew to me, the way the conversation had turned wasn't surprising. I wasn't mad because he was being as incorrigible as ever but because he was being too paranoid. Which proved my theory that he indeed was hiding something from me and made me think it _was_ Aizen he had meet in the city that day I went to the mall and that he was much more deeply connected to the man and woman following us in the museum than I had assumed. All very disturbing conclusions.

The conversation had happened just yesterday and my annoyance had effectively put ripples in our tentative truce. If he entered a room, I left. When he tried to kiss me, I turned away or put little to no effort into it. If he grabbed my hair or pulled my arm too hard I just looked at him with dead eyes. The classic silent treatment. I knew it was childish of me to behave like this but I couldn't help it. Things needed to change between us and if I didn't push for it, nothing would ever happen. Part of me knew no matter how many years passed, Gin would still feel that he had the right to control me, which I had gotten used to. I could deal with an overbearing boyfriend; however it was the hitting and well plotted lies that I didn't want. Ever since I had that minor breakdown when we had sex after Momo was here, Gin had been extra careful with me. Gentle touches, soft kisses, the constant murmurs of 'I love you' - which wasn't new but I knew it was a contentious effort -plus the increasingly gentle sex had thrown me for a loop until I realized what he was doing. As much as Gin liked to deal out punishments, it was obvious that at some point I would need some tender loving care. Thus, it had been nearly a whole month since I was last hit and with the decrease in bruises, I couldn't be happier. But there was one problem: I knew it wouldn't last. Just like I needed love, Gin needed to hurt me. It wasn't always physical but a little mind fuckery and rough sex could do the trick too. Even that wasn't so bad. It was when the whips and belts came out that I absolutely lost it. Everything had been piling up too quickly at once with me trying to escape, my punishment, the basement, Gin's lies and Momo…my life was spinning out of control and I didn't know how to stop it. Worse yet, I didn't think this was the end but the beginning of a long line of problems to come.

So, I was silently waiting, counting the days until the dark Gin came back - the one who made me cry and wish I had never been born- and trying to mentally prepare myself for the intense rush of feelings that would come with his return. As of right now, though, I was pretending to watch T.V. as Gin sat in the den office, preparing his curriculum for next year's senior class. Besides pondering Gin's seemingly multiple personalities, my mind was still running in circles over two things: Aizen and the key to Gin's private office. As much as I tried to convince myself that the whole 'Taicho' statement over the phone could have been innocent enough, I knew that I was lying to myself. My initial conclusion along with the coincidence of people trailing us in the city had made me nervous that my coincidences _were_ in fact all connected: to Aizen. Gin must have been in contact with Aizen, but why? And why in the world would he meet him? My gut was telling me that just because I knew a little about Gin's past didn't mean that I still didn't need to get into that private office. Which meant I still needed the key and I didn't know where it was. Searching for it had been virtually impossible since Gin had me under close personal surveillance 24/7 and he was in no rush to leave the house since our date. I was no closer to finding it than I had been when I got caught looking on Valentines day.

"No, its not going to happen" a low murmur from down the hall pulled me from my thoughts and I realized the it had become quite quiet in the den. Turning up the T.V. I quietly got off the couch and tiptoed down the hall to the wall of the den office. Putting my ear as close to the door as I could without being seen, I strained to listen to Gin's low voice.

"No, yer not gonna meet 'im. Gomen Taicho I aint bein disrespectful but…this thing don't got nothin to do with 'im!" Gin suddenly snapped, and I heard him move from his chair to pace the floor. "…That was a long time ago Taicho and he's safe now so its got nothin ta do with 'im anymore. I'm askin yah ta leave it alone." A pause. "Do I ever ask yah fer favors?" Another pause and he answered in a tense voice "That was one favor and now I'm askin yah to keep it that way! Look, yah got what yah want so leave us alone. Just let me do my job now." Gin sighed and I heard a shuffle of papers. "Hai, when he delivers the next package, consider it done," he said and snapped his cell phone shut.

Quietly, I made my way back to the couch and sat there blankly for a minute or two. Truthfully, I didn't know what to make of what I had just heard. Most of it didn't make sense since it was out of context but at least I knew that another package was being delivered, whatever the hell that was. And my suspicion about the _Taicho_ being Aizen was basically confirmed. Gin seemed to take careful measures to make sure he never used the man on the phone's real name plus, he had said "yah got what yah want so leave us alone" a statement that would make perfect sense to ward off Aizen. But what had he wanted and what was Gin's 'job' that he had done? Once again, the secrets were bubbling up only this time I didn't want to fake happiness and beg Gin to hold me, I wanted to know the truth. I had put this off for long enough and now I wanted to know…what the hell was going on?

"Oi, Hime yer zonin out again," I heard Gin chirp from the living room doorway and I turned to stare at him openly. He titled his head to the side with a dip in his grin "What's that look fer?"

Biting my lip and turning away I answered lowly "I don't really feel like talking right now."

"Mah, mah still goin with the silent treatment, eh? Its getting kinda old," he hummed but I didn't answer. I was too upset to speak. "Toshiro, stop it," he commanded when the silence stretched on for too long. "You're starting to annoy me. Don't be a baby, its not like you had anywhere to go in the first place."

"…Do you love me?" I asked out loud and closed my eyes when I felt him slip into the couch beside me and wrap his arms around my waist.

"Always."

"Do you want to see me happy?"

"O' course."

"…Then why do I get the feeling you're still lying to me…about Aizen?" Now it was his turn to sit in silence and I looked up at him, hands digging into his arms at the closed off expression on his face. "I'm right aren't I?" I hissed "You're still keeping something from me!"

"No I'm not. Yer makin up stupid ideas in yer head again."

"Am I really? Then tell me, whose been calling you every night?"

"You already know who it is Hime."

"Do I? Do I even know what you say to him? I don't even know why I cant leave the house for god sake, so how do I know what's really going on?"

The snarl that ripped through his chest startled me. "Yah don't need to know what's going on. I know that yah haven't forgot how it is between us just 'cause I've been going easy on yah recently: I tell yah ta do something, yah do it. Since when do I have ta explain mahself?"

"Since you begged me not to leave you when you told me about your past!" I snipped, making him glare at me behind closed eyes. "Did you really think that just because you told me a little bit of information I was going to let all the other weird things happening around here slide forever?"

"I am tryin very hard to remember that yer still a kid and yer probably just actin out-"

"I am not acting out, I want you to tell me whats going on!" I cut him off but he continued smoothly.

"But what _you_ have ta remember is I don't got much patience Hime. Cut the incredulous bullshit and give it up. I told yah what yah wanted to know, now stop questioning me."

"That's not enough Gin, I want more than this."

"For the love o' god," He growled, jerking my shoulders so I could face him. "What more could yah possibly want from me? Yah say I'm too suffocatin, I stopped hittin yah. You want to go out, I take yah on a date all the way in the city. You freak out in bed and cry like a lil bitch so I spill mah guts and this is the thanks I get? Yer gettin mighty demandin Hime and I don't like it one bit."

"Demanding? _Demanding!_" I cried incredulously. "How can you sit there and call _me_ demanding? When was the last time you took a look at yourself? I have given you _everything_ I have to offer Gin and I never asked for anything besides love and honesty. But you cant give that to me, you have to lie through your teeth at every chance you get!"

"Don't make yerself the innocent martyr in all o' this, Hime. Do you know just how much _love_ you ask for on a daily basis? When we got together I didn't just get a lover, I got a whole emotional sack of bullshit ta tend ta so don't try and tell me I'm too demandin because if anythin yer such a lil love starved puppy yah might be even more demandin than I am! I spend every wakin minute tryin to make sure yah get all the love you've been dying fer, and quite frankly its damn drainin. So I think the level of give and take is about equal, ne?"

If looks could kill I'm sure Gin would have died on the spot. I could feel waves of cold hatred and hurt seeping out from my pores as I painfully fought back tears. "Well," I grimaced, pulling myself from his arms to stand "I am _so_ sorry for all the trouble…but if I remember correctly it was _you_ who came to _me_. In fact, you promised to save me. I never asked for you to love me Gin, you made yourself do that. You knew who I was and what I wanted the moment you set eyes on me, so don't you dare act like it was some big shock to you to find out I needed to be loved! But you know what, don't worry about spending all your precious energy on me because you can just stop right now! I hope you and Aizen have many happy years together because I don't want to hold you back from what really matters to you, your _family_."

Even with all the gusto of my speech, I broke into tears, folding in on myself and clutching my own waist painfully. It was things like that that I feared the most, having Gin tell me that loving me was too much trouble and he had found someone much easier to love, who took all his crap without demanding explanations. That he would throw me out on the street the minute I became too much of a load to bear. Wiry arms clasped around me as Gin pulled me into his chest, rubbing his hands down my back but when he tried to kiss my face I pulled away, burrowing my face into my own shoulder and he growled in annoyance.

"Stop it!" he snapped, tugging me back into his embrace, roughly picking me up and heading for the stairs. "You know that's not what I meant." I struggled against his iron grip.

"No! L-let me go you bastard!"

Without another word, Gin stalked to the bedroom, kicking the door open as he still tried to kiss me. When I turned away again with a growl, he dropped me on the bed and began pulling off my clothes, not bothering to unbutton my shirt but instead ripping it hastily, to which I protested loudly. My pants met the same fate as they were tugged off quickly along with my boxers. When I was fully exposed he stopped to rake his eyes over my body, spreading my legs obscenely when I tried to cover my nakedness. His hand reached down to tease my nipples as his other teased my entrance, fingertips dancing across my opening.

"Despite that mouth o' yers, yer so beautiful Hime. Even when yah say dumb things ta piss me off, I still cant get enough o' yah," he mumbled into my neck as he nipped along my jaw line.

"Get off you jerk, you cant solve everything w-with sex.." my voice faltered as he slipped one finger inside of me, the digit moving expertly to find my prostate and hitting it with deadly accuracy. My back bowed and I bit my lip from crying out.

"I love yah, I love yah so much," he hummed, snatching my wrist together and pinning them above my head with one hand. Gin looked into my eyes as he licked his fingers, moving to slip another inside me and I wriggled in discomfort. "I never said I minded lovin yah Hime, even if it's a full time job. And I _will_ save yah, from everythin in this world that could harm yah, even if yah fight me every step of the way because I love yah. I'd die before I let you go." Looking up at his burning eyes, I fought to control my emotions, knowing that Gin knew all the right buttons to push to make me swoon. I wanted to curse and scream and rave but I felt my resolve turn to jelly as he soundly kissed me, pulling away every now and then with my tongue between his teeth and a lick to my lips.

"S-s-stop, I don't want this. Everything you say is a trick and I don't want to hear it," I whimpered pitifully, turning my face away with my last ounce of will power. Gin raised a brow and frowned, moving away. When he raised himself off of me, I felt my body follow involuntarily and he walked to the closet, rifling through the many bags there and turned around with the _Sensual Desires_ one at hand. "Gin…you better not be thinking what I think you are," I hedged, already moving towards the edge of the bed but he was faster.

Like lightning he was over me, handcuffing my hands together with the red chains from Valentines Day through the headboard. I cursed and tried to tug away but it was too late. Placing the bag on the floor besides the bed, he took my half hard cock in hand and slowly stroked me, making me writhe in pleasant agony. The wet sloshing of his hand on my body made me squirm as I imagined all the different positions he could maneuver me into to produce the same sound, amplified by my cries. Just when I thought he would release me so he could pound me into the bed, his head dipped and the brush of silver hair against my thighs was the only warning I got before I felt his flat wide tongue lap at the sensitive head of my cock.

"Ughnn! A-a-ahh argh, oh my-y go-ah! Noooooo, don't!" I moan helplessly beneath his skilled tongue as he went farther, massaging the underside vein with his lips, the head of my erection hitting the back of his throat.

"Yessssss," he hummed happily around me. "Why not? Yer mine. I think yah fergot that so I'll make yer skin burn till yah cant remember anything but the way I make yah feel, that hot helpless feeling you want so much."

"N-uhhh! You ass-" I cut short my heated insult when I felt something tight slip around my dick and Gin's long fingers slid it to the base. Craning my neck up as far as I could to see down my own body, I saw a bright pink circle snuggly sitting against my balls: a cock ring. "….Take that thing off!" I ground out in anger "I cannot believe you actually bought that piece of- argghhhh!" I was cut off again when I felt another sharp pinch to my nipples.

"Shhh, yah complain too much. But look, its pink ta match those pretty lil nipples o' yers. Nice, ne?" he grinned, bending to lick the same nipple he had just treated so harshly.

"No, not nice you deceitful jerk!"

He said nothing but slid down my body, firmly grabbing my hips when I tried to wriggle away. Using both hands, he hefted my legs up onto his shoulders, settling between my legs for an up close, full view of my most private areas. I vainly tried to clamp my legs shut but he only tutted and bent them back further, spreading me wide at the same time.

"Yer twitchin Hime," he breath and I felt his breath skim across my anxious entrance and leaking dick. "Tell me what yah want and I'll give it to yah, I'll give yah everything."

"I want you to tell me the_ whole_ truth about Aizen, but you just cant seem to say it! Fuck, why are you doing this? I hate you, don't even touch me!" I cried.

Gin didn't answer but dived in, swirling his tongue around my entrance before drawing lazy patterns across my thigh in saliva that cooled and made me shiver. When he sunk his teeth into my inner thigh, I wailed, jerking away in pain and pleasure. Trailing his way back to my opening, he kissed my balls and rammed his tongue into me as far as it would go. Over and over again he tongue fucked me while I squirmed above him wishing we were chest to chest so I could rub my aching nipples against his own or buck my neglected cock into his stomach. As he poked against my prostate with his wide tongue, my cock bobbled in the cool air of the room, occasionally hitting my stomach. I was in hell, as I tried to impale myself even further but remain angry at Gin. He knew me too well.

Suddenly, I felt two slick fingers enter me, prodding my prostate while scissoring my tight entrance. "Ugh…more," I whined, moaning wantonly before I could stop myself. My brain was turning to mush and I felt his smile against my thigh. He slipped in another two fingers and I screamed in ecstasy as he used them to stretch me open. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore and was about to beg him to remove the cock ring, he moved away completely, leaving me to stare bleary eyed at him in confusion. "Wh-wha…please?" I asked hopefully.

"Please what? I thought you didn't want me to touch you, that you hated me."

"P-please Gin, I-I-I lied…" I said on the verge of tears but he backed away, leaning away to pick something up from the bag. I felt something cold and slippery pressing against my prepared ass but when I opened my mouth to ask, it turned into a wild cry. The toy Gin had pushed into me felt wide, digging into my prostate harshly, making me moan every time I shifted, and had something that stopped it from disappearing into me. A butt plug. "Ahh shit, take it out, take it out, take it…." I chanted, head rolling from side to side.

He just grinned wider, getting off the bed completely to pull off his own top. All this time he had kept on his clothes, choosing now to finally undress, when I needed him most. My eyes followed down every inch of skin he exposed, falling on his throbbing penis that sprung up to slap against his stomach when he pulled down his pants. A smear of cum trailed across his navel and I felt my mouth water to lick it up. Looming over me, Gin snapped the handcuffs open to pull it from the headboard but quickly locked them again. He moved my hands to my own erection and knelt in front of me, pulling me to sit up and giving a little show as he stroked his own excitement.

"Touch yerself."

"Wha…" I whimpered, head falling back against the pillows.

"Since yah hate me so much, why don't yah do it yerself," he taunted tightening my hold on myself with his own hands and beginning to jerk me off. But as soon as he moved his hand I stopped and rolled my hips up experimentally, sighing in relief when my cock bumped against his own.

"No, I want you…" I cried, running my hands over his nipples, rolling my hips again.

"Yah sure? How can you know fer sure, I'm a good fer nothing liar."

"Damn it, I'm sure! Please Gin take it out of me."

"Tell me what you want. Clearly."

"I want you," I moaned tears at the corner of my eyes. "You're a liar and you hurt me and make me cry but I love you, I cant help it! So please…please just take it out."

He pushed me back on the bed and yanked out the toy, leaving me wide open and twitching to have something inside of me as a spasm of lust ran though me "I don't hurt yah Hime, yah hurt yerself. All those damn questions o' yers always backfire and leave yah more hurt than I ever wanna see yah," he whispered and slid into me quickly.

"FUCK!" I cried, jerking up to loop my chained wrist together over his neck gracefully. Gin started a fast pace, holding us up with one arm, the other still latched onto my waist and I screamed as each stroke made me twitch in pleasure. "Take off the goddamn cock ring! Shit-t-t. Please. Take. It. Off."

He growled low in his throat when I pulled him down into a searing kiss, slamming into his mouth so fast our teeth clanged painfully on contact. When I bucked again, slipping my now purple erection against the ridges of his stomach I felt his hand deftly dip to remove the cock ring and I hollered into his mouth, cumming almost instantly. I clenched tightly around him, legs falling loosely to the side as my body spasmed irregularly, trying to ride out my orgasm to the last but Gin was still hard. He pulled out quickly, flipping me over onto my knees and I bit into the pillow when he slammed back into me with enough force to skid us across the bed. Rolling my eyes back into my head I cried out nonsensical sounds as he pounded me back into hardness.

"Enough, enough! I cant take it anymore…Gin" I mewled, slumping towards the bed but he pulled my hips right back up, slapping me on the ass sharply in punishment and I yelped.

"That's right, keep moaning fer me Hime. It's the sweetest sound in the whole world when yah call mah name," he rumbled, each thrust echoing the hard slap of skin through the room.

Desperate to end this before I lost my mind, I reached back, pulling his lips to mine and yanked on his hair until he opened his eyes. "Oh god yes, fuck me Gin….just like that. Harder! Oh my-shit! Yes, Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me….!" I whined slipping my tongue into his mouth and within the next hard thrust he was digging his palms into my sides and cumming deep inside of me which triggered my own orgasm as well. We stayed like that, sucking face passionately until my knees began to tremble. Gin gently pulled out of me, spreading my cheeks under the pretense of checking for any damage but I knew he just liked to see me flushed, well fucked and dripping with cum; It always creeped me out when he stared for too long so sighing I, rolled onto my back and closed my eyes, ignoring when I felt him lean over me, one elbow beside my head. When he tried to kiss me I groaned, turning away but he held my chin tightly until I opened my eyes.

"Take these off me," I said gesturing to the handcuffs, which he slowly unlocked and threw to the floor.

"Are yah still mad?" he asked quietly, running a hand down my torso.

"I don't know. Maybe if you promise to wear the cock ring next time, I'll forgive you." He chuckled, kissing my face but I continued in a low voice. "One day all this is going to kill me. You're no good for me Gin, you drive me fucking crazy," I whispered stroking his face with a look of confusion.

"But you love me."

"…Yeah. You're probably the only man I'll ever love."

"Probably?"

"Well," I grimaced closing my eyes "A guy like me with so much emotional baggage cant be lucky enough to have you forever. Who knows what you'll do in the future."

He frowned, pulling me close. "That's not what I meant Toshiro. I would leave the world before I leave you. You're perfect the way you are, its just… you have to learn to obey me."

_Obey…_ I echoed in my head, hating how the word sounded, hating how he sounded saying it. When it all boiled down, underneath the 'I love you's' and heated stares, Gin was still a possessive control freak and I might never be able to change that, no matter how hard I tried. "Sure…" I whispered, looking up at him in anger "Its not that hard to obey. But I'll do that right after you explain to me why that man and woman were following us at the museum the other day" Gin stilled, eyes flashing open in what I knew was shock; a hundred different emotions flashed in his eyes before they settled into a closed off stare that gave nothing away. It was as still as the silence in the room. "Yeah that's what I thought. Tell me Gin, can _you_ learn to tell the truth?"

For a while we just stared at each other and for the millionth time and I wondered how it was possible to love somebody so much and despise them at the same time. But eventually, I was too tired and too confused to continue our staring contest so I closed my eyes and nodded off next to Gin's warm chest and his rapidly pounding heart.

~l~

Patience was something I prided myself on, I definitely needed a lot of it to live the kind of life I did. But when Gin began sneaking out late at night, I felt the strings of my sanity begin to twitch. I discovered this several time since the whole M.U. argument but I had chucked it up to him going out for a drink or something. Yet, I knew better. He always left in the dead of night, in black clothes, came back, went into his locked office and left wearing something completely different to come back to bed. And no matter how hard I searched, I could never find those clothes he was wearing anywhere in the house. It didn't happen every night but last night it did, leaving me angry, curious and a little scared. Apparently, his disregard for my intelligence had reached new heights. Did he really believe I wouldn't notice that he had left the bed for hours on end, or did he just not care? Better yet, where the hell was he going? My mind instantly flashed to the idea of him having an affair but I squashed it almost immediately. There was no way Gin would do that (or more like there was no way I would even imagine he would do that because I didn't know if I would kill him or myself first if he did). Currently however, it was midday and Gin was wrapped up in our sheets, sleeping soundly since he clearly hadn't been doing that last night. Sitting up next to him, I glared at his sleeping form heatedly. _This giant ass. I hate him. I definitely hate him…who am I kidding, I love him…why do I need him so much?_ I buzzed angrily in my head. After some time, I realized being next to him was making me feel crowded and much too frustrated to function so I slipped into some jeans and an old sweater, walked downstairs to the backdoor and out the house.

As I pattered barefoot across the yard to the small pond behind the bushes, I vaguely felt a thrill of fear run though me knowing I was disobeying a direct order from Gin. _But hes not your mother, a drill sergent, or your master. Listen to how you talk: a direct order. Who the hell gives those to their boyfriend?_ Gin does, I reminded myself dryly, chuckling in annoyance. Gin orders everyone around, at least everyone I had ever seen him interact with. He was always prodding and poking, finding someone's weak spot and using it to break them down and mold them back into whatever he wanted. And I was frankly tired of it. He always got what he wanted, but what about me? When would I get what I wanted from him? I wanted the truth, not the edited, polished version of what he wanted to tell me; his choice picking of events that showed him in the best light. I wanted to know what I _needed_ to know not what he wanted to tell me. Would he continue to lie to me forever?

'_Forever._' Looking down at the golden band on my finger, I felt the urge to chuck it into the pond as I sat on a bench in front of it. The pond was still slightly frozen over and I absently wondered if I jumped in, would I die with a smile as the icy water froze over me in a glacial casket? True they were morbid thoughts but a little part of my mind cheered that for a moment, until Gin found my body, I would be free from him, completely isolated and at peace. It was this ring on my finger that symbolically represented his hold over me at all times that I hated most these days. When someone proposes, which was basically what he had done, isn't there supposed to be some level of joy and ecstasy at the idea of forever with them? When I looked at the ring, it didn't represent our future but out sordid past, of the chokehold he insisted on having over me. _My heart is in your hands._ Truer words had never been spoken when it came to Gin and I. At some point we had put our heart, lives, and well being into the other's hand; I had done it through blind trust while Gin had probably unknowingly slipped his to me. Was that really even healthy for us to be doing? Probably not, but unhealthy actions were what we did best.

Sighing, I thought to myself _The truth shall set you free…right? Doesn't he realize that this could all be over if he stopped lying? I just want some piece of mind!_ Peace of mind that Gin and I were on the same page, and that we knew the same facts. But despite how hard I tried, he kept locking me out even if it was just a tad bit of information. Truthfully I didn't need to know everything about Gin; that was just an amazingly ridiculous request during arguments to match his demand for complete control over me. But I did need to know crucial things, the kind of things that were making him increasingly violent and possessive, moody. I raised my eyes to the cloudy springtime skies and frowned; _well looks like the honeymoon period is over. I knew it wouldn't last._

Only god knows how much time passed as I watched ripples play across the surface of the pond. Somewhere along the line I got lost in my musings and forgot to stay alert. The crack of a twig behind me was all the warning I got before I felt someone yank me up by the back of my shirt. Twirling me around violently, I came face to face with my attacker.

"Gin," I said with a modicum of surprise. "You're awake."

Out of reflex, I had anticipated the slap so I didn't flinch much when he backhanded me. "Are yah _crazy_ o' have I hit yah so many times yuh've lost yer damn mind!" he bellowed, clearly enraged by seeing me outside.

"Neither. I just thought I'd let you sleep a little longer by yourself since you…came in so late. Which is funny since I don't remember you leaving," I said gently.

"Shut the hell up," he hissed, looking around the yard anxiously like he was expecting to see someone jump out of the bushes. Turning his attention back to me he yanked my hair harshly "You are in so much trouble right now…you have no idea what I'm going to do to you."

I couldn't stop the outraged snort that followed, raising a brow daringly "Is that right? Please tell me how _I'm_ the one in trouble when you're making secret phone calls and sneaking out at night! I just assumed that since you were doing whatever the hell you wanted to I might as well join you." He opened his eyes menacingly, grabbing me by the neck in a vise grip but somehow I couldn't bring myself to feel the right amount of fear.

"Hime…I'm going to count to five and pray that you apologize by the time I'm done or so help me god I just might permanently damage you today."

"You know what Gin," I growled, grabbing the ends of his hair and making our faces inch closer as we glared at each other ferociously "Don't hold your breath cause because I'll be apologizing right after you tell me what's _really_ going on between you and Aizen. Come on, tell me about your latest _package_, or are you too scared to give it to me straight?" I didn't know where this boldness was coming from but lately I had been snapping back at Gin more and more. It was like I couldn't stop my mouth. His nostrils flared as he looked at me in shock and fury.

"I think you really must have lost your mind to speak to me like that. So, I'll just have to spend the day beating some sense back into you."

"Then we should get started right now…" I snapped and he simply backhanded me again, then began to drag me across the yard by my hair.

"Gin," a familiar deep baritone voice cut through the yard in a mocking tone that made me jump in surprise " Do tell me that you do not seriously intend to hurt that boy?" It buzzed and I felt Gin freeze. Unable to see the speaker, I pushed myself from his grip whipping to turn around and gasped in surprise. It was the tall handsome, brown haired man from the mall.

"Pedophile… what are you doing here?" I asked in shock and Gin openly balked at me.

The man laughed richly "Ahh I see little Hitsugaya-kun has not lost his spunk. Are you hurt little one?"

"Little one?" I barked in anger as he edged closer, his white coat billowing behind him as he walked right up to us. A sharp pain in my arm made me look up as Gin tightened his grip on my arm, pulling me into his side and slightly behind him. "Ouch, what the hell is going on? How does this guy know you?"

"Oh," the man chuckled "Do not tell me that he does not know of me Gin."

"How do _you_ know _him_?" Gin sneered pulling me completely behind him.

"No need to be so protective. We met at the mall, did we not Toshiro?" I nodded yes completely uneasy. "Well, Gin I believe that its time for you give the proper introductions to your little friend here," the man said smoothly but I felt the command behind his words and was confused by it.

"…..Toshiro, I'd like yah ta meet a very old friend o' mine. Aizen Souske."

For a moment, I felt the world stop spinning on its axis, then all the blood rushed from my face. How had I not noticed before? _Simple, this man looks nothing like the boy in the picture I had seen. _In it he had been much younger and soft around the eyes, hair falling freely about his face. There was nearly no resemblance between the two images besides the glowing, warm brown eyes. Although Aizen was notorious in the country, I had never actually seen him since apparently privacy was something he coveted and now the man was standing right before me. I shuddered and gripped onto Gin's hand tightly.

"Ah, recognition" Aizen buzzed, " So it appears that you do know me Hitsugaya. Did you know that your _boyfriend_ has been hiding you from me for a very, very long time? It would seem he was deathly afraid of us meeting. But I think we get along rather well."

"Y-you're Aizen Souske?" I stuttered. He frowned playfully and leaned towards Gin.

"Perhaps you were mistaken Ichimaru. It seems this one is not so bright."

I snarled, pulling the two away from each other. "What do you want from us ?"

"My my Hitsugaya that was very rude of you. I see why he complains of having to punish you so often."

"What?"

"Alright Taicho," Gin said quickly and I nearly screamed in frustration as my fears were confirmed. "Yuh've got what yah wanted, yah got to see Toshiro. Now I think its time yah leave."

"How cold Gin, am I not invited in for tea this time?"

"This time?" I sneered, moving to stand between the two, looking at Aizen "What the hell do you mean he complains to you about me over tea? Just what are you to Gin?"

"So he does not know, Ichimaru…"

"Aizen-sama, _don't_…"

"How long do you intend to lie to him Ichimaru? Do you think you can hide it forever?"

"Hide what!"

"Shut up Hime!' Gin roared, pointing at the door. "Get inside. Right. Now."

"Ah, ah ah I don't think so. Starkk is waiting in front with your package so perhaps you should see to that while Hitsugaya and I have a little talk."

"Don't think I don't see what yer tryin ta do here Taicho! I'm _askin_ yah ta go."

"And I'm _telling_ you that its time Hitsugaya and I had a little one on one conversation."

"Ne, Taicho I don't think that's such a good-"

"That wasn't a suggestion Gin, it was an order. Now get moving." Silence fell as Gin stared at him heatedly before moving away from me slowly and my jaw fell slack. For someone to speak to Gin like that and…actually get their way was unimaginable. Without another word, he quickly rounded the side of the house, as though in a rush to return.

"Now Hitsugaya," Aizen hummed "just how much do you know about what's going on?"

Scowling I replied, "Apparently nothing at all."

"I find that hard to believe. Surely you are not so foolish as to not notice that there is something… very off about Gin."

"Tell me the truth, he's working for you again, isn't he…"I whispered.

"Again? Is that what he told you, that he quit? I don't recall him ever stopping."

"What!"

Aizen smiled warmly at me, ignoring the question. "Your _lover_ is probably fast on his way back here as we speak so lets make a deal. The next time Gin takes one of his midnight trips we can finish this little chat, Hitsugaya-kun."

"…Why in the world would you want to talk to me?"

He smiled brightly and his eyes glowered. "Because child, you are so naïve that ultimately, you are in my way," my eyes widened at his menacing tone. "And the longer you stay with Gin under the misguided pretense of _love,_ the more you become a bigger burden to him and our future together."

"What are you talking about? Gin's future is with me, so get him out of whatever sick plans you have in mind!"

"Do you really believe when it all boils down, he will choose _you_ over _me?_ I'm not sure you know who you're boyfriend really is, if you want to even call him that. After all, who do you think was his _true love_ before you showed up?" My eyes widened in shock but he continued relentlessly. "I have been with Gin longer than you have been alive, have seen every side of him; sides you couldn't even fathom. Gin is _mine_ Hitsugaya. You have no future with him."

"Y-you and Gin…were lovers?"

"Hime!" I heard Gin huff behind me but I was too busy trying to keep my brain from short circuiting to answer him.

"Ah, just in time Ichimaru, I am done here. Until next time Hitsugya, I know we'll be seeing each other again" Aizen murmured happily and rounded the corner.

Distantly, I heard Aizen and another man mumbling before there was the sound of a car door shutting and driving off but my mind was far removed from the situation. Something in my head was pounding, beating so furiously that it nearly drowned out the sound of Gin's voice calling me. _Their future together….?_ The way Aizen had said it, he sounded so sure of himself and…seductive, hinting at something much more intimate between the two. Hell he wasn't hinting: he had said he was Gin's _true love._ What did it mean, what was he saying…what had just happened? I realized I was swaying and steadied myself, look at my feet but my glance was distracted by the glint of gold on my finger. '_My heart is in your hands…my heart…my heart…my…'_ the words swam in my head making me nauseous until I felt a cool hand on my arm.

"Hime, look at me! Toshiro are yah alright?" The swiftness with which I knocked his hand from me was shocking, seeing as I never remembered consciously moving to do so. Even as he called to me, I turned as if I a trance and walked away, heading up the steps and to the backdoor. "Damn it Toshiro, what did he say to you? What did he do? Talk to me!" Gin hollered but I ignored him, slamming the door in his face when he reached for me, and I laughed, thinking _How odd…never before have I felt this hollow_. Shaking in some boiling emotion I couldn't describe, I fell into a kitchen chair and tried to keep from screaming.

**0_0 what is this? Aizen makes an apperance? Gin starts spazzing out again? Gin sneaking out? A BUTT PLUG AND COCK RING? *faints from drama*Yummmm, delicious plot bunnies running all over the place. I thought it was time for Aizen to get some more spot light, hes such a little egomaniac *eyeroll* And yes, I finally revealed what was in that _Sinfully Delicious_ bag: butt plug, bright pink**** cock ring and some lube I forgot to mention. Gin's the best boyfriend ever, isnt he? Getting all those nice presents for Toshi...heheheheh. Well, its happened, mean Gin is back and Toshi is crying again, just as the world should be. Those two are really all about having a rollercoaster relationship. Next chapter means moorrrreee drama! Sidenote: I had that playlist on my profile but...dear lord I listen to too much music. Hence, I wont be updating it anymore, too much work and the soundtrack for Lock and Key would stretch on for days...but heres a song i think describes Toshi so well : Bruises by Chairlift. Listen to it, ne? Its a little mild but it describes him bending over backwards for Gin and still ending up black, blue and utterly defeated. T_T Please review. Please? it will keep my mind off my steadily declining GPA, which will keep my mind of SATs which will keep me from realizing that with each bad grade I get farther and farther from the Ivy Leauges. *Sigh* A day in the life of a student = never ending doubt. Dontcha just loovveee high school? =/ CIAO!**


	15. Luckless Romance

**Dear readers, I am sorry for my unseemly and annoying absence. So much has happened and so much will be happening that I cannot lie and promise I'll be updating regularly. But I WILL TRY. Trust me, I will be trying my hardest to give you something besides annoying cliffhangers. On that note, at worst, expect the next update by late December *waits to be yelled at and murdered*...okay? Sorry. Such is the woe of life. Worse yet, I am having the worst writers block ever. My muse is such a lazy b**ch. This is not my favorite chapter. There are things I would change and would re-write but they need to be there because thats how they are in my head and I wont sleep easy unless they are said, even if they come out weird on paper. Bare with me and any odd, rough, patchy areas of the story that are to come. I tried really hard to write my way around them. Anyway, here is the next chapter entitled: **

~~ Luckless Romance~~

Although I had slammed the door on Gin, I knew it was only a matter of time before he came inside. I hadn't locked it and even if I did, since it _was_ his house he would have a key. And sure enough, I had just sat down when I heard the backdoor bang open, quick footsteps walking right up behind me; what part of personal space didn't he understand, some time alone? After all, it wasn't everyday I learned Aizen Souske had been my boyfriend's lover.

"Hime…" Gin said softly, bracing against the back of my chair. "I'm sorry yah had ta meet him like that, o' at all for that matter. But whatever Aizen said, its not true. Don't believe him, hes nothin but a liar and he'll say anythin ta get what he wants."

I snorted, feeling insane laughter bubble against my lips. "I can see why you two get along then. Tell me, did you learn how to lie through your teeth like a snake from him?" I hissed, teeth clenched.

"I don't know what yer talkin about" Gin said tensely.

"Oh don't you?" I turned sharply in my chair to glare at him. "Look me in my eyes and tell me that you haven't been lying to me Gin! I want the truth from you, do you hear me? This isn't fair to me you bastard!"

He turned, hands running through his hair agitatedly. "Damn it, we're not havin this conversation again! I'm not gonna argue with yah every other damn day about the same ol' shit Toshiro!"

"Look at me" I hollered, "Look me in the face and tell me you're not working for him still! That you haven't been having late night chats with him about me, us and everything else you can think of! He help you pick out all that shit you buy for me? Look at me damn it!" I said, pushing off from the chair to angrily stamp my feet when he turned away. "What the hell is he to you? How much of what you told me was the truth!"

"All of it! Everythin I told yah was the truth Toshiro, from beginnin ta end and if yah don't want ta believe it that's yer problem! Either yah believe me o' yah don't." He hissed, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end "Who're yah gonna believe, me o' a man yah never met before in yer life until today?"

My eyes searched his face, looking for a crack in his mask, that he felt at least some remorse for spouting such bullshit at me, but I couldn't find one. "…Are you working for him?"

"…No."

The fib was obvious. "Fucking liar! You are so…god how did I ever think I could trust you! No wonder he wants you back, you two are perfect for each other: lying lovers!"

"What the hell are yah talkin about?"

"Oh come on Gin, now that its all out in the air tell me about Aizen, _your first_! Weren't you lovers? Huh? Did he used to bend you over his desk and take you, whispering how much he loved you; and you would squirm like the fucking snake you are! Or maybe you guys are still together behind my back, you lying piece of sh-" Overcome with jealousy and rage I flew at him, banging my fist against his chest in a flurry "I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you so much!"

With a firm grip, Gin snatched my shoulders and shook me. Hard. Hard enough to make my vision blur from the force…until I realized it was really tears clouding my eyes. "Is that what he told yah, that we're fuckin? That…" Gin trailed off, hatred flashing in his voice. "Listen to me Toshiro, Aizen and I have never been together. I swear on mah life that we've never even looked at each other like that before, let alone fucked. He aint my first love, first fuck, first kiss, nothin like that! He's just… a man I used to know."

"So what was all that about talking to him over tea? He knows about your punishments, about you sneaking out at night. How does he knows if you didn't tell him?"

"The man's Aizen Souske, Hime. He knows things nobody should…do yah really think he hasn't been spyin on us?"

It made sense that Aizen was trying to rattle me, that it was all lies made up to shake the foundations of our relationship. He could easily have had someone spy on us, as Gin had said he was doing to begin with. They would have heard our arguments, seen our fights and known the same things Aizen knew. It could make perfect sense…too much sense. Cold fury whipped inside of me at the thought that Gin would go this far to lie to me, to convince me something that was this blatantly untrue. But what made it worse was that everything horrible he had been hiding had come to light. The worst of the worst…or was it? Perhaps there was something even more hurtful that he was trying to keep from me….Gritting my teeth painfully, I gripped the edge of the table tightly till it bit into my palms, nearly drawing blood.

"I am giving you the chance to be completely honest with me for the first time in this relationship, no strings attached. You tell me right now and I'll forgive you, I promise we can get past it. Are. You Working. For. Him?" I ground out. The answering lie was so smooth and sharp it pierced me right to the heart.

"…No, no I'm not." I saw red. A blinding, sharp bloodlust red threatened to burn me from the inside out and before I knew what was happening, a roaring snarl ripped through my lips as I snatched a glass from the table, lobbing it at his face. It shattered loudly on the wall behind him, splinters ricocheting back at Gin, making him duck to narrowly avoided being smacked in the face with shards. Gin turned to me with an outraged red stare "Are yah out o' yer fuckin mind?"

"This is _me_, Gin the man you're supposed to love! You said you'd die for me, that you would do anything to keep me from being hurt. So how can you stand there and hear me cry, beg you to tell me the truth and do nothing!"

He balled his fist, lips flattening into a tight thin line. "I _would_ die for you. I would give anything and everything to keep you. If someone asked me to sell everything I owned right this minute, I'd do it for you! But do not ask me to tell you things that will put you in even more danger, Hime! The kind of shit you're asking to know would fuck with your mind too much; you think you can deal with everything but there are some things that you will never understand. Every lie I've ever told you is because I am trying to save you, to keep you as pure as you are right at this moment. Its because I love you!"

Feeling an old wave of iciness settle over my heart , I swallowed hard to keep from pulling the hair out of my head. "…You know what" I whispered hatefully, "Its alright Gin. If you didn't lie, you wouldn't be you… but it makes me wonder, have you ever told me the truth, or just what you think I want to hear? Are you even who you say you really are?" At the last question he tensed and said nothing for a heart beat then opened his lips to retort but I cut him off. "No, its okay, don't answer. For once…I think I'd rather not know."

Turning on my heels, I stormed out of the kitchen, flying down the halls. There was no doubt about it; I needed to go. Being in the same room as him was suffocating. I felt drowned in my own hatred for him, for us. This was utter madness. To continue being with Gin would surely drive me to an early grave, the mad house, or prison because one of us was going to die if one more false word was said. There was no turning back now that I had met Aizen and heard the things I feared most. I wasn't going to fight a losing battle. If Gin was keeping secrets for Aizen now, how could I hope to compete later on when I was even more out of the loop? I would be phased out of his life and eventually left out in the cold, all alone again. The thought alone made a fresh batch of tears flow freely from my eyes.

"Where are do yah think yer goin?" he rasped as I slipped on a pair of sneakers at the front door.

"For a walk. I cant look at you right now. The sight of your face makes me want to puke and if I stay I'll only throw more things. And next time, I wont miss," I hissed, swinging around to look for my phone and keys.

"Yer out o' yer fuckin mind if yah think yer leaving this house."

"Just watch me. If you can lie, I can leave. Its that simple."

"No it aint, yah promised yuh'd stay no matter what!"

"And you promised me the truth! What do you want from me, Gin!" I shrieked, fat tears rolling down my cheeks. He simply looked back at me fiercely and I could see his muscles we bunched, ready to stop me from leaving at the slightest movement on my part; but I couldn't muster the strength to tense as well. I brought my hands to my stomach, feeling a burning pain begin to rise. "I have never loved anybody the way I love you. You asked for my heart and I gave you my _soul_…I-I don't think I h-h-have anything left to give you! Sometimes, being with you hurts so bad I feel like I'm dying... I can _feel_ myself breaking apart from the inside out. No matter what I do I can feel your fingers on my skin, your lips, your breath….you follow me everywhere I go. So what more can I give you, Gin to make you understand that no matter what you've done, who you are now, I'll still love you? Why wont you _let me love you!_" I shrieked louder as my fingers dug into the skin on my chest.

Gin's face wrinkled in a wince, the first sign of actual emotion I'd seen all morning besides anger and apathy; but when he reached to touch me I moved away, still sobbing. I knew what would happen if he got to me. Gin would hold me and tell me how much he loved me, and when he saw an opening he'd pounce; kissing me senseless before dragging me up to our bedroom where I wouldn't leave the bed for days to come after being screwed senseless. He would leave me dazed and confused, longing for him to stay in bed with me so he could whisper more words of love. Then he would sneak out into the night while I cried into the pillows, as I wondered how my life had gotten so screwed up. But not this time. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't going to let his sour kisses mess with my mind.

"I-I…there's nothin fer me ta tell yah Toshiro. We both know what we are, what this is. Yer mine, now and fer ever but…I just…there's some things I'll never tell yah, no matter how hard yah cry. That's just the way it is." The silence following his statement was harsh and thick, the clock on the wall clicking loudly as I counted the seconds in my head until he would laugh and tell me he was joking before spilling everything I wanted to hear. But he didn't. He stared at me. Nails digging into my palms, I felt my stomach drop and bit my lip viciously.

Holding up my left hand, I let the gold band on my finger glint in the morning light before pulling it off completely and weighing it in my palm. "My heart…is in your hands. I don't think there's anything I can do about that. But you can have _your_ heart back. I don't want it anymore." Ignoring the way his eyes snapped dangerously I threw it at him and it landed with a deafening clatter on the floor between us. "I wont let you fuck with my head anymore Gin. Aizen was right, you'll always belong to him and if I cant have all of you, I don't want you at all. Its over."

In the seconds that passed, I saw a mirage of emotions flash across his face; Shock, disbelief, denial, anger, rage, sorrow, and maybe even a quick flash of regret. But as all of this happened, I tried to piece out all the different ways this breakup could go down. Though I mostly resorted to sneaking out of windows or stealing away during the night, this wasn't the first time I had broken up with him right to his face. In the very beginning I was still naive enough to think I could reason with a man like Gin and simply told him I didn't want to be tied to him anymore. Needless to say they ended in me being ravaged and/or bed ridden for a few days, preferably in Gin's bed. But I knew what to expect now, so when he strode towards me I tensed and waited for a deafening blow to land somewhere on my face. However, he did nothing of the sort. Instead, I felt fingers deftly moving to unzip my sweater and yank it off me roughly. "Gin! What the hell are you doing, please don't tell me you think were gonna have sex now!" He never answered but instead threw the sweater over his shoulder and reached for my pants next. I fought against him fiercely, kicking out at him until he swept behind my knees with his arms, knocking me onto the floor as he ripped off my jeans. Soon I was sitting in just my boxers, feeling more than scared of what he would do next as I stared into his furious face; but then, suddenly he yanked me to my feet by my hair and began dragging me towards the front door. Soft words tumbled from his lips but I knew he was angry beyond words, too furious to even yell.

"If you want to go Toshiro, then by all means go. You are no prisoner here," he said amicably but then his voice dipped into a deep rumble "But remember who you belong to. I own your entire life so if you want to leave like the little slut I know you are, your going to do it without my help. You can leave as naked as you were born so everyone can see your shame."

"You're out of your mind, let go of me! Gin, stop it, give me back my clothes!"

"_Your_ clothes?" he taunted "Look closely, I don't remember you taking out a cent to pay for any of the shit you had on. _I _paid for it, so if you think I'm just going to let you walk out of here with my clothes on your back, you've got another thing coming. You wanna make it on your own, go right ahead but don't think I'll make it easy for you."

"I didn't ask you to buy me anything, you did it on your own!" I yelled, clinging to the doorframe as he tried to tug the front door open and push me out at the same time. "Fine then, give me the clothes I came with, the things that are actually mine!"

"Mah, mah, I thought yah were in such a hurry ta leave! How's about yah walk back ta yer parents house, ne? I'm sure most o' yer shit is still there," Grabbing me by the back of my neck, Gin shoved me outside with a little smile. I clawed at his hands, looking around frantically as though a crowd would gather to see my nakedness, but no one was there.

"Gin, please, stop this-"

"Buh bye!" he chirped, eyes flicking open into a cold blood red that dried up my mouth. Then he dropped me on the porch and slammed the door shut as I scrambled to catch it.  
Banging on the door repeatedly, I screamed at the top of my lungs, sure that he would return to his right mind and come get me. He wouldn't leave me out here in the cool April breeze that chilled me to the bone. But after I rubbed my fingers raw, clawing at the door for god knows how long and screaming my throat bloody I began to lose hope. Not that I could blame him, I had said the fatal words…that I was leaving. But what did he want me to do? I wasn't lying when I said I felt like I was breaking apart. Being tugged in two directions by my conscience and my heart was splitting me right down the middle. It hurt to be with him, physically and emotionally, but it hurt just as much when we were apart. I wanted him. There was nothing in this world I had ever wanted as much as I wanted Gin and a battle raged inside of me to keep holding on; but on to what? This shamble of a relationship? How much of my sanity was I willing to sacrifice to appease my own greed?

The sun moved lower and lower in the sky as I sat there rocking back and forth on the porch, arms wrapped around myself as I tried to keep warm. Eventually I had backed away from the door and slid behind a patio chair and potted plant to shield myself from the wind. _What would my parents say if they could see me now? What would Momo say? Would she laugh, say 'I told you so?'_ No. Momo wasn't the type to gloat. She would probably rush to my aid, give me her jacket and hold my hand while dialing the police with the other. My parents on the other hand…I'm not sure what would happen. Most likely they would blame me and accuse me of doing something to push a great man like Gin to such extremities. In fact, they'd make up and excuse for him before I could do so myself. A shame really, those two. Sometimes I completely forgot they were my parents at all and thought of them more as constant comic relief. Yet, I remember a time when it wasn't so funny: when I had been locked in a house with them, desperate for even an ounce of affection. Then Gin came along and…no. Now wasn't the time to think of him or I'd give up completely. Curling in on myself, I tried to decide what I was going to do: I couldn't very well sit out here for the rest of my life. Yet I wouldn't be able to go anywhere like this either and I was pretty sure Gin wasn't about to let me in. How I wanted him to hold me now, to kiss away my fears and make me whole again. But he couldn't since it was he who had done this to me. Cold…I was so cold inside like my heart had stopped beating. Maybe I was dying…

A twig snapped and my eyes snapped open, head flicking from side to side in the sudden darkness. Darkness? Opening my eyes wider I realized I was still on the porch and it was nighttime. It seemed that I had fallen asleep sometime during my quiet musings and now it was even colder seeing as how the temperature dipped even lower without the sun. Worse yet, there was no sign of Gin. I guess he really wasn't coming for me. It had literally been hours and I was in the same spot, untouched. _Abandonment_. The icy chill of being completely abandoned knocked the breath from me and I was on the verge of crying again when another thought occurred to me: this was exactly what he wanted. Gin wanted me to feel pathetic and unloved so I would run back to him and cry on his shoulders like a baby. Then he could stay the hero, my knight in shining armor but that wasn't going to happen anymore. I loved Gin for Gin, not because I thought he needed to uphold some specific image for me. I wanted Gin the man, not the savior. He didn't need to play the role because he had already saved me. Standing softly, I felt my joints creak from being in the same position for so long. My knees were bruised and I felt disoriented from the sudden elevation and deep darkness of night but I moved forward to walk down the steps. If Gin wanted me gone in such a disgusting manner, then so be it. Maybe if I stuck to the shadows and the forest I might be able to make it back to town in one peice.

"Toshiro…" I heard a voice call out behind me and I froze.

Standing in the middle of the walkway, hands covering my nakedness, I turned to see Gin standing in the doorway. His brows were knitted together in confusion like he hadn't expected to see me go. Of course he was surprised to see me leaving…he had probably been watching me from inside. There was a large shirt draped over his arm and he stood there silently and I realized he was waiting for something: he was waiting for me to come to him. I bet he expected me to run gratefully to the door, weeping in joy that he had returned for me. And a part of me wanted to do just that but my mind rebelled loudly. My heart had controlled my actions for too long and look where it had gotten me. It was time for logic to play its part. So keeping eye contact with Gin, I backed away further watching as his look of confusion intensified. When I took another and another step away from the house, his eyes narrowed and moved down the stairs to follow me.

"Yer punishment is over Hime. Its time ta come inside."

"…Really…after you so graciously threw me into the streets, naked?"

"It don't matter now. I fergive yah," he said calmly, still following me as I maneuvered into the open driveway. "No need ta keep pretendin. Yah stayed out here all day, yah know yer not leavin."

"I don't want to do this anymore Gin. We cant…keep doing this. I have to go."

"And where do yah think yer gonna go like that? The police'll catch yah half way into town and bring yah right back here. To me. And by then, I'll be even angrier that yah didn't take yer punishment and come back like I told yah ta. Which means I'll have ta punish yah all over again."

"…I'll take my chances," I whispered, then turned and ran. The pavement pounded painfully beneath my feet as pebbles and sharp shards stabbed into the soles of my feet but I kept moving. Mostly because I could hear Gin right behind me. The yard seemed to narrow in front of me and all I could focus on was the gate. I was so close, so close to freedom and I nearly dashed full out the yard…then a hand was yanking me back by the shoulder. "No!" I shrieked shrilly "Let me go, stop it! You said I wasn't a prisoner her-" my protest were cut short as Gin planted me on my feet and punched me across my jaw, again and again, making me fall onto my side.

Everything blinked in and out of focus for a minute as I tried to process exactly what was happening, the absurdity of the situation. Here I was, half naked in the middle of a massive estate late at night with my boyfriend beating the crap out of me. It was all so stupid and unbelievable that I chuckled. All that had happened in the past few months came rushing back to me and my chuckles turned into full out laughter that shook my body. My heart was slamming painfully in my chest with the thought of how quickly the best moments of my life had boiled down to me sobbing in a pile on the floor but I couldn't stop laughing. Tentatively, I touched my jaw, feeling the sting of a split lip against my fingers and the laughter increased tenfold as I looked up at Gin. "…Is this it Gin? This how you wanted to see me: beat up and bloody?" I laughed brokenly until the giggles turned into gentle sobs. "You really did a great job protecting me Gin. Made sure nobody _but you _ever hurt me. I hate you, I hate you…I hate me…" I cried into my palms, gentle hiccupping echoing through the still night. "I knew this was wrong since the moment we met…you're so wrong for me…"

Gin's fingers curled around my arms, pulling my hands away from my face so he could look into my eyes. Tilting his head, eyes roving my face in slits, he frowned painfully and kissed my cheeks. I tried to pull away but he cupped the back of my head and pulled me into a soft kiss that made my stomach quiver. It was so wrong to still feel this way about him even after everything that had happened but I couldn't help but mewl into the kiss. He raised my hands and braced them against his chest, right over his heart and I tried to push him away but he deepened the kiss, tongue delving into the deepest corners of my mouth. Even my feeble attempts to struggle faltered and I leaned into the kiss tiredly, fingers tangling in his neckline. But one hand was still pressed against his heart, the hard thumping tingling beneath my fingers. I could hear them both now, his heartbeat and mine beating in sync. The smile that began to spread across his lips repulsed me and made me want to cry with pleasure at the same time.

However I didn't need to decide which emotion I felt more at the moment because he moved away and with a flourish, wrapped me in the shirt he carried on his shoulder. "Come on Hime, that's enough messin around. Yah proved yer point… now its time fer us ta go ta bed, ne?"

There was no answer from me as I looked into his smiling face for a moment, before reaching out to touch his cheek delicately. "Its at times like these that I wonder how I got stuck in such fucked up romance with you," he stiffened, grip tightening on my upper arms painfully. "One day, your going to look back on this night and regret it Gin and we'll both wonder if we could have stopped all of this right here and now. But its too late isn't it?" I whispered, voice cracking with emotion. "We're both in way too deep to stop now."

He smiled tightly, pain marring his expression. "Yare, yare yer talkin crazy Hime! I'll never regret bein in love with yah, not as long as I live. Yah don't regret lovin me do ya?" he asked lightly but I only smiled and closed my eyes, wishing at that moment, _I_ had the courage to tell him the truth.

~l~

Softly padding into the sitting room, I circled the white grand piano in the center longingly. It had been so long since I had played anything musical; somewhere down the line I got so caught up in life and Gin that I forgot the one pass time that used to keep my company on all those lonely afternoons when my parents had left me home to fend for myself. I was somewhat of a musical genius they said, but I never paid my parents much attention when they said things like that. Everything is a big deal when your rich and talented, and its not like I wanted to pursue it as a career or anything. It was just a good way to let off some steam. When Gin learned of my love for the piano, he naturally decided the best idea was to buy me one for Christmas. It was so easy to love him when I remembered things like that. All those times we walked through the streets of Karakura, blissfully ignorant of anything around us but the other's eyes. Sneaking kisses in the park when we were sure no one was looking. Now, when I looked at all we had become, it made me wish I had never met him. If I had never seen his smiling face, I would never have fallen in love and know how good it feels to be wanted by someone. I wouldn't ache for someone else's touch because I would never have known it; and I wouldn't have to miss it when I was gone.

Right now it was midnight, several days after I had met Aizen and tried to break up with Gin. The night when he brought me back into the house, nothing had happened. There had been no skin prickling punishment or angry words the days that followed either. In fact, there was nothing between us at all simply because I refused to speak. What did I have to say to Gin that I hadn't already said? The only thing that would come out would be insults or curses so I kept my mouth shut and looked at him with all the blistering sadness I could summon into my eyes. Eventually, he began to avoid looking at me at all. We moved like ghost, from room to room though Gin stayed close on my heels. Apparently, he was still on edge because I said I was leaving and seemed convinced I would make a run for it during the night. I wasn't dumb enough to try something like that however. So I did nothing.

After pulling me inside, Gin had bathed me delicately, like I was so fragile I would break if he touched me too harshly. Humming softly when he hopped into the bath with me, he washed my face, arms, legs, anywhere he could reach before taking me back to bed and looking into my eyes all night. I couldn't sleep. I felt too wired to sleep and he was determined not to fall asleep before me. So we looked at each other all night until I nodded off at some hour of the morning. And when I woke up, there was the gold ring, fitted neatly on my finger like it had never been gone. My initial reaction was to fling it across the room but I only sighed and rolled over, letting the weight of the gold band drag me further into the bedding and my own abyss. So here I was now, fingering the keys of the piano gently as nary a thought ran through my head. Just minutes ago I had been in bed, staring at Gin's sleeping face but when I realized I was imagining how long I had before he passed out if I was to smother him with one of the pillows, I quickly got up and moved to the piano, suddenly inspired to play something. Sitting easily, I closed my eyes, and let my fingers flow freely, tapping out a familiar tune. The tempo turned into one of softness and sorrow and my lips fell open as my heart clenched painfully, letting my words flow unbidden:

_Love of my life, my soulmate  
You're my best friend.  
Part of me like breathing…  
Now half of me is left._

I don't know anything, at all.  
Who am I to say you love me?  
I don't know anything, at all.  
So who am I to say you need me?

Color me blue I'm lost in you…  
Don't know why I'm still waiting.  
Many moons have come & gone,  
Don't know why I'm still searching.

Don't know anything, at all.  
Who am I to say you love me?  
I don't know anything, at all.  
So who am I to say you need me…

Trailing off, I looked up at the sound of a soft foot falls outside the sitting room doorway. There was Gin, standing in all black, keys in one hand and cell phone in the other. For a moment we only stared at each other, eyes delving deep into each other's souls as though we could solve all our problems with one glance. Then he spoke.

"I'm…goin out Hime. There's somebody I gotta see."

I considered not answering him for a second, then thought better of it. "We both know where you're going Gin. No need to tip toe around it," I said quietly, looking back down at the keys.

He stood there for another minute as thought he was considering something in his head. "I was hopin you'd be asleep by now."

"So you could be sure I wouldn't leave?" No answer. "If you're that worried about that, I'm sure you could always get Aizen to station one of his men outside the house."

"Toshiro…" he growled agitatedly "This isn't about Aizen. This is about you and me."

"Its always about Aizen these days, Gin, havent you realized? Things havent been about me and you for a very long time…and I'm tired of pretending that it is. Its because you're terrified I'll find out whatever you two are hiding from me that I'm now a prisoner in your house. So don't tell me Aizen doesn't have anything to do with this. He's the reason behind _all_ of it."

Another pregnant pause. "I love you Hime." I snorted and returned to lightly playing my tune, humming the words carefully. The seconds stretched on for so long I wondered if Aizen would be okay with being kept waiting. "Answer me damn it! Wont you say anything?" He asked heatedly, anxiety seeping out his pores.

"…_I don't know anything, at all... who am I to say you love me_?" I sang quietly and he winced, turning away then stopped to speak again.

"I'll be home before yah know it. Try and cheer up by then, ne? I…I don't think its healthy fer yah ta be this down fer so long…" he trailed off, but I didn't even look up. "This is all fer yer own good Hime. Yuh'll thank me later, I promise. I'm gonna make yah happy even if it's the last thing I do, because I love yah Hime, no matter what yah think." He mumbled and walked off, door slamming a few seconds later.

Waiting a couple minutes, I stood and walked to the front door, seeing that Gin had activated the alarm system, which I did not know the code to. He had installed it sometime this year but refused to give me the password and after a while I stopped asking. The only reason I managed to get passed it when I left in January was by wriggling out a ground floor window while he was in the shower; subsequently all those windows had been nailed shut after my return. But there was an addition to the system he had been hiding from me: a motion detecting bracelet, which was now locked around my wrist. I had discovered it the same morning when I saw the ring on my finger and he had explained its design carefully. There was no zapping, sound waves, or ear piercing cry when I moved too far away from the front door. The system wasn't wired to alert the police station if it went off, but it alerted Gin and once activated I had two minutes before the iron wrought gates automatically shut, effectively barring me into the estate. Gin claimed the addition was for added security from neighborhood punks but…he didn't live in a neighborhood. For someone to take an off road from Karakura into the woods just to mess with Gin was silly. Clearly the system was to monitor me: if not, then why did he have the motion bracelet?

Sighing, I walked aimlessly from room to room, stopping at the locked office door. Despite my best attempts to avoid my feelings, this relationship was looking more and more hopeless everyday. Two months ago I had thought we might be able to work this out, but it was clear nothing would be getting done with me staying here. We had gotten virtually nowhere since all the trust I had built up was based on more lies. Looking down at the ring on my finger, I contemplated the irony of wearing a symbol of commitment when Gin couldn't even commit to being truthful and as I moved to pull it off again, the house phone rang. Momentarily freezing, didn't know if I should answer or not. It could be Gin, who would be suspicious and/or worried if I didn't answer, though I didn't really want to speak to him at the moment. Deciding it would be best if I threw him off by giving him a quick conversation and seeming like I was going to bed.

"What is it Gin, did you forget one of your packages for Aizen?" I said coldly but there was a deep chuckle from the other line.

"Well, I would hope not Hitsugaya. It would be a shame for him to have to cut his mission short."

"AIZEN!"

"No need to yell little one, its unseemly."

Growling, I asked "What the fuck do you want from me?"

"Its time for that chat, Hitsugaya. We have some things to discuss that cannot wait any longer."

Sneering I gripped the phone tighter. "Well you can wait till hell freezes over. I don't care anymore, do you understand me? You've won. Gin has just left to see you, he choose you, so I'm not apart of this anymore."

"Ah, but it's not Gin I want" Aizen chuckled softly, making a shiver run through me "Right now, this is about me and you Hitsugaya-kun."

"There is no 'me and you!' I don't care what you have to say. I'm hanging up now."

"But Hitsugaya-kun, what if your life depended on it…?" Aizen prodded playfully and I stopped in my tracks, just as I was about to slam the phone down and gasped.

"What…?"

"Ahhh, there's the attentiveness I was looking for Toshiro! I knew you had it in you, you just needed a little motivation. Now, listen carefully…"

**I love Gin. Did I mention that? He is my sadistic husband that exist only in anime world and I love him. (SPOILER:) Damn Kubo to the blackest layers of hell for killing him. *Sigh* (END SPOILER). Aizen is a really tough character to write. He has to be an egotistical, all powerful asshole while still being suave and sexy. Very very tricky. Hope I got somewhere close to his personality. Did I? Did I not? PLEASE TELL ME! In reviews of course =D. Oh, Triple hello and thank you to all the new readers, reviewers and everybody else whose stuck with me thus far. I LOVE you guys. That being said, I want to get back to every PM thts been sent, but dont think I dont love you if I dont, kay? I'm a veyr thoughtless, time consumed, stressed little girl. Did I tell you I drive now? Yay for me. See you all next chapter. Please dont give up on my and my slow updating stories, kay? KISSES!**


	16. Alligator Tears

**O.M.F.G. My lovely readers, you should all know that I am deeply sorry for missing my Christmas posting deadline. I hate myself. I should have written more over my break but instead I gorged myself on food (while neglecting my homework might I add) and for that I am deeply sorry. That being said, I'm not going to give a deadline for the next chapter because it would be rude to get your hopes up when I have no clue when I will actually post again. Another issue that is making me antsy: there is no sexy time in this chapter. I really wanted to fit it in but instead, there's a lot of talk. I hate talk. I WANT MAH SEXY TIME! I'm sorry but it really makes my day when I get to play out my little fantasies. *sigh* I will make the next chapter as hot and sexy as possible. As usual, I dont really like how the end of this came out. I was rushing madly to get this out to you. Be glad! Lol. By the way, thank you to all the readers who literally went out of their way to log-on just to comment on the last chapter! You have no idea how much that means to me. Hello to the new readers and commenters [Gin's Stalker, I freakin love your name!]. Here is chapter 16 of Lock and Key, entitled:**

_~~Alligator Tears~~_**  
**

Time stood still as I tried to process what Aizen was getting at. Had he just…threatened me? Uneasy with his tone of voice, I snipped "Cut the bullshit Aizen and say what you really mean! If you're threatening me come out and say it like a man."

"My manhood is not what is in question, little one. Right now, you need to realize what a dangerous position you're in and remove yourself from it."

"Please, go pester someone else _Aizen-Taicho_" I sneered "I'm not in the mood for this right now."

"Hold your tongue and listen, little one, before I have it cut off," the threat was said jokingly but it made me flinch nevertheless. "Now, there is something I need you to do: breakup with Gin."

Seconds passed and I waited for the punch line to drop but when Aizen said nothing more, I laughed anyway. "You've got to be kidding me! Look, I don't know what kind of sick joke you're trying to play but its not working. Gin is not home right now so if you called for your pathetic liar of a-"

"I know where Gin is and what he is doing Hitsugaya, probably better than you do. He is currently in the middle of a mission seeing as he left just minutes ago from my local offices with a fellow tracker. There was someone I needed them to collect in Karakura."

Before I could retort, a word caught my attention. "Tracker?"

He sighed dramatically, like I was wasting his time with all my questions. "Yes, a tracker. What exactly has Gin told you is his affiliation with me?"

"…Well…he claims that he _used to be _your head of defense."

"Ahh he always did have a way with words," Aizen sighed again, amusement tinkling in his voice. "Yes, that is his official title but he is commander of both my ranks and the Espada."

"Espada?"

"They are my top ranking officers as well as my personal guard, who take on the most…perilous of missions and as commander, Gin is their leader and director. He gives them their orders, as well as engaging in his own extraction missions, and sees that -" He hummed with lowly in a rich voice but I had zoned out by then.

No matter how fancy of a twist he put on it, Gin wasn't just a "commander." If what Aizen was saying was true, he was the one to put hits out on people and see to it that they got 'taken care of.' An exterminator. Perhaps I should feel fear or apprehension about being that close to someone who lead Aizen's armies but instead I felt…fury. At myself for being foolish enough to fall in love with such a wonderful liar; at Gin for keeping something so serious from me; and at Aizen for being the bastard to tear down the happy illusion we had built between us. I wouldn't care what Gin had done in the past if it had stayed there but no, it was being dragged out and pushed in my face. Where did I fit into all of this? How had I become in the middle of something so much bigger than myself when all I wanted was a little love? Gin had been pretending on a daily basis to be someone he was not, to be a normal man. In fact, now that the thought occured…why in the world _was_ he posing as a normal man?

Cutting Aizen off mid rant, I muttered hesitantly "W-why is he working as a teacher if he's such an important part of your 'organization' ?"

"For now I will ignore your lack of manners, but I must say it is rude to interrupt someone when they are speaking. As for Gin's current position, it is because he is on a mission in Karakura that he has…so far failed to complete."

"So he's been undercover for four years in this hick town…because he's failed to 'extract' someone? Wait a minute, why are you even telling me this? What does it all mean for me?"

"Nothing," Aizen whipped out so coolly, it made my skin crawl. "You are an insignificant creature who has stumbled into a web much larger than yourself and now you cannot get out…that's all there is to it. Gin has always been an obsessive young man so I cannot expect him to readily give you up. However, as I've said before, you are in the way."

Appalled, I snapped back at him "No, you're in _my_ way Aizen. Gin is still my boyfriend; and no matter what you say, I know I mean something to him."

"Clearly you are not listening to what I am saying Hitsugaya," he buzzed with an air of impatience "I don't care what you think you are to him because in the end he is still _mine: _I control him and being with you has lowered Gin's…value as a Commander. He has become increasingly difficult when given certain jobs and tried on more than one occasion to refuse missions. He is…becoming sloppy and lackluster and it is your doing. There are aspirations much bigger than you at stake Hitsugaya so when it comes down to it, Gin has to know he must choose his family over an unimportant child. Therefore, you must leave and for good this time."

Everything Aizen said rang hollowly in my ears as I tried to come up with a proper response. Forever had seemed like a long time to stay with Gin but forever without him sounded even more daunting. Even when I tried to run away last night, I had hoped he would come for me a few days later when I had cooled off. It was just the way we operated: that game of cat and mouse. "I-I-I… no! You cant…no one can make me leave him," I proclaimed, chest tightening "He's mine and our relationship might be a little messed up and in the way of your _big plans_, but I love him. You cant have him!"

"This is not a matter of what you want Hitsugaya. I'm not giving you a choice."

The reminder stung, making me lash out hotly, in a rage. This was getting beyond ridiculous. "How dare you! Don't tell me who I can and cant be with! What happens between Gin and I is our business, not yours so if you want to play matchmaker, go find someone else."

For a minute Aizen said nothing, then in a cool voice he purred. "Fine then, you leave me no choice. Breakup with Gin at once Hitsugaya-kun… or I will have him killed."

"What?" I gasped.

"You heard me. Gin's only purpose is as leader of my troops. Being with you has ruined his talent and made him weak; his work recently has been paltry to say the least. Had this been anyone else, I would have removed them from the organization long ago. Gin, however, knows too much for me to simply let him go. Hence, I will exterminate him seeing as he is no longer any use to me," Aizen quipped in the same even tome he had been using, like a father scolding his child. Somewhere in my chest, I felt my heart sink with dull resonating thud. The only person I had ever loved was in danger, serious danger of being slaughtered and for what? Because I was too greedy to give him up? Briefly, I thought of telling Gin everything, calling him right now and repeating every word Aizen had said. But I knew it wouldn't be anymore beneficial than trying to runaway. Gin probably wouldn't even believe me, plus he had already chosen to lie to me for Aizen's sake. Even if he did trust me and came home right now, what would we do? Take on the entire Aizen Yakuza family? "There is no hope for either of you, little one, if you disobey me." Aizen hummed with a sickly sweetness that made me want to puke. "Leave Gin tonight, or there will be no reprieve for your grief when I extinguish him."

"I-I cant leave Gin…I love him," I whispered, desperately hoping he would hear my pleas and have a change of heart but he only sighed once more.

"Love is an allusion, child. You only think you love him."

"I do love him! And even if I did go, he would find me, he'll keep looking until-"

"Do not worry, I will take care of the rest. All you need to do, is disappear."

"Damn it Aizen," I cried, fear building in my stomach. "Stop, no I cant do it! I need him! He is my _life_."

"Oh do save the dramatics, Histugaya-kun," he snapped, deep voice becoming rough with annoyance. " Do you really think any of this is about you and Gin's relationship? Your time is _up_. I have given Gin _four years_ to play around with you, to make you fall madly in love with him so he could live out his pathetic little fantasy of a high school romance; and now it is time he come back to _me._ Tell me, Hitsugaya, would you like to know precisely who it is that I forced Gin into that dreadful little town of Karakura to exterminate? Why he's still schlepping around in that silly little cesspool wasting his life away? Perhaps if I tell you, you will see that not all that glitters is gold, because Gin isn't the white knight you imagine him to be, Hitsugaya…. After all, he is there specifically for _you_."

The cold feeling of apprehension I had been holding onto since this call began spread through my body like wildfire and made me want to instantly run and hide. I wanted to curl into a ball and hide myself form this dreadful, wretched nightmare Aizen was slamming onto me before I got too deep. Right then, I didn't want to hear anymore of what Aizen had to say…he had said too much already. "…..W-what are you t-ta-talking about? What d-do I have to do with his…mission?"

"Everything, little one, everything…" Aizen buzzed, seemingly pleased with himself for deflating my confidence even further. "Did you know that I personally knew your mother and father, Toshiro? Hitsugaya Kuchimoto, age 47, 5ft 10in with raven black hair and a pair of wire rimmed glasses I have yet to see him ever remove. Hitsugaya Asami, age 39, 5ft 2in with tresses of those pretty white locks you sport upon your head; and that's only the basics of what I know about your sad little family. Five years ago, your father used to work for me Hitsugaya-kun," As soon as he spoke those words, I felt my blood run cold with fear and I silently prayed he would stop. Yet, he continued ruthlessly. "I am not sure if you are aware of what your father actually does for that matter, since from my reports it appears you hold nothing but contempt for both of your misfit parents. Kuchimoto was the Executive Monetary Proprietor of Hueco Mundo Co.'s Hyogo Branch, which specializes in the production of nearly anything you can imagine, including narcotics. In other terms, he was responsible for 2/3rd of _my_ money. He monitored my income for several years and when he stumbled across the fact that a few of the accounts he was monitoring were false labels for my Yakuza operations, that insignificant worm absconded…with half a million dollars of my money in his pocket. A small transgression for a man of my stature, yet not only did your father steal money from me, he left with several company files concerning my underground operations actually intending to blackmail me. Laughable, is it not? Thus, the only logical option was to eliminate him. But by the time I sent my men for him, he had hidden the files and threatened that upon his death, the information would be leaked. Needless to say, I was furious."

"Now as much as I value my Espada, I do not favor using them frequently. I wanted to get that miserable cretin out of the way as quickly as possible, so I sent my best man to Karakura to befriend him, find out where he hid the files and then murder him and his family," A small murmur of shock passed through my lips, but I was unable to say anything else. It was as though my throat had been frozen shut as well. "Gin took a job as a high school teacher to further inspect their budding, a rare beauty I had never met but heard untold praises about with stunning white hair to rival his mother's and all seemed to be going well…until the day he actually met _you_. Truthfully I didn't know of the impact you had on Gin's easily impressionable heart until about a month later when I received the oddest call from him begging for a favor in such earnest I nearly laughed. Can you guess what he wanted Toshiro?" Again I simply squeaked, unable to respond. "Yes, that is correct, little one, he wanted _you_. Gin begged and pleaded as I have never seen him beg before to spare you life, the life of the snowy teen prince who had magically thawed his heart, so much so that he would rather defy me that harm one hair on your head. Apparently he was in love; I was disgusted. Yet, I was also intrigued…I wondered who was this boy to swing Gin's mind so completely from the harsh, bloodlust that had driven him to do my bidding since childhood? I wanted to see just how far he could fall and if this 'love' for you was as strong as he claimed it to be. Initially, I gave it about a month before he would become bored with you. Then the weeks stretched into months and eventually three years had passed, Gin was becoming belligerently disobedient on his missions and your parents had yet to be killed. He had failed me, claiming if he murdered your parents, as a child you would go to the state and he would never see his beloved again. However I suspect you reminded him of himself as a child and the idea of you orphaned as he had been when _his_ parents were murdered disturbed him deeply. Now as much as I was entertained by this display of idiocy, I was becoming increasingly annoyed and I pressed for their deaths. Perhaps my ultimatum coupled with your unseemly disappearing acts pushed him over the edge but earlier this year, Gin had the audacity to ask me that for early retirement. Though, there is no such thing as retirement from being an Espada and for the first time in a long time, we argued. To make a long story short, I promised to have you tracked down and murdered in front his very eyes if he did not complete his original mission. He agreed."

"W-wh-what…does that mean?"

"Your parents are dead, Hitsugaya, and you are all that remains in my way. Subsequently, Gin should have killed you by now though I doubt he will. Which means I must take matters into my own hands. Leave him, Hitsugaya, or-"

The resounding clang of the phone on the receiver seemed to echo throughout the house hollowly. Numbly, I fingered the gold band sitting on my finger and tried to make sense of what had just happened. The still functioning part of my brain recognized that I may have made the biggest mistake of my life by hanging up on Aizen but I couldn't seem to bring myself to care. As usual, even before life and health, Gin was the foremost thing on my mind. The man that I thought I knew was an absolute stranger, a monster, an _assassin_, sent to kill me and my family. A family that I now knew no longer existed. "_My parents are dead… how long have they been dead? When did he find the time to…they're gone…" _I thought to myself. Surprisingly enough, the idea bothered me more than I thought it would. Though I had never cared for my selfish parents, to have them…murdered…was something I hadn't imagined in my wildest dreams. And they were gone all because of Gin. Ever since the moment I'd met him, my life had been had started down a track that had no proper end or beginning. I was lost when I was with Gin, yet I had found myself at the same time. Or had I? Were the feelings I felt between us real or something else, fabricated by Gin for his own selfish pleasure? If this relationship defined so much of who I was and it was all fake, then…who was I? As I thought, I realized the only one who would have the answer was Gin. Then, all at once I was blindingly mad. I was mad at Gin, Aizen, my parents, and myself because after all, it was my fault that I'd ended up so deeply involved in this mess. It was because I was so desperate to be loved that I'd ended up in this situation, a scenario where I couldn't win because I'd already lost so much in a game I didn't know I was playing. So I did the only thing I could: I screamed.

Screaming seemed to be the only thing I was good at recently. I couldn't go anywhere or get anything done and even running away wasn't one of my fortes these days. A breakdown, however, it seemed I could handle. Everything I looked at fueled my anger towards Gin but worse of all was my ring. I couldn't stand it. It was nothing but a mockery of what our relationship stood for and I absolutely wanted it gone. Tugging it off with a speed that nearly tore my finger in half, I flung the ring at the picture frames above the fireplace and watched everything crumble. The shattering of glass only spurred me on more and suddenly I wanted to break everything because _I _was broken. In my rage, lamps were smashed, books were thrown, and more pictures were broken. I don't know for how long I tore apart the living room or when I stopped screaming and started crying, but when the next thing I knew, I was on the floor crying so hard I couldn't breath. These cycles of calm, anger, and tears were wearing me out. How much longer would this continue? What else could I take before I completely broke down? Sliding to my knees, I looked at my reflection in the midst of broken glass. It was fractured and distorted, but I found the image to be the clearest thing I'd seen all day. This was my life now. A storm of uncontrollable emotions, governed by the whim of others, and in the end all that was left was shattered pieces of my life. And each time, there was less and less of me left behind. Fingering the shards, I came across a photo of Gin and I smiling at each other lovingly besides his sakura tree. The image was sickeningly emotional and probably as much a lie as everything else in this relationship. Yet, even through my tears I struggled to see if even a shred of truth about us. There had to be some modicum of real emotion after four years together, right? Something Gin had told me must be true or I wouldn't know how to continue living: he had to love me. Somewhere deep down, I would never stop believing he loved me, even if he _was_ supposed to kill me. The reminder of Gin's true purpose in getting close to me brought fresh tears to my eyes as I crumpled the picture in the palm of my hand. That's when I saw it. Slid between the picture and its frame, covered in glass splinters was something shiny and long: a key. It was a key with a small eye on it; the key to Gin's "private office."

In a flash I was on my feet, dashing up the stairs with the key grasped so tightly in my hands it nearly bored through my flesh. Skidding to a halt before the door, I felt my heart thud erratically in my chest. Here it was, the key I'd been searching for for months firmly in my palm but all of a sudden I was afraid. In the time between Valentines Day and now, so much had changed between Gin and I. The gap between what I thought I knew about Gin and what I actually knew had grown exponentially. Whatever was behind this door could be a thousand times worse than what I'd originally thought it was. After peeking behind so many doors of Gin's personality, a bolt of dread passed through me at finding something behind this door that would seal the deal for me. Maybe this time I would see something that would finally make me say enough was enough. _Well, I'll never know until I try. I have to know…for once I need to see with my own eyes instead of being told._ Wiping my eyes one more time, I opened the door…and gasped.

In an instant I was face to face with what looked like a scene right out of a movie. The room of itself was nothing too spectacular; it was rather small actually, with dark green walls and an equally dark rug with black swirls running across it. The frightening part was what was _on _the walls. There were clippings and notes attached to every available surface, rows and rows of gray filing cabinets, and a desk covered in what looked like hundreds of different manila folders and reports. Yet, it wasn't the scatterbrained arrangement of papers posted with no tangible rhyme or reason that made me take a step back. It was the words haphazardly scrawled across them. Undoubtedly, it was written by Gin but I had never seen it written that way before. His usual elegant handwriting had mutated and morphed into something almost heinous in its changing size and style. It was frightening and ugly…and completely foreign to me. Once again, like a sucker punch to the stomach, I realized that I didn't know Gin at all. Who was I to say this wasn't his handwriting, or that he wasn't a maniac, spending God knows how many hours tediously placing his notes in this collage of chaos. Aizen knew him, the _Espada_ knew him, hell my parents probably knew Gin better than I did. After four years with the man I loved, apparently I was the only one that didn't know Gin at all.

Curiosity urged me further into the room even as I furiously wiped moisture from my eyes. A flash of color amidst the mess of white papers on the desk had caught my eye. Gingerly, I walked over and picked up one of the folders and shifted through the first few papers. Dates, times, places…they were all analogously written in the same pattern; reports with the names of different people, brief backgrounds…and at the bottom of each was a red stamp- with a date and time- reading: TERMINATED. Quickly I shuffled to the color photo that had originally got my attention, but my throat clogged almost instantly and I was backpedaling towards the door all over again. The photo was of a man, barely 40 and very handsome, who could have easily been mistaken as sleeping- if it hadn't been for his wide, shocked eyes and slit throat. He was dead. The picture of a dead man. In my boyfriend's office, the avid liar and yakuza assassin. Which could only mean…Gin had been the one to do the throat slashing.

"Toshiro…" My scream resounded loudly in the previously quiet house as I turned around to see Gin standing right behind me. Blood red eyes bore down on me with an emotion I couldn't describe; perhaps it was disbelief. He was a closed book, face blank and staring as his wiry body dressed in black loomed over me but a dark cloud hung over both our heads.

"G-gin…what…Gin, tell me what all this i-is," I croaked out, nearly chocking on my own tongue. The words felt like glue on my lips and I realized for the first time ever I was genuinely, honest to God afraid of Gin. This was no longer my boyfriend. This man was an absolute stranger and I wasn't sure if I felt safe with him at all.

There was silence for a moment. "…I can explain everythin Hime. Put that down and ju-"

"I asked you a question Gin! What is this?" I screamed hysterically. "D-did you do this to him?"

"Just…don't look at it, ne Hime? It's gonna be alright if yah just calm down."

"Calm down? He's dead Gin! This is a dead man and you have a picture of it, in our house, in a hidden room and you think I can be calm? Look at what you did to him!" I pulled out the photo, shaking it at him as though that would make it all go away.

"I said _put that down!"_ he hollered - making me jump slightly - only to quiet once again, as thought he were struggling to remain calm. "I come home and find the livin room trashed beyond recognition, blood all o'er the banister and yah no where in sight. Do yah have _any_ idea what I thought had happened ta yah?"

_Blood?_ I thought incredulously. Looking down, I could see red smeared across my palms and finger tips where tiny cuts leaked weakly. It wasn't surprising, seeing as how I'd spent the better part of my tantrum rifling through glass shards aimlessly. Blood stained my knees from when I had kneeled down earlier on. But the minor injuries paled in comparison to the thousands of questions cycling in my head. "Gin, what have you done?" I whispered again, backing away to look into his eyes. "What did you do tonight? And all the other nights you've snuck out? What has Aizen done to you? _Who are you?_"

Another pregnant pause. Red eyes burned into my own ferociously as he stepped in closer. "I told yah ta never come in here Hime, ever. But yah always gotta push fer more than yah can take, see more than I ever meant yah ta see. How many times did I tell yah that Hime?" Running a hand through his hair, Gin paced pack and forth as I backed further into the room. I could nearly see the tension rolling off him in waves and it only frightened me more. I had never seen him this agitated. "God, how much _did _yah see?"

Softly, so as not to trigger whatever dark emotion it was that he was keeping in check, I whispered, "Everything…I've seen more than I ever think I wanted to. I've seen who you really are, Gin. A monster!" Disgusted by what I was holding in my hands, I flicked the file at his feet with contempt. "You wanna explain that Gin? You wanna explain to me why you have pictures of 'terminated' dead men in a locked room with the rest of your psychotic ravings?" When he gave no answer but the clench of his jaw I continued, my unease growing. I already knew he was guilty but the least he could do was deny it. Lie and fake innocence for my sake, so there could be some shred of hope that Gin wasn't what Aizen said he was. But all he did was pace faster, refusing to look me in the eye. "What about your _Espada_, huh?" Once I said it he stopped, turning to lance me with a shocked, wide red stare, but I kept going. "What about them, and the rest of your trackers, your team, your little extermination squad? Who'd you off tonight, Gin? Or has Aizen got you running so many errands you cant even remember who you've killed anymore!"

He was across the room in an instant, moving at such a speed to corner me between his desk and his body that I barely had time to flinch. "Stop it Hime, just stop it! Yah have _no_ idea what yer talkin 'bout!" He hissed, eyes flaming as his arms caged me in. "I leave yah alone fer three hours and all o' a sudden yer talkin about things yah should never know, in rooms yah were never sup'osed to be in, lookin at me like…like…like I'm some sort o' maniac!"

"Because you are!" I shrieked.

"No, I aint! I'm still the man yah love. No matter what I've done o' who I've killed, I'll always be yer lover Hime and nothin will change that, don't yah know that? "

Desperate to get some room, I slid beneath his arm quickly, plastering myself to the wall in terror. "No I don't…" The heartbroken look on Gin's face nearly made me stop, but the words flowed from my lips unbidden. "Four years Gin. We've been together four years and in one night, I realize I know nothing about you. All of a sudden, I-I don't even know if the man I fell in love with really exist. I don't even know who you are anymore and the worst part is, I'm all alone now…so utterly alone." The desolation I've tried to deny creeps into my voice.

"Hime," Gin whispered, edging towards me as if I might run, however at that moment, I couldn't blame him; I wasn't sure whether I wanted to run or hide but I definitely didn't want to be in that room and given the chance, I'd be gone in a minute. "I don't know what yuh've read o' what yah found o' even how yah found it. Truthfully, I don't even care. It doesn't change that I love yah and I always will. I don't…I don't want yah ta be afraid o' me Hime," he purred, kneeling in front of me slowly. "There's no excuse fer the things I've done, so I wont try ta give yah one. I…killed that man; and another before that one and a next man before him and a whole lot o' other people 'cause that's what I do. It's a part o' who I am - no, it part o' who I _was. _Its not enough fer me ta work fer Aizen anymore, Hime, I need ta change. I have ta fer yah, fer us, so please….don't…don't run from me Hime. We can work this out…just…pleas-"

"How long have my parents been dead?" I blurted out tearily. From the shock on his face, I could see that wasn't something he thought I'd knew about yet. Sure, I might have seen his dirty little secrets, his incriminating photos, but he clearly didn't think I knew everything yet.

"Hime…" Gin muttered "I-I can expl-"

"You can explain?" I whispered "You can explain how you failed your mission to slaughter me and my family four years ago? How you never told me that Aizen wanted you to kill me the moment you got what you needed from my father? Aren't I next on your hit list, Gin?" Slapping his arms and starting to cry I could feel my stomach churn at the idea. "When's the 'love of my life' gonna take me out, huh ? Are you gonna love me even after I'm just another picture in one of your files?"

Gin's long fingers curled around my arms and shook me tightly, eyes still searing into my soul. "Who the hell told yah that Toshiro?"

"What does it matter? The point is that I know! I know everything Gin, everything you thought you could hide from me I know now. I've seen it all. How long were you going to keep playing house with me before you sealed the deal?"

"Is that what you think I was doing, playing house? You are my life Toshiro," Gin snarled, gripping me tighter than before. "How can you let my past blind you to everything I've ever told you? You don't even love your parents, let alone care about them. Their deaths don't change how I feel about you!"

"Maybe it changes how I feel about you!" I shrieked, ripping myself from his hands to stumble towards the door. "Its not always about you, or how you think I should feel! You're right, I hate my parents, cant stand them. But that doest mean I wanted them dead! Or that I wanted you to be the one to do it! Cant you understand that? How can I ever trust you if I have to worry about the day when your loyalty to Aizen will out weigh your love for me?"

"You don't have to worry about that because it never will. And I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you. I have already given up so much to keep you by my side, Toshiro, I refuse to lose you now."

"It doesn't work like that Gin," I shook my head, edging into the hallway slowly. "We cannot do this anymore. I'm in danger by just being in this house, from both you and Aizen. He wants me gone, you're supposed to get rid of me…I just don't belong here Gin. You're trying to fit me into a life I was never supposed to be a part of. I…I have to go."

Gin growled, moving to his feet fluidly with fist clenched "Don't do this Toshiro. You know you cant leave. I wont let you."

"We have to stop now," I pleaded, tearing up for the millionth time. "Things have gone way too far, I know too much…its time to let me go Gin."

"Never," he snarled. "Are you honestly saying that you think you can walk away from me, from us? Do you think you can forget about all we have?"

"It doesn't matter what I think. I _have_ to do it because this relationship doesn't work anymore. I cant see you as the same person anymore. I always thought there was something wrong with us and now I know why. We were never supposed to be together but you forced it and now…now its gonna be so much harder to go." And that was when I heard his gun cock. Actually, I heard everything before I actually saw it: the swish of metal against fabric, the thud of its weight in the palm of his hand, the snap of the safety. My eyes widened as I saw his arm raising as though in slow motion. "_Dear God, this is it. He's gonna kill me right now because I tried to leave him for the last time. Oh God, oh God, oh G-"_

"There is no me without you Toshiro. You're my little princess; you're my world" he chocked out.

"Gin! Don't do-"

"One bullet," he flicked the barrel open, the single bullet glinting off the moon ominously. "You want to go? Fine. But over my dead body." I nearly blacked out as I screamed and the gun exploded. Initially, I thought I'd been shot, I would have sworn I felt the bullet piercing my heart but when I opened my eyes the barrel of the gun rested solidly against Gin's temple. "Say you'll stay Hime. I just want you to say you'll stay and anything else, we'll talk about afterwards. I cant live without you."

"Put that thing away Gin!" I cried but he only pulled the trigger again and I screamed, instinctively reaching forward as though I could somehow stop him before the bullet smacked into the side of his head. "Oh God, stop it!" My stomach lurched dangerously as he took aim again. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Third time's the charm, ne Hime? If you're really meant to go, then this'll be the one."

"Baby please, stop! You don't have to do this, jus-"

"Just let you go? I cant," he whispered eyes slipping back into their slits. "I just cant do it. This thing between us isn't a mistake Hime, I know it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being that _this_ is where you need to be. With me. And if you feel the need to leave, then there's only one thing for me to do because I cannot live without you."

By the time he pulled the trigger again, I was already across the room, face buried in his stomach crying hard enough to rock the both of our bodies. "Don't do it anymore, stop!" I sobbed, digging my fingers into his back. I didn't open my eyes, afraid to see his blood splattered on both of us or against the wall. But I could feel his heartbeat thudding against my ears and I cried all the more to know that as long as he was alive, I could never leave him. I played a good game trying to pretend that I could leave, that I could go on living as though he had never existed when the fact of the matter was it would kill me to be more than ten steps away from him. "Stop, stop…I'll stay. I promise that I'll stay, okay? Just please stop…" I cried, looking up into his smiling face. Looking at him, I could almost believe everything would be okay between us; but I could see his hands were shaking. For once, it was clear Gin was scared out of his mind and had no clue what he was doing. It made me want to cry all the more because now we were both lost.

"I know I'm no good fer yah Hime, I know it. But I love yah so much I can barely see straight. Yer mah whole world…I love yah. Promise yah wont go…"

"Shhhh, its alright, its alright…drop the gun Gin."

He leaned down, pulling my face into his palms as the gun thudded to the floor. "Promise me you'll stay," he mumbled as he kissed my face. "Just promise me."

We stared into each other's eyes as I thought of a million reasons of why I shouldn't stay. Of a million different reason why I should leave right now and run to the nearest police station but I knew none of them would garuntee that Gin would survive the experience. So I did the next best thing. I lied. "…Of course I'll stay baby. I get it, you don't have to do this anymore, okay. I-I love you Gin. I promise, I'll never leave."

"I'll never let you go, Toshiro. I love you"

I could barely breath through the kiss and my tears as he pulled me into his arms, but I didn't make him stop. I didn't want Gin to stop. I had to taste him, feel him, prove to myself that this was real and wasn't all part of some bad dream. Like always, when we kissed it was so easy to pretend that Gin wasn't part of the yakuza, or that my life wasn't in danger and we were just a couple in love and everything that happened had been all a dream. But it wasn't. This was the life I'd made for myself, the life I didn't know how to navigate anymore or how to get out of. It was the only thing I knew.

**T_T If anyone is horribly offended by the paltriness of this chapter, please dont be slow to PM me. I need the criticism. Blahhhhhh. Sorry, but I'm so exhausted and lackluster these days, its starting to get to me. lol. But dont worry, I love my story and I wont let it go until I've written the very last chapter! Speaking of chapters, soon you'll all get the long awaited "Chapter from Gin's point of view". I cant wait to write it! The song I choose for this chapter is "Liar, Liar" by A Fine Frenzy. I love that song and that singer. (SIDENOTE: I hate the latest chapters of BLEACH. Is some new character and his posse gonna show up everytime Ichigo loses his powers and give them back to him? And did anyone else think that new guy Ginjou looks a hell of a lot like Aizen? COME ON KUBO! Do something useful and bring Gin back to life you jackass!) I cant think of any other musings to share so goodbye my loves! As always, review, review, review!**


	17. Borrowed Time

**My lovelies! You guys should be like...soooo proud of me. I banged this out in two day! Thats dedication. My muse is off hiatus! Now if only I could find the time to write this stuff down before she flutters off again. I actually started writing chapters in the back of my notebook during english class. Go figure. Lol. Anyway I'm so happy, we're getting to the really, juicy, angsty part of the story (I know, your thinking "It gets angstier?") Yes, it does =D I'm not sure if everyone will like it, but come along for the ride ^_^! Anyway, if you guys are good and review a lot, I've got a nice surprise for you... (HINTHINT: another update tomorrow night ). Psh, I'll probably do it for you guys if just one person reviews. I just cant stop myself from sharing! Here it is (sorry for the long wait again) chapter 17 entitiled:**

_~~ Borrowed Time~~_

Sharp edges prickled my back as I squirmed against the oak wood table for the millionth time above the scattered array of files, folders and photos. The cool air tickled my skin as Gin hoisted my shirt higher and I sighed each time I felt one of his frantic kisses land on my chest. Absentmindedly, I realized I was probably having some sort of outer-body experience since I knew I was here, in this room with Gin, but my mind was a thousand miles away, restlessly thinking about how things had come to this. As he kissed his way back up to my lips, I knew he thought the flutter of my heart was from arousal, but truthfully I was terrified. We hadn't moved a step from his office since he'd dropped the gun and every so often, my eyes would flicker back to it anxiously, fearing it would go off on its own or explode for no reason. True, the fear was baseless, but being in this room made my chest tighten in fear. It reminded me of all the hidden horrors I had suddenly come face to face with tonight and I wanted to scream. Who was this man hovering above me? Who was this man holding onto me tight enough to leave soft red bruises on my arms? Was it Gin? Who _was _Gin? Who was I? Each question had a million different answers and no answer at all, leading me on a never ending spiral that had been mentally exhausting me for the past half hour.

"G-G-Gin…" I sputtered breathlessly, pushing against his shoulders but he didn't budge. In fact, it was almost as if he hadn't heard me at all. He hadn't said a word in the longest and I was beginning to get even more scared. "G-Gin, wa-wait…" Again, he didn't respond but I felt his hands slid down my sides to fumble with my pants, popping the button with skill. My hands shot out instinctively to stop him "No, wait!"

Gin's head shot up and the words died on my lips as his wide red eyes pierced mine. "You don't want it?" His voice was strained, as though he was expecting me to kick him away and run for the hills and I watched on nervously as his grip tightened exponentially on my waist.

"N-no that's not it…o-of course I want you…," Calmingly, I ran my fingers over his head, as though comforting a child. "It's just tha-"

I could almost see the tension slide from his shoulders before he was on me again, kissing me with enough heat to light us both on fire. Nibbling on my lips, Gin's shuddered as I involuntarily wrapped my arms around his neck in acceptance. It wasn't to say that I didn't want the kiss so much as much as I desperately wanted to put some space between us; unfortunately for me, my brain and my body always seemed to have different ideas when it came to Gin and I felt myself press my chest up towards him. I knew I was losing myself in the kiss but the spell was broken when his hand moved into my pants again.

Tearing my lips away, I pushed against his shoulder and the rejected expression on Gin's face made me cringe.

"It's n-not that I don't want it," I whispered, careful to pick my next words. I had never seen Gin so fragile. "Just not here. I don't want to do it…in this room. Please."

Without anymore words, he hoisted me up by the waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his neck. I didn't want to see anymore of this room ever again. I regretted ever finding the key to begin with. As we walked further and further away from that room of horrors, I couldn't help but get the feeling that tonight I would be walking away from a lot of things and the thought made me shiver. Gin set me down gently besides the bed, pulling his shirt off quickly before walking back to kick the door shut and it was so quiet that when the lock clicked into place, I jumped. Gin didn't fail to notice.

"Yer scared o' me now, arent yah?" He smirked dryly but I knew it hurt him to even entertain the idea that I was truly terrified of him. "I always knew yah would be when yah found out. Yah act real tough, like yah can take on the world, but when the chips 're down, yer still just a lil boy. A 18 year ol' lil boy who's way in o'er his head, ne?" Truer words had never been uttered.

I felt myself falter on what should have been a quick reply "I-I'm not scared of you Gin, that's completely ridicu-"

Red eyes suddenly flashed at me and I involuntarily took a step back, knees bumping into the edge of the bed as he bore down on me. "Yer a horrible liar, Hime. Yer not just scared, yer fuckin terrified. Yah think I'm a monster, that I'm a psychopathic killer and yer scared shitless that I'll snap and hurt yah at any moment, ain't yah Hime?" Earnestly, I tried to shake my head no as a thousand different images of him mercilessly slaughtering someone ran through my mind, but he continued ruthlessly. "Well yer right. I've killed hundreds, maybe thousands o' people in one way o' the other and I never once regretted it. Ever. And I've lied ta yah so many times in the past its hard fer me ta remember if what I've told yuh is true o' fake anymore. I could kill yah right now and they'd never find yer body, no one would ever miss yah. Yah have no idea o' what I'm capable o' and that makes yah scared, doesn't it? _DOESN'T IT?"_ He yelled and I flinched.

"Yes!" I choked out, brining my hands to my face and taking a few deep breaths so I wouldn't cry again. "Yes, Gin, I am scared. I'm scared of you and Aizen and us and everything else your trying to push down my throat right now! I-I _am_ terrified that you'll kill me or Aizen will do it for you when he finds out how much I know…I'm scared about us and my place in the world now that I don't have _anyone_ I can depend on anymore. I'm just scared…" Trailing off, I failed my mission as tears began to stream down my face. "I don't know how to feel anymore besides scared."

Long fingers peeled my fingers away from my face and gripped my chin, tilting my head back as I peered up at him pleadingly. "Well don't be," Gin whispered, mouth turning into a distasteful frown as we stared each other down. "Please Hime, don't be afraid. Yer the one person in this world who's never judged me o' been afraid ta know me fer who I am. I'd die if I lost that, if I lost yah. Yer mah whole world…"

Closing my eyes, I sniffled, gripping his sides till my fingers burned. "You killed my parents Gin. And your supposed to kill me. H-how can I not be afraid of you?"

"…I don't know. But yah have ta try. Yah have ta because I'll never let yah go and ferever is a long time to be afraid."

"It wont be that long," looking up into his eyes I tried to find the solace we both needed but I only found more uncertainty. "I'm a complication, Gin. You had a life before me that was your everything and now…it wants you back."

Dipping low, Gin brought his lips to my ears, tracing my jaw line before whispering softly "Well it cant have me back, not if it means losin yah." The rest of my resolve cracked at those words and I was melting, a pile of sobbing foolishness in his arms all over again as I wrapped myself tighter around him

"Tell me you love me."

"I love yah so much Toshiro, more than anything in the world."

"Again," I whimpered as Gin pushed me backwards onto the bed and slipped off my pants and boxers at the same time before descending over me with both arms braced besides my head.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you," he obliged, peppering kisses across my face as I cried with abandon, openly and without shame. The more he said it, the more I wanted to believe him…and couldn't at the same time. I didn't know what to believe but hearing him say those three sweet words made it so much easier to try.

"I don't want to lose you Gin," I sobbed, clutching his face close to mine, kissing the corners of his lips hotly. "Your all I have and I don't want to give you up."

"Yah don't have to. Stay with me Hime. Forever."

Forever. I coudnt bear to tell him that forever wasn't an option for us anymore now that Aizen was in the picture. There would be repercussions for what had happened tonight that would send shockwave into our future together, if we had one at all. As it was, Aizen thought it would be completely within his rights to kill Gin seeing as I hadn't left. I didn't know what was going to happen now because certainly, he wouldn't let me stay. Yes, Aizen would make sure that I was out of the picture one way or the other. The only question was when. Gin and I definitely didn't have forever, but we had tonight and I would try to make the best of it because a little voice in the back of my mind told me we were simply living on borrowed time.

~l~

"A-ha…"

A hot tongue worked its way across the bridge of my foot and my body jerked, falling back into the pillows lifelessly.

"Am I in the right spot?" Gin's deep voice thrummed, shooting vibrations up my leg, stoking the fires brewing in the pit of my stomach. His words were garbled as he sucked one of my toes into his mouth and I whimpered.

"Higher."

Swiftly, his mouth was on me again, pressing kisses up the back of my leg as he pushed one of my knees towards my head. The tongue shot out once again, licking its way up my knee and I saw Gin's face disappear between my legs while he pressed light kisses onto the insides of my thighs.

"How about now?"

"Uh-uh," I moaned, wriggling as I tried to get him to kiss me somewhere that wouldn't feel quite so ticklish, my cock aching with need. "Stop teasing me, Gin."

"Well then yah gotta tell me what yah want."

"I w-want," I shuddered as he got dangerously close to my entrance only to veer off again aggravatingly. "I want you to touch me."

Tightly, he smirked against my pelvis and let go an exaggerated sigh. "I _am_ touchin yah."

"I want you to touch me _more_."

"How much more?"

Gripping the fine strands of silver hair between my fingers, I tugged until he looked up at me softly. "Everywhere. I want you to touch me all over my body until I cant forget the feeling. So I can remember it forever."

"Mah, mah, yah talk as if we're never gonna see each other again," he hedged, suddenly fisting my hard-on tightly as he pumped me slowly. My stomach muscles rolled at the sudden touch to my sensitive flesh and I nearly came just then. "We've got the rest o' our lives fer me to touch every. Inch. O.' Yer. Body," he muttered, punctuating each word with a kiss to my stomach

Hazily, I laughed at the inaccuracy of the statement in my mind. "But I want it now."

"How do yah want it?"

"I already told yo-"

"No yah didn't," Gin cut me off, dancing his tongue around my bellybutton lazily as I writhed beneath him. "Yah need ta tell me _exactly_ what yah want me ta do o' I'll never know. No more secrets, remember Hime? I want yah ta tell me word fer word."

"Gin…"

"Do yah want me ta suck yah off o' fer me ta eat yah out?" He purred, fingering the slit of my cock and I jerked weakly at my impending orgasm.

"I- I don't know…I cant say it."

Gin tisked and pinched the base of my cock before locking his lips over the head tightly. "Yes yah can. Say it."

"Gin, I cant-"

"Say it!"

"Eat me out!" I whined wantonly, shame coloring my cheeks "…I w-want you to eat me out."

Gin smiled broadly, wasting no time in spreading my legs obscenely wide and exposing me to the cool dawn air. "Ah-ahh!" I cried, grabbing hold of my ankles and thrusting my hips towards his face as that hot tongue began to dance around my puckered entrance, small jabbing motions making me writhe madly. In and out, he swirled, slurping sounds floating up to my ears as I gripped his hair tightly and tried to remember how to breathe. Then, his hands were on me, pumping me rapidly and I thought I would die from pleasure. "O-oh God, Gin!"

"Beautiful. Yer absolutely beautiful."

"D-don't stop!" I cried, frustrated that he had stopped to talk when I was so close. Suddenly, I felt delicious, wet heat engulf my cock as Gin took me into his mouth. All it took was for him to ram two fingers into me and swallow deeply and I was cumming like crazy, body spasming around his fingers as he hummed, swallowing spurt after spurt. "Fuck…oh G-God, yes…" Still twitching, eyes blurrily shifting in and out of focus as I rode out the last of my orgasm, I felt Gin position himself between my thighs, spreading my legs as far as they would go. Before I could stop him, he lined himself up to my prepared hole, and with one forceful push, he relentlessly slid into me to the hilt. Wordlessly, my mouth gaped open in a pained cry at the sudden intrusion as I fought to accommodate his rock hard cock in my body. My nails dug into his arms.

Fluidly, Gin slid my legs around his waist and covered my lips in a searing kiss, covering my cry of pain when he shifted inside me. The air of desperation that clung to us was suffocating as a pulled him closer to me, hands tangling in his hair as we kissed. The stress, the pain, the pleasure…everything that defined out relationship and sought to destroy it at the same time rested on our hearts and I could tell that Gin felt the end nearing too. He _knew_ that we had reached a fork in the road and neither of us knew where to turn. But unlike me, he stubbornly refused to let go.

"Yer mine Hime. All mine" he groaned against my mouth.

"…Gin," I gasped as he pulled out of my still throbbing entrance and slammed back in hastily, giving me no time to adjust. The harsh strokes continued, deliciously contrasting the delicate foreplay we had engaged in earlier. The lights danced above us as I fought to control my hectic breathing. "Oh fuck, I cant…I cant…shit Gin, your gonna make me commeee…" I moan helplessly as he pounded me with abandon.

"Ne, yah can take it," Gin huffed, arms slipping beneath my arms to grip my shoulders and pull me back onto each thrust, our hips snapping together painfully. "Yah can take all o' me cant yah, Hime? Every. Last. Inch."

Tears dotted my eyes, the headboard biting into the palms of my hands as I held on for dear life. "Ahhhhhhhh! Ahh-ah fuck meee Gin. Plleeasssse!"

"Tell me you're mine," he growled, sucking on my clavicle before biting down gently when I only managed a low squeal.

"I-I-I'm…" My words faltered and I only managed to pull one hand from the headboard and grip his shoulder tightly.

"Come on Hime, who do yah belong ta?" he snarled, stilling his movements to peered down at me through those beautiful slits I'd been mesmerized by the moment I saw them.

"Nooo, move!" After trying to goad him into moving failed I brought both hands to his ass and pressed us flush together but only succeeded in frustrating myself further and making Gin smirk.

Trailing his nose along my jaw line, Gin made shallow thrusts, barely moving his hips at all but still managing to drive me crazy as each move bumped the head of his cock against my prostate maddeningly. "Say it. Say yer mine."

"I'm yours! I'm yours for as long as you want me to be!" I yelled, rocking my hips back and forth to get some kind of friction.

He growled, abruptly pulling out, leaving me empty only to ram back in, hitting my prostate dead on and I cried out loud enough to wake the neighbors- if he had any. "I'll always want yah."

"Then forever! I'll be yours forever and ever. I'll be anything you want me to be, just _fuck me_!"

Muscles rippling with the restraint it took to hold back, Gin began hammering me for all he was worth. I wormed a hand between us and started jerking myself like crazy, body tightening at the inevitable ending. Legs stuck straight up in the air, I pulled his hips into mine with my free hand and bit my lip viciously enough to make it bleed.

" Shit…yer so tight. So perfect, Hime made just fer me."

". I'm gonna cummmm!" I babbled nonsensically. Gin lowered his head and latched onto one nipple tightly, biting down deeply and before I knew it I was coming in thick ropes that splashed off of his stomach and back onto mine. "Gin!"

Switching to the other nipple, he bit down again and six strokes later he was coming as well, pulling out of me quickly as I dazedly twitched beneath him, and kneeling up right to squirt all over my chest. Eagerly, I sat up, brushed his hands away and swallowed as much of his cock as possible just as he came, groaning as sucked on his throbbing cock head. Even as he grabbed the back of my head and pushed me down further, I couldn't take all of it from that angle and ended up fisting the rest, blowing him like there was no tomorrow. I could feel the excess cum dribbling down my chin but I didn't move to wipe it away. Instead, after the last of it had shot into my mouth I pulled Gin's lips down to mine and kissed him deeply, letting him taste himself with a sigh.

We fell, Gin pulling me tight against his body to fall on his chest, and he chuckled lightly against my lips, deeply tracing the contours of my mouth. "Naughty, naughty Hime…" He said offhandedly, rubbing my back calmingly. I sighed again and basked in the afterglow of orgasm, busying myself with tracing figures across his chest while I tried to keep my mind from straying back to all our troubles. However as the seconds tripped on, I failed and before I knew it, all I could think about was Aizen.

Tentatively, trying not to offset the ticking time bomb that was my boyfriend, I whispered "Gin…are we going to be okay?"

He froze, tightening his hold on me shortly and looking at me curiously. "O' course we will. I promise…we have to be."

"…Will we Gin? Do you really think that…" I trailed off, unable to frame my question properly. "What are we going to do about Aizen?"

"Do _not_ bring him up Hime, let alone when we're in bed together," Gin sneered smoothly, efficiently making me feel guilty and slightly frightened by his fragile mood swings.

"Gin…he wont go away, even if you ban me from saying his name ever again. You have to know he doesn't want us together…I don't want to put you in anymore danger than you've already put yourself in by keeping me for this long. I just don't know what to do-"

"Toshiro…" he growled, agitation building but I ignored it.

"Don't 'Toshiro' me! You don't get to do that anymore! It's _my_ turn to be mad now," Gin growled again, running a hand through his hair but I continued despite the thin ground I was on. "This is _Aizen Souske_, we're talking about, top Yakuza crime lord of Japan."

"And I'm _his_ top assassin!" Gin yelled and I flinched, at both the reminder and his tone. Taking a deep breath he pulled me on top of him to straddle his waist and tried to reign in his emotions, starting again quietly. "I want you to stop worrying about this."

"I cant Gin," I whispered, cupping his cheek gently. "How can I not worry when everything we've worked so hard to create is at stake? I barely know how I feel about us anymore, about you.."

Firmly gripping the back of my neck, Gin's eyes flashed open heatedly. "Yer mine!"

"…Gin, its not that simple."

He snarled, sitting up to pull me into his arms in an abruptly fierce hug. "From yer pretty white hair all the way ta yer precious toes, yer mine Toshiro. Yer all mine, ferever and ever and no one will ever take that away from me."

"Gin." I looked down at him and my heart clenched painfully at the way his face was scrunched in determination, as if the he was trying to make himself believe the words more than he was trying to convince me. For the second time that night, I saw a vulnerable side of Gin that I had know existed but rarely ever saw. This raw, open fear of abandonment was usually overshadowed by rage seeing as I was always on the receiving end of some sort of punishment when he was feeling this torn. But this time, he was punishing himself and I couldn't do anything to help him. I didn't know how to. "Gin, I'm scared. I'm scared to stay but even more afraid to let go…"

Bright red eyes shot up to mine as he stroked my face, jerking slightly when I brought one of his hands digging into my thigh to my lips and kissed it tenderly. "Yuh'll never get away from me Hime. I wont let him take yah from me. This is where I want to be."

"Yeah…I'm yours. I'm all yours for as long as you want me to be," I murmured, realizing that there would be no reasoning with Gin. He had decided to blind himself to what was really happening, or at least for now he had. Maybe he was in shock from having me find out about who he was and what he'd done, maybe he was genuinely convinced it would all work out no matter what, but it didn't matter. Gin was side stepping the issue and truthfully I wanted to as well. Before Aizen and the rest of the world, we had to address our own problems first. So I let myself pretend- for that moment- that everything would be fine.

Pushing him backwards, I descended on his lips, grinding my body against his, creating delicious friction between our still slick bodies.

"Toshiro," he purred, bumping his hips into mine feverishly as I palmed his hardening cock.

"I love you Gin. I'll always love you, no matter what happens next."

"Don't talk like that," he scolded, hands slipping to my ass and pressing two fingers against my tender entrance before sliding them in.

I groaned at the intrusion but grabbed his face, holding our faces close to each other until he looked me in the eyes. Those beautiful crimson eyes, I wanted to remember them even when I was far gone from here. I could feel our inevitable separation burning a whole in the back of my mind and something told me this would be the last time we'd ever be this close. "No Gin," I whispered. "I have to. I want you to always know that nothing will ever change the way I've felt about you. Not Aizen, nor what you've done for him or…even my parents," I gulped, sadness tickling the pit of my stomach but continued before he could speak. "No matter what happens, I don't regret loving you."

"I'm sorry Hime…I'm so sorr-"

"Shhh, no don't. Not now." I shook my head and took his cock, pressing it against my entrance gingerly before pushing down. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just…, I just wanted you to know that."

"Hime-"

"Ohhh Shit…" I moaned as I relaxed and let his harness sink deep into me, making us one. For that moment, we could be one inseparable being, join intimately in a way that Aizen could never take from me, even if he took my life one day. "Gin."

"Goddamn," He sighed rocking his hips up to mine gently. "There's no doubt in mah mind that yah were made just fer me. Yer everything I'll ever need."

"Uh-huh," I muttered noncommittally, already getting lost in the wave of emotions I felt whenever we made love. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back and raised my hips only to slam myself down to the hilt with a gasp. "We're a perfect fit. Everything is just," I choked up, ready to break down again, so I buried my face in his neck and let out a shaky whimper that he mistook for passion "Perfect." And hopefully, one day, it would be.

~l~

Later, after we had both fucked each other's brains out, I was watching the way the first lights of dawn dance against Gin's face and how beautiful he looked framed in burning colors of gold and red. He was sleeping, having passed out some minutes before after our fourth round that night. At some point, we ran out of things to say and every moment seemed to segway into another position, another pounding that left me breathless and wobbly, but I didn't mind. I didn't really know _what_ to say. For Gin's sake and mine, I had pretended that I could push aside what he'd done but it was easier said than done. I was mad, furious that he had lied to me for so long, that he had used me to get close to my father and intended to dispose of me like yesterday's trash. I was repulsed that I could be in love with someone who could shoot a man in cold blood but still come back to me at the end of the day as though nothing was wrong. And more than anything I was abso-fucking-loutely terrified that one day, he would break under Aizen's pressure and kill me. Were Momo here she would have snapped at my tenacity, only now seeing that a man who could beat me mercilessly was only a few steps from murdering me. But before, I took Gin's punishments partially because I felt as though I deserved it and knew that that's what it would take to keep him but also because I trusted him. I never thought murder was within his capabilities but now…It chilled me to think of how many times he could have actually ended my life and I would have never seen it coming. Love sure is a funny thing. It makes even the smartest people nauseatingly gullible.

Empty. That's how I felt. In the dark of night when Gin's arms were wrapped around me and he was buried deep inside of me, there was no way I could have felt alone or broken. He filled every void that time had created within me and I could never thank him enough for that. Yet, the minute he fell asleep, I was nervous again, agitated, anxious and eventually, I simply felt empty. All the questions and doubts that were plaguing my mind blossomed all over again, but I didn't have Gin to kiss away my fears and tell me everything would be all right. Several times in the last hour, I had reached over to shake him awake, desperate to hear his voice, to feel his lips on my skin. By now, his body was the only thing that I undoubtedly knew like the back of my hand. But I never did wake him. He was no more up for the job than I was, so I let him sleep. Maybe he could find the comfort in his dreams that seemed to evade me at every turn, both asleep and awake. Gently, I ran my fingers through his hair, basking in the feeling of its silky strands. Even laying on his stomach, face down in the pillow, snoring lightly after hours of sex, he was still a masterpiece. Quite possibly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. _"Perhaps I've finally cracked. Watching someone sleep is more Gin's forte than it is mine. Yet, I cant look away…its like…a work of art."_ Yes, I was definitely losing it.

With a sigh, I slipped from the cage of his arms and crawled out of bed. After shrugging into my boxers and shirt from last night, I trudged down the hall to the bathroom to do some damage control. The mayhem that had been wrecked on my body was no one's fault but my own, really. I mean, maybe the first two times Gin was to blame but after that, I couldn't seem to get enough. Time and time again I pushed his buttons, got him hot under the collar and I had paid the price. Tell tale signs of our night were splattered across my neck, chest, legs and a steady stream, that made me feel less than hygienic, was running down my thighs. Debauched would be a good word to describe me. It was as I was leaning back up from washing my face at the sink that I heard the hammer of a gun snap back. At first, my heart stopped dead in my chest, but before I could scream, a hand had clamped over my mouth and was dragging me backwards.

"If you try to scream, or make any trouble, I'll slit your throat" a deep voice muttered to me with lackluster, as though he was disinterested in the entire ordeal.

However he had nothing to worry about for my throat had long since frozen shut and I could barely manage to shake my head yes once. With a quietude and swiftness that startled me, I was off my feet in seconds, down the steps and out the door. Dropping me from a height of impossible magnitude, the faceless figure placed me on the fronts steps. Quickly, I turned around to gaze all the way up at a figure both familiar and startling at the same time.

"Y-you're that man from the museum," I spluttered only to see a matching, tall blonde figure step out from the shadows towards the front door. "And you're that woman!"

"Indeed we are," he yawned, scratching the back of his head wearily. "You may call me Starrk and this," he ran his eyes over the prone woman next to him appreciatively "is Halibel."

"What are you doing in our house?" I felt my stomach begin to drop in fear. "Better yet, what the hell are you doing here at all?"

"Shh, keep your voice down Hitsugaya. You wouldn't want to wake Ichimaru-sama."

Snarling, I clenched my fist, shivering in my thin shirt but my growing apprehension warmed me considerably. "You leave Gin out of this you bastard! What do you want from us?"

"Not from 'us,' from 'you.' We're hear to kidnap you."

"…What?"

Halibel barely spared me a second glance before she had cocked her gun at my for head, silencer ominously glinting in my eyes. "I thought he _just _said for you to keep your voice down. It would be wise of you to oblige."

"As I was saying," Starrk yawned again, pressing her arm to lower the weapon slowly "it's time for you to go, Hitsugaya Toshiro. Aizen-sama has deemed that you've over stayed your welcome here."

"Over stayed my welcome? Look, you can tell Aizen to go fuck himself, I'm not going anywhere," I cried but Halibel cocked her gun again at my tone and I froze.

"Ahh, I thought you might say that, Hitsugaya-kun." A deep voice purred behind me. My blood ran cold and with wide eyes, I turned to see the man of all my fears strolling up the walkway calmly, a black, sparkling Rolls Royce Ghost looming in the background.

"Aizen…"

He simply smiled indulgently and lanced me with his dead brown eyes. "You have one of two options, which I have already presented to you. Either you leave with me now and spare Gin's life or I can have both of you slaughtered, and that would be such a dreadful way to start the morning."

"I'm. Not. Leaving. He's _mine_, Aizen, you cant have him."

"This topic is no longer open for discussion. Not only have you exhausted my patience but under the circumstances, we have little to no time before your beloved Gin begins to miss his snowy little arm-piece and comes looking for you. Make your choice."

"No, please stop."

"Hitsugaya, I would really rather not kill something so beautiful as yourself-"

"No, no, no! Don't make me go," I pleaded, letting go of all of my pride. My voice cracked as tears prickled my eyes and I looked frantically between all three present. "Don't do this to me, please…I need him."

"You are wasting my time, little one. Would you rather we wait around till your darling Gin wakes up and make this little gathering complete?"

"Leave him out of this! Just, leave us alone altogether! What have we ever done to you?"

"My patience is wearing Hitsugaya."

"Please let me have him," I cried, clasping my hands together in desperation. I didn't care if the pose fed Aizen's over inflated, god-complex, I'd do whatever would keep me where I wanted to be. "I'll do anything, please…don't make me do this!"

With a nod from Aizen, Halibel had spun on her heels to enter the door. "Shoot him in both legs first, then bring him out here to watch the child die."

"No!" Swiftly, I jumped and grabbed Halibel's forearm. The look of pure disbelief she bored me with made me cringe, but I didn't let go. "Don't, don't do it. I'd rather…you kill me than you hurt one hair one his head. I love him…" Turning back to Aizen, I let the tears fall as I uttered the fatal words. "I'll go wherever you want me to go, just don't hurt him."

Surprisingly Halibel did not shake me off, but lowered her gun, stepping back to look at Starrk with a shocked expression I could not understand. Did they really think that I couldn't love Gin this much? Were my feelings really that unimaginable? Perhaps. They knew a different Gin than I did. They knew the bloodthirsty warrior, the assassin leader, the horrible, monster Gin I had only gotten a peak of and shuddered to imagine. She didn't know his as a lover, a friend and confidant…and she never would if he died today.

"That's more like it" Aizen said amicably. "Halibel, retrieve his clothing, cellphone, a pair of shoes and anything else necessary for a speedy escape. We want Gin to think he's runaway for good this time, leave no traces and move quickly. You," he purred, looking down at me dryly, "get in the car. Let's go Starrk."

Everyone jumped to move, Halibel gone in a flash and Starrk began tugging me along towards the car but halfway there I stumbled to a stop, pulling away. "Wait! Wait stop!"

Starrk shook his head no and moved to pull me again but I jetted back another step. "Aizen is not joking Hitsugaya-kun. He _will_ murder both of you."

"Th-that's not it. I…I want to write him a note." Starrk started to shake his head again but I tried again, wiping the tears from my eyes as I ran closer to his side. "Please, at least give me this. I…I'm never going to see him again, please at least let me say goodbye!"

Looking back and seeing that Aizen had already seated himself in the car, Starrk furrowed his brows briefly then sighed, rummaging in his pocket to draw out a small piece of paper and pen that he dropped on the floor. "Write fast. Act like your begging on your knees and write real fast."

Doing as he said, I dropped like a rock and wept, frantically writing as I tried to see my words through my tears. When he yanked me to my feet again, I slipped the paper into his hand and as Halibel walked up, he thrust me into her arms, motioning the two of us towards the car when she quirked an eyebrow at him questioningly. With astonishing speed for a seemingly sleepy man, he sped into the house by the time Halibel and I were seated. A ghostly pale man, nearly a boy himself with emerald green eyes and a striking green vein running underneath each eye looked back at me apathetically from behind he wheel.

"_This_ is the source of all the trouble?"

"Shocking isn't it? That something so insignificant could make such grand ripples."

The man made no change in facial expression, simply turning away with tangible disdain when I sniffled, bowing my head to cry. "Trash."

Just then, Starrk returned, sliding his tall frame into the car with ease, to cage me between he and Halibel before yawning ostentatiously and closing his eyes. The pale man wasted not a second more and we were headed down the driveway in a flash. I turned, wistfully looking at the house as all my hopes and dreams vanished, growing smaller and smaller till it was only a dot amongst the trees as we got further away. As we turned the corner, I closed my eyes, whispering Gin's name on my lips with a choked sob.

"What, may I ask, warranted that tardy return trip to the house Starrk?" Aizen questioned coolly, but I could hear annoyance lurking beneath.

"Wallet. I thought it'd be a little odd to runaway and not even take your wallet with you. Halibel forgot to snag it."

Her eyes flashed at the shift in fault from Starrk to herself, but she said nothing, simply glancing at both men before looking back out the window. "He is right, I did not think it necessary to take it. My apologies Aizen-sama."

"No need, Halibel, it is understandable. I suppose even the worthiest of men have lapses in judgement," Aizen hummed quizzically. Then, his eyes flew to meet Starrk's in the rearview mirror with hidden malice. "Lapses that can only be tolerated but once. I would hate to think my Espada are growing soft…You are forgiven."

After that, there were no sounds besides my irregular breathing and the soft purr of the engine. I didn't know whether or not I would live to see tomorrow, where Aizen was taking me or if I was ready for what was ahead. But I did know that living without Gin, no matter what manner of man he was not an option. He could have killed my parents, Momo, the dog I owned as a child until I was seven years old and even the president himself; I wouldn't care. I'd realized that last night as I looked into his eyes. Murder or not, he was still my Gin and no one would ever be able to change that. He was mine.

**Some wonderful reviewer recommended that I start double spacing my postings. I would love to do that, but I dont really know how to without screwing up the word spacing*meek look* hehehe. Does anybody else know? Tell me please! Next chappie is the little sneak peak into our beloved Gin's mind! YAY! So revieww! Thank everyone who did review by the way. I know i'm failing at those responses but I barely find time to update. Just know I love everyone who reads, even if you dont review! You keep boosting my confidence in my work and that is what really makes my day. *kisses* See yah!**

**Ohh! Almost forgot. Song of the chapter is: "Borrowed Time" by A Fine Frenzy, hence the title of the chappie. Good stuff 3 Ciao!  
**


	18. The Void

**=D Yay, update number two! Glad you guys read and enjoyed the last chapter. Oh how much delicious fun this story is turning out to be. Anywho, I dont have anything new to say besides that you can probably expect an update by like...late February at the worst. Sorry! But would you have rather I stretched out the updates or get two now? Idk, tell me which and I'll be sure to do that from now on. This chapter isnt that long since its the first time I've actually written from Gin's mind. I need to really get in there and be able to voice his thoughts better, but I've got time to play around with that. Read and tell me what you think please! Here is chapter 18 of Lock and Key, entitled:**

_The Void ~~_**  
**

"Click! Clack! Snap!"

In all my years, I've never prided myself on being someone with much patience when it comes to difficult situations. I cant remember exactly how it began or how long I've been doing it, but gut instincts have been the only things I've thought to act on. Time and time again I've rushed head long into decision after senseless decision with little regard for myself, others, or anything as frivolous as analytical observations. After all, what would be the point in that? You see something you want, you go after it and if you want it enough, nothing should be able to stop you. Patience in such scenarios implies indecision and apprehension, a sense of uncertainty that reeks of the human weaknesses that plague us all. Weakness is another thing I've also tried to avoid, but that's another topic altogether. The point being, nothing has ever stopped me from obtaining or doing something that I've truly wanted. If I had to fight my way through a thousand men, I'd do it if the reward was what I desired. After all, the ends always justifies the means, right? Didn't I deserve happiness? Didn't I deserve the swell of self gratification the rest of the smug, self indulgent bastards on this earth partook in, snatching every bit of goodness in the world and making it their own? Oh yes, I deserved it alright. There weren't many vices I particularly enjoyed indulging in. I didn't blow my inheritance on fast cars and women like some would have or go jetting across the globe. There had only been one thing I'd ever emerged myself in completely, one person I went to great heights to keep and in return, I found a level of intoxication I'd never even imagines existed. I didn't feel one ounce of guilt about that. No, right now, I was feeling…rage. A burning, swirling void of bottomless rage that clearly told me patience had never been my strong point. However today, it took every fiber of my being exert some modicum of patience and not pull the trigger of the gun resting in the palm of my hand. But that resolve was wearing thin.

"Snap!"

The crack of the gun as I pulled the hammer back and cocked it one more time against my temple pounded in my ears , snapping back at me with a sharpness that jarred my senses. The assassin in me blanched at the idea of such an easy kill, hungered for more of a challenge but what did that matter now? This wasn't a mission, it was a punishment, retribution for losing the one good thing I'd ever had in the blink of an eye. It was just me - in a cold bedroom that reeked of sex and the vodka sitting in front of me- and a grueling test of wills that I wasn't sure I would win.

"_Yer gonna be sorry if yah blow yer brains out and he calls yah ten minutes later,"_ a little voice - that was becoming harder and harder to ignore - said in the back of my mind.

"**Well then he'd better hurry up and do it. He's had long enough to run free this time and I'm sure he's reached Momo's house by now."**

"_Who the hell said he was at Momo's? Maybe this time, hes gone fer good…"_

The idea alone made me clench the gun painfully tight in the palm of my hand and rub it against my temple with bruising force. My Hime. Gone forever. It was impossible. The little bastard had fucked me senseless last night with his declarations of "love," making me think that maybe this time he _finally_ understood that were meant to be together. Made me think he was as sure about this relationship as I was, only for me to awake hours later and find him gone…and our room strangely lacking of his possessions. Toshiro was gone without a trace and I hadn't the slightest idea where the hell he'd gone to. Of course, by the time I'd realized what had happened, I was up and out of bed, flying around in a fury. The house was empty, so I'd scoured the grounds, then the forest surrounding the house for hours, decades it seemed…but there wasn't a trace. It was like…he'd vanished into thin air, like an angel ascending to heaven. The only things that were left, to even hint that he'd ever existed were the two worst things I'd ever hope to find: our ring, in a heap of broken glass downstairs from last night and a goodbye note. Seeing our bond discarded on the floor like that, as if he'd simply flung it off and the weight of the decision had shattered the table stung, but not as bad as the note. It was a simple thing, brief really, but it spoke volumes:

**It was time Gin. Your world is better without me in it and I'd rather leave than stay and live a lie. Don't look for me this time. Sometimes, there are sacrifices we have to make and I'm so glad that finally, I'm brave enough to do it. I will always love you.**

** - Toshiro.**

I'm sure he intended for that little note to be heartfelt and touching. It was so typically Toshiro to leave a tear stained love letter, a final act of greatness to show he really cared. And it was also so stupid. There were so many things wrong with that note, my mind couldn't wrap itself around how someone so beautiful and smart could be so utterly foolish. Firstly, did he really think my world, or any world for that matter was better without him in it? Completely idiotic, especially since I'd told him on more than one occasion _he was my world_. Clearly I hadn't said it enough. And what exactly was this lie he would be living? That he loved me? That he was happy? That he felt safe and trusted me? Too many unanswered questions that seemed designed a final snub towards me. Of course I would look for him, that was a pointless request and though I didn't doubt his love…it was the sacrifice part that bothered me. Sacrifice implied that he didn't want to go to begin with. And I didn't want him to go. Which meant there was really no point in any of this unless it was to drive me to the brink of insanity. So I would do him the favor and kill myself.

"_Yer makin a big mistake," _ my mind hissed at me irritably.

"**What the hell do you suggest I do? Sit around till I'm old and gray, pining away for the love of my life that never returned?"**

"_Yah could do that…or yah could find 'im."_

"**Oh yes, of course. Because suicide was definitely my first idea before actually _finding_ him," **I snapped at myself. It took a lot out of me to argue with my own mind. Leaning back in the chair, I poured my hundredth shot of vodka and slammed it back before throwing the glass across the room, completely abandoning it to drink straight from the bottle.

"_Well yah didn't look hard enough! Get out there and get what's ours! That boy is ours, nobody else's and the longer yah sit around gettin piss drunk, the farther he gets away from us."_

Although these were valid points, what could I actually do? Knock on every door in town and ask if they'd seen a white haired beauty running for the hills? Not likely. It would be odd and attract the attention of the police. I'd have to file a missing person's report. Which would then bring up the topic of why I was in the possession of a minor who legally didn't belong to me. Which would in turn bring up his dead parents and open a whole can of worms I really wasn't in the mood to deal with. No, my little Toshiro was too smart to go through town anyway. For all I knew, Momo might have driven out here and picked him up outside the gate and taken him to the nearest air port. He could be halfway to America by now.

"Shit," I roared, flinging the bottle just as I had the shot glass at the idea of him flying around the world just to escape me.

Vodka and glass rained down the far end of the wall over our bed and my fell eyes on one of his shirts lying around. Walking over, I picked up the shirt, rubbing it gently, as though it would evaporate if it touched it too hard. I loved Toshiro in this blue top, the top that I bought him because it brought out his bright blue-green eyes. I loved the way whenever he moved, it would ride up and show his taunt little belly, that smooth pale white skin that beckoned me to kiss it. I loved the way he shivered when I snuck up behind him and ran my hands across that skin, how he would melt in my arms when I tilted his head and kissed him in that spot behind his ear just right. I loved how easy the shirt was to pull off of him. A chuckle spilled from my lips at the image. _"Hime, Hime, Hime…always such a lil responsive lover."_ Toshiro could moan and groan with the best of them but it was those little whimpers, those light needy little sound he made that made my body tight. Since the moment I'd meet him he'd always been so desperate, so anxious for everything and that was true even in the bedroom. When he cried out like that, I couldn't help but push him down and take those pretty pink nipples into my mouth. He was so damn sweet, like candy, and I could never be satisfied with one taste. If I tried real hard I could remember the way his skin felt beneath my fingers as I pushed his thighs wide; that blush that would come over him when I brought my lips to his sweet, quivering entrance…that was a sight I could never forget. I loved everything about Toshiro and I told him that everyday. No doubt about it. How could he leave me?

"_Ne, ne! Yah did beat the boy for the better part o' four years. Maybe he got tired of the bruises."_

I brushed the thought away as quickly as it came, getting up to pace agitatedly around the room. The gun was still clasped tightly in my hand, however. I couldn't bring myself to put it down. It was almost as thought it had become an extension of me, necessary for me to hold in order to function. Storming across the room I snatched up my discarded pack of cigarettes and brought one to my lips, lighting it sloppily but lighting it all the same. Toshiro wouldn't have left because I hit him. He got off on that shit. Hell, I got off on that shit. And he deserved it. It was because of dumbass stunts like this that that I had to punish him at all. But apparently, he never learned his lesson. Immediately, grotesque images of me beating him mercilessly the minute I got him back flashed before my eyes. I would beat that little shit within an inch of his life for putting me through this kind of stress. And no matter how much he begged I wouldn't let up. Seating myself again on the chair, I could just imagine him looking up at me with those big watery eyes and pleading for me to stop as I worked him over. God, I fucking loved it when he begged. Crying fit Toshiro so well, but only when he was doing it for the right reasons. Some would call it sick but when he was in tears, I knew he cared. There was proof that he actually had put his heart into the relationship when he was crying. How else was I supposed to know he loved me? Did I feel guilty for beating him? Of course I did. Did I ever consider stopping? Many times. But then…he would get that look in his eyes. That fire that both defied my laws and begged me to put him in his place. He wanted me to show him who was boss, that there were consequences for his actions. So I did. And in those hours when I was hurting him, making him bleed and cry, _I _was his god. I was his everything. I held his life in the palm of my hands! And it made me love him all the more for trusting me enough to manage something so precious. My little masochist wouldn't have runaway because of the beatings and not with such finality. There had to be another reason. So I sat there. Waiting. Staring at the phone for only God knows how long, I waited for him to call me and explain why he was trying to break my heart. And if he never called - I looked down at the gun expectantly - there was always option number two. There was no life without Toshiro. Perhaps he'd finally understand that when he had to drag his ass back to Karakura to attend my funeral. Suddenly, the phone rang. I snatched up without a second glance only to hear the last person on earth I wanted to talk to right now.

"Hello, Gin," Aizen purred seductively, his voice grating against my already frazzled nerves. "How is my top commander faring these days? I never heard from you after your mission last night."

Slowly I stubbed out the cigarette and lit another on. "Aizen-Taicho," I tried as a manner of greeting, not sure if I could manage much more. "The mission was complete, not a glitch in the plan. Yamada has been taken care o' and Zommari and Luppi disposed o' 'im just as yah wished. I will have the full recount on yer desk by the end o' this week. Sorry fer not reportin sooner. I was rather...occupied."

"Ahh," he sighed, amusement playing in his voice. "I take it that that little white haired pestilence of yours needed some fine tuning. Tell me, is he alright or should I prep Szayel for an emergency medical house call?"

"Mah, mah, yer quick ta jump ta conclusions Taicho."

"Are you implying that nothing is amiss?"

"Not one hair on Toshiro's head is outta place." As far as I knew…

"Is that so? Then what else could have you sounding so flustered?"

"Yah sure do make a lot o' assumptions, Taicho. I think yer getting too old fer yer job 'cause yer judgment is way off this time. I aint flustered…I'm drunk!"

I could almost hear him smiling into the phone. "It's eight thirty in the evening. I doubt you'd leave your lover unattended so early in the day just to get drunk. Which means he is either indisposed or missing. Which is it?"

Shit. I hadn't intended on telling Aizen of Toshiro's disappearance just yet but it was pointless to hide it now and would only serve to backfire later if I did. "Ne, ne I guess yah aint that old after all! Yer right…it seems mah lil princess has ran away again."

"Oh?" he laughed, seemingly quite amused with the situation. I failed to see the humor. "How unexpected. So, why is it that you're here talking to me and drowning yourself in liquor instead of frantically searching? You usually work yourself into quite a fit scouring the gutters of Japan looking for him by now."

"That may be so, but I think my lil hummin bird had finally flown the coup fer good. I cant find him anywhere. So… I thought, maybe this time, I'd just shoot mah self and get this foolishness over and done with once and fer all," I said smoothly. The line was dead silent and I laughed inside my head at the smug bastard. It felt really good to throw Aizen for a loop sometimes.

"…How the mighty have fallen." His voice was suddenly impatient, tinged with unease and I basked in my seemingly unique ability to fuck with his perfectly cool composure.

"Indeed. Anyway, I've got a lot o' things ta get in order before the big **BANG**, so if yah don't mind-"

"Please tell me you are not serious Gin, and your just using that odd sense of humor of yours yet again."

"Ne, ne! I guess we wont know till I get the job done! Now if yuh'll excuse me-"

"I honestly do not trust you at this point Gin," he growled slightly, clearly beyond mad but too pompous to show it. " I am sending Ulquiorra and Yammy to look after you before you either drink yourself into a coma or do some other irreversible and senseless damage to yourself. You are a valuable asset to this company and I will not have you offing yourself at the slightest provocation, whenever you feel-"

Sighing, I leaned back, feeling a headache coming on. "I don't think yah head what I said, Souske. He's gone. Fer good. He found out all the shit I've done, freaked out and ran. Theres nothin left ta do."

Aizen powered on, ignoring my statement "…Slighted by you tiny lover. If the child has finally taken his leave then so be it. It is better he go of his own volition than for you to have been forced to carry out your original task and murder him or for-"

Something clicked in my mind and suddenly I was very suspicious. "Did yah take 'im?" I said quietly but either Aizen didn't hear or didn't deem the question worthy of response.

"….You to have forced my hand and had one of the Espada kill him. After all your deadline was up _months _ago Gin-"

"Did. You. Take. Him!" I barked, the phone denting slightly in my grasp.

"I think you have forgotten your place, Ichimaru- Fukutaicho." He snipped back, but I made no answer nor apology. "If I had your insignificant little worm, you would know. I may be one for subtleties but you have tested my patience for far too long on this matter. The next step wouldn't have been abduction if I wanted him gone. You would have found him lying dead next to you in bed."

And there it was. Patience. The limits of my patience broke at the image he made and I felt myself snap in a way that I'd never done before. "You listen to me, _Aizen-Taicho_" I snarled, completely uncaring of who I was talking to. "you may feel you control my life, which is all well and good and completely within your means to do so. But if I find out you had _anything_ to do with this, you will pay for it in blood. He is _mine_, Souske, mine! If you have him, now would be the time to give him back before you make me very, very angry."

For a moment, he said nothing, and then with a pleasantness that reminded me of why I had ever feared the man to begin with, he replied, "It is not only because I know you have a death wish and that you are my brother that I will spare your life Gin. There are many other reasons that your alcohol addled mind could not comprehend. I do not have your disgusting worm of a lover, but rest assured after such a display, if I _do_ find him, you _will _get him back: in pieces. Your time was _up_ Gin. One of us was going to have to get rid of him eventually but conveniently enough, he's removed both of us from that prickly situation. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the boy simply grew tired of playing house with a psychotic, abusive man twice his age?" he said coolly, only to continue on without waiting for a reply. "Never mind, that is besides the point. If anyone else were to speak to me the way you have, I would have their tongue removed and fed back to them. Consider yourself lucky. You will be in my offices tomorrow Gin and I want that report on my desk by tonight, not the end of the week. So wipe that pathetic look off of your face and finally become the leader you were born to be. Its time to grow out of your 'sweetheart' phase and realize you cant always have what you want. Yammy and Ulquiorra will be over to observe you shortly." With that, he hung up.

I didn't smash the phone to bits as my instincts told me to nor did I blow my brains to pieces. I simply sat there, in that chair, staring at the wall, letting the magnitude of the past two days sink in. The worst of the worst had happened. Toshiro snuck into my office, found out all my dirty little secrets, freaked out and then ran like the wind. I had outlived my time with the angel. In the end, Aizen was right about a lot of things. I was never meant to be this happy. To have been granted so much time with a creature as beautiful as Toshiro was a gift directly from God and I should be grateful for the present. I had experienced a miracle and should be grateful. Eventually, we would have had to run from Aizen, living in hiding and fear of the day when he would grow tired of Toshiro's inconvenient presence and have him murdered. Hime couldn't have lived like that for long; he was such a delicate thing, too fragile for the harsh world I had foolishly involved him in. The smart, selfless thing to do was cherish our memories, those moments we would always have, where I finally had a place in this world that wasn't full of blood and gore and let Toshiro go. I told myself I should do these things but instead, I let myself be sucked deeper and deeper into the void, the bottomless pit of my own thoughts. There was no way I could give up what was rightfully mine. He belonged with _me_, in sickness and in health, in good times or bad and it would be a cold day in hell before I stopped searching for him. As I stood, pulling on my clothes and shoes absent mindedly, I let the gun drop from my hand, mind racing while I plotted all the ways this could play out; and in every scenario, Toshiro and I had to end up together, even if it was in death. Fuck Aizen. Ulquiorra and Yammy would find an empty house by the time they got here. I didn't even bother to lock the door. There was no time to waste fucking around with those two, I had to find Toshiro…and as I sped down the highway, Hime's tear stained face looming in my mind, I wondered if miracles ever happened twice.

**Review guys and have an amazing week! *Scampers off to study and do homework***


	19. Mixed Messages

**OMG HI GUYS IM BACK. I hope i didnt depress anybody or make them feel like I abandonded my story I've just had A LOT of stuff going on right now and i couldnt find the time to breathe, let alone right this story. As a matter of fact, Im in a rush right now so I cant elaborate and blab like I usually do. Here is chapter 19 of Lock and Key entitled:**

_~~Mixed Messages~~_

Somewhere along the car ride, the weight of what I'd decided to do and my mixed feelings about Gin took their toll on me and I passed out. In fact, I'm pretty sure I just started hyperventilating as we drove further outside the city limits and fainted against the plush, leather Rolls Royce seats. No matter how much I tried to shake myself awake after that, I couldn't. It was like my body finally decided to shut down and I could hear and feel everything going on outside, but I couldn't escape my own mind. One minute, I was dreaming, living out a hundred different lives in the space of a second and the next minute, I was right back in my body, trying to piece together the snippets of conversation I heard around me. I knew they were frightened when I passed out. Three different pairs of hands were touching me all over, anxiously prodding me, like they were scared I'd just up and died suddenly. Truthfully, I was rather pleased about fainting; that way I wouldn't have to actually be aware when they killed me and the last thing I would see would be the back of my own eyelids instead of a bullet. That was of course assuming Aizen had me shot instead of mercilessly tortured, but who knew what Yakuza bosses were into these days? Perhaps he'd just sell me off to the black market for parts or into the sex trade industry. I sunk deeper into the recesses of my mind at the thought.

Anyway, time wore on and I knew that I had stopped moving. I didn't hear the soft purr of the engine or the slight roll of the car but I could still hear that pesky blur of voices just beside my head. There were a few additions, a new female voice that was oddly timid but bubbly. She pissed me off. I wanted to wake up and snap at her that there was nothing to be so stupidly optimistic about, that I was going to die but then…I finally fell asleep. It was a fitful slumber but at least it was finally quiet. Sometime later I realized that I was incredibly hot, laying on something very soft. It was fluffy and warm, but my face was wet and my chest was being pressed down. Perhaps Aizen had thrown me from the car into a swamp or something. Maybe I was drowning. They would never find my body in the hot July sun as it decayed in the marshes. Gin wouldn't even be able to hold a proper funeral with my remains. Instantly I lashed out, hand knocking into something soft - probably the flesh of another dead body rotting next to me- and vaulted awake with a start only to come face to face with the prettiest pair of soft gray eyes, framed by flowing auburn locks on a pretty face. The girl gave a frightened squeak. Quickly looking around, I assessed that I wasn't in a swamp, but on a very comfortable bed in a room so white, I thought I'd gone blind. By white, I meant absolutely pure white. It was like I'd stepped into a snowball. From the curtains to the rug to the nightstand to the towering bookcase across the room to the cushioned couch, everything was_ white_. I had to blink several times before my eyes adjusted.

"Where the hell am I?" I croaked, hand flying to my dry throat.

The girl seemed alarmed and snatched up a glass of water from the nightstand, pushing it into my hands hastily. "Drink." I obliged, much too worn out to actually protest, and gulped the glass with astonishing speed. She looked both awed and pleased at the same time. I began to wonder if she was a little slow.

"Who are you?" I tried again, handing the glass back to her. She smiled brightly, gray eyes glowing.

"I'm Inoue Orihime, at your service and _this_," she said, giving a flourish with her hand to the room, "is Las Noches."

"_What?_"

"Well not just this room!" She exclaimed, hands held out as if to calm me down "I mean, this is just the living quarters. Actually, it's the holding quarters - I mean, guess rooms. Well, not really, I stay here and so does Ulquiorra-kun and Starrk-kun and Halibel-chan and the rest of the Espada, so I guess its not _really_ the holding area but _you're_ here and anybody else they've ever brought back ended up in the interrogation room but Aizen-Sama wouldn't let you be put their so-"

"Slow down, Orihime. You're going to give the kid a headache worse than the one he's already got." Swiveling my head to the left, I spotted Starrk leaning causally in the door way, eyeing me carelessly, but I could see concern in his eyes. "You okay kid?"

I brushed his comment aside, glaring at him steadily. "What is she talking about? What am I doing in Las Noches? Where is Aizen? And what is he going to do with me n-"

"Easy kid, easy. One question at a time. I can barely keep my eyes open as is," Starrk yawned, coming over to flop lifelessly into the white couch.

"Will someone answer me, damnit?"

"Maybe if your weren't behaving like such a brat, someone would." Again, I was surprised to find another familiar face lurking in my room, Halibel emerging from the bathroom gracefully with a bottle of pills in her hands. "Here. It'll help with your headache."

"I don't want pills! I want you to tell me what's going on... Please."

Halibel looked at Starrk questioningly, but he only shrugged, leaning back further into the cushions. She sighed. "You are, as Orihime told you, in Las Noches, Aizen's true home away from the Hueco Mundo Co. offices in Tokyo, far outside of Karakura. We didn't really know what to do with you at first. Aizen didn't want you in a holding cell or one of our interrogation chambers. He thought it would be 'unfit for a guest,' which only confused us more because as you probably know, we don't have many guest around here. So, he ordered you be placed in a 'guest room' for the duration of your stay, meaning you are in one of the vacant rooms on the top floor of the estate, aka The Espada Quarters. We will be able to sufficiently monitor you as well as enable your safety from other less…friendly company members. Welcome to Las Noches. Now take your pills."

"Shes's right, Hitsugaya-kun. You've been under a lot of stress recently and after your fainting spell, you should really rest and try to relax a little," Orihime chided softly, holding the bottle out to me. Furiously, I snatched the thing out of her hand and pitched it across the room.

"Oh, please, do not insult my intelligence with this false show of concern! Lets not act like we don't all know why I'm here. I'm not a guest, I am a_ prisoner_! So I don't want this bed or the little nursemaid," I huffed, nodding towards Orihime distastefully. I almost felt bad as she lowered her head in shame but I continued on anyway, tearing myself out of the warm bed to stand angrily. "or any pills, okay? You tell Aizen to cut the bullshit and lock me up like the rest of the prisoners around here! I don't want to be pampered until he decides how he's going to kill me. Its rude and misleading and quite frankly, disrespectful to all of you to play babysitter for the boy on death row."

"Kid, you have no idea what you're asking for," Starrk sighed, not even bothering to open his eyes. "You have any idea what its like in those holding cells? Its more like a slaughter house where Szayel does his little experiments. As it is, I can barely stay down there for longer than five minutes without hearing someone scream or getting splashed with blood. You'd _wish_ for death if Aizen had you placed there."

"Isnt that what I'm waiting for anyway? Death? Why else would Aizen kidnap me? He told me himself, he wants me gone. I've only got so long before its all over…I might as well get the whole kidnapee experience."

"Hitsugaya-kun…" Orihime began gently, having moved to pick up the bottle. Her eyes swirled with sadness as she looked at me, hands pressed to her chest. "Aizen isn't going to kill you…he wants to-"

"Zip it Orihime," Halibel snapped, receding further into the hood of her sweater. As it was, I had yet to see all of her face. "Its not our place to reveal Aizen's intentions before their time. He will know his fate before the day is out."

Though I expected to feel out of the loop around these people, I hated being so hopeless, especially when it was my life in danger. I turned to Halibel hopefully. "You know what's going to happen to me, don't you? Tell me. Please!"

Halibel shook her head, moving towards the door and Orihime followed reluctantly, tossing sorrowful looks over her shoulder towards me. Starrk stretched, then moved to leave as well, but I followed, cutting him off.

"Please Starrk. Tell me something. At least tell me if I'm going to…to die."

He scratched his head, sighing with resignation. "You're not going to die Toshiro. If anything, you can believe that the last thing on Aizen's mind is killing you," he sighed again, looking on me with the same pity I'd seen in Orihime's eyes and it frightened me. "No, I think he's interested in something much worse…"

Starrk moved to leave again but I caught his arm, stopping him. "Wait…is…is Gin alright? Aizen kept his word, didn't he? You guys didn't hurt him, did you?"

"Geez kid, your more wound up than a jack-in-the-box. The Yakuza isn't _that_ underhanded. If Aizen wanted to kill Ichimaru he would have done it years ago, and he wouldn't have waited for your say-so. He's fine, okay? So lay down, try not to hyperventilate, and take those pills so I don't have to hear Orihime worry about you for the next five days, then have Ulquiorra complain to _me_ about _her _getting her all worked up over some strange kid. My nap time is short enough already around here." He slid from my grip, pulling the door closed behind him without a second glance and I heard it lock. "You've got a couple hours before dinner. Orihime'll be back later, so in the mean time wash up. You're a little…messy. And nothing pisses Aizen off more than a mess." With that, he was gone.

Standing there with my face pressed to the door like an idiot, I tried to calm my nerves as I felt the stillness of the room close in on my like an avalanche. Eventually, I turned back around to face the white room, my breath fluttering in the near hyperventilation Starrk had warned against but I couldn't control. There were a lot of things I wanted to do now that I was all alone. Cry, scream, break things. Find the nearest can of paint and stain this obnoxiously white room. But not only was I too discombobulated to take one step away from the door, I was just too tired. Everything seemed so pointless now. Gin had been the focus point of my whole life, the person I woke up for in the morning, the man I thought about 24/7 and now that he was gone I couldn't even sum up the strength to move. Slowly, I felt my body slide down the wall, slumping onto the floor pathetically as grief rocked my body. _"You really should be careful what you wish for Toshiro…four months ago it was all 'I want my freedom this' and 'I need some space that.' Well, now you've got all the space from Gin you'll ever need."_ But that wasn't entirely true. When I tried to leave Gin, it was for complete freedom to decide my own fate. This wasn't freedom, it was captivity and thought I was separated from Gin, someone else was still controlling my life. Perhaps I was born to be a pawn and independence was too much to ask for. On the bright side, I wouldn't have long to feel this way. Aizen _would_ kill me, without a doubt. It was only a matter of _when_ he would do it.

~l~

After God knows how long, I managed to drag myself from the floor - mind still spinning- and into the attached bathroom. It was a predictable shade of pristine white, as big as the bedroom and stocked with everything from shampoo to nail clippers. In some ways, it felt like more of a hotel stay than a prison. After giving it a thorough but fruitless once over for a means of escape, my body seemed to shut down and I just stood there in the middle of the room, feeling small and unclean in the midst of all the white tile and sparkle. Looking down, I realized Starrk's description of "messy" was a kind way of putting it. I looked like shit. I could feel my hair sticking up in disarray and my shirt was brittle with dried tears and God knows what else. Worst of all, I could feel the dried remains of my last night together with Gin trailing down my legs. But in a sick, disgusting kind of way, I didn't want to clean up. The longer I stayed in these clothes with traces of Gin all over my body, the closer I felt to him. If I washed it off, that would be the final step away from him. I wanted to be covered in him, immersed in the memories of what used to be. The minute I stepped into that tub, I had to know that I was closing the chapter on one part of my life and entering another. I would be washing away the past. So, twenty minutes later, after fighting with what I knew I had to do and what I wanted, I finally went in. Yet, by the time I had settled into the bottom of the tub, I was completely numb. My body went through the routine motions, scrubbing there and washing here but my mind was miles away, with Gin. As I lathered my hair with shampoo, I imagined that they were his fingers running through my hair. And as my hands rubbed against my skin, I pretended they were his fingers dancing against my thighs. I promised myself that if I could have this last moment with Gin, when I left this bathroom, I would put him away forever. This would be the final goodbye and I would embrace my fate with Aizen. I was so wrapped up in my fantasy that I didn't realize anyone had come into the bathroom until I felt a pair of cool, soft hands hit my shoulder. The speed with which I jumped to the other side of the tub nearly broke my arm.

"Ah, I'm so sorry Hitsugaya-kun! I didn't mean to scare you, honest! I thought you heard me come in," Orihime seemed more frightened than I was, her eyes large and shinning with tears. I could see she didn't want to piss me off more than she thought she already had. It made me feel like an ass for making something so pretty so sad.

"Its alright," I mumbled, moving back towards her while mindfully covering myself. "Do you need something?"

She fumbled with her fingers, wringing them anxiously as she spoke. "U-Umm no not really. Its just that…well, I know you said you didn't want a 'little nursemaid' but I'm supposed to, you know, check up on you and see that everything's all right. And well, clearly you're just fine, so I'll just get out of your hair and-"

"I'm sorry about before" I cut in, unable to watch her feel so utterly unwanted.

"Ah-h…it's alright-"

"No, its not. It was snide and unkind of me to say something like that. I was just…lashing out because I was…well, I don't know what I was feeling but I'm sorry. So lets start over, okay?"

Orihime seemed to falter for a moment, a blush staining her cheeks as she smiled brightly with genuine mirth for the first time. I suppose she didn't receive much daily kindness from Aizen's Yakuza. "O-okay. I'm Inoue Orihime and you're Hitsugaya Toshiro. Nice to meet you." Gingerly, she stuck out her hand and I laughed.

"Nice to meet you too. And I'd shake your hand but I'm a little naked right now so…"

"Ahh! Right, sorry," she squeaked, turning away quickly. "That reminds me, I brought you new clothes for dinner! Here," she turned back with a pile from by the doors, one hand covering her eyes, and dropped it by the tub. "Put those on and I'll take these old ones."

As she snatched up the worn shirt and boxers, I pulled on a robe and stumbled out of the bathtub behind her, a sudden wave of desperation ripping through my stomach. "Orihime, wait!"

"What's wrong?"

"Can I…will you let me keep that shirt? Please?"

"Well, sure, I supposed but let me just have it washed first-"

"No! I-I don't want you to wash it."

"But it's all dirty! You'll get your shirt right back, I promise. Trust me."

"It's not that, I do trust you but…its not _my_ shirt…its G-gin's. I just… want something from him that Aizen hasn't touched yet" I sighed, disturbed by how pathetic the statement sounded.

For a minute she stared at me blankly, then understanding dawned in her eyes. Looking back and forth between the shirt and me, her hands curled around it protectively. "…You really do love him, don't you?" I stared, pulling the thick robe tighter. "I'm sorry," she whispered, handing it back to me softly, "I-I don't mean to be insensitive its just…very hard for me to imagine _our_ Ichimaru as _your_…boyfriend. I mean, the things I've seen and heard him do…"

"I know, I get it alright!" I barked softly, clutching the shirt. "He's a monster, a murderer, a-a-a psychopath…but…he's _not_ your Ichimaru. He's _my_ Gin and the difference between the two is something you'll never understand. He's not the demon you think he is. Gin is so much more than Aizen's exterminator…he's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I'm sorry," Orihime said again, pulling my hands into her own as she gazed at me mournfully. It was so touching and odd at the same time to see this stranger, this faction of Aizen's Yakuza in near tears for me. "If its any consolation, I don't think Ichimaru is a monster. After all, when you've lived around the yakuza as long as I have, even the most grotesque things seem normal. Its just, he's always seemed so cold. I couldn't imagine him with someone like you."

"I suppose you couldn't. Sometimes, neither could I." For a heartbeat, we stared at each other, trying to understand one another.

Then Orihime spoke first with a frown. "Don't think I don't know what you're going through, Hitsugaya-kun. You're not the first person Aizen's stolen away from someone they love. He has a knack for ruining lives but take it from me, you learn to cope. And eventually, maybe you'll even learn to love again. I did."

Silently, I shook my head and turned away. "Maybe that was true for you but you've never been in love with Gin. Once you've done it, there is no going back. Our kind of love doesn't happen twice."

Though I believed Orihime was as desperate for a friend as I was, a delicate girl trapped in a world that she didn't belong in anymore than I did, I couldn't bring myself to ask her about her past. I knew it was plaguing her but quite frankly, I didn't want to know yet. As selfish as it was, I didn't want to share in anyone else's pain when I had my own to crap to deal with. For now, I had to learn to cope with my own pains before I could share in hers. Sighing, I stashed the shirt in one of the many white drawers in the room and returned to the bathroom to get dressed, leaving her standing there sadly. After I had slipped into the pair of jeans, sneakers and blue short sleeve turtleneck Orihime had provided, I realized that frighteningly enough they all fit perfectly. How disturbing it was to think Aizen already knew so much about me, down to my favorite color. Suddenly, I heard a large bell chime twice.

"Hitsugaya-kun, its time for dinner. We're all required to attend. Are you ready yet?" Orihime call out, gently knocking on the door.

Taking a deep breath, I opened it. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Great!" Before I could stop her, she had linked arms with me and was tugging me out of the room. "Aizen hates it when we show up late."

"We?" I asked carelessly, eyes greedily taking in every detail as we moved away from my room and down the seemingly endless hall. Once again, I was met with white. White embossed wallpaper with silver trim, plush white carpets, white doors and window sills, white, white, white. It was nauseating.

"Well, I mean his Espada. I'm not an Espada but he makes me attend too."

"You're not?" When I looked around again, I found myself descending a large winding staircase underneath a silver chandelier. Some would call it breath taking, I though it was ostentatious.

Orihime giggled, eyes shinning like silver as we passed the second and third floors of the house. "Definitely not. I don't have any talent for that sort of thing."

"Then why are you here?" Coming to the ground floor, I felt my heart leap at the sight of the front door however the excitement died back down as I spotted two heavily armed guards hovering near by. I definitely wouldn't be leaving the same way I came in. We turned sharply, diving deeper into the belly of the house.

A remorseful look came over Orihime's face when she spoke again "I wasn't lying when I said I know what you're feeling, Hitsugaya-kun. You and I, we've got a lot in common. Only thing is, you were taken from your prince charming; Las Noches is where I found mine." Just as my curiosity got the best of me and I was about to ask her what she meant, we rounded the corner and came face to face with massive white doors. As if on cue, the doors flew open and I gasped at the display before me.

Inside was what could only be described as a dining hall, far too large to be any sort of dining room and far too elegant. The main table was at least 20 feet long, over flowing with sparkling silverware and white dishes, seated to fit fifteen people. The floor to ceiling windows faced the yard, which consisted of a winding cobblestone path that led into a spectacular garden with a koi pond in the middle. But perhaps the most interesting part of the room was the chair at the head of the table. It was large and padded in what looked like satin with a wrought iron base entwined with silver vines. I had no doubt in my mind who would be sitting there: Aizen. Comfortingly enough, Orihime and I were not the first to arrive to 'diner.' Halibel, Starrk a surprisingly old man, a man with a half scarred face, one with shocking blue hair and another who was so large I was surprised he didn't break his chair, were already there.

"Follow me," Orihime muttered, uneasy herself among these people who I didn't have to guess were part of Aizen's true Espada.

"Yo, Tits," the blue haired man crowed, grin exposing teeth so sharp they looked as though they could saw through steel. "Who's your friend?"

"Watch your mouth," Starrk sighed, twirling his fork absentmindedly on the table. "I don't think Ulquiorra would take too kindly to you calling her that."

"I don't give a flying shit what _Ulquiorra_ would like for me to call the bitch. She doesn't belong here and neither does her little friend, so fuck off."

"…You're such a bother," Starrk sighed, turning to us. "Pull up a seat kid, Aizen'll be along soon enough."

"Tits, I know you heard me! Don't think you can be rude just cause Starrk is here."

Orihime simply ignored him, seating herself the farthest away from him towards the head of the table, next to Starrk and Halibel, who nodded in acknowledgement to us. I sat next to her, eyeing the blue haired man cautiously. "Who is he?" I asked simply, not trying to disguise my distaste.

"That is Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez, Aizen's sixth Espada and the one with the least manners. The big one is Yammy, zero Espada. The one with the scar is Aaroniero Arruruerie and the other is Baraggan Luisenbarn, Espadas nine and two."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here you bitch," Standing, Grimmjow made his way over to our side of the table, muscles rippling threateningly as he leaned against a chair comfortably. Aaroniero and Baraggan seemed to sigh inwardly, staring off as though this kind of display was completely routine. "What's your name beautiful?"

"Sit down, Grimmjow. You are making a spectacle of yourself," Halibel growled, but didn't move a muscle.

He ignored her and leaned in closer. I tensed, growling at the close proximity. He only smiled brighter. "You look familiar, brat. Have I seen you somewhere before?"

"I doubt it," I growled back, eyeing him warily.

"Nahhh, I have! I'd know those fucking eyes from anywhere. Hell, I've been looking at you through a telescope long enough to know Gin's bitch when I see him. You're that Toshiro kid!" He cackled, throwing his head back wildly as though he'd heard the joke of the century. "Well isn't this a bitch. Does that fucker know you're here?"

Snarling, I snapped "Its _Hitsugaya Toshiro_ to you, and what Gin does and doesn't know about me is none of your business so back off."

"Feisty," he hummed leaning in even closer "but remember one thing. Don't let these assholes over inflate your sense of importance around here. I can already tell you're only in Las Noches because Aizen wants you to be and the minute he gives the green light, _I'll_ be the one to take you out so watch your mouth and maybe I'll go easy on you. In fact," he muttered, licking his lips, "for a cutie like you, I could make your stay worth your while. Must be hard for a fairy like you to be away from your man for so long. If you beg for it, I might sorry for you and come help you out of these days." His thumb brushed across my lip softly but I slapped it away, seething in rage.

"Don't ever touch me like that again, you bastard! You may have been watching me for a long time but you know nothing about me and don't assume you ever will! As for the begging, I don't think you've got what it takes to fill Gin's spot. You look like you might come up a little…" I looked him up and down pointedly "short where it counts the most."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I saw a fist coming for my face. However, before the blow could land, Starrk was on his feet with Grimmjow in a headlock face down on the table.

"I thought we told you to _sit down_. Was it really necessary for us to have to go through all this Grimmjow? Fighting is so tiresome."

"Get the fuck off of me before I kick your ass."

Starrk sighed, applying more pressure as Grimmjow gritted his teeth in pain. "I know you hear me but I don't think you're listening to what I'm saying. Try to touch him again, and I'll break your arms, got it? Aizen wants this kid alive, not harmed or fucked by a savage like you. Now Go. Sit. Down."

Quickly letting go, Starrk released Grimmjow and returned to his seat, leaving the blue haired man flushed and snarling. "Your fucking body guard wont be around forever you know," he hissed, looming over me. "You just wait you little shit, I'll make you beg for mercy before your times up and trust me, you wont get it."

"You will do nothing of the sort, Grimmjow," a mocking voice thrummed echoingly across the great hall. Instantly, my head whipped around and I spotted Aizen gracefully waltzing into the room. The disgust I instantly felt for him was over shadowed by my curiosity as my eyes fell on a slim man with shoulder length pink hair and gleaming glasses, gliding along besides him. Together they were an exceedingly creepy pair. "Toshiro will be seen as a guest in our midst and as such, I will not have him thrown to the wolves. You are not to touch a hair on his head, is that clear, _Grimmjow?_" Aizen's voice was still lighting and mocking but a definite threat loomed in his word.

Grimmjow simply snarled and sat with a thump, muscles still rippling in anger. "Che, whatever."

"Good," turning his attention away from Grimmjow dismissively, Aizen's eyes swept the table swiftly. "It seems we are missing quite a few members that should be here and are in possession of those that should not be. Yammy," he clipped out shortly. "Did I not send you out on a task with Ulquiorra hours ago?"

The hulking man shot to attention, scratching his head in thought. "Uhh, hai, Aizen-sama, yah did but Ulqui wouldn't let me come along. Said I'd get in tha way and that it was better if I just stayed put. He said, uhh…wha did he say again….?" he trailed off foolishly as Aizen looked on with intrest. "Uh, oh yeah! Ulqui said he'd report to yah as soon as he had some news and not to worry none."

"Dear lord," the pink haired man behind Aizen sighed, pressing a hand to his temple. "The dolt would forget his own name if it wasn't stitched into all his clothes."

Aizen silenced him with a glance, then looked back to the giant, who I was beginning to seriously doubt had the skill to be an Espada. "Interesting," he purred, tapping a finger against his chin. "Thank you for the message Yammy, I'm glad you remembered to inform me in the change of plans yet… it does raise an interesting question."

"Huh?" Yammy asked, smiling idiotically. Silently, I prepared myself to duck and run as sparks flashed in Aizen chocolate eyes. I didn't like where this interrogation was going and I knew whatever question he had didn't bode well for Yammy.

"I was just wondering, my dear Espada, since when have you begun taking orders _from Ulquiorra and not me?_" Aizen thundered lowly and the entire room fell dead silent. Glancing around, I could see not even the cocky Grimmjow wasnt at ease, his body tensed as if ready to spring and bound away at the first sign of danger.

"I-I-I-I …I don't take no orders from Ulqui, Aizen-sama. He wouldn't let me get in tha car wid him and when I told him I was s'pposed to go, he talked me out o' it and it just made so much sense for one person to go-"

"It just made so much sense that you decided to disobey me," Aizen finished for him with a smile. Yammy shook his head, opening his mouth to continue but Aizen simply held up a hand, moving forward to cup Yammy's chin gently. "I have no doubt in my mind that you did not disobey me out of malice or a lost sense of loyalty. You are simply a fool and for that, you are forgiven. However," He smiled, increasing the pressure on the man's jaw until he whimpered, "in the future, remember -above all other things- that my word is _law_ and that the only way you should fail to carry out an order by me is through death. Clear?" Yammy simply nodded, hand clenched tightly as Aizen tightened his grip yet again. For a heartbeat, they remained that way until Aizen suddenly dropped his hand, turning on his heels to glide towards his seat. "The same goes for the rest of you."

No one commented as he seated himself gracefully and the pink haired man walked off as well to seat himself one chair from Orihime. "Hello, Inoue," he called out in a friendly tone while fixing her with an analytical stare.

"Hello, Szayel" she said softly, glancing at him from the corner of her eyes.

"You know, you havent come to visit me in the medical ward for quite some time," he pouted, flicking his pink strands daintily. "I'm beginning to think you're avoiding me, dear."

"Of course she is," Halibel stated, lancing the man I now knew to be Szayel with a glare. "The last time she went down there, you tried to experiment on her." I stared on in shock as Szayel smirked at me, glasses glinting in the light.

"Don't let Halibel scare you, Hitsugaya. I'm not half the big bad wolf they make me out to be. It was only a little genetic enhancement concoction, nothing to serious. She was fine by the next morning."

"Right," Halibel huffed "fine by the next day. That was only _after _you let her out of the cage you were holding her in because Ulquiorra threatened to kill you. Not to mention she spent the rest of the weak throwing up and passing out."

"See, right as rain!" He hummed, laying a gloved hand on Orihime's arm. She shivered violently but didn't move. "You weren't mad at me, were you dear?"

"No. Not at all," she murmered before looking up at him. The rage I saw burning in her eyes was more than I thought she would have been able to muster and was actually quite startling. Shaking him off, she withdrew her hand into her lap and heatedly whispered, "I was furious."

Sneering at each other, Szayel went to retort when the doors to the dining room exploded open and a small, effeminate boy with black hair, a tight white mid drift shirt and sparkling purple eyes entered merrily.

"Ahh, our final dinner guest has emerged," Aizen stated, resting his chin on top of his right fist. "Tell me, Luppi, where might you have been?"

The boy giggled with mirth, bowing deeply to Aizen before taking his seat next to Szayel. "My apologies, Aizen-sama. Tousen required my assistance right before the dinner bell chimed and I couldn't get free until now. He said to tell you he wouldn't be coming to dinner tonight, he wants to finish his case so he can give it to you by tomorrow."

Aizen only smiled and closed his eyes. "It was to be expected I suppose. Tousen is such a diligent worker, especially in times such as these, though I wish he wouldn't work my Espada so hard as well. You are forgiven."

Silence fell again as servers magically appeared carrying tray after tray of food towards the table and the Espadas stretched to help themselves. Aizen simply looked on with that same calm smile, eyes flickering back and forth between me and the banter amongst the Espada. Several times Orihime offered me food but I denied it, more than suspicious of the food. Sure he had already gotten me here but only God knew what the hell he could put in my food. So instead, I sat quietly, twiddling my fingers quietly. However, halfway through dinner, I got the feeling that someone was watching me. Cautiously, I turned my head to see Luppi lancing me with hot, lavender eyes. They pulsed with hate. Orihime noticed as well and her mouth turned down in distaste.

"Cut it out Luppi," she chided, frown emerging with full force when he only sneered.

"What's Gin's bitch doing here anyway?" the boy snapped and I wondered what I'd done to offend him as I stared back at him with a steady gaze. "He's crowdin the table."

"It appears that he has been kidnapped and brought here but for what purposes I don't know" Szayel commented offhandedly, swirling a glass of wine slowly.

I snorted. "To have me killed, obviously. I'm an unwanted inconvenience so he wants to get rid of me as quickly as possible. But I guess he's trying to appear graceful by feeding me first."

"Oh, Hitsugaya-kun," Aizen rumbled playfully, "Do not be so quick to jump to conclusions. Who ever said I intended to murder you?"

"You did when you threatened to have me shot in front of Gin, I hissed, Orihime reaching a hand out to grip my hand reassuringly.

"That was only under the condition that you did not resist leaving with us. I have no intention to harm you. You can expect your life to be long and prosperous as long as you are in my care."

"Then what the hell am I doing here? Why don't you let me go?"

Aizen smiled brighter, deep chuckles spilling out of his mouth as he raised his glass of tea to his lips. "The answer to that is quite simple, Hitsugaya-kun. You're here as my slave."

"What?" I barked feeling my restraint slip away and my body strained to leap across the table and wipe that smug look off of his face. He quirked an eyebrow at me, still laughing but a dark look clouded his expression.

"I already told you that I am a collector of beautiful things Hitsugaya and you, sweet child, are one of the most fascinating things I have ever seen. It is a waste for Gin to have you trapped in that house and I couldn't stand another minute of him mistreating such a masterpeice. Hence, as of today…you belong to _me_."

_**=[ I feel like the end is really sloppy and I wanted to do more with it but i felt like it was getting really long and I just wanted to update. I'm reluctant to put the story on hiatus and make people give up on this story because i really do want to finish it. I just wish i had the time. So all the reviews and PMs asking me to update I love you guys and thank you for supporting me and being interested enough to even read. Hello to all the new readers and people who Story Alerted Lock and Key, i love you guys too. Im tripple sorry for missing my february update deadline (Im like two months over due x_x) and i'll try to update as soon as possible. BYE LOVELIES! *muahhh**_


	20. Death March

**Hey everybody, its me again! Sorry for keeping you waiting i feel like absolute shit for delaying for so long but as promised, the story was a) not put on hiatus and b) i updated as soon as possible. In fact, thank QueenOfCitrus for motivating me to update this week! She cheered me up and quite frankly lit a fire under me by bringing me back to thinking about the story. ive just been swamped with so many other things...whatever enough about me! Here is chapter 20 of lock and key entitled:**

_~~ Death March~~_

"Toshiro! Toshiro please, open the door!"

"Go away Orihime, just leave me alone. I-I…I don't want to talk right now."

Outside the bathroom door I could almost hear her fidgeting in distress as I paced back and forth. "Y-you have to come out Toshiro! You've been in there for over four hours and the breakfast I made you has gotten cold! If you wait any longer, the jello is going to melt over the eggs and the entire thing will be ruined!"

Huffing, I paced towards the door, tapping my foot incessantly as I tried to think of a way out of here. The fact of the matter was, Gin had no clue where I was or the true nature of my disappearance. If he chose to come looking for me at all, he wouldn't have the slightest clue where to begin the search. Knowing him, he'd start at Momo's house and spend an entire year scouring the corners of the earth - thinking I'd run away of my own volition- before he'd even consider searching Aizen's mansion. Hence, I was on my own. The only way I was going to get out of here was if I found a way out by myself and I couldn't do that with Orihime hovering over me, watching my every move like a very maternal, very erratic mother hawk. I had to get out of here. I couldn't spend one more day waiting around for Aizen to make his move -whatever that would be. He was a serpent, a monster, a chameleon and I never knew what he was thinking. I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him and my paranoia about the entire situation was doubling daily.

"As appetizing as that sounds, I'm not very hungry at the moment."

"But Toshiro…you havent eaten anything since you got here. Its been two weeks and all you do is pick at your food and push it around on your plate…I'm worried about you," Orihime whispered, voice cracking at the end. The door handle shook weakly as she tried to open it again. "Its not healthy for you to keep acting like this."

I choked out a tight laugh. "Oh, but its healthy for me to be kidnapped and traded around between two men with the worst superiority complexes I've ever come across? Its okay for Aizen to suddenly _claim_ me as his _property_? Lets face it, nothing about my life style is healthy right now. Skipping a few meals wont make it any worse."

Every window in this bathroom was sealed shut, which was horrible because if there was a fire, I would be so screwed. The ones in the bedroom weren't sealed, but locked with a key that I'm sure every Espada owned but would be more than reluctant to lend me. Worst of all, they were all thick as steal. It would take a jackhammer, chisel and maybe a couple blow torches to break my way through one of those things. My bedroom door was locked by 8pm sharp and a guard was always placed by the door. Presumably there was a change in gaurds but I wasn't to sure about that. Sometimes either Halibel, Orihime, Starrk or Ulquiorra would remain in my room, sometimes I would be left by myself. Either way, it would be hard to shake them all if I tried to escape. It seemed like the minute I moved too far from the confines of my room without an escort, one of them would suddenly pop up and rectify the situation. Be that as it may, I had only left the room by myself about twice, one of those times being because I was required to attend dinner and no one was around to take me at the appointed time.

"That's not what I meant Toshiro and you know it. I'm not saying what Aizen has done is right or what you've been through is normal but you have to make the best of what you have! Keeping yourself locked up in that bathroom all day isn't going to change anything. It'll only make you feel worse. Eventually you're going to get weak and tired and start passing out all the time. I don't want that!" Orihime insisted nervously.

"Yeah? Well maybe I do. Maybe I don't want to make the best of this. Maybe…maybe I want to just sit in here and die because honestly, the only thing waiting out there for me is more trouble. At least in here, I don't have to worry about anyone staking their claim on me. I'm a person. I don't belong to anyone and the faster you all realize that the faster I can get out of this place."

For a moment there was silence. Then so softly I almost didn't hear her, she whispered, "What about Gin, Toshiro? If you're not going to keep trying for yourself, do it for him. He needs you to be healthy as much as anyone else does."

Before I realized I had moved, the bathroom door was flung open and I could feel rage burning deep in the pit of my stomach as I glared at Orihime. "Shut up! Don't you ever, _ever_ bring him into this again, do you hear me? I don't even want to hear you breath his name to me! You have no right!"

"Don't I?" She spoke steadily but I could see she was shaken by my outburst. This was probably the first time she had seen me this mad. "Its true and you know it… Gin would be sad and disappointed to see you giving up like this. You have to at least try to fight, Toshiro."

"I said shut up! Don't you dare try to use him as some sort of catalyst to get what you want from me!"

"That's not what I'm trying to-"

"Yes it is and you know it!" Furiously I stalked towards her, shaking with anger. "Don't think you can just toss his name around like that and get what you want from me. Im tired of people doing that to me. It doesn't work like that! You don't have the _slightest clue_ what the hell Gin would or wouldn't be disappointed with me for so just stop it! If I want to sit around and waste away till I die, that's my choice, _not _Gin's. He was my boyfriend, not my keeper. He's not even coming for me anyway so don't try to give me any false hopes. I-I….damnit….I'm all alone and putting stupid, hopeful ideas in my head will only make it worse. I have to accept that its over this time…"

"Listen to me Toshiro!" she cried. For a minute I was surprised. I never thought that she could yell, let alone with so much force. "I may not know exactly what happened between you two but I know enough to be certain that he _is_ looking for you. I was here all those times he took off work to go looking for you when you ran away. I was right here when he bargained with Aizen so he could keep you! I know he's gonna come for you Toshiro and I'll be damned if by the time he shows up, your nothing more than a pile of bones sitting in a corner of the bathroom. You have to keep trying!"

I snapped my eyes shut and shook my head fiercely, willing her to stop before I too started to hope for things I couldn't have. "No. I cant. _I wont_. I came here to save Gin, to give him his life back so he doesn't have to keep looking over his shoulders to protect me from a man he cant win against! If I keep dreaming that there's a chance for us…then what was the point?"

"The point was that in that moment you did a great thing. You saved his life! But its not up to either one of you to make these great, noble sacrifices. That's not how a relationship works! He will come for you Toshiro, you have to believe that as much as you don't want to give up on him, he wont give up on you!"

"_Why do you even care!_" I turned on her with a snarl.

"Because five years ago I was you! I was trapped in this horrible place, imprisoned by Aizen and the only thing I ever wanted was for someone to save me but they didn't! Not my friends, not my family, no one! And I cant help but think that if maybe I had held on a little longer, had a little more faith in them that somebody would have saved me…I gave up on them, I didn't believe in them and I think they gave up on me too. If it wasn't for Ulquiorra I-I…oh I don't know what would have happened!" Suddenly, she turned away from me and I could see her shoulders shaking with the strain of her tears. I didn't know what was happening until I hear a sob tear from her chest. "I need you to have faith in him Toshiro. I know he'll come for you. _I just know it_."

"….Orihime" I muttered, moving closer to her, "Orihime, look, I-I didn't mean to make you cry. Its just-"

She turned back to me with a smile plastered on her face, eyes wet with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh don't worry about me. I'm just a big softie. I cry like this all the time, its no biggie, I promise! Gee, I'm too nosy for my own good. Lets not talk about this anymore, okay? Oh gosh, look, I gotta go, I was supposed to do…do…do something!" She turned on her heels, marching towards the door quickly. "Im real sorry. I-I-I didn't meant to…bring all that up…you're right, its none of my business. I don't know what's gotten into me. Sometimes I just get so worked up and I forget what to do with myself."

I reached out for her arm, but she jerked out of reach quickly, still rubbing at her eyes "Orihime, wait, you don't have to go! I'm sorry for-"

"I have to go! Im so so sorry, Toshiro." With that, she slammed the door but I could still hear her crying as she dashed down the hall.

Sighing I turned away from the door, defeated and feeling like the world's biggest jackass. Sure, it wasn't too hard to make a girl like Orihime cry but I felt like shit for doing it all the same. Once again, in the midst of my own rage, I ended up taking out my frustrations on the one person who was truly trying to help me. Had I been able to leave the room, I would have chased after her and apologized fervently but in light of my permanent house arrest, I would just have to wait for her to come back. Which I knew she would. It would only be a matter of time before she stopped crying, realize she'd slammed the door in my face and come back, full of apology. Orihime was too nice to storm out of a room, no matter what the person had done. _Sigh._ Great. One more person whose feelings I hade to tip toe around.

That's all I ever seemed to be doing. Worrying about how Momo felt, or how my parents would react to things or if Gin felt secure in our relationship. I never got to just **breathe. **_"Well you've got all the time in the world to 'breathe' now. You've pretty much got the rest of your life…however long that may be…as Aizen's…pet." _Closing my eyes, I sunk into the armchair facing the window and let my head fall back lifelessly.

"_**You belong to me now."**_

His words had been replaying in my head over and over again for days now and each time they sounded more ominous than before. It wasn't just a declaration on Aizen's part. It was a death sentence. There was no way I could survive as Aizen's pet, his toy, his favorite work of art. As subtly as he'd tried to describe it, I knew what I would be: his personal whore. I'd be there at his beck and call to pose for him, pleasure him….service him if he desired it and there would be nothing I could do to stop it. The thought alone made me cringe and curl in on myself. Since that miserable dinner I hadn't seen him unless it was at a meal we were all required to attend. For the most part he ignored me - save for a few side long glances that never failed to make my skin crawl. But every single time, I was seated next to him and dressed in clothes that could be said to do nothing but accentuate my hair, my eyes, my….beauty. A scoff escaped my lips at the description but it was the only way I could describe the icy blue tones and shifting shades of scarlet and red I was forced to wear. Aizen was showing me off as his arm-piece, a show of dominance where he didn't even need to touch me for everyone to know I belonged to him. _It was making me sick to my stomach._ I didn't know if I could last through another meal like that when all I could think about was how much I wanted to go home.

"Gin…"

His name breezed through my lips in the kind of airy sigh I hated but found myself doing more and more often. As much as I knew I couldn't go back home, I couldn't stop myself from wanting it, from craving it, from _dreaming _about it. Some nights I would have the most vivid dreams of lying awake in Gin's arms, staring into his eyes as he gazed at me with that blood red stare I had come to both love and hate. And in these dreams, there was no kissing, no biting, no talking….just us…and I had never felt more complete in my life. But then, id jolt awake and realize it was just me, all alone in this terrible nightmare where I would never see him again. "_At least you've stopped crying every other minute_." The thought brought another sigh to my lips that I swallowed down. I was grateful for the lack of tears more than anything else that had happened so far. Although it was a farce I knew everyone could see through, I felt a sort of icy detachment settle over me in the last few days. A tentative sense of detachment. If I let myself dwell on Gin for too long, the tears came and I was as weak and sobbing a mess as I knew everyone thought me to be. Only in moments like this did I let go a little.

Suddenly I was on my feet, tiptoeing towards the chestier drawers with bated breathe. As silly as it was, I quickly surveyed the room to make sure I was alone before turning my attention back to the drawers. "_Far left, three drawers down, in the back behind the towels and….there it is._" The shirt that Orihime had allowed me to keep, still just as rumpled as it was when id taken it off my back, was still there, used and cold but to me, it meant the world. I could still smell his scent on it, that smell that was so purely Gin I couldn't breath. Slowly, I put the shirt to my nose and inhaled. God. It was such a heady scent that I had grown to crave that my head swam and I slunked back over to the arm chair with little grace. As much as I tried to fight it, I felt my eyes water and before I could stop myself I was gasping back the same tears I had prided myself on not shedding.

"Gin. Gin I love you so much, so so much. I-I know you cant hear me b-but please," I croaked, chocking up on the barely barred tears, "_please!_" I didn't know what I was begging for but I knew if somehow God let him hear my cries wherever he was, Gin would know what I wanted. He always did. Steadying my breath, I spoke again in a whisper. "I wish I could have said goodbye. I wish it didn't have to be like this but I love you and if I had to give myself over to Aizen a hundred times I would. Id do anything for you Gin. Anything. Please…don't come for me. Please don't look for me. I can be strong for both of us if you just don't give me any more hope. I just wish I c-c-could," I choked up again, dry sobbing into the fabric as the smell seemed to intensify, "I wish I could have loved you more when I had the chance. I wish I could have given you everything I never knew you needed." Wordlessly, I rubbed my face back and forth over the shirt and willed myself to be stronger, to be harder. I could _do this_. I could sacrifice for him if I had to. Now wasn't the time to be selfish. I knew perfectly well that there was no escape for me. No matter how many bathroom windows I tried to pry open or how many slips in bodygaurd watch I could calculate, the fact of the matter was I had nowhere to go. _This_ was where I belonged now. Besides, the moment I made a run for it, Aizen would either find me and kill me or worse yet, harm Gin and I couldn't allow that. Yes, I had to be strong for the both of us. And that included giving up any ideas of rescue I still had.

"Pathetic," I heard a familiar voice utter with absolute boredom somewhere behind me. Hastily wiping my eyes, I peaked around the to see Ulquiorra standing with folded arms by the door. His face was the closest I'd seen to emotional the entire time I was here: he was…angry. Yet, it would be a cold day in hell before I let that jerk see I was affected.

"Piss off," I growled, stuffing the shirt between the cushions as I turned away and wiped my face again. "I don't want to deal with you or your vapid insults right now." I felt more than heard him flash across the room. With a flourish of his wrist, Ulquiorra jerked the chair to face him, bringing us face to face. His eyes flashed with rage. "Goddamnit, what crawled up your ass and died today? What the hell do you want from me?"

Slowly he leaned closer, caging me in with his arms on either side of the chair. "You made her cry," he stated dryly.

For a minute I was confused and prepared a tart reply but then, I remembered my last encounter with Orihime. "…Oh…that."

"Yes, _that_," Ulquiorra grimly repeated, a frown marring his usually black face. "It cant be said that I care much for your presence here nor for your pitiful attitude. In fact I couldn't care less."

"Go figure," I harrumphed with a sigh. He continued as though I never spoke.

"But when you make Orihime upset, you force me to take interest in this little debacle. I don't know if you left Gin, if you ran away with Aizen or if youre just some form of ransom and it doesn't bother me in the slightest if youre all three. Whatever it is that your going through, deal with it or don't deal with it, but find a way to do both without upsetting Orihime in anyway, do you understand me?"

His querulous tone grated on my nerves, making me grind my teeth together from lashing out at him. How dare he come in here and make demands when he hadn't said as much as a good morning to me all the days id been here. In fact, this was probably the most id ever heard him say. Be that as it may, if he didn't give two shits about how I as feeling, why should I care if he was upset?

"If this little speech is supposed to strike fear into me, you need to work on your intimidations skills a bit more Ulquiorra. Like I said before, Piss. Off."

"Im not a person you would like to see mad Toshiro. It is only my respect for Ichimaru as a captain and our Espada leader that has stopped me from injuring you so far." He spoke without so much as a blink.

I chortled dryly, sliding under his arm to stalk to the window. "Oh is that whats saving me from your biting wrath? Ha! Give it a rest. Your probably not throwing me off a ledge somewhere because Aizen wont let you. Face it," I said amusedly, glancing at him over my shoulder, "You cant pull your nose out of Aizen's ass for more than five minutes. You and that pretentious, over self inflated leader of yours can both kiss my ass. Im not impressed. "

Ulquiorra didn't even raise an eyebrow. "It seems you have a death wish. Your insolence and slander against our Lord Aizen is unforgivable. I should see to it that he hears of this but once again, it is for Ichimaru that I will not bring you any more harm. But know this," he threw to me as he walked towards the door, "Your fate is sealed, Hitsugaya-kun. No matter how many brave façades you try to paste on, we both know you have no chance of escape. You are a weak, un-notable prisoner in your own life, a life you have no control over and probably ever will. Be glad that Lord Aizen has seen fit to keep you. It is more of an honor that you may have ever encountered in you worthless life."

If looks could have killed I would have burned Ulquiorra to his very core as I watched him open the door. "Fuck yo-"

"And don't forget my warning Hitsugaya. Make Orihime cry again and you will regret it." Then he was gone.

For a second I stood there, letting his words sink in. The things he'd said weren't foreign to me nor were they wrong but it hurt all the same to hear them. Everything hurt these days. I just needed to learn how to ignore the pain. Turning the chair back towards the window, I sat and watched birds circle the large oak that seemed to support the entire mansion. My fingers seemed to gain a life of their own and were between the cushions before could stop them, tugging the shirt out again and brining it to my lips. Crazy thoughts came to me and I imagined the birds hearing my please, carrying them on strong wings to Gin so he could at least know I was all right since I couldn't tell him myself. After all, I wasn't a strong oak nor was I a soaring bird. I was grounded, forgotten, kicked around and left to turn into dust by everyone I came in contact with. Ulquiorra was right. I was trash.

~l~

Hours later, when I hearded the door open I didn't even raise my head to see who had come. It seemed I didn't have the will to do anything but stare at the rapidly darkening sky. The sun was setting on another day and I had done nothing but mentally beat myself up about things I couldn't change. How splendid. Yet, I was relieved to hear the gentle voice that called out to me.

"Toshiro…Toshiro, are you awake?" Orihime called out shyly to the back of the armchair. Her perfume of oranges and vanilla wafted down to me as she leaned over quietly to peer at me.

"Yes, I'm awake. Barely holding on to reality, but I'm still awake."

She sighed, coming around to softly perch herself on the right arm of the chair. We quietly stared out the window until, hesitantly, I felt her hand reach over to stroke my hair. My eyes flashed to her face but she was still diligently staring out the window with a crinkle in her brow, as though in deep thought. Had it been anyone else, I would have undoubtedly pushed them away but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to insult her any further.

"Im sorry about this morning. I didn't mean to walk out like that. It was rude but I just had to get out of here. I felt like such a …fool."

I didn't answer immediately and there were a million other things I could have said but instead I replied, "I don't understand your relationship with Ulquiorra. Not one bit." The answering laugh I received startled me into awareness.

"Me either," she giggled honestly, a blush tingeing her cheeks, "Half the time, I have no clue how we make it work but it just does. He's so good to me."

"Really? The guy with the dead green eyes and listless expressions? The one who could freeze a room with his icy tones? That Ulquiorra treats you good?" I know it must have been annoying to down play her relationship like that but I could resist asking. The guy seemed like the walking dead to me.

She laughed again. "Well, yeah, that one! He acts tough but hes such a romantic on the inside. It took me a long time to figure him out but now that we're on the same page, I just …get him. Like, sometimes we don't even use words and I just _know_ what he wants to say. He _gets me_, you know?"

"Yeah…I used to." Silence fell over us as again in the wake of my wistful words. Damn, I sure knew how to bring down a mood. My next words didn't fare any better. "Your boyfriend came to threaten me today. I'm guessing that was your doing?"

Orihime frowned, looking down at me with insulted eyes that made me instantly regret the words. "I most certainly did not! God, what did he say to you? I should have known better than to tell him anything. Ugh, I'm sorry Toshi, honestly. Ulquiorra can be such a bully sometimes. I hope he didn't insult you too much, did he? Oh, when I get back to that room hes gonna wish he never said anything, that inconsiderate, hurtful-"

"He didn't say anything rude at all," I lied, turning back to the darkening landscape outside.

"Really?"

"Yup. Not at all. He just ask me to be more careful with what I said next time because he hated seeing you cry. He was perfectly courteous." The lies kept coming as I looked into her hopeful face. I couldn't ruin her happy relationship just because Ulquiorra had said things id goaded him into saying to begin with. "He also advised me to apologize. And he was right. Im sorry Orihime. We were both wrong I guess."

She sighed happily, stroking my hair softly again. "Its all right. Im just glad you guys didn't argue. I want you two to get along."

"Why?" I asked, a little shocked.

"Well, because I like you!"

Now it was my turn to laugh as I sank further into the cushions and turned away from the darkening purple twilight outside. "You don't even know me Orihime."

"But I do know you," she protested, coming to kneel in front of me as well as grasping my hands. I was a little shocked but before I could say anything, she was speaking again. "I know youre hurt and sad. I know that you don't want to be here. I know that youre scared…I know your in love." The smile that lit her face made me shiver inside. It was as if she was absolutely glowing. "Love is positively one of the biggest plateaus of connections in this world. If anything, I understand what it feels like to be scared and in love but you know what? It gets better Toshiro."

Closing my eyes, once again I steeled myself against her hopeful ideals. "You don't get it Orihime. It _was_ better. For a while, things were great. I had it all. But then Aizen came into the picture and it all fell apart. I don't think theres gonna be any happy ending for me."

"Sure there will. You just have to believe it in here," carefully she pressed a finger against my heart. "Trust me Toshiro. You cannot let him win. You just cant!"

A knock at the door interrupted us just as I was going to vehemently respond and one of Aizen's men entered. A non descript man with boring features but his stark white uniform with its red sash told me it was one of his messengers. "Hitsugaya Toshiro. Lord Aizen-Sama request your presence in his chambers."

My heart stopped beating in my chest and I could feel my eyes grow wide. Every fiber in my being told me to run, cry, scream, fight, _die_ if I had to but not to go with this man. I couldn't be dragged farther into Aizen's web. But then, I exhaled, disentangled my hands from Orihime's and stood. Kneeling on the floor, she wrung her hands anxiously, clearly as surprised as I was about this sudden announcement. Yet, looking into her worried eyes, I somehow found peace in the knowledge that I was right: there was no hope.

"See?" I whispered forcing a wry smile onto my face. "It looks like, for me, there is no such thing as a happy ending. Just more trouble."

For the first time that day, I got to turn and storm out of the room instead of being left behind. The only difference was, this time it was my own death march.

**Not much to say besides the faster you review, the better chance you have for an update (no joke). You'd be surprised hows much i got done this weekend *WinkWink* Heres a hint: the next chapter is all about Gin...from his P.o.v =D excited huh? Then review! Ahhh i missed this. im so glad school is almost over so i can write to my heart's content. Ciao!**


	21. The Great Rebellion

**Hello again lovelies! =D As promised here is another update in a timely fashion instead of a three month wait *bashful giggles* However I must say, the lack of over flowing reviews must be some sort of evil punishment for me taking so long to update, which i fully accept. But let it be known that know we're even and I expect reviews, OKAY? Please...? Lol. Thank you to those who did review and for those that didnt well shame on you. Youve made me a very sad author T_T (are you buying the tears?) Here is the next chapter, all from Gin's point of view so enjoy enjoy enjoy!**

_~~ The Great Rebellion~~_

Recklessly swerving into Hueco Mundo Co. headquarters, I didn't even stop to cut the engine before I was out of the car and on my feet. In fact, I hadn't even bothered to park, just pulled up onto the sidewalk in front of the doors, nearly grazing the wall and from the look on the lost little valet parker's face, I could tell it had been a close call.

"Ah-ahh Mr. Ichimaru-sama, i-it's a pleasure to see you again" He sputtered as I sauntered past him without a second glance.

Inside, the concierge was hurriedly muttering to someone in hushed tones while throwing anxious glances at the lobby. By the time I had stalked up to the desk, he looked as though he had soiled his pants. _**"Good. He should be scared. They should all be scared 'cause I'm in no mood ta fuck around with these idiots anymore. Blubberin assholes, all o' 'em. And right now I need ta talk ta the chief asshole in charge, Souske or I swear ta God I'll blow a hole through their fuckin heads and…"**_

"_Easy Gin, easy."_ My hand was edging towards the 9mm in my holster as the concierge looked on with increasing horror. "_Talk now. Shoot later. The boy is frightened enough as is." _Bringing my hands forward slowly, I folded them on the desk counter with what I hoped was a pleasant smile.

"Where is he?"

The man fumbled dangerously over his own tongue in his rush to answer me. "Where is whom, sir?"

Smiling brighter I replied in as calm a voice as I could muster. "Don't fuck with me, ne? Yah know exactly who I'm talkin 'bout and I'm in no mood fer the bullshit so tell me which whole in the wall hes hiddin in and I'll be on mah way."

"Im s-s-sorry sir but you'll have to be a b-bit more specific if you want me to help you. Now, first I'll need your full name as well as the name of who you're trying to-"

_Swooosh._

"Yare yare will yah look at that. Ive run out o' patience," I sighed. Suddenly, my neck was full of tension and I cracked my neck to both sides as I took aim with the 9mm. The shocked look on the guy's face was priceless. "Lemme make this a lil clearer fer yah, ne? Where. Is. Aizen?"

"A-a-aizen-sama is in a meeting right now, if you could-"

_Click_. I pulled the safety back and smiled with zeal. "Try again. And this time, gimme an answer I like."

"Room 631, 631! He said he didn't want to be disturbed but that if you insisted to send you up directly to room 631, Ichimaru sir! I-I mean, Lord Ichimaru-sama!"

The smile fell from my face as I dropped my arm and let the gun totter on one finger. "See," I hummed turning away, "That wasn't so hard ta remember, now was it?"

"N-not at all sir, have a pleasant evening and a safe trip!" Out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand egde under the desk cautiously.

"Don't waster yer time hittin that panic button, ne? I aint gonna be here long enough fer the squad ta show up no how."

Briskly I glided between the elevator doors and hit the close door button before the idiot behind the desk could piss me off further. Just as quickly, the personnel access card was out of my pocket and inserted into the wall as I punched in the security code and hit the top floor button. I hadn't been lying when I said I wouldn't be here long enough for the squad to get here in time. I just needed to here it from Aizen's mouth himself that he had taken Toshiro. From there, the rest would handle itself and no matter how messy things got, we were both good enough of a shot that it wouldn't take more than a couple seconds to finish off the other. All I had to do now was find him. When the elevator doors chimed open, one of his guards was there to greet me, hand out stretched in a stop sign. The guy was tall but built like a brick house, about as wide as he was tall and full of brawn. I knew his face, he was one of the best ones around. Pity I was gonna have to retire him for a couple months

"Sir, I'm gonna have to take your weapon and ask you to please-"

The sentence was cut short as my fist collided with his nose, a sickening crunch resounding down the hallway. Clutching his nose with one hand, the guard's fist shot out with the other, narrowly grazing my face. Ducking I brought the butt of the gun down hard against his jaw twice before he parried the blow knowing me back off balance.

"Ne, ne yer face looks like a nasty Jackson Pollock paintin! Yah should get that checked out before it swells anymore."

"You no good son of a -" the guard roared charging at me with his own gun raised.

Shaking my head at his sloppy form and wobbly stance, I side stepped just as he nearly bounded right into me and brought my foot down on his calf with the heel of my boot until I heard - and felt- another sickening crack. His scream of agony confirmed that I had broke the bone clean in half. Using the rest of his momentum, I swung him into the elevator and pressed the down button.

As the doors shut on his groans I bent over to follow him and waved happily. "Buh-bye!" Brushing my self off with an accomplished sigh, I turned to see two more guards with defensive stances located down the hallway. At the end of the corridor was the one room on the floor: room 631. _"__**One asshole down, two more ta go. This night just keeps gettin better and better…." **_Walking forward with a grin, I holstered my gun and clasped my hands. "Are one o' yah gonna pick who goes next o' should I?" For a moment they glanced at each other uncertainly then seemed to make a silent decision. They both charged at the same time. "Yare, yare," I grinned "Treesomes are mah favorite."

~l~

_Brang!_

The office doors slammed open as the last guard fell through the doors backwards and landed, passed out on top of a glass table that shattered underneath his girth. "_How messy."_ Lookin up from the guard, I realized the room was dead silent. _Too _silent. There was one chair at the end of the 20 foot long conference table and it was facing the floor to ceiling glass window that over looked the dark Tokyo city night. Aizen had always liked this view. He said it made him feel as though he sat atop of the world. Next to the chair was a steaming cup of tea that looked curiously untouched. Which was strange for Aizen; I had never seen him leave a mug unfinished. Quirking a brow at the silent room, I pulled my gun, firing four shots into the back of the chair. The force of the shots jolted it, nearly tipping it over before it turned sideways and revealed that it was empty….just as I had expected.

"How brash of you Ichimaru. Suppose our Lord Aizen-sama had been seated in that chair? What would have been your excuse for his death?" Quietly, Ulquiorra stepped out of the shadows on the far right of the room, gun in his hand and a cautious glint in his dead eyes.

"I wouldn't o' had an excuse but we both know he wasn't there anyway so it's a moot point. But speakin o' Lord Aizen, yah mind tellin me where he is?"

Ulquiorra ignored me, eyes flashing down to the bloodied mess at my feet. "Did you come here for the sheer sake of destruction, Ichimaru, or was there something else you desired?"

"Ne, we both know good and damn well what I've come fer. Now tell me where he is," I snarled, my hand involuntarily clenching around my gun. Ulquiorra didn't fail to notice.

"Or else what? Will you mow me down like those three paltry guards, shoot your comrade in arms?"

I sighed, closed my eyes and took a deep calming breath. "I don't want ta hurt yah. In fact this aint got nothing ta do with yah and I'd rather yah stayed out o' it altogether. Just tell me where Souske is and I'll be on mah way. I've got business with him that cant wait any longer."

"If youre referring to Hitsugaya Toshiro then that business is no longer a topic open for discussion. The situation has already been handled."

I didn't see my gun raise until it was aim at his chest. "_What_?"

"Drop the gun, Ichimaru, we both know you're not going to shoot."

"Don't be so sure 'bout that. Where is he?"

"Who? Aizen or Hitsugaya? At this point, the location really is all one in the same."

"Damnit Ulquiorra, yah know where he is don't y-"

"Where he is and where he is not is not the question. Right now, we need to work on the issue of your little tirade. You cannot continue shooting up the city like a mindless drone. The havoc you are intent on wreaking will do you no good and it will be troublesome to help you if you insist on invoking Aizen-sama's wrath. Drop the gun."

Coolly, we stared each other down. I didn't want to trust him or reason with him or listen to what he had to say. I wanted to tear down walls and let the wild beast within me rage until Toshiro was in my arms again. If I had to rape and pillage the city, burn down buildings, murder entire families I would. I _would_ see Toshiro again by any means necessary but first I wanted vengeance. I wanted blood. I wanted retribution and all the other spoils of war I had come to crave but at the very least, I had to know he was still _alive_. And right now, the fastest way to do that was to cooperate. With a growl, I dropped my arm, the safety clicking back into place once again.

"I said drop it, not lower your arms."

"Thats the best yer gonna get outta me right now Ulquiorra and I'm runnin on a very short fuse. So why dontcha be a good lil Espada and tell me what yah know?"

Fixing me with a cold stare Ulquiorra quipped, "Who said I intended to tell you anything?"

"Well if yah didn't, I would'a already been dead, ne?"

Once again we fell into silence, sizing each other up incase things turned messy. Then, "You should sit," he murmured, bracing a hip on the edge of the desk. His calm façade grated on my nerves.

"I'd rather not. Where is Toshiro?"

Sighing almost imperceptibly, Ulquiorra closed his eyes. "He is where you think he is."

Growling, I clenched my fist around the edge of the table until it bit into my fingers. "Id like ta hear yah say it nonetheless"

"He is with Aizen as we speak."

Something leapt in my chest at the confirmation. "Is he… alright?"

"Yes, Gin he is fine. Let that be a balm for your troubled mind. Not a hair on his head is out of place and he is under 24 hour surveillance to ensure that he stays that way."

The tension rolled off of me in waves and I felt my shoulders sag with relief. Despite myself, I found my arms bracing against the table as my head hung, bowed with the hangover and sleep deprivation I'd been fighting all night. Suddenly, for the first time since I'd opened my eyes to find Toshiro gone, the full impact of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. The time had come. I was going to have to pick between Aizen and Toshiro. The choice was obvious for me but apparently Aizen still had some qualms about accepting that for me, he could never even be second best compared to Toshiro. After tonight, however he would never have to wonder again. I'd make sure of that.

"Take me ta 'em," I growled, enraged that Souske thought it was within his right to disturb my home, my life all for the one person he could never have. Toshiro belonged to _me_ and I would never, ever give him up. It seemed I would have to prove that point with blood. "Take me ta 'em right this minute. This bullshit ends tonight."

"No."

"What the hell do you mean 'no.' There is no more leeway I can give him, Ulquiorra. He knew what would happen if he touched him. I told him in no uncertain terms that the day he touched him would be the day he died. And I never go back on mah promises."

Ulquiorra turned to me dryly, sarcasm tingeing his eyes. "I do not doubt you for a minute. However, before you run headlong into your certain death, perhaps you should reconsider."

"There is _nothing_ ta reconsider! Toshiro is mine!"

"I'm not sure he believes the boy was ever yours to begin with and these days I doubt he thinks anything doesn't belong to him. A God does not share his toys."

Straightening slightly, I pointedly inspected him from head to toe. "Ulqui, 're yah purposefully trynna piss me off? Its like yer not listenin to a word I -"

"No Ichimaru, it is _you_ that is not listening to what _I_ am saying."

"That's because yah havent said nothin and im gettin pretty damn tired o' yer loyal lil puppy act! What do yah expect me ta do, let him just sit there and _rot_? I got him into this and I've got ta get him out. I should have-"

"I refuse to speak to you if you will not get a grip on yourself," Ulquiorra snapped, standing up sharply and slamming his had on the desk hard. It was the most worked up I had seen him in years and his uncharacteristic irritation intrigued me into silence. "The fact is, now is not the time for you to go on a rampage and shoot up everything that gets in your way. Aizen will inevitably have you eradicated you if you keep this pestilent behavior up. There is only so much he is willing to over look, even for his brother."

"Is that so? Is that what he told yah o' are yah makin yer own assumptions 'cause quite frankly I've tested the waters with Souske before and theres a whole lot more I could do before he really gets pissed."

"Not these days, there isnt. Not if you want to ever see Hitsugaya again."

I smiled tightly, piqued by his suddenly ominous tone. "Speak. Now. Before I lose mah patience with yer riddles."

Ulquiorra didn't answer immediately. Instead, he turned to stare out the window at the pitch black sky in contemplation. I bristled in irritation. However, once again I got the feeling that something was very off about the entire situation. Although his expression hadn't changed, I could see the anxiety in his posture. From the tilt of his head to the clench of his hands, I felt the unease pour off of him in waves; he was worried about something, which was a rare as an alien crash landing in the middle of Tokyo. Something was definitely wrong.

"Recently Lord Aizen-sama has become psychologically… unbalanced."

"He's been missin a few marbles since he was a kid. Tell me somethin I _don't_ know."

Slanting me an irritated glance, Ulquiorra continued in his usual querulous monotone. "In the last year, there have been changes in our lord that can only be described as volatile and unpredictable in nature. It has affected both this personal and business life severely. He takes offense at the slightest transgression of our company members and those that refuse to adhere to his every whim meet untimely and rather vicious ends. In the beginning it was only a few and I thought they could be accredited to a bad mood. But now the assassinations have become more frequent, more brutal and all have been completely unnecessary. The sheer savagery of his actions are disturbing to say the least. Worse yet he has founded an unthinkable reliance on some of Szayel's more questionable of talents…"

The chill that settled over the room was dense with the unspoken meaning of Ulquiorra's last statement. We both knew what Szayel was capable of if not kept on a tight leash. Although he possessed a sickly sweet sort of charm, just below the surface lurked a madman who thrived off of science and destruction. The idea of him having free reign to test his experiments and systems of torture, let alone to have Aizen's full backing was unimaginable. The amount of carnage that would be left in his wake would be enough to damage the organization permanently if Souske didn't stop him.

"It is too late for him to be stopped," Ulquiorra quipped, as though he had read my thoughts. "The unexplainable deaths have already begun. Mangled bodies, decapitated men, mindless zombie-like guards, genetically enhanced fetuses…the mansion is constantly alight with ghoulish screams. It has become a mad house."

"I don't know what yah expect me ta do with all o' this. I may not o' been officially let go but I left the family long ago and if I remember correctly I told yah ta leave too. If the Aizen Clan is going down, I suggest yah jump ship 'cause I cant say I particularly care one way o' another if the company survives" I bit out tersely. I was almost sure Ulquiorra didn't expect me to return and regulate the Yakuza family or take over in Souske's stead but just in case, I wanted him to be sure I didn't give two fucks if everything came crashing down.

"I wouldn't expect other wise and frankly I too feel the organization has run its course. But there is another problem."

Cautiously I prodded him to continue. "Oh?"

"The men are talking Ichimaru. The powerful leader they once revered has become a symbol of madness and conceit. Not all are willing to bow to Hueco Mundo law if Aizen cannot remember that it is we who have given him the support he needs to rise to power. And if he cannot see that, the men are willing to let him fall but not the lifestyle the organization has created for them. They will usurp him if necessary. There are whispers of a mutiny, a rebellion. However, they need a leader…"

Instantly, my eyes darted up to his face, checking to see if there was any merit to his words."….Why are yah tellin me all this Ulquiorra?" I asked, genuinely shocked. Although I was his captain, far be it for me to arrogantly assume Ulquirroa's devotion to me was greater than his devotion to Souske. If there was one thing to be said about Ulquiorra, it was that he was loyal, to the bitter end. The things he was saying now seemed to go against every fiber in his being that lived to serve Aizen and the organization. It was unnerving, interesting and laughable all at the same time to see Aizen's strongest supporter betray him. Yet, although I wanted to gloat at his downfall my mind couldn't help but think of the vast opportunities this rebellion would provide. If Aizen were murdered, the mad rush for power over the Clan would be the perfect out for both Toshiro and I. Many might assume that I would join the tumult but once they saw I had no wish to control the family, I would be free. _We_ would be free of the life I had tried so hard to leave behind and failed to escape.

"Because I refuse to serve a Lord who has no direction, no sense of evolution or decorum," Ulquiorra stated matter-of-factly. "I care little for what would happen to me if I was to follow him down his path of destruction but Orihime…I cannot let him corrupt her more than he already has. I fear she wouldn't survive it. I cannot ask her to die for a man who has already ruined her life."

A smile played on the edges of my lips as the puzzle pieces clicked together perfectly. "_Ahh, now we come to the real source of the problem. Little Ulqui is worried about his precious Orihime. Of course that's the issue. Why else would he be so agitated?"_ Ulquiorra was almost never flustered, never ruffled and absolutely never traitorous…unless it came to his darling little Orihime. He would do unimaginable things for that girl. Things that bordered on insanity.

"Ne, ne this is all about yer lil girlfriend! And here I thought yah genuinely cared fer me and mah situation. Yer breakin mah heart Ulquiorra," I tease, pout forming on my lips as he turned to me grimly.

"You and your insipid love affair are not my concern. It is not my place to support or condemn Aizen's disapproval of the relationship. But what I can do is accept an opportunity when it is placed in front of me. We can both help each other, Ichimaru. I can get you Hitsugaya and you can get me out. The choice is yours."

"Yah do realize what yer doin, yeah? If yah help me they'll be no turnin back."

"I know full well the consequences for my actions if we do not succeed."

I smiled brightly, veins pumping wildly with adrenaline as I moved one step closer to Toshiro. Yes, I could feel it now. I could feel his skin pressed flush against mine, his baby soft hair trailing across my chest and Aizen's blood spilling through my fingers. It was all coming together so neatly now. The scales were tipping in my direction and all it needed was a little _push._

"Are yah willin ta die fer her then? Are yah willin ta put it all on the line?"

"I will follow your lead, whatever it may be Ichimaru-sama, and if it comes to that, I will gladly give my life to save her."

"Well then, it looks like yah've got yerself a deal!" I sang happily, holstering my gun as the smile fell from my face and my eyes opened, boring him with a stare that blazed with determination and rage. "Take me to the men and I _will _give you your rebellion."

**:D There wasnt as much of Gin thinking as there was Gin _doing_ things in this chapter. Which is good. You guys get to see my baby in action *starry eyed smile* I dont think there'll be another Gin pov for a while cause a lot is about to go down at the Aizen Mansion *le gasp* However, at the end after everything winds down, the epilouge blah blah blah there will definitely be more peeks into Gin's Head. -NOTA BENE: Let it be known the ending is nowhere in sight yet. There are many many MANY more chapters to come =} Ciao kids!**

p.s **EVERY TIME YOU REVIEW YOU SAVE THE LIFE OF A BABY FARM ANIMAL AND A NEWBORN PANDA. Its true, I saw it happen. No? Is that not a fact? Huh...I guess not... but whatever, thats beside the point! Review anyway!**


	22. Unhealthy Obsession

**HII I'M BACK AGAIN! *waits to be pelted with rotten tomatoes* Yes I know this took forever for me to update. I am a foul beast and I should be chased from the fanfic community for my slow updates. SORRY! But if it makes you feel any better I had good reasons. I was genuinely busy wiht work and now I have to go back to school next week. Joy joy joy -_- On the bright side, I am now a senior which should equal more free time which equals more time to write. Unless of course I get a job or a boyfriend but...both are highly unlikely. No matter what, fanfiction will always be my first love, as will all my readers :D **

**SIDENOTE: WELCOME BACK DURIL93!~!~!~!~!~! 3 I'm so glad you're back! Yes yes, Orihime's situation will be explained in detail latter. Her and Toshi have lots of mushy moments to come where they spill everything. lol. I hope you had fun even without the internet! **

**(supersidenote) To everyone that I used to PM all the time and/or PMed me and I didnt answer, please dont hate me. My life suddenly kicked into high gear and I dont have the time like I used to. BUT I STILL ADORE YOU GUYS!  
**

**Thank you for sticking with me and here is the next chapter:**

_~~Unhealthy Patterns~~_

"_Don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up….and dear God at the very least DO NOT faint Toshiro….damn it."_

As I closely tailed behind the nameless guard, I could almost feel the walls closing in around me. The stark white walls that once seemed to blind me were now dull and lifeless like dried bone in comparison to the flashing lights inside my head. They were warnings, bright reds and yellows exploding behind my eyes that screamed for me to stop what I was doing and run like my life depended on it. In a normal world where the things people said could be taken at face value, this _meeting_ that I had been called was nothing to worry about. So far Aizen had done nothing to encroach on my space, offend me or otherwise signal that something ominous was waiting for me around the bend. Unfortunately, this wasn't a normal world and everything Aizen said or did should be taken as a double meaning. And I was absolutely certain nothing good would come of this. My body urged me to shut down, throw up, pass out, die if necessary; it wanted me to do anything I had to do that would delay this night. But instead, I dragged one foot in front of the other as the guard brought me before rather inconspicuous white rectangular doors that opened into a stunning elevator I had never noticed before. Hitting a series of buttons, the guard stepped back and the left wall shimmered in a green haze as all of the buttons lit up and the elevator took off effortlessly. One by one the lights faded until one at the very top was left: the penthouse suite. When the doors chimed open, my stomach dropped. Before us was a long gray corridor, almost dreary in comparison to the rest of the sparkling mansion, that lead to two of the most massive doors I had ever seen. They even seemed to be too big to fit inside of the house.

"This is your stop kid." the guard ground out roughly, propelling me forward with a less than gentle shove.

"Watch it!" I snapped, the unease in me nearing a breaking point. He only grunted, pointing a thick finger towards the massive doors.

"He's waiting for you at the end of the hall. Walks straight and don't open any other doors. Make a wrong turn, end up somewhere you shouldn't be and it'll be your ass not mine."

Before I could open my mouth and respond with a biting retort, the elevator doors closed, plunging the hall into near darkness except for the ethereal light glowing from beneath the massive doors. "Great. Just freaking great."

Turning, I somehow managed to make it half way down the hall before I thought of turning tail, running for the elevator and to keep running at full speed until I was out of this place. But the thought fled just as quickly as it came. There had been no buttons on the wall to call the elevator back, which led me to wonder exactly how anyone managed to leave this floor. "_Unless of course no one is supposed to leave…alive that is_." A chill ran down my spine at the idea. Looking around me quickly, I realized that there were several doors on each side of the hall. None had door knobs and were almost unrecognizable as doors except for the fine lines that separated them from the rest of the wall. This must have been the "wrong turns" the guard was referring to. Well, he didn't have much to worry about. I had no desire to see what was behind those doors, not even the one directly in front of me. Truthfully, all I wanted to do was go home. But it seemed my only option was to push forward, walk further into a fate I didn't want to meet. So that's exactly what I did, dragging myself forward till I was face to face with the massive doors. Preparing to face the bastard, I pulled myself to full height, put on my best mask of confidence and raised my hand to knock. However just as my fist almost hit the doors, they slid open with a whisper of wind. Creepy. As I stepped inside cautiously, I was nearly blinded by the sudden shine of white light that was absent in the hallway. The white seemed to be even brighter and purer than any other room in the mansion. Shading my eyes and blinking rapidly, I began to make out the common shapes of what looked like a waiting room that followed the same color scheme as everything else. White. Plush, soft carpet, two six seater couches that lined either side of the room, lamps, shades, side tables and a large circular glass table that everything was centered around with white orchids in the middle. Directly in front of me and behind the table was another set of doors. I pushed the second set of doors open only to realize that this wasn't a waiting room at all. It was the "foyer" to Aizen's bedroom. The bedroom was austere to say the least. Marbled, circular stairs raised out of the ground about half way into the room, leading to a great open space. The only furniture inside was an expansive bed that took over the entire right side of the room and another huge white couch covering the other side with a glass table in front of it. Even the shaggy white rug that lay between the two sides of the room was as conservative as possible while still being fashionable. The only aesthetic element brought to the room was the floor to ceiling glass door that opened to a sprawling balcony; I could barely make out the pale gray night sky as the glass reflected back the white glare of the walls. I would have thought no one slept here at all, it looked untouched. It was only the mop of brown hair resting above the high backed chair on the balcony that told me otherwise. At my entrance, I could almost hear the smile begin to etch itself onto Aizen's face. A melodic sigh drifted towards me from the balcony as Aizen turned slowly to face me.

"Hitsugaya- kun," he cooed invitingly. "I'm so glad you decided to join me." He rose, almost gliding across the balcony towards where I stood with a cautious scowl. Two beefy looking guards trailed behind him silently.

I scoffed. "Oh please. I didn't have much of a choice in this, now did I?"

"Choice? Why of course you did. I think you of all people should understand the complexity of choice best. The beauty of free will.

The planes of Aizen's white robes billowed behind him as he descended the steps with an air of regality and importance. Seeing him prance around like a king was nothing new, but for some reason, it pissed me off more than usual. At times I would think to myself that his holier-than-thou and theatrical antics were done for his own amusement. There was no way one person could be so conceited and disillusioned about their own self worth without being completely insane. But no, looking that air of arrogance that shrouded him, tinged his eyes and ruined that ever present mask of sincerity as he floated towards me, I knew it was true. He really _did_ believe he was God. Now far be it from me to give a fuck about the psychological health of a stalker/yakuza boss/kidnapper. Personally, I wouldn't care if he thought he was a God or a purple elephant escaped from the zoo - if it didn't directly affect me. But not only were his delusions of grandeur detrimental to me, his whole demeanor seemed to enrage me. It was that look of entitlement that made my blood boil. He actually felt that he was entitled to treat me this way and it was his arrogance that would be his downfall one day.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I snapped, involuntarily backing away as he neared me. He noticed, amusement dancing in his eyes as he hedged forward again and I stumbled in my attempt to dodge away. Openly laughing at me, Aizen continued his march as thought I wasn't there and seated himself on the couch.

"Come now, we both know you are a veteran at decision making, Hitsugaya. Your life has been more than generous with choice after choice after choice. Whether you made the right decisions or not is another matter all together but the fact of the matter is that no matter how you look at it, you willingly chose to be here. You _chose_ to be with _me_. Would you care to sit Hitsugaya-kun?" he smiled, gesturing to the cushion next to him.

"No, thank you. I don't want to sit, I don't want to pretend like we can be cordial to each other and I damn sure don't want to be here."

"Oh? What is it you want then?"

"I want…" Suddenly, my mind went blank as to what I wanted. The knee jerk response would be that I wanted to go home, but I couldn't go back to Gin, _ever. _Aizen would never allow it. My parents were long gone, I had alienated Momo and I quite frankly had no where left to turn. So what did I want? "I want…to be free," I said softly. It was the only answer that made sense.

Aizen's condescending smirk increased tenfold. "Freedom is subjective. You may think you'd be free if I was to return you to Gin but your subconscious knows that you are truly free by being here. With me. You are the one who chose it."

"Look," I gritted out slowly. "If you think kidnapping me and threatening to kill my boyfriend made me willingly decide to be here, then you're not just insane, you're delusional. Lets get this straight so you can clear up any confusion you still have about this arrangement. I despise you. You literally make me sick to my stomach and if chewing off one of my legs could get me of here I just might do it. I didn't choose to do anything to land me here, _you_ did all the decision making for me. I'm just along for the ride."

"Perhaps I gave you a bit of incentive but the outcome would have still been the same had I not have. It was inevitable."

"I guarantee I could have lived the rest of my life without ever even meeting you and I would have been fine. Being kidnapped did not have to be a part of my destiny."

He smiled, bracing his chin comfortably in the palm of his hand. "So you may think."

"This is a pointless conversation!" I snapped. "What do you want from me , Aizen? Why am I here?"

"I wonder if your were always this disagreeable with Gin. You behave like such a petulant child. I can see how he would feel the need to … punish you."

I froze, anger and fear washing over me as he mentioned Gin and the punishments. "Tell me what you brought me here to tell me so I can go back to my room."

"Do you think you'd be more prone to getting weak in the knees for me if I were to punish you as well? Would a slap suffice or would it require a more thorough thrashing for you to glorify me the way you did Gin?"

"…Stop it…" I whispered.

"The real question is, is it the sadism or the show of power and dominance that excites you? Maybe we should conduct a test and find out."

"Stop it!" Before I could stop myself, I lashed out, swiping a vase of orchids right off of the glass table and it shattered loudly in the sudden quietness that followed my cry.

Quirking an eyebrow, Aizen examined me curiously. "I know you have a rather vicious temper but I'll have to ask you not to destroy the decorations. Its rather messy and childish…and we both know it wouldn't be good if I had to punish you as though you were a child, yes?"

"Go to hell."

"It appears your language isn't any better than your behavior. We'll have to work on both," he hummed thoughtfully. A servant suddenly appeared out of thin air, setting a tray with two cups and a teapot on the table before bowing and scurrying away just as quickly as she had appeared. "Ah how nice, the tea is here. Perhaps a cup of oolong would improve your mood?"

I watched him through narrowed eyes as he poured the tea, gingerly pushing the second cup towards me. I didn't even glance at it.

"Now where were we…"

"You were just about to send me back to my room, where I respectfully _choose_ to remain for the duration of my captivity." Swiftly I turned on my heels for the door but the two guards were already there to block my path, looking more ominous than before.

"How charming," Aizen smiled indulgently as though humoring a child. "You honestly believe our time together was not fated."

"Well I certainly don't _want_ to be here!"

"But you chose to."

I snarled, frustrated that we were talking ourselves into circles. "You threatened to kill him! What the fuck was I supposed to do?"

"Who knows? The choice was up to you."

"You son of a -"

Raising from his relax position, all humor drained from his face and Aizen bored me with a dark stare. "The fact of the matter is everything you have ever done since you stumbled your way out of your mother's womb has been leading up-"

"Don't you _dare_ talk about my mother like that, you monster!"

He continued unperturbed. " To this very moment. When you choose to begin your foolish relationship with Gin, that was your first deadly step towards me. When you let him beat you and mistreat you, that was another step as well. When you ran away, choose to end your relationship, only to return to his side like a lost puppy then try to drag him away from me and the life he has created here, they were all small steps that brought you closer and closer to me. You were doomed from the moment you laid eyes on each other."

"Okay, fine!" I shrieked, shaking with tightly contained angry tears. "Alright then, so what? So what if somehow everything was all leading right back to you? Lets say in some sick twisted way, Gin and I were never supposed to be together and it was all one big pathway to this very moment. I'm here, you've got me, but that doesn't change anything! I will always hate you and despise you and I'll still go on loving him so tell me what you want, damn it! What the hell is it that you want from me?"

There was a pause as Aizen eyed me evenly, raising his cup to his lips with a thoughtful tilt to his head. Then, "I want what all Gods want," he hummed calmly. "I want adoration, I want to be revered, I want devotion, fear…complete submission. I want you to bow to me, worship me, adore my every breath as your savior and king to the point where only my pleasure brings you pleasure. I want to watch that pride you carry wrapped around you so tightly crack and fall away as you buckle beneath my power. And then…I want _you to break_. I want you to shatter into a million pieces until there is nothing left and the only think to bring you to life is a whisper of my name, a glimpse of my robes, the prickle of my presence. I want you on your knees Toshiro. I want you at your weakest."

Silence snapped across the room once again as his words hung above my head like a dark cloud. My stomach rolled nervously, sinking like stone as I tried to show no emotion to his words while staying rooted in place. I was failing miserably. My hands twitched, chills shooting along my spine as I watched Aizen ease gracefully back into the soft folds of the couch. He looked utterly unperturbed and calm while I was cracking at the seams. Quickly, I tried to calculate the chances that he was joking or at least just trying to get under my skin but I couldn't read him. Although everything about his face was open and appealing, he was the epitome of a closed book. I couldn't tell if he was crazy or serious, which left a sour feeling in my stomach. Balling my fingers into tight fist, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

"…_Why?"_ I asked wonderingly, seriously trying to fathom what was driving him to such extremes.

Once again silence danced in my ears until there was a soft clang as Aizen placed his cup on the glass table. Slowly, I looked up at him to see him regarding me as though I had asked the most laughable question ever heard. "Why _not_?"

A slow sneer spread across my face. "You're insane," I croaked slipping on my best mask of fearlessness even as my insides quaked with distress. "You are a very sick man and you need help. I'll never bow to you Aizen, _ever_. The only way you'll ever get me on my knees is if you kick my legs out from underneath me. And if I fall, you had better believe you're going down with me."

"Of course," Aizen murmured with an understanding smile. "It would be less than honorable for you to succumb to me so easily. I know you shall be quite alive and kicking as I break you because if you weren't…" his eyes flickeres brightly with excitement, "there would be no fun in that at all."

I snarled, a cutting retort on my lips but suddenly, two meaty hands grabbed me beneath my armpits firmly. Whipping my head around, I growled again, struggling desperately against the guards that had suddenly appeared behind me. "Get your damn hands off of me, you miserable-"

"You may take him away. We are done for now," Aizen rumbled calmly, dismissing us with a lowering of his eyes back to his still steaming cup of tea.

"What the hell do you mean 'we're done for now,' you sniveling bastard! We are NOT done damn it!" The hands tightened exponentially on my biceps, dragging me backwards as I kicked out violently. "You cant do this to me! You cant- LET GO OF ME GOD DAMN IT! LET ME G -ugh!" Out of nowhere a thick fist collided with my stomach, ending my rant as I choked back nausea and pain. Dazed, I felt them carting me away as my vision blurred.

"Do be gentle with him Tanaka. I wouldn't want you to injure our guest."

I wanted to snort in reply but instead I blacked out.

~l~

"Ohayo, Shiro-chan!" A shrill, raspberry sweet voice chirped loudly next to my ear.

Blinking slowly, I cracked an eye only to snap it shut as piercing bright light shot across the room directly into my eyes. Silently I took inventory of my body as Orihime chattered in the background. Everything felt in place but with Yakuza, you could never be to certain. The last thing I remembered was being tossed face first onto something very soft in a pitch black room, which must have been my bed. God only knows what the could have done to me while I was out of it…Though it probably wouldn't have been much worse than what could be done while I was awake, I'd rather be alert and aware for my torture than out cold.

"Please Orihime, what have I told you about being so loud in the mornings? Or so happy…" I grumbled sleepily, shifting upright with much effort and a surprisingly sharp twinge of pain.

"Oh, I'm sorry Shiro, I totally forgot!" She beamed apologetically. "I'm just so happy to see you! I was so worried last night and they didn't bring you back before midnight and Ulquiorra forced me to come to bed but I wanted to see you so I stayed awake pretty much the whole night and-," she took a deep breath, ramble cut short as her misty gray eyes hardened and sobered as she looked down on my with concern, "Are you okay?"

"Hmm," I murmured, closing my eyes to think. I suppose I was fine. A little shaken but what else was new? "Don't worry, it wasn't that bad. Aizen was just Aizen, his normal arrogant, pretentious self. It wasn't how I'd choose to spend my evenings but hey, I only made it back with this." Gently I pulled the hem of my shirt up to reveal the light purpple bruise forming beneath my sternum. "Frankly, it could have been worse."

The horrified gasp Orihime let out startled me. "Oh my _God_, did he…did he…do that to you?" She cried.

"Oh no, it was just one of his bodyguards. But seriously, its alright, I've had worse." _Much worse…from someone I trusted much more._

She gapped at me, even more horrified than before. "What do you mean you've had worse, what is wrong with you? Come on, get up right now, let me put something on it before it gets worse!"

"Really Orihime, its not that ba-" Mid sentence I was unceremoniously snatched out of bed and pushed into a rather hard chair as she yanked my shirt over my head with abandon to examine my "wound" more closely. I sat there with a martyred expression and a slight blush at all the attention.

"Whew." A low whistle sounded from the doorway that garnered both of our attentions. Wriggling away from her soft hands, I peeked around the side of the chair to see Starrk leaning against the door with a lazy smile and mischievous droopy eyes. "Does Ulquiorra know about what's going on in here?"

"What are you talking about?" I muttered, flopping back into the chair as Orihime chirped a hello before returning to her task.

"Well it looks like you're half naked with his girlfriend anxiously on her knees in front of you. Looks kind of…scandalous," he winked at us playfully.

I glanced at him dryly. "Oh yeah that was my plan all along. To infuriate the top Yakuza boss in Japan into kidnapping me so I could infiltrate his organization and seduce one of his emo assassin's girlfriend. Next I'll take Halibel too. I've got you all right where I want you."

Orihime blinked owlishly up at me with surprise. "Really?"

Both Starrk and I stared at her, shaking our heads when she showed no signs of joking.

"No Orihime. Now can I put my clothes back on?"

"No, I've got to put this salve on it! Starrk, please bring me the blue jar in the bathroom above the sink."

Dutifully Starrk trudged into the bathroom, returning with a small blue jar and a yawn. "What's all the fuss about anyway?"

"One of Aizen's guards injured Shiro!"

"Its Hitsugaya, not Shiro!" I growled, frustrated by all the unnecessary attention. "how many times do I have to tell you that!"

"Easy kid, or you'll pop a vessel," Starrk murmured, peeking at my chest in avid concentration. "She's right Toshiro, that looks pretty bad. What'd you do to earn one of those?"

Sighing, I grimace as the cold ointment touched my skin. "I don't know, what does it matter anyway? It happened, now can we please move on? I told you guys, I've had much worse, this is nothing."

He scoffed, flopping onto the bed to recline quite comfortably against _my_ pillows, which slightly irritated me. "Not to be condescending but where would a cute little thing like you get worse bruises than that? I don't really see you as the kind that goes looking for fights."

I froze, eyes snapping to Starrk's gun metal gray cautiously. He starred me down for a second before his eyebrows shot up in understanding. I stood, walking over to the dresser quietly to retrieve a new shirt. The room got deadly silent as realization his him like a ton of bricks and he frowned in disapproval.

"Ah….I see."

Turning on him, I clenched my fist, ready to defend Gin against the barrage of insults that were sure to come. "Look its not as bad as yo-"

"Hey," he held up a hand slowly, "What you and Gin do behind closed doors is none of my business. You don't have to justify it to me."

"I know that," I snapped. My anger deflated as he looked at me calmly. "I…I just don't want you to think he's some kind of abusive crazy or-"

"Really, I'm not one to judge. Obviously you'd get back together with him in a heartbeat and if you were in danger or something I'm sure you'd tell either me or Orihime. And if not, you're a big boy. I'm not your parent so you'll have to sort it out yourself. I'm just here to lend an ear. And keep you from running, of course." He slanted a smile at me.

However, Orihime looked uneasy at best. Her eyes flashed with concern and curiosity as she took in the conversation. "Shiro-chan…do you…do you _like it_ when he…hits you?"

I paled once again, turning to stare aimlessly out the window. "Maybe. Not really." I sighed, turning back to her slowly. "Honestly, I don't really know."

She nodded, biting her bottom lip in thought. "Well then…do you actually think this is something normal and healthy?"

At the word "normal," I was ready to snap at her and bit her head off completely. There it was, that twinge of judgment. Who the hell was she to judge what was normal? Who were either one of them to question me like this. My gaze flickered to Starrk, ready to tell both of them off but then, I noticed the same glow in their eyes. There was a hint of something marring their expressions that I couldn't quite place but I knew it didn't belong there. There was something overly emotional and…endearing about this whole moment. It almost felt like they were actually worried about me, which was ridiculous. They barely knew me at all and as far as they were concerned I should be looked at as a captive and nothing more. It felt like I was the only one missing out on a big secret but at the same time, I was a part of it. The feeling was enough to quell my anger.

"No," I replied tiredly. "I suppose not. Actually no, I know for sure we're not 'normal' but…it works for us."

"Hmm" Starrk quipped, "I learn something new every day. You really are something special, kid."

"What the hell is that supposed to me?"

"Well, frankly I know Gin. He's a handful. For you to be this crazy about him is just unimaginable. Love really is blind."

Frowning, I seated myself on the edge of the bed, thinking again. "I guess so. Well it doesn't matter. I'm never going to see him again so this is all just a moot point. Even I know when to cut my losses and accept fate."

"Don't let Aizen's bullshit babble about fate get to you Toshiro." Suddenly, his voice was serious, making me look up in surprise. "This thing has only just begun. Nothing is written in stone."

For a minute I felt like he was trying to tell me something of infinite importance and he seemed to be waiting for me to catch on. But then, I let it go, tired all over again and just plain weary of this situation. My emotions were all over the place. It made it hard to look for all these little hidden clues I knew I should be looking for. Instead, I slopped back lifelessly onto the bed, gazing at the ceiling.

"I'm tired of this. I want to sleep."

"Isn't that what you do everyday?" Starrk retorted. I snatched a pillow away from him in retribution.

"Ignore him, Shiro, Starrk just like to tease. Don't worry, we can laze around all day if you want. I'll call up breakfast!"

"Oh hell," Starrk groaned, pulling himself upright with a sigh. "I knew there was something I forgot."

"What?"

He sighed again, scratching the back of his neck tensely. "I hate to be the barer of bad news but…Aizen requests your presence in the dining hall for breakfast. Both of you."

Closing my eyes, I screamed inwardly and hoped the bed would just swallow me whole. As much as I wanted to fight it, I could see these request from Aizen becoming a pattern. It was a routine I was sure would only bring more trouble the longer it went on.

**Also, for those of you who read both this story and APFYT, I just thought I'd give you a heads up that I plan on updating that soon as well! My neglect for that story is worse than this. =/ But fear not, it isnt abandoned. Its just so hard to write two stories at once! Props to all the writers that can juggle like 5 at a time _. I love you guys and (hopefully) I'll be back soon. Thanks for all the reviews by the way! I feel super loved and for all the new reviewers, you guys rock my socks. e=Hehehe. It feels good to open my mailbox and see a bunch of new reviews. Feel free to tell me whatever is on your mind about this chapter and where this story is going. CIAO!**

**P.S.- I'm thinking of taking down the first couple of chapters that were separated into two parts, editing them and reposting them as one. What do you guys think? Should I bother or does no one care if they look messy and scattered? =/  
**


	23. A Bitter Brunch

**Oh my gosh...Guys. Guys. GUISE I am soooo sorry. It has been eternity since I updated this story. I'm really sorry. My excuse is the same as usual: I've been busy. Sad part is, I have nothing to show for it aside from some bags under my eyes. Ugh. I am going to finish this story so please bare with me and my terribly slow updates. Please personally thank QueenofCitrus for reminding me like every. week. to update. lol. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING MY MUSE WHEN MY REAL MUSE WAS ON SABBATICAL. This chapter is for you ^_^ *sigh* Sidenote: To the wonderful reader who decided to PM me and say they loved stories liek this just not mine because it was too painful or whatever, I'd like to say..."If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all." What is really the point of telling me that you dont like my story? There is a little red box in the upper right hand corner of your screen that you can click and it will go away. Smh. Unnecessary. Also, someone told me they didnt like it because Toshiro was OoC. Okay then fair enough. Let me give a disclaminer.**

**WARNING: Due to writer's avid imagination and the direction she wants this story to go, Toshiro and Gin will be a little ( and at times A LOT) OUT OF CHARACTER. Dont like? Dont Read. Sorry for any pain it may cause your mind but the story is not canon or rigidly fit to their personalities.**

**Now, everyone, please feel free to read the next chapeter of Lock and Key, entitled:**

_~~ A Bitter Brunch~~_

"Shiro-kun, please don't be nervous" Orihime chirped cheerfully, concern peppering her tone even as she turned her bright smile towards me.

"Stop saying that. I'm not nervous" I ground out, nails biting into the palms of my hand as I balled my fist tighter.

"But, Shiro-kun, you haven't unclenched your fist since we left the room and you're still frowning! It'll be alright. At least we get to go in together…"

Had I clenched my teeth any harder, they would have snapped from the pressure. As much as I was trying not to turn my unease into misguided anger, Orihime's optimism was positively pissing me off. "Orihime. I'm not sure who it is you're trying to fool but whether you're here or not makes little to no difference."

She pouted as we rounded the corner, getting dreadfully closer to the dining hall. "You're going go gray early if you keep up this pessimistic point of view. You have to look on the bright side!"

"And what bright side would that be? The kidnapping? The black out inducing gut punches? Or maybe the homicidal yakuza boss who seems intent on torturing me for no other reason than the fact that he can do it? I'm sorry but I _just cant_ seem to find the silver lining in any of that."

Striding up to the doors, I took a deep breath steeling myself for whatever it was Aizen had to throw at me. My stomach quivered and my palms were sweaty with a nervousness I would never admit to Orihime. It border lined on a panic attack. Even though Orihime seemed please that we would be attending this breakfast together, to me it was a curse. I wasn't scared of Aizen. He had ruined my life and if he wanted to continue to destroy whatever semblance of peace I had formed for myself, then so be it. Its was as much as I expected when I agreed to come here with him. What made me uneasy was that Orihime would be present for the whole thing. She would see what buttons he needed to push, where all my weak spots were, what brought me to tears. She would see my defeat; she would see me weak. And the only thing I hated more than Aizen was the idea of one more person being privy to the absolute freak show he was turning my life into.

Just as I was reaching for the door, soft fingers curled around mine in a surprisingly firm grasp. I slanted Orihime a confused look, only to be stunned by the sudden severity of her expression.

"Toshiro," She sighed, squeezing my hand just a little bit tighter. "If you're going to survive while you're here, your going to have to learn how to fake it."

"Look, I can handl-"

She squeezed my fingers a little tighter, boring into my eyes with a surprisingly desperate stare. "No, _listen _to me Toshiro. The only way to make it out of here alive is to _fake _it. You haven't seen the worst of what Aizen can do yet. He is a monster. He will look for your weaknesses and prey on them until there's nothing left. You cannot show him that you are rattled, that you're scared, that you're worried, that you're frazzled. Nothing. You need to beat him at his own game. You need to need to lie and most of all _you need to have hope_."

Unable to speak, I stared at her, blinking like an idiot. Orihime never failed to surprise me with her sudden bouts of insight and I would appreciate it…had it not thrown me completely off balance. Right now, I needed my best game face on before I saw Aizen, not a muddled mind trying to sort through her words. The way she phrased it, how she said things…it struck that same strange cord with me that make me feel as though she was on my side. As if she wasn't the enemy. It rattled me. I didn't want to have any hope. I didn't want to believe in anything anymore. However before I had time to stutter out a response, she grabbed the door herself and threw them open, vaulting us inside. I had to squint to see through the blinding white light that was flowing through the room, my eyes slowly adjusting to the new lighting. The wide, sprawling room held the same table that was now filled with a banquet of foods, each delicious in sight and smell. Yet I felt nauseous. The glorious display did nothing to mar the pompous smirk that sat upon Aizen's face at the head of the table. A sudden flash of hate ran through me and I couldn't stop myself from wishing that he lied on that table instead, baked, cooked and absolutely dead. I absentmindedly noted Grimmjow standing besides him, a grin of expectation painted across his face.

"How nice of you two to finally join me. I was beginning to think you had gotten lost on your way to breakfast," He hummed thoughtfully, laughter and annoyance peppering his tone.

Before I could snarl a response Orihime glanced at me again, stepping forward with a bow. "Gomenasai, Aizen-sama. We lost track of time after Starkk-sama relayed your message to us. We didn't mean to keep you waiting."

Aizen didn't even glance at her, seeming to ignore her words as his hot eyes bored down onto me. "I am glad to see you up and about, Toshiro. I was afraid Tanaka had inflicted serious damage to you last night. Are you feeling well?"

I glanced at Orihime, her eyes glinting with her unspoken message. So I pulled a tight smile that looked more like a sneer, seeing as how I couldn't unclench my teeth. "Just peachy."

He smiled brighter, leaning back in his chair with that air of arrogant ease I despised. "Excellent. Come, have a seat. We have so much to discuss."

"Do we? I thought I got the general idea of how this is going to go, Aizen. There's really nothing left for me to say to you."

His eyes tracked me like a hawk as Orihime and I walked to the table. "Why that's just not true - not there Orihime" he stated, finally acknowledging her presence as she tried to sit next to me. "Why don't you sit on this side? I like to see your face framed in the morning light. It makes you look positively radiant."

Orihime's eyes nervously shifted between the two of us, flickering across the seat next to Grimmjow, before she deigned to listen to him, moving to the complete opposite side of the table. As soon as she sat he leaned low, whispering vilely in her ear:

"Morning, bitch tits. Come to see the show?"

She tensed visibly, shifting her eyes back to Aizen, who seemed to be ignoring them again. "Its just breakfast. That's all. Toshiro's not going to fall for any of his tricks, Grimmjow, so you can stop salivating like a savage. There will be no show."

"Ya really think so huh?" he rumbled, already pulling away to smirk at her nastily. "If that was true…I wouldn't be here, now would I?"

Orihime's eyes widened in fear, shooting a worried glance at me, but I was unmoved. I may not have know what Grimmjow's specialty was as an Espada, but from the look of him, I could tell one thing: he was built for destruction. He wasn't here as any off handed guard. He was here as the brawn, as an enforcer. I slight shiver rolled down my spine as I watched him flex in anticipation.

"As I was saying Toshiro," Aizen smiled, leaning closer to me as I was seated. "While we may have briefly spoken, we are far from finished. There are so many things I have left to ask you."

A servant came in serving tea to each of us, briefly interrupting conversation as our plates were filled before they exited the room quietly. "Questions? For me? Sorry to disappoint you Aizen but I'm not as interesting as you would think. Anything you would want to know, you probably knew from the start. I mean, isn't that the whole point of spying on people? Information?"

"Very true. Yet, I'm sure you'll be glad to know there were many things even my illustrious Espada could not uncover about you, little Hitsugaya."

"Such as?" I ground out, bringing my cup to my lips. Maybe the tea would settle my stomach. Grimmjow's presence certainly wasn't helping my nerves.

He smiled, taking a sip from his own mug with a thoughtful expression. "For starters, what is your favorite sexual position with Gin?"

Orihime's fork clattered to the table and she let out a little gasp just as I choked on a mouthful of chamomile tea. Grimmjow cackled loudly. To Aizen's credit, only he had the decency to look unperturbed, even as his smirk widened in the palm of his hand.

"You'll have to excuse me Hitsugaya, I did not mean to startle you. Aside from my dealings with Orihime- chan," his mirthful gaze flickered over here gently before trailing back to my heated face, "I rarely get the chance to relish in delicate conversation. When it comes to my organization, subtleties get you nowhere."

I closed my eyes, counting back to 10 even as heat continued to rush to my face, from embarrassment and anger. Orihime's words played in my head like a broken record, urging me to keep up the calm façade. It was just…the two topics of sex and Aizen being discussed in the same room at the same time seemed like terribly dangerous ground to tread. It made me uneasy. It made me feel disgusted. It made me feel enraged. My eyes flashed open, glowing with anger as I stared him down.

"I can just imagine," I bit out coldly, realizing I was failing my exercise in keeping a cool head. Something about Aizen just sent me spiraling into an uncontrollable rage. I took a deep breath, willing myself to be at ease and put on the most pleasant smile I could manage. "But you'll have to excuse me, and I say this with the utmost amount of respect, but that's none of your _goddamn business."_

"Toshiro-" Orihime started, only to be silenced by a slight raise of the palm from Aizen.

"Perhaps you're right. I should have given you fair warning so as to prepare you for the question. It would have been less crude and much more tactful. However, now that we're on the subject, would you feel more comfortable talking about orgasms?"

My eyes flashed again, glancing over at Orihime's flushed and worried face. So much for this being more enjoyable if we went in together. She looked positively uncomfortable. I stared him down again, willing him to stop. "How about not."

He continued ruthlessly, smiling at me calmly as he continued. " Perhaps I should have been more specific. Does Gin make you orgasm quickly or slowly? How many have you had in a row? Does he like to come inside of you or do you prefer it on those lovely lips of yours?"

My stomach reeled and I had to dig my fingers into the table to keep from bolting. I didn't want to be here. "Stop it."

"Things like what face you make as Gin enters you, how you like to be touched, how much you bled during your first time…they're all very interesting topics we have yet to-"

"And why in the world would you think you have any right to know that…?"

He laughed lightly, brown eyes heating slowly. "For future reference, of course."

I snapped, flinging my cup down onto the marble floor with a loud clash as I stood to sneer at him over the table. "Cut the bullshit and just fuck off, you pig!"

He tutted softly, looking down at the broken shards with a frown. "Ah Hitsugaya. We have got to work on that temper of yours."

"And _you_ should work on your fucking manners!" I snapped, feeling my anger levels bolster as my temper flew right off the charts. "You have got to be out of your mind if you think that I'm going to sit here for another minute and endure anymore of this… this, this _garbage!_ I_ will not _play these games with you_, so just fuck off_."

"It would be best for you to mind your language when you are speaking to me."

I sneered at him, shaking with rage at his condescending tone. How dare he take judgment on me when he was sitting there asking me about my sex life like it was an everyday topic? How dare he pretend to be anything more than a vile pervert? "Why? Isn't that what you want to hear about? About how we _fuck_?" I snipped, bearing my teeth at him viciously. "Well I've got news for you, if you've got the gall to sit there and ask me about _my_ sex life, you better have the balls to use the proper words for it. Don't ask me about Gin's ejaculating patterns or our favorite sexual position. Ask me how he _fucks._ Ask me about how he likes to shove his _cock_ into me, about how he makes me _cum_ and just how much he loves it when I _lick it all up_, you disgusting, arrogant pervert!"

He smiled easily, looking at me with a glint of danger in his eyes. "Do you enjoy getting yourself into trouble Hitsugaya?"

"No. I just enjoy watching you try to live vicariously though Gin. Newsflash: you're not him."

"Hitsugaya please-" Orihime started again, desperately this time as she too stood, napkin wringing nervously in her hands. Grimmjow moved to pull her back into her seat but Aizen waved him off with a curious expression. "Please, just sit. Remember what I said!" I wanted to listen to her with every fiber of my being, but when I looked at his smug face, it was all I could do not to scream.

"I-I'm trying its just…" I whispered, trying to calm myself, but it was all shot to hell as he spoke again.

"Perhaps you should listen to your little friend, Hitsuyaga. Its would be best for you to take a seat."

"You, stay out of this!" I cried, turning on him angrily. "All you want to do is control me! You would love for me to jump at your every word, wouldn't you? Well I've got news for you, I'm done taking orders, especially from the likes of you! I've been doing as I've been told for far too long and look where it got me! Kidnapped by a narcissistic Yakuza boss with an inferiority complex for his subordinate and an obsession with his lover!"

"Do you honestly believe that I envy Gin?"

"Why else would you be doing all of this, if you didn't?"

He smiled radiantly, strumming his fingers on the table playfully. "For the sheer fun of it."

I could feel my muscles bunching, ready to pounce on him, and rip his throat out like a wild beast, at the slightest provocation. For fun. He had ruined my life and turned my world inside out _for fun?_ We'll we'd see how fun it was when I had his beating heart in the palm of my hand. I had never felt such a violent hatred before. It consumed me, giving me a heady feeling of bloodlust as I nearly hissed at him in fury. "Well then…god forbid I should get in the way of your fun. In my current mood, I know I wouldn't be very good company, so I'll be returning to me rooms. If you'll excuse me…" I growled, turning on my heels to stalk away before I did something really, really stupid.

"I will only tell you to sit one more time Hitsugaya. After that, only you will be accountable for the repercussions."

I don't know what possessed me to say it - whether it was fatigue, anger or madness- but somewhere inside of me, a well of deep rooted hatred swelled up and flooded my ears. It blinded me and turned my body hot and feverish with hate. I turned back on him with a condescending smile and before I could stop it, it bubbled to my lips in a voice I barely recognized as my own, "Don't you wish you could make me."

Aizen relaxed further in his seat, smiling broadly before giving an almost imperceptible nod to Grimmjow. The bulking mass of pure brawn moved faster than I thought he would, lunging forward with a laugh. I flinched, tensing in anticipation… for a hit that never came. Instead, I heard heavy foot steps in the other direction. My eyes flashed open, catching the fast movement as he turned and pounced on Orihime, snatching her up by the back of her neck and, with another nod from Aizen, he slammed her down onto the floor. Her scream echoed eerily throughout the hall, only to be cut off by the sickening smack of her face hitting the hard marble floor. I flinched, body jerking to life as I made to reach for her but a glance at Aizen made me stop. He looked…expectant. I forced myself to remain stock still, a grimace of pain stretched over my face. Orihime's words flashed back through my head.

"_He will look for your weaknesses and prey on them until there's nothing left."_

Yes, my weakness. He was always pushing and prodding and here he had found my weakness. I could try to tell myself I didn't care for Orihime. I could snip at her and bare my teeth at her chipper moods but since the first time I'd seen her, she'd already wormed her way under my skin. I always had a rather soft spot for air headed women and sweet girls. I felt protective over them, I befriended them, I cared for them…and that was a problem. I couldn't afford to care for anyone here. Any ties I made would be used against me, I knew that from the very beginning. And so did Aizen. Looking at her there on the floor, I tried to see her as a stranger, a casualty on the enemy's side. Biting down on my tongue, I managed to hold back my pained words and stared at Aizen with what I hoped were empty eyes.

"Toshiro, today we are going to be working on your behavior" he rumbled softly. "The lesson is, when I say to do something, you do it. It is as simple as that. Do not think for one moment that I will continue to allow you to speak to me anyway you please. You have been nothing but rude and ungrateful since the moment you arrived. It has been a magnanimous test of my patience. Now, it is time you learn your place. From now on, you are to address me with nothing less than the utmost amount of respect, Hitsugay, for I will accept nothing less. Not only must the tantrums and the attitude stop, but your language is beginning to become quite a bother. If you want to act like a child, you will be treated and punished like one as well. Do I make myself clear?"

I ground my teeth together painfully, my eyes clenching shut as I weighed my options. I could do what he wanted, bend to his will, roll over, and be the obedient puppy he wanted me to be. I could let him have his way with me, play nice and make this easier on myself as he encroached further into the few frayed pieces of sanity I had left. I could give him the last tattered pieces of my life that I was barely holding onto by a thread. Or I could fight. I could go down kicking and screaming and fighting for everything I knew I had already lost. I would _not_ give him the satisfaction. If he wanted me pliant he would have to get it the hard way.

Slowly, I lifted my gaze, fixing him with an indifferent frown. "And if I don't?"

Aizen raised a brow, appraising me carefully. Shifting his eyes, he nodded again to Grimmjow, who hefted Orihime off the floor by the back of her hair. I kept my face blank as she winced and gasped in pain.

"Well that's here's the catch. I am going to ask you my questions. Whether you deem them appropriate or not, you will answer and you will do so respectfully. However, every time you fail to answer one, Orihime will be punished. A whipping boy of sorts, you might say."

My heart clenched painfully as I watched his grip tighten exponentially in her hair. I shouldn't care. I _didn't _care. But it was just so hard to hear her cry out in pain…Steeling myself, I continued to stare, forcing apathy into my eyes.

"That would be a good plan…if I gave a damn. I barely know her, Aizen. What really makes you think I care?"

He laughed with a reverberating deep timber that sent ants crawling down my spine. "How correct you are! I suppose there's only one way to find out." Aizen flicked his fingers quickly at Grimmjow again.

"Uh, Aizen, please stop! I - AHHH!" Orihime shrieked as he backhanded her, sending her spiraling back to the floor.

Adrenaline ripped through me and my muscles twitched with the urge to go to her side. I stood still through sheer will alone. But I couldn't stop the sneer that spread across my face.

"She's not my problem, Aizen."

"Good. Then another demonstration shouldn't hurt."

A resounding smack echoed through the room as Orihime suffered another heavy handed slap, this time leaving her in tears as her face began to swell. I stood firm, glaring with all the fury I could muster. If looks could kill, Aizen would burst into flames, roasting in the heat of my rage and I spit on his glowing remains. Yet, instead of flames, I saw mirth as he smiled and flicked his fingers again. Grimmjow yanked her by the neck of her shirt, twisting her to face him full on.

"Stop it, please!" She whispered brokenly. "Aizen, _DON'T!"_

Holding her firmly by the hair, he slapped her once, twice, three times…back and forth until her screams turned into senseless blubbering that made my skin crawl. I tried to be cold. I tried to be hard and heartless like I knew Gin would be if he were here. He would stay strong, he would let the girl die if he had to…But I wasn't Gin. I was Toshiro and there was only so obstinate I could be. If I stood here and allowed her to be beaten senseless, I knew I would never be to sleep another night without her battered face in my mind. When Grimmjow slapped her again, she cried out and a stream of blood flew from her lips. My resolve cracked.

"Stop it."

Aizen quirked a brow, frown marring his elegant features softly. "Stop? Why? She is after all just another acquisition. Worthless, useless. Absolutely replaceable. And of course, she means nothing to you. It shouldn't matter." He lifted his hand again and I flinched as another hit landed.

"I think Ulquiorra would beg to differ."

"Ulquiorra knows where his loyalties lie and what is feasible for him to change and what is not. He cannot go against my will. If I wanted to kill her right now, I could and he could nothing more than watch on in silence. Like you."

He smiled brightly, showing his pearly teeth before flicking his fingers again. She screamed and I broke down, clenching my eyes shut and squeezing my fist together until I thought they would bleed. I couldn't look anymore.

"Stop! Goddamnit, just stop it!"

"Ah ah ah, language Hitsugaya." Another hit fell and I snarled loudly, covering my ears from the pitch of her cries.

" You fucking miserable sadist, you're going to kill her!"

"I can see now why you were so much trouble for Gin. You are absolutely incorrigible. Perhaps…I too will have to beat the rebellion out of you. But first…" he muttered, a dark look crossing his face as he turned back to Orihime.

I couldn't stand one more blow, to see one more drop of blood fall from her delicate, bruised lips. She would not suffer for me. I couldn't let her. Just as he raised his hand again, I sprung forward, throwing myself across her trembling frame.

"Alright, stop!" I screeched, near tears as I tensed for the blow. "I'll do it, so just stop."

"Ahh, and so Hime, the knight in shining armor arrives. I knew you were in there somewhere."

"…..What did the hell did you just call me?" I snapped, forgetting my promise instantly. Hime. He called me Hime…and it made my stomach roll with anger and…nostalgia. It hurt to hear that word fall from his mouth, in such a nasty tone. The timber of the voice was all wrong, the inflection behind the name misplaced and smudged. He had no right to call me that. He had no right to say my name, _his_ name for me. That was a relic from the past, from a history that he would never understand and he had no right to try and pry into. I wanted to howl like a banshee. "Don't you _dare_, ever, for the rest of your miserable life even _THINK _to call me that ever again! You good for nothing do-" The words were barely out of my mouth before I was unceremoniously kicked from Orihime by Grimmjow's boot. The second kick connected with her stomach with a smack that had her doubled over with a bit off scream. I could see her eyes swim with the pain as she spit up more blood.

I turned on Grimmjow next. "Get away from her you bastard! Don't you touch her!"

I was on my feet, racing to her side but I wasn't faster than Grimmjow. He heisted her up quickly, spinning her out of my reach as he crushed her against the wall in his powerful grasp. She weakly pounded her soft fist against his chest as his grip tightened on her throat.

"What was that, ya little shit?" Grimmjow grinned manically. "Say one more fucking word and your pathetic bitch friend over here gets her windpipe crushed. Or you think you can take me down before I snap her neck like a twig?"

I hissed, wishing I could spit venom at him. "Do you feel strong when you pick on those weaker than you, Grimmjow? Does it make you feel like a _man_?"

His grip tightened again out of reflex and Orihime made a sound that could only be described as a wimper. She looked about ready to pass out. "You fuckin faggot, I'll show you who's a man when I beat the shit out of you till-"

"Enough," Aizen spoke calmly. He didn't even have to raise his voice, yet the room fell deadly silent. "Oh poor Toshiro. Look how you've blown this whole ordeal out of proportion."

'How I've blow it out of ….? I didn-"

"I said enough. Now unless you'd like to witness young Orihime's death first hand," He spoke coldly, eyes passing over her blue face, "I suggest you begin to cooperate."

I looked at her again, desperate to have her out of that maniac's arms. I tried to think of some way I could save her and still save my pride, but there was none.

" Fine," I whispered. "I'll do whatever you say, anything, just don't hit her anymore…you've won. I'll tell you anything you want, Aizen."

"Try Aizen-sama. It sounds more appropriate, don't you think?"

I wanted to cry or scream but instead a croak came out. "I'll tell you anything you want, _Aizen-sama_._"_

He laughed a warm laugh, sounding absolutely tickled. "Ah, let her go Grimmjow. I think our friend here has come to a realization."

"You sure," He grunted "I could finish her right fucking now."

"Another time, Grimmjow, another time."

Grimmjow snarled once more then let her drop to the floor. I couldn't tell if she was conscious or not. I crawled over to her, pulling her face into my hands.

"Orihime, Orihime are you alright?"

One of her eyes were swollen shut, the rest of her face battered and brusied. She licked her lips, crusted with blood, gently. "I-I'm okay To-toshiro. I-I've had worse," she smiled, throwing my own words back at me.

I smiled back softly, but the smile fell almost instantaneously. This was my fault. I could deal with the pain my own stubbornness bore when it only affected me, but to have Orihime reduced to this…it saddened me beyond words. What would I do from here on out? Now that she was a part of this, I had two lives to worry about.

"I'm going to get you help, okay?"

"I-its alright, really. I'm just a little…worse for wear."

I smiled again, touched by her show of bravery. Then I turned to Aizen with a glare.

"Ask me what you want, quickly, so I can get her to a doctor."

"Ahh, I think you're forgetting something…"

I frowned bitterly, the words tasting sour on my tongue. "Ask me, please, Aizen-sama."

"Hmm," he hummed happily, closing his eyes in delight. "So many questions, where to begin…" I waited patiently, imagining all the ways he could be disemboweled where he sat. "Let us start with the original question: the favorite position."

"Every position," I shot back quickly. "He's good at them all."

He hummed again, nearly laughing at my expression. "Does he use toys on you?"

"When he feels like it."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Yes."

"Has he ever tied you up?"

"Yes."

"Made you bleed during sex? Hurt you, slapped you, been overly rough with you?"

I could feel the color drain from my face, memories flashing through my mind. "Yes."

"And did you like that as well?"

I swallowed, turning my face to look down at Orihime in shame. "…Yes. Anything, everything he's ever done to me, I loved it all. I enjoyed it because it was him and because it was what he wanted. If he wanted to make love to me then light me on fire I would probably let him do it because He. Was. My. Everything. I only wanted to make him happy and even if it hurt me, as long as it was what he wanted, I wanted it too. I loved him."

"Disgusting faggot" Grimmjow whispered behind me, making me feel even more low.

It was so embarrassing to admit my shame to these people, to hear my silent ravings voiced out loud. I realized I sounded completely crazy, but in reality it wasn't like that. Our love was something pure that couldn't be defined with words. It was something you had to be a part of or you just wouldn't understand. No, they would never understand it…

"Do you still love him?" Aizen muttered gravely.

"…Yes."

"Well, perhaps you'd like to know…that your sweet beloved Gin never thought as much of you as you did of him. You may think that I'm an intruder, over stepping my bounds but I'm as a part of your relationship with Gin as you are a part of mine. Because every night, when you were writhing beneath him, calling his name, I still lingered on his skin."

I looked up, disbelief coloring my face. "What?"

He smiled, closing his eyes as though remembering something intimate and sweet. "Yes, Toshiro, he was just as much mine as he was yours. I can remember the way his skin felt, covered in sweat and fevered with lust just as you do, perhaps even better. I know the way his lips taste in the throws of passion, like tobacco and heat and something else distinctly Gin. You've tasted it too, haven't you?" His eyes flew open and pierced me with their dark, chocolatey brown color. I gasp, unconsciously letting Orihime fall from my grip slightly.

"Stop it. You're lying."

"Am I? How else could I know about that scar on the top of his right thigh or the slash behind his knee? I was there for that fight you know. He was shot, and I was there as they patched his leg up. And when he healed, I was there to kiss his wounds and hold him. I've been between his thighs and I've seen the way he tenses just before he comes, that cute way his eyes close tightly and his nose scrunches up, how he bites down on your shoulder right as he-"

"STOP IT!" I howled, my voice breaking at the end. My eyes were wide, terrified but unseeing as I stared at his face. "It's not true. You're lying, just like you always do. Its not true…"

"Isn't it? How would you know? You know _nothing_ about him, Toshiro, nothing. He's hidden everything else from you, why not this too?"

"Because he loved me! He would never…he _could never_ do that to me. Not with you. He couldn't…he was mine…"

Aizen laughed, delighted as my world began to crumble all over again. I could feel the tears building behind my eyes, the sharp prickle that signaled my inevitable sobbing. Gin couldn't have been with Aizen. He was with me every night, in my arms, in my bed. He _loved me_.

"Love is an easy thing to fabricate, Toshiro. Trust me, I would know. I helped him do it."

"Why! Why would he go through all that trouble, just to fool me! It doesn't make sense! You're a bad liar, Aizen, and you'll never convince me he didn't love me. He wasn't with you, I know it."

He rose, walking over to me with a nearly cat-like poise, to squat to my eye level. His eyes roved my face slowly, boring into me, like he could poke around and find the answer to what would break me, what he had to do to see me fall.

"Of course not, little Hitsugaya. I really am a terrible liar." He rose suddenly, turning to a servant who had suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Call Asahina to clear the table and fetch me Szayel. I wouldn't want Orihime-chan to expire in our dining hall. It's unseemly."

"Toshiro," Orihime whispered, "You have to get me out of here. Ulquiorra…he cant see me like this…"

I bit my lip hesitantly. "Szayel is on his way, will he be able to help?"

She shivered visibly but nodded. "Its better than nothing. He's Aizen's personal doctor."

"Can you stand?" She nodded again and I helped her to her feet, bringing her to the closest chair.

"Come along Grimmjow, we are done here," Aizen called as he walked further towards the back entrance of the room. Grimmjow only huffed, ambling away slowly, but not before he flexed again, sneering at the two of us.

"Its only a matter of time before he lets me take you out, fairy."

"Go fuck yourself," I hissed, squeezing Orihime's hand tightly.

"Oh and Toshiro," Aizen muttered calmly, leaning against the door frame with a gentle smile. "Did you know that Gin likes to give little trinkets to all of his lovers?"

"…Trinkets?"

"Yes, things of the precious stone variety. I'm sure you've gotten one during some course of your relationship. Correct?"

I thought back to so long ago on my birthday, when he had given me that ruby necklace, which I almost never wore because it was too wonderful to be taken out of the jewelry box I had locked it in. "No, I don't know what you're talking about," I said through clenched teeth.

"Really? How curious…" He muttered again, turning away. "I guess you didn't make the cut." He threw up his right hand, beckoning Grimmjow to follow him and I gasped. Seated on the middle finger of his right had was a heavy platinum band. It had an intricate design, with vines swirling across it, in gold and silver, making it look like a wreath…and in the middle of it sat a sparkling ruby. A ruby was a ruby, there were millions like them all over the world. But I don't know if it was because of the doubt he had planted in my mind or if I was losing it but for some reason, it got the feeling that it was completely identical to mine.

**I dont know when I'm going to update again but feel free to PM me, bug me and physically threaten me if necessary. Theyre all good reminders. I love reviews and to everyone who just started reading or put my story on alert I LOVE YAH! *KISSES FOREVER!* I wanted to upload this as quickly as possible so it may have some typos but once again, bare with me and I'll come back and fix them later. Ciao!**


	24. The Aftermath

_**HELLO LOVLIES!**_** Will you look at this, I've updated in a timely manner *high five to self* I dont think anyone understands just how much I want to finish this story or just how busy I am. Ugh its so frustrating to have a boat load of things to do that you dont want to, and no time to do what you love. Anyway, thank you to everyone who PMed me and reminded/begged/threatened (lo) me until I updated and special shot out to SirenShadow and QueenofCitrus ^_^ My personal, biweekly reminders lol. Blah, anyway, I'm going to go work on a next chapter, so I can keep updating and become the author I once was and make all my readers proud! Here is the next chapter of Lock and Key, entitled: **

_~~ The Aftermath~~_

Although it took me a couple of days to realize what I was feeling and once I did, it settled like a stone in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't that I thought myself invincible, it was just that it had been so long since I had to experience it. My life had become a series of well plotted games and strategic plans with one goal in mind: control. But it was never about me being in control, it was about Gin and his insecurities and his games played by his rules, yet I'd never felt like I lost anything. When Gin was happy, I was happy, it was as simple as that. So, really, I had never lost to anyone in my life. Which is why the wave of defeat that crashed through me was such a problem. I didn't like defeat; it was foreign to me.

I tossed uncomfortably in the confines of my quilt, turning to face the stark white walls with what I assumed were bloodshot eyes. I hadn't slept properly in days. For some reason, every time I closed my eyes, the sheer whiteness of this place followed me, giving me nightmares. I always dreamed that I was alone in a massive white room. Then suddenly, the room would start closing in on me, getting smaller and smaller until suddenly there was nothing left. It was like being smudged out, erased. It was like I never existed. A shiver ran down my back at the thought and brutally, I dug my fingers into the bed, blinking as I tried to shake the image from my mind. There seemed to be no peace for me anymore. There was too much for me to think about, too much for me to do. Between hovering anxiously at Orihime's bedside, contemplating Aizen's next move, and my own muddled thoughts, it had been more than two weeks since I'd slept a full hour. However, I didn't really want to. I needed to think of a way to save myself and Orihime and fast. The only bright side to all of this was Orihime's fast recovery. Grimmjow had really done a number on her, but she would live. All the superficial wounds had faded, leaving yellowish bruised and purple scratched that would fade with time as well. With no concussions or broken bones, Szayel thought she'd be up and running in the next few days. She had been so bad that first day, pale and weak. It was something I couldn't forget, no matter how hard I tried…

:~~~~~: (_Flashback):~~~~~:_

"Toshiro…Toshiro, please…help me…" Orihime called weakly, red slime bubbling from her lips as she leaned against the table in pain. My hands twitched anxiously, unsure of what to do.

"Sz-Szayel is on his way, right now! I'm sure he'll be able to help you way better than I ever coul-"

"That's not what I mean!" She whispered sharply, turning on me with wide, hot eyes that took me off guard. "If Szayel has his way, he'll treat me right here, knowing very well this is the first place Ulquiorra would look-" she bit off suddenly, face twisting in agony as her animated speech rattled what I assumed to be a broken rib.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. If she passed out or worse yet died on me, I would never be able to live with myself. "Take it easy, okay? I'm sure that right now, Ulquiorra would be more concerned about seeing you better than about you worrying over him. I promise, I'll try and keep him calm so Szayel can work on you."

"Noo," she whined, eyes pinched tightly shut. "You don't understand…Ulquiorra _cant_ see me like this…He'll go ballistic…" she wheezed carefully. I wanted to cut her off again but it was better to let her continue so she could stop talking all together. "You have to promise me that you'll get Szayel to treat me somewhere Ulquiorra wont look and to keep this quiet for as long as possible."

"Orihime…wouldn't you want to know if he was hurt?" I didn't feel comfortable hiding anything from Ulquiorra since I'm sure I would feel his wrath were anything to go wrong.

"Promise me," she ground out, eyes fluttering closed softly. "Promise me…please…"

"Oi. Oi! Don't pass out, don't you dare pass out on me! Oi! Oi!"

It was too late. Orihime slumped in her chair drastically. I thought my heart would jump right out of my chest. Just then, Szayel rounded the corner, eyes twinkling at her prone form with what could only be described as excitement. Szayel and I had never been in the same room together for more than an hour, let alone be alone together for longer than 5 seconds. I knew of him and I was sure he knew more about me than I cared to know. Yet, I didn't like him. Everything about him made my skin crawl. The way he moved was almost serpent like, cold and slick, like he was covered in slime. And his voice was like maggots covered in honey, sickly sweet but truly disgusting underneath. In short, he made me nauseous. I barely managed to reign in my look of disgust as he saddled closer to me than I cared for and grinned.

"Ah, Toshiro-kun, what a delight! When Aizen-sama said you required my help, I expected the worst. I'm glad to see you're in good health. Orihime on the other hand…does not look so well," he pouted with a flip of his bubblegum pink hair.

I hated the way he addressed me as though we were old buddies. Then again, I hated the way everyone here spoke to me. If they werent pitying me or trying to coddle me, they were throwing jabs and mocking me. Respect was a relic of the past, as was my dignity.

"Help her. Now."

Szayel raised a finely shaped pink eyebrow in playful surprise, but I could see annoyance at my tone in his eyes. "Bossy little thing, arent you? Well, I suppose I _should_ hurry. We wouldn't want sweet, little Orihime here to die of a concussion" his sugary voice glided out, fanning my face. "I'm not done playing with her quite yet." I couldn't hold back my frown of disgust at the way he spoke about her, like she was some sort of specimen. But before I could comment. Szayel held up a large black bag and began pulling out an array

of shiny looking instruments. Then I remembered my promise to Orihime.

"Wait!" I grabbed his had had he moved to touch her and his eyes flicked up at me in unbridled annoyance this time. The skin was soft, too soft to feel healthy and cold as ice. "We cant do this here."

He shook what I thought to be a strong grip off easily, and stood up straight, cocking a hip and twirling a circular instrument around his finger rapidly. "And why not?"

"We need to take her somewhere private. Orihime wouldn't want to be seen like this."

"Well she's in luck, no one's here," Szayel quipped and turned back to bend over her prone form. I dashed around him, shielding her body with a stubborn glare. Szayel only smiled. "You'll only make it worse if you keep delaying me. The girl means nothing to me. If she dies of brain damage it'll be your fault, not mine."

I grimaced, trying to think of a faster way to get us out of here. "Then lets move her. Fast."

"Look," he sighed dramatically, cocking his hip again. "I don't have time to play games with you and have no desire to lug this pathetic lump of flesh anywhere if you cant give a good enough reason to-"

"Ulquiorra."

Szayel suddenly snapped to attention, a hard glint flashing in his golden eyes. "What about him?"

"He cant see her like this and you know it."

"He's out on assignment."

"Yeah, well he's on his way back here right now. He spoke to Orihime just this morning and told her he'd be home before dark." I lied quickly, hoping with every fiber of my being that he would be as far away from here as possible for as long as possible. "He'll go bat shit crazy if he sees her like this and without a proper explanation, it'll look like you had something to do with it."

"Child, are you threatening me?" He smiled nauseatingly bright, but the way he predatorily leaned towards me ruined his friendly façade.

"Its not a threat. It's the truth."

We stared each other down for what seemed like eternity before suddenly, Szayel stamped his foot in impatience and cursed vehemently. My eyes widened slightly at his action, this being the first real time I had ever seen him loose that impeccable air of calm arrogance he carried with him. He looked more than put out by the idea of having to carry Orihime. He looked…worried, almost scared. I watched him closely as he tapped his chin impatiently and he made up his mind.

"Goddamn it, freaking brat and her goddamn guard dog…interrupting my work…no, cant have that…last time he broke…" Szayel mumbled incoherently to himself as I watched on.

"Can we get moving? You know, some time _today_?"

He suddenly turned on me, arrogance back on his face as he assessed me as though I were dirt on his shoe. "Don't. Rush. Me. You insignificant fly. Cant you see I'm _thinking_? Ugh." Before I could feel insulted or snap out a heated retort, Szayel pulled a small black phone from somewhere on his body and pressed a button quickly. Someone answered on the first ring. "Get your deformed ass up to the dinning hall right now, you worthless little cretin and bring Tome with you" he barked out, eyeing Orihime nastily. "We've got a cumbersome load we've got to move and fast. Prepare the day bed as well." Without so much as a goodbye, he hung up and stalked over to Orihime's other side, reaching to pull something out of his bag again.

"Hey! I said we've got to move her-"

"Silence little boy," he hissed, suddenly very pissed off. I suppose it had to do with whatever had upset him so much about Ulquiorra. "I'm simply checking her vitals. I suggest you take a seat and stay out of my way. You have been nothing but a thorn in my side since the moment I got here so sit down and shut up," he finished heatedly, muttering "…that stupid guard dog of hers…" under his breath and effectively tuning me out.

In stead of sitting, I hovered nervously around the two of them, receiving glares from Szayel every now and then as he looked up from whatever he was doing to Orihime. There seemed to be a lot of prodding and poking and touches that made her cringe unconsciously. I knew there was nothing I could do for her, but I couldn't stop jumping every time she flinched, reaching forward as though I could save her. I sighed, tucking my fingers into my armpits as I folded my arms and let the guilt sink in. Yes, I couldn't save her, but I had wanted to. I wanted to tear her out of Grimmjow's hands and rip out his throat but instead I just stood there like an inept dolt, staring at them with wide, frightened eyes. I held back another sigh, a frown etching its way onto my face. I was powerless. And it made me feel…pathetic.

Suddenly, there was a set of quick heavy footsteps- almost like a child's- and a noise that sounded like a stuck pig and a giggle mixed together. Before I could ask what that was, the strangest creatures I had even seen rounded the corner, carrying a sturdy looking stretcher between the two of them. The two men were small, round and their skin held a gray, chalky pale pallor at best. They couldn't have been more than 4 feet tall and wore dusty blue jumpsuits that clung to their distended bellies. Their hair stuck up in wild tufts and their beady black eyes shinned mischievously; they were also curiously blank, like small, bottomless pools of black ink. Yet, what was more disturbing than their appearance was the empty look on their faces, like zombies. The dead expressions and the lack of color in their tone really did make them look like walking corpses. When they opened their mouth to speak, I scowled in disgust.

"Szayel-sama, we brought the stretcher for ya," the first one croaked horribly, voice sounding oddly rough and pig-like at the same time.

The second one squealed a comment too, but it was lost in a giggle that erupted from his chest as he bounced excitedly, stretcher rattling dangerously. Again, I was repulsed as I watched their spindly, muscled gray arms bunch to keep hold of the bed. How they had carried that thing on their own was beyond me. They barely looked fit to be allowed to walk around the mansion on their own, let alone carry such a heavy object.

Suddenly, Szayel stormed over to the one who had spoken first and struck him across the face harshly. The second small man stopped his squeals, looking on with the same blank expression, but an air of concern.

"I told you to be here ten minutes ago, Onu! Do I have to manufacture you a new pair of legs for you to move faster, or do you need an entirely new brain to function right?" Szayel barked, the small man leaning back in fear.

"Sorry, Szayel-sama," he croaked again. "But Tome had ta feed Experiment 129 and hose him off. 129's rejectin' the implant…again."

Szayel's anger melted away just as quickly as it had appeared, a beatific smile forming on his face. "Well, I suppose that's a good enough reason for the delay," he muttered gaily, flipping his hair absentmindedly before flapping a hand at the two small men towards Orihime's direction. "Don't, just stand there, move her! We need to get her into the Treatment Room before she hemorrhages any further."

"Hemorrhages?" I asked, instantly rigid with all the implications of the word. Hemorrhages and internal bleeding of any sort were dangerous, I knew that at least.

"Yes, she's got a couple ruptured blood vessels on her right side and she's bleeding out quite quickly. Nothing I cant handle."

"She's…bleeding out? What are you talking about, we've got to move her now! Why didn't you say something before?"

He smiled, slinging his mysterious little black bag over his arm as the two men hefted the stretcher, now loaded with Orihime's slack form, up and began to totter away the same direction they had come from.

"Because you would have over reacted, Hitsugaya."

"Of _course_ would have! She could die!" I growled, fist clenched in anger. How could he be so nonchalant about something like this?

"Oh don't be melodramatic," He chided, turning to follow his small minions. "I've done much, much worse to her, and she's survived. Orihime is much more resilient than she looks…trust me, I would know." My stomach dropped at the cold tone he'd taken and the implication of his words. I remembered the first time I met Szayel and how Orihime had reacted to him with such a deep set hatred. As I looked at his slim, serpent-like form slither away, I felt dread fill me and wondered what exactly it was that he had done to her. "Are you coming or not?" He threw behind him, rounding the corner. I jerked forward, unwilling to step away from Orihime's side for one minute.

We passed through more obnoxiously white hallways, rooms I'd never been to before and sitting areas that were lavishly decorated but looked untouched. Orihime's eyes fluttered and a small sound of pain escaped her lips as we began to descend into a corridor that, unlike the rest of the rooms, had black brick walls and smelled of old musk. We must be headed towards the basement. In the middle of one of the brick walls was a shiny silver elevator that seemed out of place, and like all the other elevators here, seemed to have no button, but opened as soon as we stepped forward. As Orihime made another pained whimper, I felt my hand reach for her. I wanted to hold her hand and comfort her somehow but I couldn't. My unnecessary affections towards her had already caused enough trouble for the both of us.

The elevators opened and I reeled back from the piercing scream that suddenly bellowed out from the new corridor before us. Instantly, my hands clenched and I readied myself for whatever had that voice screaming out in rage and pain. Yet Szayel and the two small men seemed unperturbed. Gingerly, he stepped out of the elevator and started down the brick lined hallway as the wails of pain continued. We rounded a corner into another hallway that was lined with cages, four feet in width and height and seemingly constructed out of very strong, sharp metal. Briefly, I wondered what they were storing that would require an entire hall of cages, stacked one on top the other from floor to ceiling. The first cage closet to me was empty, but I could see a dingy sleeping palette, an old broken dish…and a fork. My stomach dropped. The wailing began anew. Swiftly, my head swung to my right and that's when I saw them. Scurrying, skulking in the very backs of the cages, where it was darkest and wettest and most obscure…were people. They looked dirty, hungry, worn, ill, and all slightly crazed. I locked eyes with one of them and he scrambled further into the cage.

"Sz-szayel…what is this place?" I stuttered out, breaking my pact with myself and grasping Orihime's hand, moving directly to her side now.

He didn't even bother to look down at me. Instead, he quickly glanced at the numbers on top of the cages and the clipboards attached to them. "My lab, of course. It's where I keep all my experiments," he replied nonchalantly, as though having human experiments was normal.

We turned another corner and I could see white at the end of the hall, signifying what I guessed was the newer, more technologically equipped part of the basement. It shined with bright, white medical lights and the piercing silver gleam of surgical equipment. The cages were larger now, and not stacked, ranging from floor to ceiling still but much more narrow. However, the screams intensified as well. Glancing up, I noticed the numbers on the cages were increasing from 100. As we neared the end of the hall, cage 129 came into view. Szayel stopped, pushing his glasses up on his nose to peer into the dark recesses of the cage curiously. The shrieking stopped and there was a soft, wet sound as a person dragged himself into view. The gasp I release came out as a dry cough instead and I reeled away from the cage as a gangly, bloody arm reached out.

"Szayel-sama. Szayel-sama, please, take it out" the creature moaned pitifully, face obscured in the darkness of the cage. The hand shook weakly, falling onto the metal bars with a thud.

"Hmm," Szayel muttered, "It looks as though he has been scratching it again. Perhaps we'll have to bind his hands as he heals next time."

The small man that had spoken before piped up in his odd croak "Ya think he'll last another trial?"

"Oh he'll last alright. He's my best subject yet. If only he would stop trying to reject the implant, I could know the real effect of those nanomites on his sight. Oh well. Looks like its back to the drawing block for him. Prep him for surgery next."

With a clang, the man threw himself at the bars and bellowed out liked a wounded animal. I almost vomited from the sight. He was extensively bandaged, aside from where he had torn off the gauze from his face and arms. The rest of him was naked and he looked emaciated at best, his chest marked with claw marks from what looked like dull nails and poorly healed incisions. Yet, what made my stomach churn was his bloody, disfigured face. The man screamed again, latching his fingers onto where his eyelids should have been for what looked like the hundredth time. What was there instead were shredded flaps of skin and the gouged flesh surrounding his eyes.

"Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ngahhhhhhhhhh! Take them out! GET THEM OUT OF ME! MY EYES. MY EYES! THEYRE TEARING MY EYES!" He shrieked, beginning to claw at his face, the wet sounds punctuated by his own gasps of pain as he tore his own flesh.

Szayel sighed wearily, as though dealing with a child throwing a tantrum. "Tome, hose him off again and then sedate him. I cannot work on Orihime with all this babble."

Without another word, he turned away from the screams and marched into the marble white corridor. I followed behind wordlessly, hand frozen in shock around Orihime's at the grotesque display I had just witnessed. Suddenly, everything clicked into place. Experiment 129's body wasn't rejecting the implant, _he_ was physically trying to get whatever they had put inside of him out…with his bare hands. And I had witnessed it first hand. Another flash of realization sparked through me as I swallowed in fear. Aizen had wanted me to come down here with Szayel, to see this monstrosity he called "experimentation." He wanted to punish me through Orihime and then scare me into obedience by showing me the only other option there was to being his lapdog: I would become Szayel's personal lab rat. Oh, and the displayed had worked. As I put on my best front, shoving one foot in front of the other as we steered Orihime into what looked like an operating room, all I could think about was how I wanted to turn tail and _run_.

:~~~~~:(_End Flashback_):~~~~~:

Thinking about it now made my skin crawl as I saw that man's mangled face leering in my mind. For the rest of my stay down there as Szayel patched Orihime up, I never set one foot outside of the recovery room and operating observation deck. Instead of focusing on the horrors I knew laid just a few feet away, I stubbornly kept my mind fixated on Orihime and her health. Surprisingly enough, even with the hemorrhages, she had no broken bones or fractures. She had only suffered from a split lip, black eye, three bruised ribs, a sprained wrist and a small hemorrhage on her right side near her kidneys. It was a miracle that she only needed three stitches above her right eye and the few it took to sew her up after her surgery. Quite frankly, with Grimmjow, I had expected worse. Foolishly, I had voiced this out loud, to which Szayel replied, "Remarkable isn't it? How short a leash Aizen keeps that savage on. I suspect that if he wasn't there, she would have been dead. One day, Aizen will have to learn to play nice with his toys." I nearly scalped his face.

It was so hard to keep the tumultuous flow of emotions I had in check anymore. In a day, I would range from apathetic to furious, then dejected, embarrassed and afraid, right back to furious once more. I couldn't seem to hold myself in one direction. Most days, I wanted to get in the bathtub, fill it up, slide all the way to the bottom and never resurface again. But, unluckily for me, there was a slew of people that would probably come rushing to save me before I could even pass out.

Tossing over again, I growled out loud to no one in particular. Tonight was one of the few rare nights that I got to experience a hint of privacy. Halibel was posted outside as my guard instead of her usual spot at the foot of my bed. I suppose Aizen was giving me time to think. The only times I saw him recently were at lunches and dinners, where I was required to sit as close to him as was humanly possible. As if that wasn't bad enough, that annoying twerp Luppi was always sneering at me, glaring through out the whole ordeal as though I _wanted_ to be pressed up against Aizen's side. Tonight was a weary night, where when I once would have felt anger towards the fool, I felt fatigue instead.

I wanted to sleep. I craved it but it wouldn't come to me. An image flashed in my mind of a pair of warm arms around me that would have been so comforting had they been real. _Gin_. I didn't like to think about him these days. It hurt more than usual, but with a new pang of betrayal that I couldn't shake no matter how hard I tried. There were things I wanted to know, questions only he could answer, and they were chewing at my conscience. I didn't want to believe Aizen, but I couldn't help but wonder "_What if?"_ What if they had been together? What if it was all a lie, if everything we'd built together was less than nothing…what it none of it was real? I hated that he had me second guessing Gin for even a second, but like always, it was there. The doubt; and I hated Aizen for it even more. At the very least, despite all he had taken from me, he could have left me with at least the dream that Gin had loved me, even if it _wasn't_ true. Sometimes, I thought it was more cruel to have me live with this fear than to just kill me and get it over with.

"_Stop thinking so much, Toshiro. You need sleep. You need to rest. What you're doing to yourself isn't helping anyone_."

True, but how could I sleep? How could I close my eyes when all I wanted to do was peel the skin from my body and scream, scream until there was nothing left? How could I find peace when all I wanted to do was cry? Sighing, I sat up, slipping out of bed to stand in the middle of the room awkwardly. I had promised myself I wouldn't do this anymore, but desperate times called for desperate measures. I _needed_ him now, more than ever. I could deal with the pain tomorrow, when I woke up with another reminder of exactly what it was I had lost. Quietly, I moved over to the drawers by the window, pulling open the one drawer I had sworn I would never go into again. For a moment, I hesitated, looking at the smooth fabric of Gin's black shirt. His scent was fading from it slowly, seeing as each time I wore it, a little more rubbed off. But when I pulled it out and draped it around me, the smell hit me as strong as if he was standing in the room with me. Eyes shut, inhaling deeply, I made my way back to the bed and let myself be comforted by the phantom image I was creating for myself. I imagined he was there with me in the bed, that my arms were his arms and that the cold pillow I was squeezing so tightly was his chest. And…and I pretended that he was coming for me. I let myself believe that he was here, whispering to me that I could sleep because soon, it would all be over. Any moment now, he would fling open those doors and take me, kiss me, tell me everything was all a lie and -

My breathing stuttered, body shuddering as I let my imagination get too far out of hand. Yes, it would definitely hurt in the morning, when I woke up to reality. Tomorrow, I would have to deal with the aftermath of the foolish dreams I knew I would dream tonight, like every other night when I let myself be weak. But right now, all I could feel was the soft cloud of sleep I desired so desperately drift over me and the comfort only Gin could provide.

**Yes, so this was mostly one big flashback but hopefully, after the next chapter, things will really start to heat up. I'm also hoping to do another chapter from Gin's p.o.v but dont hold me to it! lol. I'm still playing around with the idea. Thank you for reading, for being such awesome followers, for messaging me, leaving reviews and putting up with my terribly late updates! I hope the next chapter will be up by the end of next month...(once again dont hold me to it). Someone did ask for me to update APFYT and I'm going to try and get to that too. I miss writing Shinji, he's just too cute. Anyway, ciao and see ya next time! *kisses***


	25. UPDATE

Hi everyone!

I'm not even sure where to begin.

First of all, I'm extremely sorry. I feel like I've betrayed so many of you as a writer and as a friend. In my zeal for this story, I made promises even I wasnt sure I could keep and have left you guys hanging out here on the ledge waiting for an update with none in sight. I am sorry. After simply not being able to update for a while, my old computer broke (meaning I lost 5 chpts worth of material) I forgot my password, forgot my login info, etc and frankly was too exhausted with the whole thing to even think of writing any more chpts. I havent had a moment to write ever since.

After receiving so many Pms asking about updates and if my health was in order, however, I made it my duty to find a way to login and respond. Just to clarify IM IN GOOD HEALTH! Thank you for the concern though! It made me feel as loved as Shiro ^_^

I'm going to let you guys in on a very personal aspect of my life. The main reason I've been MIA is that I've been constrained by my academics. I'm a pre-medical student! And anyone who knows an ounce about that knows that 99.98% of your time when studying medicine is dedicated to studying, studying and more studying. I love my stories but I also love my goals of one day becoming a physician and right now that comes first.

That being said, I'm putting the story on indefinite hiatus. I dont know when this year I'll have the time to update, so I'm not going to promise. However, please do set up alerts if you feel so inclined. Its highly possible. Its so frustrating to know how the story ends, how the sequel begins and how the 3rd segment of the story will connect even more with my other story A Penny for Your Thoughts (fyi, all of you who wanted to know where Nnoitora is. Theyre all part of the same story universe so look out for that!).

Also, some have asked if they can continue my story for me. I briefly considered it but, as selfish as this may be, I dont want that. This story is like my first love, my first child and I'll be the first to admit while flattered and soooo intruiged as to where another mind might take the tale, I dont actually think I'd enjoy seeing it ripped away from me *pout* Then again, I cant actually stop you from writing it...just please if you do, dont tell me _ it'll break my little heart.

I'm super sorry and I adore all of you sooo soo much. Writing this story and interacting with the community and making friendships got me through a really rough time in my life. None of you will ever understand how much that meant to me.

PLEASE DONT HATE ME! Ciao lovelies 333333

signed, 123lookatme ^_^


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